I catered to it, I pretended I loved it as much as I had her, but regardless of what I did, it died anyway, like it was beyond my own control…
And here I go again on my own, Going down the only road I've ever known…
I couldn't help if I still wanted her near and that her son irritated me so. I hated him—he reminded me so much of my tormentor, the man who one day would steal my life forever and turn it into a complete living hell instead of the one I had been passively avoiding as well as I could. Once he took her away, there was no more life for me. I couldn't say there ever was life for me once she was gone, but we continued to be friends all the same—it just no longer held the promise that one day we could become something more if we mutually desired it. She would never let her guard down like that again and I was painfully aware of that. I could hope and dream, but never have and that living hell came to embrace me in full once I found out she was to be married later on…
I attended their wedding, but made absolute certain no one knew who I was. I wasn't about to explain my sudden appearance after years of being associated with something so much darker than love. Lily was the only one who recognized me in the darkness and for that I was grateful. She smiled at me once and thanked me for coming by embracing me. I have been lost in that embrace ever since, carefully plotting my revenge on the man I hated behind her back. What right did he have in taking the love of my life away from me? I knew her first—I loved her first. For a long time, I couldn't understand why she chose him in the end until I recalled a summer's day much like her wedding where words spoken out of pain, anger, and humiliation returned to haunt me forever. Mudblood, mudblood, mudblood. It was truer that my blood was dirtier—how could I live after even thinking such a thing?
Her son's safety only meant everything to me because he was hers. I couldn't bear betraying her a second time. I protected him because I had loved her first, but regardless of how I instilled in him my absolute loathing, the boy was still going to die and no amount of Gryffindor defiance would stop the course of destiny. Dumbledore's meddling had gone too far this time, but who was I to stop his little game? I had no lease on life; I was only alive because he had spared me and taught me the life of a double… but it didn't matter to me anymore. No one would care if I disappeared one night, but I was bound by my promise to her even though I made it after she had died. I lived because she died and died because she lived. What else could I do for her?
But as I attempted bringing that dead flower back to life again, I sensed another pair of eyes following my every move. I concentrated on doing everything within my power to make the flower live too much to notice at first, but the presence was suddenly quite undeniable. Enraged by allowing my guard down (and having failed with that flower yet again), I turned swiftly around to murder whoever it was that stood behind me.
The only one that stood seemed painfully small in the darkness. It reminded me of her son, but after closer inspection, I found it was one of his friends—another word-I-promised-I'd-never-repeat.
"Please, sir—" Her voice was strangely high-pitched with worry and I wondered the cause of it.
"What is so important that you must interrupt me at this time of night, Miss Granger?" I asked acidly and though she trembled before my penetrating stare, I sensed her determination to ask the question she needed an answer to. I almost rolled my eyes. There were only so many questions I could answer about a silly essay.
"I—I came to talk to you about—about Harry, sir. See, I figured it out and thought that you—"
I wasn't about to tell her anything. "Miss Granger, I highly doubt this merits any of my concern. If you are worried about Potter, I believe it would be best if you spoke to the headmaster—"
"Dumbledore is as tight-lipped as you are, Professor," she suddenly inserted, her anger surprising me. "I just had a hunch, sir—and I was worried about the future and thought that maybe you—"
"'Worried about the future'? Miss Granger, I find this highly out-of-character for someone like you. If you have just spoken to Dumbledore, allow me to repeat his suggestion back to you: 'Live in the here and now'."
She snorted. "Is that what you tell yourself while you revive that lily? With all due respect sir, I hardly think I can follow any advice you give me if you do not follow it yourself." The way she said the offending flower's name startled me…it was not unlike her to know something personal like that with that abnormally large nose of hers…
"Granger, I believe you are stepping into territory you do not have any knowledge about and if you had any grain of wisdom in that head of yours, you would kindly step out of my office at once." I bit back at her angrily, but she wasn't going down without a fight.
Her eyes were suddenly wild with fear as I gestured viciously toward the door that swiftly smashed open. "Please sir!" she cried. "Harry—he—I love him and I thought that you would know what to do!"
Her response stirred something in me, but I ignored it. "What is so urgent about that?" I taunted. "Tell the daft Boy Who Lived—it will certainly turn his head more than the fame already has. I fail to see what merits advice from a professor, Miss Granger."
She closed the door in a measure of defiance and breathed, "I know you love his mother, Professor, but Harry—I know what must happen to him for Voldemort to truly be vanquished. You can't say that you don't know because Dumbledore's got you so fixed on our side—"
"I am on nobody's side," I snarled.
She only smiled at me. "So it's the truth then—" Her smile suddenly disappeared. "But Harry—he's going to…he's got to…die, hasn't he?" She had whispered the offending word and trembled with the weight of it. "I—I just don't know what to do—"
I was silent a moment and swept throughout the room, cleaning offending materials in my wake as I ignored her crying near my office door. Finally, I said, "I do not think lingering here will do him any good. If what you say is true, Miss Granger, it would be best not to allow such feelings to interfere with other matters."
"But—!" she appeared startled, but suddenly understood what I had said. "Thank you, Professor," she said quietly before she turned and left my office. I waved the door shut behind her and disappeared behind my potions once more.
The dead flower was suddenly alive again.
A/N: Well, how was that? This is also for a writing competition (same one, actually) and I needed Hermione and a bit of the song lyrics- the song's "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake if you're interested (actually haven't listened to it, haha. :D) Also, I'm supposed to have this cut down to about 750 words... O_O I can't do that without completely screwing it up so I thought I'd post the unaltered version here. I hope you like! :D (Again, please review... I'm not feeling my best. ._.)