Disclaimers: I don't own Saw or any of the characters.
Other: Alright, so here's the chapter you've all been waiting for. :) It's long, for once, haha. I think I could've done a better job, and I'm not completely satisfied with it. But I'm exhausted, I don't feel particularly well, and it's almost three in the morning, so whatever. For the first chapter of smut, I should've put more work into it, but I just really wanted to update, so. I hope you guys enjoy it, anyway. Let me know what you think of their first sexual encounter. Thank you for the reviews, and enjoy!
Dedicated to Nicole. :) I know she's been waiting for this moment, and she's been such a great support, a wonderful and loyal reviewer, and an awesome friend. Hopefully this won't be a disappointment! Read and enjoy! :) Thank you so much for helping me get to this point. ^^
Lovely eyes the color of a churning, raging ocean in the midst of a brutal storm gazed up at him, unblinking, unfeeling, dead, void of any emotion. They were glossy and filled to the brim with tears of agonizing misery and hurt, carrying such a variety of emotions that it was impossible to decide on which was the strongest; pain, sadness, confusion, anger…There were too many feelings in those large eyes. Those orbs of a broken young man who had seen too much, abused and beaten by the world and the people within; sometimes it was scary looking into them, gazing at those cold eyes, wondering what was going through that mind of his. But at this moment, those eyes told him everything, and wondering was not necessary. Those eyes clearly stated that he felt nothing but loathing for the doctor, that he was dead to him.
'Get out.'
Those words rang flatly through Lawrence's mind. They stabbed at his heart and dug their way in, clawing through his soul and crawling through his mind, spreading a cold numbness through his strong body. He was not to be argued with. Not now.
He watched as Adam fought to keep those tears locked away in those fascinating grey eyes. It killed him, absolutely killed him to know that he was the reason for those tears, that he had caused the internal battle that now raged within Adam. He'd gone too far. He'd grabbed Adam's tiny scrap of trust and appreciation for him, and he'd shredded it into a million tiny pieces, impossible to piece back together. He'd stomped on those shreds, spat on them, and lit them on fire. When they were nothing but a tiny pile of ash, he'd scooped it up and blown it into Adam's face.
'Get out.'
A pair of sharp but deep blue eyes blinked open slowly. Lawrence was lying on his large, insanely comfortable, king-sized bed, amongst a pile of expensive, soft pillows, covered with a warm, heavy comforter. He had one strong arm wrapped around a pillow, holding it close to his firm chest, wishing it were Adam. The gorgeous apartment was silent. Diana was at day-care, and Allison…He had no idea where she was, to be quite frank. There was probably a note on the marble counter in the kitchen. Not that he cared enough to leave the warmth and blissful comfort of his bed to check on his day off. He had the weekend free from work, and it almost made him sigh with gratitude. He needed some rest.
It had been nearly three weeks since he'd left Adam crying and smoking in his apartment. They hadn't contacted each other since then. Lawrence had gone home, argued with Allison for a while about his whereabouts, and then crawled into bed, where he slept until his alarm clock threw a tantrum, announcing quite rudely that it was time to go to work. Then he and Allison had talked about the night before, apologized to one another, and made up with a long embrace and a promise to go out for dinner after Lawrence got home from work. He'd hugged and kissed Diana good bye, promising her a present if she behaved for Mommy, and then had left the apartment.
Unbeknownst to Lawrence, Adam had smoked almost an entire pack of cigarettes. The only reason why he hadn't finished the entire pack was because it was his last, and he wanted to save a couple until he could scramble together some money to buy a new pack. After his throat was raw from the inhalation of smoke, he'd went to his crazy neighbor, got drunk off his ass with him, and stumbled back into his apartment, where he'd proceeded to scream at his journal, drunken tears trickling down flushed cheeks. Then he'd passed out on his dirty, ancient mattress, to wake up the next morning with a hangover, spending the rest of the day with his head in the toilet.
Back to the present, Lawrence finally managed to coax himself out of bed, and padded his way into the master bathroom, flipping the shower on, twisting the handle all the way to hot, until steam curled into the air, fogging up the long mirror. He finished his morning shower, shave, and brushing of his teeth, rolling his deodorant on before pulling on a pair of his favorite dress pants and a baby blue silk dress shirt. The color complimented his eyes magnificently. He had always been one to dress nicely, even as a child. Sure, a couple of kids had made fun of his polo shirts tucked into a pair of khaki pants, his neatly slicked back hair and expensive shoes, but he hadn't cared. He'd stride proudly through the halls with dignity that would've impressed a rooster. Or even Adam.
After combing his soft blonde hair, Lawrence left the bathroom satisfied, dumping his laundry into the washing machine. He'd promised Allie that he'd do a couple of chores around the house. He picked up the detergent, poured a cupful inside the slot, and then closed the lid of the machine, pressing the power button. Within moments, the familiar and comforting whir of the washer filled the silence of the apartment. Lawrence made his way into the living room, to put away Diana's toys. The child usually picked up after herself, but not today, apparently.
His mind traveled back to Adam as he picked up an armful of stuffed animals and dolls. Maybe he'd been too harsh, too cold. The boy had just had a nightmare, and Lawrence went and bullied him. Yes, it had been necessary to cross the line, but perhaps the timing had been wrong. He should've waited for a day where Adam wasn't still shaking and sweating from the tortures of his sleeping mind. His little performance there had been too cruel. He'd basically thrown months of hard work away, thanks to that. For months, he'd slaved over trying to win Adam's forgiveness, acceptance, and maybe even love. How could Adam ever love him, though? After everything he'd put him through, did Lawrence honestly expect to win his heart?
The oncologist dumped the toys into Diana's large toy-box, walking back into the living room to continue picking up her things. He grabbed a puzzle box, a basket of a plastic tea-set, three tiaras, and a magic wand. He turned and nearly tripped over a toy train on his way to Diana's room, cursing under his breath.
What had happened after he'd left? What had Adam done? How was he feeling now? Maybe he should've gone back over to apologize, to attempt to make up for what he'd done. But deep down, Lawrence knew that it wouldn't have worked. Adam would have slammed the door in his face. Or, maybe, he would've beaten Adam to a bloody pulp, and then slammed the door in his face. If Lawrence would've called him, he knew Adam would've checked the caller ID and would've ignored the phone, knowing it was him. He wouldn't have even bothered to answer, to curse him out or anything. No, that would be giving a response. He would've done the more painful thing – simply ignoring him.
So Lawrence did the only thing he could think to do – nothing. Sit around and wait for Adam to come to him. Which was quite the joke; Adam would never go to him, not even if the devil himself crawled from the depths of hell and demanded it. And it was true; in two days, it would be three weeks since their last encounter, and not a word or glance had been exchanged in that awful period. It killed Lawrence. He desperately wanted to see Adam. Not just to see him, but to talk to him, to touch him, to hear that slightly ragged voice of his, to feel that strangely smooth flesh. He would kill to have Adam with him. He'd tried everything he could think of, but Adam was the most stubborn man he'd ever met, and simply refused to allow Lawrence to become close with him. He refused to open up. It was insanely frustrating and depressing.
"What the hell do you want from me, Adam? I'd do anything for you; you name it, I'll do it. I've tried everything. I don't know how to express how horribly sorry I am, how much I honestly, truly care for you. You're rejecting and denying me before I can even open my mouth. Just give me a chance," Lawrence mumbled to himself, his heart aching. He really was heartbroken. He was as sullen and unhappy as a girl suffering through her first break up. It was annoying Allie, who had no idea what was going on.
Lawrence made his third trip back to the living room, grabbing the rest of the toys, and tossed them into her toy-box. Once he'd left the little girl's bedroom, he went into the kitchen and began to wipe down the counters, glancing at the sink full of dirty dishes that needed to be placed into the dishwasher. He sighed; chores could be a real drag, especially when your mind is crammed with an unfortunate problem. Then the note taped to the refrigerator caught his eye.
Hi, Larry. I went to run a few errands. I needed to return a few library books, pick up some new ones, buy groceries, and visit my father to discuss living arrangements. I will be back by three. I'll pick up Diana on my way home. Enjoy your day off, and please try to get some housework done. Thanks, sweetie. Love, Allie.
He glanced at the digital clock over the stove; it was one o' clock. He had two hours, maybe less, before his soon to be ex-wife came home with their daughter. He loved Diana with all his heart; she was his little princess, his only child, and the most precious little girl he'd ever known. But with everything that had been going on lately, he wanted to just rest on his day off without having to worry about watching the young child, so Allison had agreed to enroll her in daycare for the day.
Lawrence finished wiping the counters down and yanked open the dishwasher, pulling the creaky rack out, and began organizing the dishes into their rightful places to be washed. He tried to get Adam out of his mind, but it was almost impossible. That head of soft, unruly, black hair, those mystical grey eyes, that lean, lithe body of pale heat, that sexy, sarcastic smirk that occasionally played on his lips…How could he possibly push these things out of his mind? Lawrence grit his teeth, slamming the dishwasher closed when he was finished loading it, and stabbing the 'on' button with his index finger.
The doorbell suddenly rang, startling him out of his thoughts. He glanced at the time again. Allison was early. She was always early, so he wasn't surprised. She often thought too deeply into things, and miscalculated how long affairs would actually take. It certainly didn't take until three to pick up groceries, take a visit to the library, and drop by his father in law's house. It was rather disappointing though; Lawrence wanted to relax now that he'd finished most of his chores.
But he walked to the door anyway, spotting the keys to the apartment on the counter. Of course she'd forgotten them; she almost always did. He usually reminded her to grab them, but he'd slept in this morning, and hadn't had the chance.
The knocking continued. Impatient bitch.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," he called, scowling when he stubbed his toe on the leg of a chair. He hobbled his way to the door, cursing the chair, and unlocked the bolts. He twisted the handle, pulling the door open, and stepped out of the way so Allie could walk in. He closed the door, bolting it.
"I thought you were going to return around three, so I didn't quite finish the hou-"
Upon turning around, he became face to face with a young man; definitely not the petite blonde he'd been expecting to see. He almost jumped out of his surprise, but resisted, though his eyes widened in shock. Adam looked like he'd barely slept. He stared at the oncologist dully. He wore a pair of dark jeans that rode low on his hips, and a giant cotton grey sweater ten sizes too big for him, engulfing him in its soft cavern. His raven locks stood up in three different directions, and he looked just as pale as always.
"You lied to me," Adam said. His voice was quiet, a little on the low-side. Lawrence frowned, backing up as Adam trudged closer.
"I don't know what you're – "
Adam grabbed a fistful of Lawrence's expensive silk shirt, and slammed him up against the wall, a sudden fire blazing in his eyes. A snarl twisted his mouth, and Lawrence flinched.
"You bastard," he spat, shoving the oncologist harder against the wall, pressing his body against the other's.
"I fucking hate you. You're a lying piece of shit. 'I can't stay away' my ass. Do you remember that line? Do you remember insisting that before you god-damn kissed me?" Adam shouted.
"Adam – " Lawrence tried, but the younger man refused to let him speak.
"You spewed all that shit, and then you don't even try to contact me. It's been two weeks and five days, and do I get a phone call, a vist? Of course fucking not. You lied to me. You can easily stay away. I don't know what the fuck your problem is, or why you think it's fucking fun to mess with me, but I'm gettin' real sick of it. You're a real sick fuck," the voyeur snarled. Before Lawrence could even think about opening his mouth to speak, Adam had suddenly leaned in, crushing his lips against Lawrence's in a bruising, hungry kiss.
If Lawrence wasn't shocked or confused earlier, he certainly was now. The younger man had unclenched the material of Lawrence's shirt to cup his smooth face, though the other hand remained pressed against Lawrence's chest to keep him pinned to the wall. Adam tasted of mint toothpaste and bitter smoke – it sounded weird, and it definitely was a strange combination, but…Lawrence liked it. He gladly opened his mouth to allow Adam's tongue to enter, and soon the young man was exploring his warm, wet mouth. He shivered as Adam's tongue traced the sensitive roof of his mouth, before pulling back to slide over his lower lip, which he proceeded to suck into his mouth, causing Lawrence to utter a quiet groan. Adam nipped at his lower lip sharply, as if telling him to shut up, and rubbed his crotch up against Lawrence's thigh. Heat exploded in the pit of Lawrence's stomach at the feel of Adam's clothed, half-hard member rub against his thigh, and he was even more turned on by the sensation.
Finally, just as Lawrence's lungs were about to burst into flames, Adam broke the searing kiss, and pressed against Lawrence, panting quietly. His eyes were shining with tears, and Lawrence wanted to comfort him.
"I believed you," Adam whispered, with a breathy laugh of scorn. "I thought you meant it. I…I wanted you to mean it. I waited for you. I thought you were going to come back, because you said so passionately that you couldn't stay away. But you never did. And I…And I guess I can't stay from you, either."
The young man's head bowed, so that Lawrence couldn't see the flush of shame and embarrassment that had spread across his face. But Lawrence tilted his head back up, and pulled him back into a kiss, a strong, deep kiss, stealing Adam's breath away and causing him to gasp. When he needed air, he broke the kiss, and tipped Adam's head back, exposing a pale throat. He brought his hot lips to the soft flesh, his tongue tracing patterns, tasting the salt of his skin, feeling his throat almost vibrate as the kid groaned. He bit down, and then sucked the pain away, enjoying the breathy noises of pleasure he was pulling from Adam.
"I did mean it, I swear on my life. But I was afraid I'd ruined everything. I thought you didn't want to see me again, and I just wanted you to be happy," Lawrence promised against Adam's skin. His tingling, wet, hot lips brushed up Adam's throat, across his jaw, and finally met his lips. Adam didn't plan on losing control over the situation. He brought his hips to Lawrence's, and ground his erection against the doctor's. Lawrence moaned into Adam's mouth, the heat of lust searing through his body as Adam kept up his steady rhythm.
"Don't talk," Adam ordered, biting at Lawrence's lower lip before pulling the doctor's tongue into his mouth, continuing to rub his body against Lawrence's, hips swaying. The oncologist obeyed, hesitantly putting his hands on Adam's shoulders and dragging him closer, until their body heat morphed together. Adam didn't pull away; instead, he unbuttoned Lawrence's shirt, quickly and nimbly, untucked it, and pulled it off. He pressed his hands against the hot flesh of Lawrence's torso, his fingers brushing across lines of muscle, every ridge. His palms moved across his ribs, moving upward, and twisted both nipples; just enough to inflict a bit of pain and a wave of pleasure. Lawrence gasped against Adam's hungry lips, jerking slightly, and then shuddered as Adam's rough thumbs began to rub his nipples none too gently.
The young man slowly dragged his mouth down Lawrence's neck, to his chest, dropping himself to the ground, and began to press hot, open-mouthed kisses on the flesh while Lawrence easily tugged off the giant sweater. The doctor tugged him to his feet and fumbled with the young man's jeans, impatiently yanking them off. Adam kicked the article of clothing out of the way, removing his ratty sneakers and socks on his own, while Lawrence finished undressing himself. Both men now in their boxers, Lawrence pulled Adam to his body, sighing at the feel of bare skin against bare skin, and led him to the bedroom, tripping every now and then, since Adam couldn't seem to keep his mouth off of him for more than three seconds. But they managed to make it to the bed, with Lawrence on top of Adam.
That didn't last long. Adam grabbed the doctor's bicep and flipped him over, rolling on top of the strong body, straddling him, and glared down at him.
"Don't fuck with me. I may be smaller than you, but I am not letting you take over," he said. Lawrence rolled his eyes and ran his hands up Adam's back, kneading his knuckles into the flesh. The young man seemed comforted by this, accepting the massage, and bent down, capturing Lawrence's mouth with his own again, his kisses needy and starving, his tongue mapping every inch of Lawrence's mouth. Lawrence ran his fingers through Adam's soft hair, immediately falling in love with the fluffy texture, twisting it around his fingers and tugging it tightly as Adam began to grind his erection against his own, again. The young man rubbed back and forth, his breathing turning into lustful pants.
No longer satisfied with clothed erection against clothed erection, Adam growled impatiently, and tore Lawrence's off, as well as his own. Those stormy eyes, darkening with lust, focused on Lawrence's rock-hard, throbbing member. But the gaze didn't last long, because he soon found himself on his back.
"Lawrence, what the – ahh – " Adam trailed off with a low moan. Lawrence had ducked his head between Adam's thighs, and had licked at the seeping slit, his palm rubbing against Adam's balls. The boy arched his back, squeezing his eyes shut as Lawrence took his head into his mouth, giving it a hard suck. He was biting his lower lip hard, his fingers twisting into the bed sheets tight enough to turn his knuckles white. Lawrence brought more of Adam's cock into his mouth, his tongue tracing every bulge and vein, working magic around the sensitive area. Adam was gasping and moaning from beneath him, each breathy sound of sexual pleasure sending tingles down his spine.
"Lawrence – ahh, nghnn – I…oh, fuck, do that again…Lawrence," Adam groaned, writhing on the sheets, panting. Lawrence peered up at him, almost moaning at the sight of the flushed, disheveled boy arching his back and tilting his head.
"Yes?" Lawrence asked innocently, before taking all of Adam to the back of his throat, wrapping his tongue around the seeping, hard, throbbing member and sucking hard. The boy cried out, thrusting his hips upward, and fucked Lawrence's mouth uncontrollably, head thrown back, eyes screwed shut, chest heaving. He didn't stay silent for more than a second while this took place, and those sinful sounds pouring from Adam's mouth sent fireworks of lust through Lawrence's body as he fought his gag reflex and sucked harder, his tongue sliding up and down, over and around Adam's cock. The young man nearly sobbed, his hips bucking harder as he struggled to fuck Lawrence's mouth even more desperately, until Lawrence shoved Adam down against the mattress by pushing his hand against Adam's hip. He didn't need to be suffocated today.
"Stop, Lawrence, holy shit, I'm gonna…I, oh fuck," Adam begged. Lawrence pulled back, swallowing the bitter mouthful of Adam's pre-cum, not wanting Adam to orgasm yet. He watched through half-lidded eyes as Adam lay there fighting off his climax, a moan falling from his lips at the sight. The young man opened his eyes and pushed Lawrence down onto the mattress once more, crushing his mouth against Lawrence's. He could taste himself on the doctor's mouth, and for some reason, he found it strangely erotic. Lawrence rolled over, almost knocking Adam off the bed by accident, and opened the drawer of the night-table. Adam had bitten down on his left nipple, and he gasped, eyes fluttering shut for a moment as Adam sucked the pain away, his tongue tracing the small bud, before giving the same attention to the next one.
Lawrence managed to grab the bottle of Vaseline and a wrapped condom without falling off the bed, and set the jar down on the mattress, sighing and groaning as Adam sucked at the dip above his collarbone. He fumbled at the wrapper of the condom with shaky, clumsy fingers, too distracted by Adam's mouth to figure out how to open it. Apparently, Adam was too impatient to wait for Lawrence's mind to clear enough to open it. Burning with desire and frantically grinding his wet erection against Lawrence's, sliding slightly because of their mixing pre-cum, Adam snatched the packaged condom out of Lawrence's fingers and brought it to his mouth. Never slowing his pace with his hips, Adam tore the wrapper open using his teeth, spitting the plastic out onto the floor, and shaking the rubber free. Straddling Lawrence and rising slightly, he moved to put it on. Lawrence rubbed his thighs distractingly, causing the action to take longer than necessary.
He dipped his fingers into the jar, scooping up the gooey mass, and greased up his hand. Lawrence had sat up slightly and was kissing and nipping at Adam's smooth jaw, his tongue occasionally sliding over to Adam's lips.
"Lie down," Adam ordered, pushing him back down onto the bed, forcing him to roll over onto his stomach. He began to ease his index finger into Lawrence's entrance, but the doctor tensed immediately with a hiss of surprise.
"You have to relax, or it'll hurt like hell," Adam murmured, bending forward and trailing his tongue up Lawrence's spine, distracting him from the discomfort of his ass. He finally slid his finger through the ring of tight muscle, and began to put a second one in, dropping open-mouthed kisses along Lawrence's back, murmuring quiet nothings. Lawrence appreciated not only the preparations, but the distractions. He barely felt the discomfort as Adam scissored the two digits before pushing in a third one. It stung a little, but then the voyeur pushed his fingers upward, and hit a certain bundle of nerves, causing Lawrence to jerk in surprised pleasure, gasping.
Seemingly satisfied, Adam pulled his fingers out, and scooped a generous helping of Vaseline out from the jar, applying it to his covered cock. He then gripped at Lawrence's sides, positioning the tip of his impatient cock at Lawrence's entrance.
"You ready?" he asked. Lawrence nodded, burying his face into the pillows. Adam slowly pushed in, closing his eyes in concentration. The pain was sharp and hot, but Lawrence bit back his whines, not wanting to seem pathetic. Besides, it wasn't so bad once Adam was fully seated. The voyeur had stopped moving, to allow Lawrence to adjust to the size and the feeling of being fulled. But the boy was impatient, and began to move after a couple of seconds, causing Lawrence great discomfort.
"Adam," he grunted, pained. He felt the young man's fingers dig into his sides.
"Just shut up," Adam breathed, thrusting hard. By the time the sentence had been completed, the pain had worn away, and was replaced with pleasure. Adam moved faster, and harder, as if sensing this, pounding into the doctor ruthlessly. The room was soon filled with the sounds of Lawrence's cries of intense pleasure, mingled with Adam's. He hadn't thought they'd be so vocal, but it turned out to be a turn-on rather than annoying. Their bodies slick with sweat, Adam slamming into him over and over, hitting the pocket of nerves every time, Lawrence knew he wasn't going to last long. He bit down on his arm to keep from screaming, the pleasure almost unbearable. Adam had wrapped his arms tightly around Lawrence's torso. He was panting against his shoulder, his hot breath tickling his neck, and he cursed and moaned into Lawrence's blonde locks.
Adam pulled out, only to slam back in with full force, throwing Lawrence out of control. With a hoarse shout, he experienced the most intense orgasm of his life, his entire body spazzing. Adam's hand had curled around his painfully hard cock, and was pumping in time to his thrusts. Lawrence's hot seed spilled into Adam's fist, and he turned into a boneless heap, falling against the mattress, his body still quaking with spasms, quiet, guttural moans falling from this throat.
Finally, Adam came too, and he rode out his orgasm with quiet cries, his fingernails creating half-moons in Lawrence's back. When he was finished, he collapsed against Lawrence's sweaty back, shaking and sweating, breathing hard, his chest heaving. He'd worked hard, and his every muscle ached from the work out. He'd be sore tomorrow.
Lawrence had enjoyed every second of it. He rolled over in time to see Adam tug the condom off, sleepily tossing it to the floor to be properly disposed of later. For now, neither man had the energy to get out of bed. Adam stared at him, exhausted, and a lazy grin spread across his face, surprising the doctor.
"You sure know how to please a man," Lawrence complimented, pulling Adam to his body, caressing the boy's ass. Adam pressed his face against Lawrence's chest, dropping a kiss there. That was enough of an answer, apparently. The young man quickly fell asleep, spent from their vigorous activity.
For a while, Lawrence lay there and watched his Adam sleep. He was relaxed, for once, and looked completely at ease. Lawrence smiled, brushing Adam's sweaty bangs out of his face, and kissed his forehead, closing his eyes as well. Within moments, he fell asleep as well.
With Adam in his arms, it wasn't hard to drift off. He had his lover, and that was all that really mattered right now. Allison could walk in at this very moment, and he wouldn't care. This was too precious.
What started off as a miserable, shitty morning, turned into a surprising, totally amazing afternoon.
*nervous* Well, hopefully I didn't screw this up too badly. I'm dying to know what you guys think of this, so...PLEASE REVIEW! . Thanks for reading this far, and I hope you're enjoying it. :) Thank you for all the reviews so far, it's a great motivation, and makes my day. So keep them up! I'll try to update again, soon. ^^ As for my older one, I haven't felt much motivation to update it. I'm trying to force myself to do so, but it might be a while. Ironically, I'm thinking of starting even more fanfics, just because I feel like expanding my categories and getting opinions from a variety of other people. The ideas I'm considering: Left 4 Dead 2 (Nick&Ellis), RocknRolla(Undetermined as of now), and possibly an Inception(Eames&Arthur). Anyway, off to bed I go! Goodnight! Thanks for reading, hopefully you enjoyed it, and please review! :)