Laughter of the Broken
"Speaking"
'Thinking'
"Demon/Summons speaking"
'Demon/Summons thinking'
A/N: Woo hoo! Ok time to write a few more fight scenes! First however, Gekkokage, please don't shove a rattlesnake up Sancho's ass, his wife needs that thing! Second, I think I should tell you I'm white, I mean seriously white, my ancestry is small bits of German and Irish while the rest is just Great Britain English, so my Spanish isn't that great, I've only got two years of it under my belt. Oh and Sancho doesn't need your sombrero anymore Gekko! That midget drag queen from Zanzibar made him a new one out of… something… I think it might be skin… but I shudder to think from what… Anyway, LETS GO, GO, GO!
"That match was rather… interesting," the 'Kazekage' stated to his companion. "Is he always that… vicious?" asked the disguised snake.
"Only to those who are his enemies," replied the leader of the leaf.
"Yet was that really necessary? I mean, was his opponent not a fellow Leaf ninja and heiress to the Hyuuga clan to boot?" he asked.
However before Sarutobi could answer, a certain apathetic familiar beat him to it, "Probably not, but he has his reasons, lasting wie sie sind" stated Kuro, his masked face turning to look at the two Kages. "Then again, he might have done it just to do it," with that, the clone turned his head back towards the arena, once again assuming his silent vigil.
Back down in the contestant's area, Naruto had just reached the seating area, where he soon found himself to be the center of attention.
Seeing the uneasy and rather scared looks of his fellow genin, sans that of Gaara, the demon child glanced down at himself then back at them and asked. "What? I've got pants on," he stated. Seeing as they were still staring at him, the grey haired teen used his tail and scratched his chin with the tip, his eyes narrowing in thought. "Maybe they were just too shocked by my extremely sexy nakedness that they can't take their eyes off me?" he muttered aloud.
Tenten thwacked him upside the head and said, "It's because you look like a devil straight from Hell," she deadpanned.
"That and your rather brutal victory over Hinata-sama might have a part of it," Neji stated with no small amount of satisfaction in his voice. "I must say, I had my doubts but you are truly a force to be reckoned with Uzumaki-sama," Neji said with a bow.
Naruto laughed and flicked the Hyuuga branch member on the forehead with a clawed red finger. "Please, it was my pleasure," he stated. Surprised the pale eyed boy looked up and locked eyes with the smiling Uzumaki, "Besides, I still have to remove that seal from your head, and it promises to be a very painful experience," here his smile became a bit malicious, "And you're the only one who's going to get hurt,"
Neji straightened himself and merely met the other genin's eyes with his own calm and collected gaze, "I will gladly go through any amount of torture to be free of my bondage," he stated with grim absolution.
Naruto merely gave a dark chuckle, "If that's what you wish, who am I to stop you?" he asked dramatically. Tenten merely rolled her eyes at her adopted brother's antics.
"Just know that if you kill any of my teammates, I'll decapitate you and use your head in a ventriloquist act," she stated. This caused the genin to eye her strangely but she didn't really care. Naruto just waved her off and rested his arms against the railing, waiting for the next fight.
Genma glanced towards the stands and waited for a lull in the audience before he spoke, "The next match will be between Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara no Sabaku, will both contestants please enter the arena?" he called.
The redhead instantly appeared in a swirl of sand, his arms crossed and his face blank with apathy, but those who knew what to look for saw the barely restrained maniacal glee in his eyes. However, that soon turned to anger when he saw his opponent was not there. Genma waited a couple minutes then frowned, "Sasuke Uchiha please come down to the arena or you will be disqualified!" he called somewhat irritated.
Up in the Kage booth Sarutobi frowned and said, "It appears Sasuke will have to forfeit this one," he spoke.
"Oh come now, many people came to see the Uchiha and my son fight, to disqualify him now would disappoint a lot of people here," the Kazekage told his companion.
Sarutobi glanced at him and replied, "Be that as it may, I cannot show favoritism towards a single ninja,"
"Oh come on Monkey Man, the least you could do is give duck ass a couple minutes," said a voice above the old man. Surprised and shocked, the old man looked up to see Naruto perched on the back of his high backed chair, grinning like a maniac and his demonic features on display for all to see, except he now had his glove back on and his vest, but for some reason he decided to go barefoot… then again, his clawed feet would probably rip anything on his feet to shreds. "Heyo! Can I bother you for a cup of sugar or perhaps you could spare a glass of hog's blood? Either or will suffice," he said
"Aniki!" Before anyone could react, Ko had tackled Naruto off of the chair and onto the floor. "You were so awesome in that fight!" chattered the kid as he sat on his older brother's shoulders. "I mean when you got hit with that fireball I thought, 'Holy crap! Aniki's going to be served extra crispy with barbeque sauce!' then you came out of it and I was like 'Yay! Aniki won't be served to some hungry Akamichi!' then when you grabbed her…" and on and on the little child chattered about how awesome his brother was, until of course Senso got annoyed.
"Ko, we get it," he said, but he kept talking. "Ko, seriously, you can stop talking," stated the short tempered clone, his eye starting to twitch. Still he prattled on. Senso finally snapped.
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Senso shouted while konking the childish Ko on the head. For a moment there was pause then Ko's eyes widened and became extremely watery. He started to sniffle and Senso soon began panicking.
"Oh crap," he muttered. Ko's blue eyes began to fill with tears and some muffled sobs could start to be heard. Panicking, Senso checked to see if 'they' had noticed yet and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that 'they' hadn't heard him yet.
"Ok, Ko I'm sorry," Senso said, but it had no effect. Growing a little more panicked the warrior said, "look please, please, PLEASE for the love of Kami don't cry!" he begged. For a moment, Ko stopped and stared at Senso with the kicked dog look and for a minute, Senso thought he was in the clear.
Oh how foolish our little familiar is!
Inhaling deeply, Ko released a cry that only a child could make, one that baby animals made when in distress. One that always attracted a very angry and very protective mother.
Or in this case, two females who were mother equivalents.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" screamed Anko and Kyuubi as they immediately rushed to the crying child's side. Immediately the two started to fuss over the boy, trying to soothe him and doing what mothers do to console their upset children. Anko then rounded on Senso and glared at him with anger only women can conjure.
"What did you do to Ko?" Anko asked, leaving Kyuubi to take care of said child. The war like clone knew that he was screwed, knew that if he kept silent or talked, he was still screwed. So he merely sighed, blindfolded himself, and took out a cigar. Lighting it, he waited for the inevitable.
Anko gained a few tic marks then said, "Fine if that's the way you want it…" reaching behind her Anko withdrew the one thing Senso feared the most.
A big ass fucking rock.
"Senso, do you know what this is?" asked Anko, holding the giant rock over head.
The familiar lifted his blindfold and gulped before stuttering, "A-A b-big rock?"
Anko merely shook her head, "No Senso, THIS. IS. SPARTA!" she screamed, with that, she Spartan kicked a screaming Senso into the arena and threw the rock in afterwards. Senso landed with a thud and had just enough time to scream "MOMMY!" before being crushed by the fucking big ass rock.
Groaning, everyone watched as he clawed himself out from under the rock but before he was halfway out, Anko dived bomb the his head, heels first, and Anko had somehow put on stiletto high heels in the span of two minutes.
"Oh no, we're not done, not by a long shot mister 'I-like-to-hit-small-defenseless-children'" Anko stated.
"Ko's not defenseless… " was Senso's muffled response.
"Silence! The condemned are not allowed to talk!" she barked, grabbing a mallet and smashing Senso's face in.
For a while, everyone watched Anko deliver divine woman justice but eventually Naruto turned to Sarutobi," Any who! I say we just do the other matches until Mr. Emo gets here! What do you say?" he asked with what he thought was a charming smile when in reality; it would make little children cry and shit their pants.
"Erm, perhaps I could but-," before the slightly on edge leader could protest he felt a sudden weight on his lap. Looking down the man saw Ko using a move only children can pull off, a move every person fears, a move that no one outside another child can resist!
It was the dreaded… PUPPY DOG EYES!
As Sarutobi gazed into those soulfull, innocent blue eyes, he could already feel himself falling under their spell. 'No! Must! Resist! Puppy Dog Eyes! You're a kage damn it! Fight it!' he screamed in his head. Slowly but surely, he started to resist the child's charm but then Ko started to talk.
"Pwease don't disquawify Sawskay. It would be mean and evwyone would be sad if you did," begged Ko in his best baby voice, hands clasped perfectly under his chin while his lower lip quivered in the most adorable pout imaginable.
For his part, the old fire shadow lasted a solid twenty seconds before sighing and bowing his head in defeat, shoulders slumped he said, "Fine, we'll move on to the next match," grumbled the hokage. Ko gave a cheer and hugged the old man before dashing off ro stand next to Kyuubi.
"Thanks monkey man I-" Naruto was cut off by a certain hand crushing his wind pipe. When he looked to see who it was, he saw the hokage staring at him with a strange look. His face was hidden in the shadow of his hat, but his eyes and mouth were giving off a creepy white glow that flowed outwards like wispy smoke.
"I've done you a favor brat, now I want two things," the Sandaime said in a cold, dark voice filled with power. "First, STOP," here he emphasized by squeezing extra hard, causing the grey haired demon's eyes to bulge and his face to darken ,"calling me monkey man. Second," here he brought Naruto close to his face and inhaled deeply,
"STOP THOSE TWO"S ANTICS AND BRING SASUKE UCHIHA BACK HERE!" screamed the man, practically causing Naruto's eyes to pop out of his head. "Do I make myself clear, Uzumaki?" he growled.
"Cry…Crystal… sir…" gasped the hanyou, his face now purple and his eyes and face bulged comically and now a ripe plum purple.
Good," nodded the hokage. "Now… GET GOING!" with that, he launched Naruto at the dustcloud that was Anko beating the crap out of Senso. When he collided, there was a massive explosion and for whatever reason, this explosion catapulted Naruto, Anko, and Senso high into the sky.
"We're blasting off again!" the trio screamed as they faded away into the star and for a moment, they became a shining star then vanished.
Sarutobi stared at it for a moment, then face palmed, "Why can't my ninja be normal?" he lamented. Signaling to an ANBU the hokage said, "Start the next fight, we'll wait for the Uchiha to show up, but if he isn't here by the time the other matches have finished, disqualify him," he paused then got a wicked grin, "and if he's disqualified, replace all of Kakashi's Icha Icha with yaoi and have Sasuke learn Gai's genjutsu," he ordered with a slight cackle.
The ANBU nodded and quickly shushinned down to Genma and relayed the hokage's orders.
Hearing the orders, the jounin groaned in annoyance. "Due to unforeseen events, the match of Sasuke Uchiha vs Gaara no Sabaku has been postponed," the crowd erupted into cries of anger and confusion at that, but the spiking of the proctor's chakra quickly silenced them, "In light of this, we will be proceeding on to the next match, so will KANKURO no Sabaku and Shino Aburame please enter the arena." Genma announced.
Scowling, Gaara left the arena while Shino and Kankuro entered. As both contestants entered, they immediately locked eyes. They stopped a good distance away from each other and seeing as how both were tensed and ready, Genma declared the start of the match.
However when Genma left, the two just continued to stare at each other. They stared and stared and stared some more, neither flinching neither moving a single muscle. Thhen a single voice arose from the crowd.
"Shino!"
Distracted, everyone turned to see a man who was dressed in the same attire as Shino but he had a pencil mustache, a gourd on his back and wrap around sunglasses.
"Son, I give you permission to use it" spoke the man.
Kankuro scowled at that, "What the hell does he mean by-" he was cut off however by the sound of a zipper. Turning, the painted puppeteer saw that Shino had opened his high collar shirt leaving his mouth and front visible. The Suna ninja also noted that his enemy seemed to be gathering a large amount of energy.
"Do it son," Shibi whispered.
"Shoop da whoop," Shino declared.
Kankuro was about to ask what the hell that meat when Shino shouted in a large and deep voice, "I'MA FIRIN MAH LAZAR!" then he opened his mouth wide and out shot forth a beam of energy that was accompanied by a loud "BLAAAA!"
The laser beam shot from Shino's mouth lasted but an instant, but in that instant, an entire wall of the stadium was utterly destroyed as were several buildings behind it. Surprisingly, Kankuro was still alive but his clothing and puppet was disintegrated.
The puppet user coughed once before falling flat on his face. Shino merely gave a satisfied hmm and zipped his coat back up. Slowly, the bug/laser user left the arena while Genma announced his victory. Once he was back in the stands with his fellow genin he noticed that they were all staring at him with slightly amazed looks. So, being the boss he was, Shino merely adjusted his sunglasses and turned to watch the stadium. He watched as the medics came and tended to the fallen form of Kankuro, all discussing what had happened.
"His body has nearly been burnt to a crisp by energy," stated the head medic.
"What kind? Like, solar, electrical, chakra..?" here he strayed off when he saw the head medic shake his head and looked him straight in the eyes.
"No it was just…. Pure… energy!" he stated with his face getting steadily more dramatic. When they left Genma sighed before calling out, "Will Tenten of Konoha and Dosu of Oto please enter the arena?" he asked while pinching his temples.
Tenten gave a whoop of joy before jumping into the arena, a grin on her face as she took up a ready stance, hands already reaching for her kunai and shuriken pouches. However, the bandaged sound ninja did not enter, but rather, an ANBU jumped in and whispered to Genma a second time.
The proctor's eyes widened slightly, but it was only for an instant. He gave a curt nod to the masked ninja before shouting, "Dosu of Oto has forfeited so would Shikamaru Nara please come down to the arena,"
For a moment nothing happened, then there was the sound of Ino yelling at someone, and finally, Shikamaru was thrown from the stands and into the arena, head first.
"Troublesome woman," muttered the black haired genin as he sat up, slowly getting to his feet and dusting off his pants. "Ok, lets get this over with already," stated the Nara.
Genma just sighed and began the match, quickly jumping away. As soon as the match started, Tenten jumped back and unleashed a barrage of kunai and shuriken at her opponent, the metal making a deadly near silent whistle as they almost impaled the Nara. Fortunatly for Shika, he was able to dodge by rolling to the side and returning fire with three of his own kunai.
Tenten just snorted at the incoming projectiles, easily snatching them from the air and firing back, this time she added a jutsu to the mix, "Kage Kunai no Jutsu!" she declared, easily multiplying the three kunai into thirty.
"Kuso!" cursed Shikamaru. Thinking quickly, the boy made a handsign before he was decimated by the throwing knives of Tenten.
When Tenten heard not the sounds of kunai hitting flesh but the sound of it hitting wood she cursed and pulled out another pair of kunai, one in each hand. Her eyes darted around and her senses were sharp, prepared for a sneak attack however she wasn't prepared for the fact that she could no longer move her body.
"What the hell?" she thought aloud, but then she saw the ground and cursed. Her shadow had become much darker and there was a thread of it trailing away from her into some of the bushes that had been provided. 'Damn' she thought as the bushes werepushed aside and Shikamaru walked forward, Tenten mirroring his movements.
"Kagemane, success," muttered Shikamaru, slightly smirking.
Tenten grinned at him, "Not quite," she chuckled before disappearing in a poof of smoke. Surprised the Nara had just enough time to duck before being kicked away. Rolling with the blow, Shikamaru got up and stared at Tenten with surprise, or rather, he stared at the rather intimidating weapons in her hands.
At first glance, they appeared to be disks, but when one got closer, it was easy to tell it as no simple disk. The centers were roundish with a hole through the center of them while from the center, three stretched from it for about half a foot before arcing to end in vicious looking scythe like six inch blades. If Shikamaru had to compare it with anything, it would be a Fuma Shuriken but these weapons were smalled, maybe three feet in diameter total. Each one was black with red lines running along the appendages while the blades themselves were a dull grey color. Despite the color, Shikamaru knew those things were razor sharp just by looking at them.
Before Shikamaru could comment on them, Tenten threw the bladed disk at him, but unlike the straight throw he expected, she threw it at a curve which caused the bladed object to fly at Shikamaru's neck from his left side on a perfect beeline for his neck. Once more, the young genius rolled forward and was surprised to see the blade being caught by Tenten, who had not moved from her spot.
Frowning, the boy reached into his pocket and quickly threw down several smoke bombs.
Frowning the girl threw both disks into the cloud of smoke, but instead of coming out, the smoke cleared to show both blades spinning at hyper speeds, dispelling it. Ignoring the slightly awed audience, Tenten cursed as there was no sign of Shikamaru anywhere. With a beckoning gesture, the blades shot back into her waiting hands. Ignoring the amazed looks of the audience the girl searched for her opponent, trying to wheedle out a chakra signature. When something tripped her sixth sense, the girl jumped into the air and looked down to see Shikamaru's shadow following her path, intent on capturing her as soon as she landed.
Cursing, the girl threw both disks away from her just before landing, and while she did try to get out of range, she was unaware of the parachuted kunai above her that cast it's shadow just in front of her. The extending shadow connected with that tiny blip and suddenly burst forward, capturing the weapons mistress.
"Kagemane, success," declared Shikamaru, once again walking forward, this time with a kunai in his hand. "Not bad, but this is checkmate," he smirked. It died when he saw a wolfish grin on her face, one he had seen many a time on Naruto.
"Sorry Shika, but I came to win," she stated. Before he could question it, the boy heard a sound reminiscent of suriken flying through the air, but this had a sharper and seemingly more dangerous pitch.
Turning his head to look over his shoulder, the Nara's eyes widened in alarm as he ducked the projectile. His relief at dodging the weapon was killed when something nailed itself into his back. Shouting in pain and surprise the ninja released his technique.
Reaching behind him, Shikamaru grabbed what had lodged itself into his back and removed the large and obviously sharp object from his back. Bringing it forward he was astonished to see the second disk Tenten had thrown, with one of it's blades red with his blood.
Widening his eyes Shikamaru barel registered the kunai now at his admas apple or the blade tip tickling the base of his neck. "Checkmate goes to me Shika, sorry but you lose," stated a smug voice, wording what he had already realized the second he laid eyes on the bloody throwing weapon in his hand.
He sighed and said, "Yo, proctor, she's get me and I'm basically out of chakra so I give up," he drawled lazily. When Genma announced Tenten the winner, the crowd erupted into cheers, much to the pride of Tenten. She grinned and waved to the audience, bowing and blowing kisses as she milked the attention.
"Yahoo! That's our girl!" Kyubi shouted enthusiastically. Ko was waving victory fans and chanting Tenten's name as he did a victory dance on the edge of the kage box.
"Ten! Ten! Nii-chan! Ten! Ten! Nii-chan!" chanted the childish clone, stopping to pose on every word. Kuro merely clapped his hands slowly while Chie joined Ko in his cheering along with Kyuubi.
"Most unexpected," the Kazekage spoke, "I honestly expected Nara-san to win," he told his fellow kage.
Sarutobi shrugged and said, "She's close to Naruto and the rest up here, I'm not to shocked to see her win, those weapons on the other hand I have never seen,"
"Interesting," murmured the snake.
"Damn, that is one deadly kunoichi!" stated Zabuza from his viewpoint. "She reminds me of you Haku," he stated nonchalantly. Hearing no answer. The bandaged swordsman turned to see that Haku was watching Tenten intently through her mask."Uh, Haku? You listening?" he asked. However he went ignored and sighed. "Something tells me I don't want to know what you're thinking," he mumbled.
If Haku wasn't wearing a mask, Zabuza might have noticed the blush that was on her face. 'Wonder if she'd be willing to spar sometime…' thought the ice user, her blush increasing.
When the noise finally died down, Genma stepped forward, "Now will Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara no Sabaku please enter the arena?" Gaara shushined in almost immediately, a mad gleam in his eyes that now freely showed. Apparently that last match had gotten his blood pumping. However there was still no sign of Sasuke. Genma sighed and was about to call again when he heard a distant rumbling sound and then laughter, very familiar laughter. However, it was coming from not above, but below ground!
Curious, Genma kneeled down and listened, before his eyes widened and he leapt away just as whatever was under ground, burst forth in an explosive shower of dust, dirt and rock.
When the dust settled it showed Naruto(in human form), Senso and Anko sitting in a rickshaw cart. Well Naruto and Anko were happily snuggled together under the red canopy while Senso was panting hard from pulling the cart.
"Evil…" he gasped before falling flat on his face.
"Hmm, seems our chauffer has killed himself from exhaustion, Hebi-hime," Naruto stated. Anko hmmed, before grabbing a stick and started to poke Senso with it.
"Ohh…." Moaned the clone in response
"Nope not dead yet, but I hate to see him in pain," Anko said in sympathy, "Here, hand me your gun so I can put him out of his misery,"
And with that, Senso ran straight back to the Kage box and cowered behind Ko.
Anko and Naruto laughed before Genma coughed, they stared back at the expectant jounin with confused faces. "Well?" he asked.
"Well what?" Anko shot back irritably. Couldn't he see she was trying to snuggle with her puddin?
"WHERE'S SASUKE UCHIHA?" he roared back, panting heavily after he did.
Naruto rolled his eyes and looked at him as if her were stupid, "In the trunk, where else would I put my baggage?" he asked. With a wave of his hand, an unlocking sound was heard and then a loud bang coming from the back followed by a large inhale f air.
"Oh sweet Kami!" gasped Sasuke as he breathed fresh air. Shooting a deadly look at Naruto, he silently vowed he would kill him… after Itachi… no, before Itachi… he'd have to make a pros and cons list later.
"Ma, ma, quiet down I'm trying to read in here," Kakashi stated from within the trunk as Sasuke got out. Poking his head out the ninja eye smiled and asked, "So what did I miss?"
"A big ass fucking laser and a pretty good match between Miss Sharp and Pointy and Mr. Smart and Lazy, now get the fuck out of here!" Genma shouted. Immediately the area was vacated except for Sasuke and Gaara who was looking at Sasuke with a bloodthirsty gleam in his black ringed eyes. "The match between Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara no Sabaku begins now! And so help me god if you don't make this a good fight I'm killing you and the writer!" Genma declared before vanishing.
Sasuke looked at his opponent and said two words.
"Fuck me,"
And that's a wrap! Wait…
-Omake-
"Will Shikamaru Nara and Tenten of Konoha please enter the arena," Genma announced, It was not long before both contestants were staring eah other down. Genma glanced at each one and nodded, "Begin!" he shouted before jumping away.
"If it's all the same with you I'm just going to win this in one move," Tenten stated. Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow and watched carefully as she brought up her hands to the hem of her shirt. What happened next Shikamaru would remember forever.
Tenten yanked her shirt up and flashed Shikamaru, as well as a good portion of the stadium. Let it be known, Tenten didn't wear bras, and that is what ultimately caused Shikamaru to faint from blood loss. Once Genma gained conciousness, he declared Tenten the winner.
Up in the stands Shino nodded sagely before holding up a sign with ten written on it.
A/N: And that's the wrap! All right then read and review, me and Sancho are going to Canada! Fear for your lives moosies! You are being hunted by Sancho the Indiscriminate humper, Inez the Midget Drag Queen of Zanzibar, and Danasca the Mad! MUAHAHAHAHA!... Better steer clear of Vancouver…