Paychodelic

Part Three

The huge mansion sat at the end of Fairvale Road. Cars lined the street. Music reverberated throughout the neighborhood. A witch, a cow, and a pirate congregated on the front stoop. Stephanie grabbed the first available parking space.

"I wish I had Rangeman's parking karma," she griped. They were still about four houses away from the Bates' Motel.

"Don't worry," Lula told her. "I'll keep my eye on 'em while you go get the car."

"Works for me," Stephanie agreed.

She snapped on the overhead light and opened her bag to retrieve her lip gloss. Immediately, she noticed that Ranger had tossed in her phone. He could give Criss Angel a run for his money. She rummaged around to see if he left anything else for her.

Lula adjusted her wig then fixed her make-up. Her bag tipped over, spilling a few items including a picture with Tank. Lula stared at the photo for a few seconds before thrusting in back into her bag.

"Do you miss him?" Stephanie asked softly.

Lula waited almost a full minute before she nodded. "I don't get it. He picked his cats over me. What the fuck was that jive-ass turkey thinkin' by pickin' the wrong pussy? I mean I know I sorta tricked him into thinkin' we was engaged. But he needed a push. For some big-ass, scary soldier, he can be a real wuss."

Stephanie squeezed her hand. "Have you tried to talk to him about it?"

Lula shook her head. "I thought he accepted me for who I am, but I guess I'm not as good as his damn cats. Sometimes, he made me feel like I embarrassed him or somethin'. You don't change what you love, or you never loved it to begin with."

"I don't think Tank wanted you to change. I think the whole marriage thing just freaked him out. A lot of men hate the idea of losing their freedom," Stephanie told her. "And a lot of other men have no honor and don't see marriage as a reason to stop screwing whores on their dining room tables."

"Yeah, but you wasn't no hooker," Lula insisted. "I did what I had to do, but I don't do that no more. I'm workin' hard, and I'm a kick-ass bounty hunter now. I want people to see the new and improved Lula."

"We do, Lula," Stephanie said. "I think you should talk to Tank when you're ready. I think he just got a little scared."

Lula nodded. "Well…we really didn't do much talkin' if you know what I mean. I guess that was part of the problem."

Lula crammed the rest of her things back in her bag. "Enough of this sentimental shit. Let's get this party started."

Costumed guests filled each room, and some spilled onto the patio in the back yard. The DJ stationed in the huge formal living room announced that judging for the best costumes would take place at eleven o'clock. People piled delicious looking finger foods on their plates in the dining room. A full bar with two bartenders had been set up in the kitchen. It was quite a gathering. Apparently, dealing wasn't Norman's only specialty. He could throw a mean party as well.

"Let's do a lap and check out the place first," Stephanie yelled into Lula's ear. "Then we'll get something to eat. I hate taking a skip down on an empty stomach."

"That sounds good to me. I see some pumpkin pie over there callin'…EAT ME, LULA. I don't want to be rude and shit," Lula hollered back.

The costumes ranged from the cheap Walmart kind to the extravagant. A gaggle of drag queens dressed as Cher, Liza, Tina Turner, and Hillary Clinton conga-lined their way to the dance floor. A uniformed server refilled the empty trays. Stephanie thought it would be the perfect opportunity to ask who Norman was. She tapped the man on the shoulder.

"Excuse me…can you tell me where the host is?"

He scanned the room before pointing to an old lady in the hallway. "There is Master Bates."

"Masturbates?" Lula huffed. "What the fuck is he doin' jerkin' off at his own party? That's gross. I guess we should avoid eatin' the veggie dip."

"No…he's dressed like his killer mother, Norma, in the Psycho movie," Stephanie corrected her. "There's veggie dip?"

Norman wore a gray-haired wig fashioned into a bun. The housecoat-like dress hung like a potato sack. Chunky black oxfords covered his feet. Stephanie decided that Norman Bates' family tree must have been a wreath.

It was obvious Norman intended to enjoy his party, so his flight risk diminished. Plenty of time to eat. Lula already got a head start in the buffet line. Stephanie grabbed a plate and started to load up. They had shrimp, egg rolls, mozzarella sticks, potato skins, pigs-in-a-blanket…all the best stuff. She couldn't understand why Norman chose ruin it by serving salad. She heard Lula say something about the brownies as she pointed to this ginormous platter at the center of the table. Being the dessert first kind of gal, she sampled one. Holy crap that was good, she muttered to herself and grabbed four more.

Ten brownies, six egg rolls, 4 pigs-in-a-blanket, and a shrimp later, Stephanie felt ready to take down Norman. If they grabbed him now, they could be back to the party in about an hour. She hadn't had this much fun in a long time. And those brownies rocked! Whoever made them must have used that Ghirardelli mix. Stephanie scoffed down two more before pulling Lula aside.

"Let's get him now and get it over with," she hollered to Lula.

"Right on, White Hippie Girl," Lula agreed. "I don't want to miss out on the costume contest. First prize is $500!"

They searched the rooms, and there was no sign on Norman/Norma Bates. Stephanie headed out the back door to check the back yard. Good thing, too. It was getting hot in there. She asked the King of Heart's if he had seen Norman. He jerked his thumb towards the bushes. Lula and Stephanie creeped around a giant hedge to find him urinating on a rock.

"God damn!" Lula exclaimed. "You got like five bathrooms in yo' house and you gotta piss in the bushes?"

Norman whirled around in surprise, almost spraying them in the process. "What the hell?"

Stephanie pushed the trigged to her stun gun. They watched as the probes leaped into his chest. Norman/Norma cried out in pain as his body convulsed before dropping like a stone.

"Gross," Stephanie whined. "He peed all over himself."

"Rich motherfuckers ain't got no class," Lula added. "They got five bathrooms, and he usin' his yard as a toilet."

Stephanie started to giggle and couldn't stop. "You said 'toilet'!"

"Shit, girl," Lula cried. "Did you eat them brownies?"

Stephanie nodded. "Yeah…they were really good, too."

"I told you not to eat those brownies. They hash brownies," Lula scolded.

"Oh," Stephanie replied. With an audible snort, she clapped a hand to her mouth to hold back the laughter. "I thought you said…'eat those brownies'."

Stephanie pulled out her cuffs and slapped one on Norman's wrist. She dragged him closer to the chain link fence.

"What are you doin'?"

Stephanie closed the other bracelet on the metal support post. "I want to dance now. We can bring him in later."

"Shit," Lula muttered as Stephanie danced her way back inside the house.

With the music blaring, and the drag queens getting in the way, Lula couldn't convince Stephanie to leave. She took out her iPhone and videoed Stephanie and the drag queens dancing to Lady Gaga's Born This Way. Knowing that Ranger was out of town, Lula only had one option left. And she dreaded it more than anything. She had to call Tank for help.

Lula couldn't bring herself to make the call, so she sent the video with the message…S .motherfuckin' OH. S.

TBC…

Word Count 1333