A/N: Spoilers for Series 2 and Series 3 of Torchwood and vague spoilers for Doctor Who Series 2-4
It had been just over a month since Gwen last seen Jack; she wondered where he was, what he'd been doing. Tosh, Owen, Ianto; they were all dead now. And what did she have to show for everything she'd lost? A few scars, memories of what once was, and extreme paranoia.
Being alone scared her the most. When Rhys left for work or for any other reason, she fell apart. There were days when she didn't do much of anything. She kept up her strength for the sake of her unborn child, but her existence lacked meaning without Torchwood. Occasionally, she reminded herself that even if Torchwood still survived, she wouldn't be in the field. Best-case scenerio, she'd wind up at the hub all day; Ianto teaching her to catalog technology to give her something to do, Owen making comments about her size, Jack hovering over her like a mother hen, and Tosh being blessedly indifferent to her pregnancy.
"Gwen?" the gentle voice sent a stab of hatred pulsing through Gwen. She rose to her feet, shaking with anger.
"Where. Were. You?" Gwen snarled.
"I couldn't have changed this," the Doctor said.
"You could've tried!" Gwen hissed. "Were we not good enough to save this time? Did we do something wrong? I know the government is–" here she said a word that made the Doctor wince. "– but what about the rest of us? What about Ianto? What about when Gray came? Why didn't you stop it?"
The Doctor stared at the floor, "I wanted to. You wouldn't believe how badly I wanted to step in."
"Why didn't you? You could've put an end to it in an afternoon, from Jack says. What, were you off on a tour of the galaxy? Got caught up saving a 'companion' and forgot about us?"
The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "I understand what you're going through, believe me, but you have no right to say that I'd choose a companion over the world. I lost Rose while I was saving you lot! I lost Donna saving you! I lost the only other Time Lord in the universe because I tried to save this planet. Don't think for one minute I wouldn't have made sacrifices to stop this."
"Then why didn't you?" Gwen repeated.
"Every time I don't stop something, there are two possible reasons. One, I just didn't know. The universe is a big, messy place and I can't always be here to stop it. By the time I do know about it, Torchwood, Sarah Jane Smith, or UNIT have already stepped in for me. The other reason is that it was a fixed point in time and I literally can't stop it. Like Pompeii, like the World Wars, like Titanic; can't change 'em. Both applied here. I didn't know, and by the time I did, everything had worked out in the least-damaging way it could've. If I'd interfered, more people would've died. Maybe I could save someone; but you, Rhys, or any number of other, completely innocent people could be dead. Your friends made their choices in working for Torchwood. The people that might've died wouldn't have made that choice. As for fixed points, the 456 incident is one; if I changed it- those events changed the world and it needed to stay that way."
"Thanks for the lesson on why they had to die. You can leave now."
"That's not why I came here."
"Why, then?"
"Do you remember what I told you the last time we met?"
"You said I'd be okay."
"And you think I was lying, don't you?"
"Well, I'm not. I'm not okay and I doubt I ever will be. Tosh, Owen, Ianto: they're faceless names to you. But to me, they might as well have been family."
"A highly dysfunctional family," he added.
"But they're dead, and you're saying how you had it in your power stop it, but you couldn't."
"You know why. I just told you."
"I do, and I understand, but that doesn't mean I like it. Or that I approve. It just means I understand. Because Torchwood was all that mattered to me; except Rhys, and now the baby. So listen, I want you to get out of my house. Don't come back. And if you do, I have a closet fully of guns I'm just dying to try out."
"Torchwood always was trigger-happy," he gulped. "Alright, I'll go, but before you kick me out, I have a deal to make with you."
"What?"
"You have to promise not to give up, not to lose faith, to keep on living and fighting and doing what you do best. If you promise me that, I'll take you back two years ago, and you can say a proper goodbye to Toshiko and Owen and Ianto. You can't tell them anything and you can't do anything that will change what happened. If you try, you won't live to regret it; the universe will collapse, paradoxes will ensue, and it'll be entirely your fault. Seriously. But the thing you can do is tell them what they meant to you. So what do you think?"
Gwen stared. "You can do that?"
"Course I can. I can do almost anything. What do you say?"
"Yes," Gwen said finally. "Of course I'll say good bye."
"Atta girl!" he grinned. "TARDIS is this way," he pulled her into the kitchen.
Gwen stared at the blue box.
"Stunning, isn't she?"
"The two of us are going to fit in there? It'll be a bit tight, won't it? And you and Jack traveled in there? I hate to think what you were doing..."
"Go on in," The Doctor snapped his fingers and the doors flew open.
"It's bigger on the inside," Gwen gaped.
"Yep," he grinned, "but this is Jack we're talking about... the size of this box didn't change the level of kinkiness he brought on board. Anyways, want to see something cool?"
Gwen blinked at him. He ran over the controls, saying to the TARDIS. "Access all visual and audio records of Captain Jack Harkness, ninth and tenth incarnations' companion."
"Well don't just stand there with the door open. Your ship's about to blow up, there'll be a draft."
Gwen stared at the video on the screen. "Who are they?" she pointed at the two figures dancing around the TARDIS.
"Rose Tyler and myself."
"That's you? But you're older..." Gwen frowned. "And he looks nothing like you."
"Oh, that was two regenerations ago."
"Two what?"
"Regenerations."
Gwen nodded, pretending she understood. More old images of Jack played and Gwen giggled through some of them and stared in disbelief at others. "This is blackmail material. Can I get a copy of these?"
"Most of the adventures happen outside the TARDIS," the Doctor said sadly. "Shame she doesn't pick up those..."
Gwen smiled.
"Ah, we're here!" he opened the door, then closed it abruptly.
"What?"
"You're pregnant."
"I hadn't noticed," Gwen deadpanned.
"But you're not pregnant at this point in time. There'll be all sorts of questions asked..."
"Can't I just tell them I'm from the future, without telling them they're dead?"
"You could, but there'd be even more questions. Where are they in that future? Why bother coming back in the past to tell them if you could just tell them in person, etcetera. No. It's much easier just to hide it," He ran into the back rooms of the TARDIS and returned with a brown trench coat. "Here," he tossed it to her.
"Whoever wore this must've been a twig," Gwen said as she pulled it on. It managed to hide her pregnancy, much to her delight. He ignored her comment and opened the door again, this time letting her out.
"Toshiko Sato's flat. Six months before her death. Go on," he encouraged.
Gwen rang the doorbell and Tosh answered, hair rumpled and a pink dressing gown wrapped tightly around her, "Gwen... you've never stopped by before. And who's this?" she looked at the Doctor curiously.
"He's a friend of the family," she lied, staring at Tosh. Tosh, alive and well. Just... standing there, a confused smile on her lips. Gwen flung her arms around her. "Tosh, you're brilliant! You know that, right?"
Tosh stiffened. "Gwen, are you alright?"
"Yeah... You're amazing, Tosh. Absolutely amazing. Torchwood couldn't ask for more from you. I think... I think you work a bit too hard sometimes. You seem to be the only one getting anything done half the time," Gwen rambled on, eyes watering.
Tosh smiled, "Are you sure you're alright? Do you want to come in or something?"
"Never better," Gwen said. "Thank you, Tosh." She looked at the Doctor.
"We'd better be going," he said quietly. "Nice seeing you, Tosh. And, if I were you, I wouldn't mention this to her the next time you see her, you know?"
Tosh stared. "Okay..."
The Doctor escorted Gwen back the TARDIS. "Are you up for more? It can be a bit of a shock sometimes."
"No, I want to see Owen and Ianto."
"Alright," The Doctor set the next time and place. The TARDIS stopped outside of Owen's flat. Gwen knocked on the door. Owen answered, staring at her.
"Gwen? What are you doing here? We stopped..." he trailed off, spotting the Doctor. "Who's this? You get around, don't you?"
"He's just a friend," Gwen said, annoyed. "And anyways, I came out of... platonic reasons."
"'Platonic'?" Owen snorted. "Alright. Come on in," Owen opened the door.
Gwen followed him in, the Doctor right behind her.
"Owen, you're a great doctor, you know that, right?"
"Of course I know that."
"We don't tell you enough. You're a good friend. You've done a lot for the team. You're not exactly the voice of reason, but you have your place."
He rolled his eyes. "Why are you here?"
"No real reason," Gwen shrugged. "I just thought I'd tell you how great you are on the team. And don't ever give up. Alright? Not matter what happens."
"... I won't," Owen wrinkled his brow in confusion.
And you know Tosh fancies you, right?"
"What?" Owen blinked.
"Gwen," the Doctor shot her a look.
"Nothing," Gwen shook her head. "It's nothing."
"We have to go," The Doctor cleared his throat.
"Right..." Gwen hugged Owen. "See you back at the hub, yeah?"
One they were in the TARDIS, the Doctor glared at her. "You could've messed up the whole timeline with something like that! They were never together. He never knew; she never admitted it. And telling him that she fancies him isn't a good way to keep the timestream in tact. I'm not sure seeing Ianto is a good–" The Doctor was cut off.
"I can do it," Gwen insisted. "I can."
"Are you sure?"
Gwen nodded.
"Alright. You say one thing wrong, the whole universe is messed up, and we have the Reapers down our necks. That's it. We're dead, game over. You keep yourself in line. End of story."
Gwen nodded, startled at his reaction to her innocent statement. "I won't do it again."
"Too right you won't."
The TARDIS came to a rest.
"This is Ianto's flat?" Gwen asked; the building was much nicer than she'd have thought.
"Yeah."
Gwen knocked on the door. Ianto opened it, blinking. "Gwen," he said, sounding tired. "It's five in the morning."
"Is it?" she turned to glare at the Doctor.
Oops, he mouthed.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you, you make the best coffee I've ever had and without you the whole hub would literally... explode."
Ianto smiled strangely at her. "Thanks, Gwen, that's nice." He yawned. "Anything else?"
"No. Just..." Gwen grabbed him, pulling him into a tight hug. "Thank you, Ianto. For everything."
Ianto hugged her back, startled. "You're... welcome."
The Doctor re-parked the TARDIS in Gwen's kitchen.
"You are amazing, you know?" Gwen said, still in awe of what he'd been able to do for her.
"Yes, actually. I've been told that for nine hundred years, by people of all sorts. Not quite sure what they see that's so amazing, but, I never get tired of hearing it."
Gwen laughed. "Thank you."
The Doctor nodded. "My pleasure. Remember to keep your end of the bargain. No giving up."
"I won't."
"Good girl. Until we meet again," the Doctor bowed, "Keep on fighting, Gwen Cooper." He closed the door of his blue box. The whirring, rasping noise began and it vanished from sight.
Gwen sighed, euphoria still not quite gone. Keys jangled in the lock and Gwen rushed to meet Rhys at the door with a kiss.
Keep on fighting, Gwen Cooper. Those words stayed with her. When Jack showed up for his vortex manipulator, she nearly told him about her trip with that Doctor of his. But Jack's eyes were still so haunted and full of pain, Gwen decided against it. And then came Miracle Day with its challenges and a new team, and Gwen wondered if he'd known back then that this was coming. She imagined he had. He'd promised her she'd be okay. She trusted that fact with her life and she kept her promise. Keep on fighting. And fight she did.