A/N: Next one. Last one oft he sentences I got, so I need more! This was supposed to be fluff but the story had a mind of its own. Leave me a review with a sentence and maybe a name and I'll write YOU a piece, too. Addek, Maddison, Merder(to some extend and certainly angsty) and anything with Amelia is fine. Just tell me which pairing you'd like. Cheers

Ilaria

„I don't only love you for who you are, but for who I am when I'm with you. "

Smoke clouded the air in front of her, Addison breathed out the last bit of nicotine she had inhaled mere moments ago, closed her eyes and sighed.

"I haven't seen you smoke since that day." Derek said softly, trying to mask the resignation and defeat which were reigning over his usually confident self. He sat down beside her, on a bench overlooking Pudget Sound. The sun was shining, a rarity in the land of precipitation and endless gray skies. The irony was not lost on either of them; and for once they wished it rained, if only to wash away their grief or drown themselves in melancholy.

That day; Addison scoffed inwardly remembering the day which shall not be named much like the Dark Lord in the Harry Potter series. No one talked about it, at least no one that had been there. Addison sighed and wished it could be that easy, like hanging a blanket over an undesired painting. If only she could free herself from the hurt and guilt she still felt; the guilt of surviving.

"I have never felt that powerless again."

People who learned that they were from New York always asked. Addison would tell them she had not been present on that day in September. It was easier than admitting the truth; telling them she saw people jumping out of windows, people burned to their skin and many buried underneath tons of steel – forever lost. How can one find words to describe how powerless and insufficient one's life became afterwards? So pretending it never happened – like ripping a side out of a history book, seemed easier than letting the weight of loss sink them in guilt.

"I'm sorry."

Addison knew he was sorry but it did not matter. His feelings for her had always been genuine, albeit fleeting at times and meaningless at others. Addison had not grown up in a loving, supporting and honest family. Deception had paved her childhood and failure had dominated her adolescence. Addison had loved visiting Derek's family, deceiving herself in the belief that she found love and acceptance in spite of her up-bringing.

Addison had told Meredith once that Derek was the kind of man who would not hurt anyone on purpose, not like she had. It was one of the reasons she fell in love with him. He loved in a sacrificing and giving way that mesmerized her heart, created an obsession; the idea of finally becoming the person she always wanted to be – opposed to who she was supposed to be.

"I never just loved you for who you are, but for who I was when I was with you."

Derek looked at her questioningly. He had not expected for the conversation to steer in this particular direction; after all this time and the recent loss of her brother. Maybe he had lost the ability to see through her charade of abating emotional distress, Derek wondered.

"Addie," he spoke so softly it made Addison's skin itchy from excitement. His piercing blue eyes held a level of comfort she had always relied on and in spite of everything she had done to hurt him, he was still the best friend she had once found.

"My mother is a lesbian and my father, God I hated him, is a philandering bastard whose only flaw was to have fallen in love with a woman who had been in love with someone else for twenty years. I grew up with betrayal and disappointment and when I met you I thought I finally had a chance to become a better person – someone I could respect. And then I did the one thing I have dreaded and hated all of my life. I became my parents."

Addison lit another cigarette and blinked away tears – of failure, disdain and resignation. Derek watched her carefully, took one of her cigarettes and lit it.

They smoked their cigarettes in silence, a comfortable quietness that only close friends can share.

"I have always loved you for the person you became in spite of the wreckage your family was. You give so much to so many people; money, comfort and hope. I admired your strength and your faith. I wanted to be half the person you were and it made me obsess over work. It is not your fault I thought I had to make a change, to prove how important I was. It was mine. You're a great person and I love you for it."

"It just doesn't matter."

Addison said and got up. She walked towards the pier and only stopped again to turn around.

"I love you. Still. So much. But it doesn't matter."

She walked back towards him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Love did not end our relationship. In the deciding moments of our marriage we both chose the wrong path," Addison admitted.

She kissed him once more, crossed her arms in front of her chest and walked away.

The end.