Wondering with my eyes, as if I'm curious
But my eyes have no light left in them, no real intention to see,
I've realized when I've accepted what I have, accepted to have less...
Just the tiny pieces which are rusted and broken, but they're mine to steal.

My walk has lost its dance, its grace and my back, its feathers
Now it's like I'm running away with my every step, with my every word...
Always in circles, always in endless rows...
Of words, memories, places, faces, and more words and words.

Dreams filled with birds in cages, locked, singing a sad song
Black and red roaches scare me as they cover me, my breath no longer slow…
But the morning brings with its light and with the start of a new day...
My eyelids up, my iris attentive but in the same time it brings: Nothing at all.

As I search for something of which I already know...
I can't find it; it's invisible for my eyes which now can see just white and black,
I try to fill my hours of loneliness with my searching...
I listen to my heart of which I think it has a reason...
For being unbearably silent.

Chapter 10: Wordless

It has no sense of humor, the street filled with humans. Like insects, they just make annoying and endless sounds, while they make rounds around the same place, again and again.

And I am, like they are, a dot from them all. It's not bothering me, 'cause I can't imagine being anything else. But I wish I wouldn't be a lone dot, like many others, I wish there would be someone beside me.

However, this wish is so old, like an apple that's rotten, and you ask God to give you permission, you beg him to let you eat, to let you eat just one rotten apple.

A clear sky with white clouds and a powerful but gentle sun have made their way, after struggling with the countless grey clouds and with an unmerciful wind, somehow, the white clouds and the gentle sun have won.

The beautiful weather might have won the battle against the ugly one, but I didn't.

I, a writer with books that I wish I would have never published, because they are not mine, they are invented, so creative that at some point I just can't believe that my hand has wrote them.

I, a man with just a cat, at my age, with no wife or child, and with just one single friend.

I stay on a chair at a round table, at a normal coffee. Outside, not inside, just so Celine might see where I am.

My coffee is still on the table from the moment my order has been brought, and it's still untouched.

I know I should be attentive on the road, on the street, just so I might see her. But I am not attentive at reality.

However, I realized that she has arrived when a woman has harshly sat down on the other chair from my table, and she barely sat down and she already begun to whine:

"Oh...The traffic it's a nightmare! You wouldn't believe how many times I have almost died just to get here!"

Her familiar voice has made me a bit attentive, but in the same time, it didn't.

And we both agreed, my silence is my definitive answer.

I barely heard her deep sigh, and I looked at her just when her sigh was covered in silence, one leg over the other one, and two slim hands on the upper leg, a firm appearance, it might seem at first, but I don't look at her acts, I look into her eyes, where I can't do not even one mistake.

He eyes are kind, warm and filled with worry. Completely different from what she wants to show, or what she wants to pretend that she feels.

However, I realized that she didn't really want to be superior, or angry with me right now, because her voice it's also like her eyes.

"Sasuke, what's wrong?'

I looked at her further, but I knew she will wait for my answer. And so, I opened my mouth, but I've closed it back.

'I don't know what to say.' I thought, silently.

However, it seemed like she understood because she rose up from her seat, and standing in the right of the table, she has stretched her hand for me to accept.

I stood several seconds in pure confusion and unmoving. But I accepted it with no hesitation, as I also stood up and I also accepted her warm embrace.

But it was not enough and we both knew it.

We have walked to my apartment in my only bliss. In silence.

We somehow silently agreed that she will stay with me. I knew that this is the case when she has closed the door after us both, and locked it.

Even so, in the back of my mind I knew that she doesn't trust to leave me alone. Somehow, I wanted to make myself believe that I don't want her here, but without even wanting to admit it but knowing already, I am grateful for what she does.

I continued my road until I reached the bedroom and until I immediately collapsed on my own bed.

Hours have passed like minutes, and minutes have passed like seconds. I am so tired that I can't move at all, I want to get up but I can't.

I have repeatedly woke up while I slept, many times I have faced just the silence and the darkness of my room, and once, with the warmth which Felix's fur offers to me, and then, Celine kissing my forehead.

I didn't want to wake up, but bright powerful light have bothered my eyes until I forced them to open. I first saw Felix which stands right in front of my face and looks at me, waiting.

And behind her, Celine pulls at my curtains, so the sun can enter.

"Get up and shine!" She has sung and without knowing why, I rose up a little, staying on my butt on the bed, with my back against the wall, with half opened eyelids.

When she noticed this, she has pulled the curtains halfway, so the sun wouldn't bother me.

Somehow, it's like she knows exactly what to do.

"Good morning!" She has sung again and I refused to answer because my neck is dry, and so, I looked at my left, at my nightstand to see a tray with pancakes in chocolate syrup, strawberries everywhere and a healthy cup of coffee.

'You can read my mind?' I wanted to ask, but instead, I just smiled.

She has left for a while and then she came back just when I almost finished eating, and she gently sat down on the edge of my bed, took my left hand in hers, and just then, she has begun to talk:

"You have to talk to me, if you don't then I can't help you, it'll make you feel better, Sasuke, please..."

I have put the fork down and I stared out the window, I refused to look into her worried eyes.

"You already know." I said, and I was scared of my own voice, it was broken, like a voice of a dead.

'She is not so dumb that she won't realize that Naruto is no longer here...' I thought and just the thought has hurt me, I closed my eyes.

"I know, but you don't."

She said and I immediately looked at her with wide eyes. Surprised, maybe, annoyed, a little but more, I am angry with myself, angry that I will never accept the truth no matter what form it takes.

I've saw it in too many forms, imaginary and real. Cold humans, soulless, and humans with too much soul, I've been betrayed.

It doesn't matter that it's in front of me; I will deny it, just so I can protect myself.

'I, a coward.'

I didn't realize that I have closed my eyes until I had to open them, but I refused. And so, I kept them closed.

"Sasuke, don't do it again... don't lose the ones you love again...don't run away..."

She said almost in a whisper and I heard her so clear that I opened my eyes, which I can tell how they look, cold and insane.

"I didn't love him." I heard myself saying as I closed my eyes.

"You can lie to me, but don't lie to yourself...Sasuke, listen to me, you fell in love with him like you did with ..." She says almost crying.

"Don't you dare say his name in front of me!" My voice is low but angry and demanding.

With my eyes closed, I recall Naruto's smile, the real one.

"You fell in love with Naruto!" She said between tears, almost yelling.

"He was just a spoiled brat!" I heard myself saying with the same unfamiliar voice.

"He was just like you when you were younger, he did the same mistakes you did, when you first fell in love, you've also run ..." She said but I cut her off.

"Shut up! It's not true!" I almost yelled but with my eyes still closed.

"You know is true Sasuke! You just don't want to admit ..."

"Shut up!" I yelled.

"I'll prove that I am right!" She yelled.

I opened my eyes because I felt something on my lips, and then something wet and warm on my cheek falling down from my cheek, on her hand.

However, I know, I can't find the words that can tell the story that I want to write, I am wordless, I don't know the word that can express who I am, but I know what word can tell what and who you are along with me.

And in this silence, I can hear, and in this dim light, I can see … the unmasked truth.

To be continued…

It's not a very big chapter, sorry for that. But at least, it's a bit of action in it!

See you in two weeks; the next chapter might be up on 21, 22, or 23 October. On 30 October it's my birthday! Well 3 weeks until then... I will forget about it for sure, huh...

Hope everybody enjoyed the chapter.

PS: The same message with the poll that I have and the votes that I don't have.