Disclaimers: I don't own Saw or any of the characters.
Other: I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I've been really busy, and I haven't felt very motivated to update anything. It's finally winter break for me. :D Which means more writing! This chapter is the worst, in my opinion, and very short, but I just wanted to get the journey towards romance started. I NEED REVIEWS! I'm not sure how long I'm going to make this one, because I don't know if many people are really enjoying it. :/ If it helps motivate you to review, there will be smut in the next chapter. ;) And it's not going to be a crappy thousand words like this chapter...I plan on it being long and quite dramatic, actually. It's definitely something to look forward to. They're not going to really talk about Adam's bathroom scene anymore, for a long time. I hope you like heated, intense passion, because that will be in the next chapter! So, try to enjoy this chapter, and REVIEW PLEASE! :) Let me know what you think so far.
He flew forward with a strangled gasp, soaked in his own sweat, shaking all over. His hair was matted to his head, his eyes wide with terror, chest heaving as his lungs struggled to pull in the much needed oxygen. He lurched right into a pair of warm, firm, secure arms, and was pulled against a strong body. For a moment, stunned and dazed, he allowed himself to be held like that as he regained control of his breathing and heart beat. A large hand stroked his sweaty back, while fingers sifted through his damp hair. He hadn't felt this safe in a long time. It was…nice.
"You fell asleep."
Adam jerked back, out of the safe embrace, realizing where he was and who he was with. He was on his couch, and Lawrence was sitting there, looking at him with concern. He glanced at the television. It was turned off.
"Why didn't you wake me up, asshole? I missed the whole fucking movie," he snapped, smacking Lawrence's chest.
"You had a nightmare," The oncologist said. Adam's face smoothed into a cold mask. It was obvious that Lawrence was toeing an invisible line.
"I'm aware," he replied, absolutely motionless, glaring at Lawrence, as if daring him to continue the conversation. The doctor accepted the dare.
"How bad was it?" he asked. The voyeur pushed himself up off the couch and walked several feet away, running his hands through his hair. It stuck up crazily. His fingers knotted into his hair tightly as he paced.
"That's none of your fucking business," Adam snarled. Lawrence stood up and walked over to him very slowly, almost ambling.
"Was it about the bathroom, about Jigsaw?" he questioned softly, once he'd reached him. Adam threw his arms away from his hair, shoving Lawrence backwards.
"Shut up!" he shouted. But Lawrence continued to advance towards him, keeping his calm, sure attitude and expression.
"Did I leave in your dream? Had I crawled away? Or was I still there, getting ready to shoot you?"
By now, Adam's breathing had quickened, and his chest was falling and rising rapidly. His eyes darkened and flashed with anger, with a glint of fear.
It was working. Lawrence had tried for months to prove how horribly sorry he was, how he truly wanted to make amends and improve their relationship. But Adam refused. He was too stubborn. If Lawrence could manage to break him a little, like stretching a stubbornly tight balloon that refuses to be blown up, maybe he'd finally cave and agree to work things out. It was a lose it all or win it all situation.
"Back off, man," Adam warned, not liking how close Lawrence was getting. He took a backwards step himself, curling his hands into tight fists in case he had to hit Lawrence. The oncologist ignored him.
"Was it just you, alone, in the dark? Was Jigsaw talking to you?" he asked quietly. Adam swung his arm, a furious and wild look flashing across his face. It would've been a painfully powerful hit if his fist had connected with Lawrence's face, as intentioned, but Lawrence had seen it coming, and had managed to catch Adam's wrist. He pushed the younger man backward, until Adam's back hit the wall with a soft thud. Lawrence stepped up to him, their body's touching, Lawrence's keeping Adam's trapped against the wall. He was gripping Adam's wrists tightly. The voyeur had no way to escape or fight back.
"I don't know what you're trying to get at. I don't know if this some kind of sick game, if you get off on this, if you think this is funny. You have no idea who you're messing with, man. Get off of me and leave," Adam snarled, trying to pull his wrists free. But Lawrence didn't relent.
"What was he saying in the dream?" he asked. Silence; the voyeur glared hatefully at him, loathing radiating from that lithe body.
"Was he saying that I wouldn't come back? Did he say that you were going to die in there, because I didn't care enough to return? I have a family of my own. Why would I rescue some stupid, obnoxious, annoying kid?" Lawrence continued. Adam had slowly stopped struggling.
"You tell me," Adam breathed, his voice low. Lawrence moved closer. He could feel Adam's heat seeping through his clothes. He could feel Adam's heart, racing like a hummingbird's, against Lawrence's chest, completely out of sync with his own calm beat. He could feel him tremble.
"Because I care about you," Lawrence said simply. Adam locked eyes with him.
"That's not fucking good enough," he murmured, with a very slight shake of his head. Lawrence rested his forehead against Adam's. He heard Adam's breath pull in sharply in surprise.
"I can't stay away," the doctor admitted. Adam looked into his eyes, confused.
"I can't stay away from you," Lawrence repeated. He pressed his body closer to Adam's, and the young man swallowed hard with an audible click.
"I don't understand," he whispered, once again trying to pull away. He didn't like the situation. He didn't like being pinned against the wall, the feeling of being trapped, or the way Lawrence had complete dominance over him at the moment. He opened his mouth to demand that he be let free, but suddenly, Lawrence's mouth had closed over his own, and Adam's eyes flashed wide open in shock and disbelief. His lips were warm and soft, fitting perfectly against Adam's slightly chapped and bitten ones. Heat exploded in Adam's stomach, and he flinched against the wall, gasping.
Lawrence still held Adam's wrists tightly against the wall by the sides of his head, causing him to be unable to resist. He felt the oncologist's tongue tracing his lips, and his mind went out of control, his head going numb, no longer capable of thinking straight. His thoughts were a whir, tumbling and racing incoherently, and he stood there frozen, paralyzed by the tidal wave of various emotions that crashed down on him.
The blonde doctor finally broke the intense kiss, leaving Adam feeling light-headed and numb. He breathed hard and shaky, staring at Lawrence in stunned silence, arms slowly falling to his sides as Lawrence released his wrists.
"I care very deeply for you, Adam. Sometimes, it really hurts knowing that I will never be able to make you completely understand. I can't explain to you how I feel. I can't stay away from you, because I love you," Lawrence explained quietly. He watched as Adam slid down the wall, his knees pulling up to his chest. The young man reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. Lighting the cigarette up, he let the lighter fall to the ground when he was done with it, and took a deep drag.
Lawrence didn't know what to do or say now. Adam simply sat there smoking, his eyes glistening with tears that he refused to let escape. The doctor knelt down in front of him, and Adam's tear-filled eyes met his, much to his surprise.
"Get out of my apartment. Now," Adam ordered, his voice rather steady. He exhaled a cloud of smoke and turned his head away from Lawrence with a shaky sigh. The oncologist could do nothing but that. He wasn't going to argue. He'd done everything he could. Adam just wouldn't allow him into his life.
Lawrence left without another word. And the minute Adam heard the door close, he blinked, and the tears began to fall.
Thanks for reading, please review! :)