Author's Note: Sorry for lateness, had to go to a lecture last night so couldn't work on it, but I worked on it instead of working on Computer science and during my lunch hour! So here you go! I've been loving the review's thank you guys for your feed back! :) And great thank's to my best friend who during my inabilities to figure out a good way to describe thing's she helped! happiness. Ok I guess I'm done pretending people actually read this thing... do you? anyways! I shouldn't have had two coffee's and green tea! ENJOY!
Ugh, why didn't I close the curtains? Why does my bed feel so hard? What the fuck. I wiggle a little to try and get a feel of my surrounding's. My head pounded, obviously from drinking too much and there was an align warmth spooning me from behind. Slowly I opened my eyes; I was facing the bottom of a couch and I can clearly see my shirt hanging over the back of the couch, the room reeked of alcohol and sweat. My heart started to pick up; Oh god no. Don't tell me. I didn't. Shit. Am I even wearing pants? I lower my eye's down my body, spotting a pale arm wrapped around my bare stomach, but my pant's where no where to be found. I'm in my bra and underwear, wrapped in someone's arms. Oh god! I lift the arm off my body and move as quietly as I could around the room, gathering my skinnies, white tee-shirt and black half shrug; throwing them on before I ran out of the house.
I did not just sleep with her. Think Santana think god fucken dammit. No if you slept with her, you would've not had you underwear on. Yeah, that's right, so… we made out? Sure? Oh god, just keep running, once you get home we can pretend this never happened. I like the sound's of that! Of course you would you dolt. It was your idea after all. Yeah but. Why am I fighting with myself? Because your so lonely, and nobody loves our Santana. Fuck you. That's called masturbation. Ugh you're useless. I'm you, you idiot!
The door slammed shut behind me as I ran into my room, ripping my clothes off I threw my body onto my bed. Exhaustion took over me, and finally I am thankful that it's the weekend. I close my eyes and try to take my thoughts away from the Blonde that I might have or might not have had a non-comprisable night with.
"Santana come here!" Her voices sung to me, her body positioned on my bed half clothed as her blonde hair sat neatly over her left shoulder. I try to walk closer, but can't seem to move. "Don't make me come over there." She purr's to me as she prop's herself up with her left arm. I can't seem to move, I try to speak but my mouth feel's like it's been sewed shut. Her carefree expression shift's to hurt as I don't make any indication that I've been listening to her. "Don't you love me?"
"We're soul mates. I have to love you." I hiss back at her, I was angry but I can't explain why.
"You don't have to. You never had to accept me."
"I was stupid."
"You were burning." She's now sitting up in the centre of my bed. Now my legs seem to know how to work again, but they now move against my will. I'm gliding- no more like floating towards my bed. My anger has seemed to subsided, being replaced by pure desire.
"I'm burning now." I try to purr at her. She smile's, putting her hands out that I gratefully grab and I let her lead me onto my bed.
"Let me satisfy that burn." She lay's me gentle on the bed, and bend's down towards my lips, I close my eye's just before I feel her lip's come to mine. But they never do; I open my eye's to see her blue eye's staring seductively at me. "Santana"
"Yeah?"
"Santana" I watch her lips not move as a voice calls out my name.
"Santana!" I open my eyes for the second time today to be welcomed with a worried looking Blaine; Blaine sat himself on my bed, placing a reassuring hand on my leg. I just looked up at him, his hair a mess, shirt backwards; eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep but his smile held an unspoken promise that everything will be alright.
"Santana, you left really early. I came upstairs to Kurt holding Brittany as she cried. "What happened after we went downstairs?"
"I-I don't remember. I just woke up and I couldn't believe what I did. I was scared. I just. Ran."
"I noticed. You left your phone under the couch." Blaine handed it over; I flipped it open to be welcomed with 4 text messages from Blaine.
"I see you tried to text."
"Yeah what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I rolled over onto my other; Blaine huffed trying to get me to talk.
"Santana. You need to talk to me."
"Fuck off Blaine, I feel like shit. I think I'll practice some bird calls. Goodbye." I force my eyes close; I feel him shift on the bed trying to catch my attention.
"Santana-"
"Goodbye."
"Fine. See you tomorrow I guess" I feel him rise from the bed and listen for the door to shut. Surely I'm greeted with the click from the door, and I feel myself be taken over by sobs again.
"Hey" I kept my eyes directed towards my locker; my chemistry book seemed to be much more interesting than the blonde who stood beside me. I waited for her to leave, hoping she'd get bored of standing there, but I was never given that chance. Instead I felt her eye's begin to burn holes into the side of my head. Talk to her, it might not be that bad; yeah right! You fooled around with her then ran out of the house and stayed in you room until you where forced to go to school. True.
"So are you just going to ignore me all day?"
"Is that a question? Or a statement?"
"A question. How on earth could be a statement?"
"what ever."
"Why are you acting so me?" I can hear the pout in her voice, but I choose to ignore it. Slamming my locker shut; my hand is caught by hers and the burning in my palm returns.
"Please at least look at me." Santana. Grow some fucken balls you dipshit! I'm a girl! A lesbian! Wow are you seriously thinking that just because you're a lesbian means you have to be manly? Yes. Bitch. I'm you, so really you're complementing yourself! Stop reminding me, I like pretending that there's someone else in my head that can help me decipher things. Wow, we're fucked up. Actually you are. Jesus' Christ! Yep, you know it.
"-and I woke up this morning and you where gone! One minute you're trying to seduce me the next your gone and ignoring me!" Her raising voice pulling me out of my battle's to notice some people staring. I sigh and turn to face her; tear's where streaking down you flawless skin; feeling guilt tears rising I take advantage of her holding my hand and drag her to the nearest bathroom. A few girls where in there but scatter as I glared at them; when I turned to face Brittany, her head hung down, shoulders slumped and silent sniffles where barely heard. But I can hear them, loud and clear. Way to go dipshit.
"Look, Brittany" I take my hand away from her's, trying to think on what to say. "This-" I wave my hand in the space between us "Can't happen."
"What. Why?" Fresh tears started to run down her cheeks. Yeah Santana, why? It's her.
"Because." Because I'm scared of what people will say. I'm scared of how I'll be treated. I'm scared of loving you.
"Because?"
"Because- um- I don't even like you, and I was drunk and I wasn't thinking clearly. End of story." That's not true. Shut the fuck up!
"No." Brittany stated firmly. "No. Not end of story. You're the person on my palm, so that mean's I'm on yours! You can't end of story me. We finally had our connection and your running away from me!" Her cheeks where turning red as more tear's flowed; I feel my eye's begin to tear up and I turn away to try and hid the fact I care. Trying to stay strong because this stupid fate thing, will. Not. Win.
"I don't even feel anything. So I think your mistaken."
"I've never been so sure in my life. Lord Tubbington's told me that I needed to trust me heart and do what I love. So I do, but I still want to do one more person that I love. But she won't accept me!" I feel my anger take over as she implies having an intimate relationship with me. This isn't right. This isn't fucken right.
"Fuck off! And I'm sorry that your fucken cat was wrong. Cat's don't even talk!" I storm out of the bathroom. After making sure Brittany wasn't following me, I exited the school and sat in the driver's seat of my car; locked the doors and turned my stereo on full. Blast my Why can't I get it right collection of song's. Wow, you have a collection dedicated to your idiocy. Fuck off, why do you even comment on things I do? I'm your subconscience, wow I can't believe you even made it to high school, let alone grade 12 if you can't even figure out how to follow your heart and your conscience. Dipshit. Again, fuck you! Again, masturbation. ARG!
My heart skip's a beat when I look up from my steering wheel to be grated by Blaine staring into my window; clearly upset with me. What did I do now?
Yeah I know I'm mean, but don't fret! should i make you guy's wait a week or so until I do chapter 6? mwehehe