A/N: A couple things, this is not the last chapter. There is one more.
Two, this was the most emotional chapter I've written. My heart still hurts.
Three, Thank you for all the reviewers, people who are reading and alerting.
Four, Kerry. You are a goddess. Thank you for doing this with you.
Read. Enjoy. Review.
Chapter Eleven
Finn took a breath and fiddled with his hands. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. The doctors spoke to him, to Rachel, to his Mom and Burt. The doctors spoke but Finn couldn't even listen. He thought he was going to throw up, even thought he hadn't eaten anything due to the surgery being scheduled.
He tuned back in just before his doctor walked out, "…get him prepped in about an hour." The doctor said before walking out.
Dr. Jackson gave him a soft grin before making his way out. Carolynn, his nurse walked over to him, felt the top of his head as if she was checking for a fever –There was no reason he should have a fever— and smiled sadly at him.
Finn hated feeling like everyone was looking at him like he was a fucking ghost. "Rach," Finn looked at Rachel who was whispering to Kurt, "Can I have a minute with my Mom?"
Rachel gave him her big, bold, Rachel Berry grin and kissed his forehead before taking William, Kurt and Blaine out of the room. Finn gave William a pinky wave as they walked out.
Carole was at his side in minutes and Burt seemed to be backing away, "No, stay." He said weakly.
Burt nodded and walked to the other side of him, "I just wanted to apologize."
Carole was bawling instantly, "Don't, son."
"No, it's necessary." Finn argued. "I love you both so much." His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "Mom, if I don't make it through this-" His mom was whimpering and shaking her head, "Mom, come on. Stop that." She nodded a little and her whimpers turned into sniffles, "If the surgery goes bad, I need you to take care of Rachel. I'm not worried about you, Mom. I love you, and I will miss you if I'm not here, but I'm not worried about you. You have Burt and Kurt and I know I used to be jealous about that, but now, now I am nothing but grateful, Mom. I swear. But, Rachel, you have to be there for her and William. Okay Mom? Promise me."
His Mom reached to hug him and he hugged her back, not letting his defenses crack, but feeling his heart crumbling under her weight. She pulled back and nodded, "Of course, Finn. It's not even a question."
"Burt," He choked out and grabbed at his hand and Burt nodded holding his hand tightly, "I love you, man. I know that sounds stupid." He had to clear his throat again, "But, I do. So, just know that. I couldn't have asked for a better step-dad. Hell, I probably couldn't ask for a better father. Because, that's what you are to me." Finn whispered the last part and ignored Carole crumbling beside him.
Burt gulped and wiped his brewing tears, "I love you too, Finn. You've turned out to be a great boy, a man. I'm proud to call you mine." Finn and Burt shared a quick embrace and Burt rushed out immediately after, not being able to look him in the eye, knowing he would break down.
"Go after him, Mom. Send Kurt in." Finn put up a half grin and she nodded, kissing both his cheeks and his forehead softly. When she turned to leave, she let her face break down.
Finn rubbed his face roughly, wiping away the tears, the emotion, the everything. "Finn?" It was Kurt. "I wish I had a glass of warm milk to give you." He half teased.
"Me too, and some cookies." Finn laughed. Kurt walked to his bed sitting on the edge of it, turned to face the wall.
"Well, this is it. Or it's not." Kurt said awkwardly.
Finn nodded, "Yep. You'll watch over my Mom and Rach, won't you?" Finn whispered. "William too."
"Of course I will. I just really hope that isn't something that needs to be done. I want you here doing it."
"Me too. I'm doing all I can." Finn promised.
Kurt jumped off the bed and walked to him, held his own face in his hands with utter worry, "Promise me you'll fight like hell."
Finn felt his heart sink further, his chest rise and fell with unsteady motions, "I'll fight. I wouldn't leave you guys willingly. I want to stick around, see your kids… see mine." Finn's voice was cracking, he couldn't continue.
"I'll do my part if need be, Finn. But I'm going to pray to every God I've ever heard of to make sure I don't have too."
Finn chuckled, "You don't believe in God."
"This happening to you isn't helping my belief." Kurt admitted, "But, I don't know what else to do."
Finn nodded, "I know what you mean, I've never felt so helpless." He admitted, rubbing his neck, his own nervous habit. "I love you, bro."
Kurt nodded, hugging him tightly, "I love you too." He squealed before pulling apart. They laughed, they both just laughed. Finn wasn't sure if it was nervous laughter or just for lack of knowing what to do or say. "I'll get your girl."
Finn brightened up when he said it and nodded.
Finn leaned his head back and closed his eyes, willing the strength for somewhere to say Goodbye to his love. To his Rachel. To his wife.
He felt her running her soft hand over her cheek, "Hey baby."
Finn opened his eyes and smiled at Rachel, "Hey you."
Rachel bit her lip and sat on the bed with him, facing him, looking into his beautiful eyes, "This isn't goodbye." She threatened.
"I know." Finn said simply, "But, can we go over a few things, just in case?"
Rachel folded her arms and shook her stubborn head breaking eye contact with him, "No. Nope. Nuh-uh."
"Rach?"
"Don't Rach me, Finn Hudson. This isn't goodbye." Rachel was crying now.
Finn reached for her hand and pulled in to his heart, "Okay, we won't say goodbye. I'll just tell you everything else. "
Her eyes found his and she grumbled, "Like what?"
"Like, how you're the most beautiful person in the world? Inside and out. Like how you are the person, the woman that means everything to me. So much so that everything I am doing, and have done is for you. You hear me?" Rachel nodded and let the tears slip from her eyes, "You feel that tether between us?" Rachel let a silent whimper fall out of her lips, "I feel it too. I don't want it to break, I will fight like hell to make sure it doesn't. That is a promise. You are my soulmate you hear me? The peanut butter to my jelly."
"I want to be the jelly." Rachel teased almost silently.
Finn chuckled, "You can be the jelly. You're the sweet one, so it makes sense." He gave her his famous lope-sided grin. "I love you, I love William and I want to keep pursuing your dreams no matter what." Finn felt the hot tears return and his heart ache so hard that it was physically paining him, "Because you have the most beautiful and exquisite voice I have ever heard."
"It goes perfectly with yours." Rachel whispered. "So don't you die on me." She cried out.
Finn pulled her head to his chest and felt her sob into his chest, her sobs died down and they separated just to reconnect with their lips, Rachel's lips where hard and needy on his and Finn pulled her close, gripping into her hair and he could taste salty tears making their way into their mouths as they kissed. Finally they detached and Finn leaned his forehead against Rachel's, "I love you."
"I love you." She sniffled, kissing him lightly again.
The parted and wiped their faces and looked at the door where Dr. Jackson and Carolynn were standing, "We're going to prep you now, son."
Rachel kissed the top of his beautiful head, and ran her fingers through his locks. "I'll miss this hair." She half cried, half giggled.
Finn scrunched up his nose and frowned, "It'll grow back, right doc?"
The doctor laughed, "It should. But I'm not promising anything."
Rachel sat rocking William in the waiting room.
Tense was the only way to describe it.
Rachel's phone rang, "Daddy?" She answered, "We're not sure yet."
"Yeah, he should be coming out within the hour."
"I'm not sure, Daddy."
"William has been fine."
"Tell Dad I love him."
"Of course, I love you too."
"I will, I will call you."
"Bye Daddy." She hung up the phone in what seemed like almost irritation.
"You know they are just as worried as you are, Rach." Kurt whispered, pulling William into his arms.
Rachel nodded, sadly, "I know, I'm insane. I just, I'm just, ugh, so irritable."
"You have zero reason to be." Blaine teased, "Don't worry, babe."
Everyone looked sideways at Blaine, he lifted up his hands in defeat, "I was just trying a new nick name, don't lynch me."
Rachel chuckled, "noted."
"Mrs. Hudson." Rachel and Carole both shot up and walked towards Dr. Jackson. He looked stern, was that protocol, or a bad thing. "He's out of surgery. It seems successful. We're just waiting for him to wake up."
Rachel let out a breath she was unaware she had been holding in. "Can we see him?"
"Of course." Dr. Jackson led them to his room.
Rachel and Carole were at either side of his bed in an instant, Rachel was kissing his newly bare head and crying a little, she couldn't help it. He was there, not awake, but alive.
After a couple of hours Carole, Burt, Kurt and Blaine decided to head back to their perspective places of sleep and left Rachel and William there.
"Call us as soon as he wakes up." Carole made Rachel promise, Rachel just nodded and hugged her mother-in-law.
Rachel set William down in a crib that Carolynn stole from maternity ward and Rachel sat next to Finn, watching him as he slept. He looked so peaceful.
Rachel laid her head down on his chest and before she knew it she was asleep.
She didn't wake for a couple hours, not until she felt a warm hand brush the bangs off her face. Her eyes shot open to meet Finn's. He was awake, and smiling at her.
He touched his throat, "Water?" He whispered and Rachel grinned, nodded furiously and kissed him before reaching to grab a water for him. He took a big gulp before returning his gaze to her. "I don't think I would feel this much pain in heaven." Finn joked. "So I guess I made it."
Rachel beamed at Finn, "You, my fantastic husband, are a fighter. And, you are going to get 'you almost died' sex for the rest of your life."
Finn choked out a chuckle, "God, I am lucky."
Finn stayed to get tests run and Rachel camped out there every single day. Carole and Burt eventually flew back to Lima to check on the shop and Rachel felt like she was in a fantasy. He had made it. How had he made it.
"Will you take him?" Finn asked on a Sunday afternoon, "My head is killing me." Finn groaned.
Rachel shot him a worried glance, while she took William from his arms, "It's been almost a week since the surgery, I didn't think these headaches would still be occurring. Should I call a nurse?"
Finn shook his head, "Well, it's weird. It starts hurting right here." He held his chest, "And then travels to my temples."
Rachel was more worried than ever, "I'm calling the nurse." She nodded, walking out to the hall looking for Carolynn. She walked down the corridor looking in each room. She frowned and went to turn back and noticed someone yelling 'crash cart' and running past her.
A group of nurses ran into her room, Finn's room. Her heart beat a little faster, no, a lot faster. She ran into the room behind him. "Clear."
All of the nurses lifted up their hands one man put two paddles on his now bare chest and pressed a button making his chest seize upwards.
There was a line, a line on his heart monitor. There was also a sounded, not a beeping like she normally heart, a long drowning sound.
Finn had flat lined.
"Push two of eppy."
"Clear."
William was crying, hell, she was crying. She was crying and screaming. She heard screaming at least. Was it hers. Someone was trying to escort her out, someone was trying to make her leave.
"No!" Rachel screamed, "He's mine. He's mine. Save him. Please. He's… everything." She screamed, but no one would listen. No one would hear her.
It was just her being pushed out of the room, looking at Finn's lifeless body holding William in her arms.
William, what he left behind.
No! No no no no no! No.
She was flailing and crying and screaming, she didn't want William to be what he left behind. She didn't want her to be what he left behind. She wanted him to her their son. She wanted to be Finn's wife. Not his widow.
She fell to the floor, William still securely in her arms, crying harder than before. She feared he wouldn't ever stop crying.
She thought that she herself might never stop crying either.
Please don't kill me. It's not over. I'll post the next Chapter soon. I swear to Glee and RIB, I will. Review. beat me up. just don't come find and shank me. Thaaaaanks.