Anko chose to lock herself up in her room the following day when she returned home from her mission, three days after her encounter with Orochimaru's right-hand man, Kabuto Yakushi, barring herself in the quiet sanctity of her room. She lay there on her bed, staring mindlessly at the ceiling. The room was dark, the curtains drawn over her window to prevent sunshine from entering. Her eyelids were half-opened; loopy from the lack of sleep she had when trying to digest what Kabuto told her.
Anko's surreal mind was cut off by everything else but the incident that happened on her mission. She couldn't think, eat, sleep, or do anything. She didn't have the energy to bolt up from her bed and wear her usual, happy façade and greet her friends that she would see daily in the Leaf Village. She felt lost and emotionless—alone, empty inside, feeling like there was no person in the world that could understand what she was feeling. There was this big…hole inside her chest, like a piece of her was missing.
If she would tell anyone what she was feeling, they would send her suspicious stares and glares of deep disapproval. They were criticize and frown at her display of doubtfulness and weakness, claiming that she was only allowing herself to be manipulate by the man who bathed her in a world of crimson red—the color of spicy, addicting blood—and lectured her about the wrongness of her love and need of him in the middle of her own self-pity.
Anko cursed angrily to herself, slamming her tightly fisted hands into her bed, the sheets caving in as the pressure she distributed. Damn Kabuto for saying those words to her! Damn Orochimaru for leaving! Damn him for coming back into her life just when she thought she could forget about him! Damn him for still making her feel this way about him, even after he betrayed her and the Leaf Village, and murdered their beloved Third Hokage! Damn him and everyone and everything else that had perpetually screwed up her already messed up head!
She was fuming hotly about her conflicting feelings for the man she so detested and yet loved all the same. She sucked in a breath to calm herself down from her rigid, boiling rage welling up inside her guts. She wasn't going to accomplish anything just laying in bed and screaming inside her head.
Standing up, Anko grabbed her khaki coat from its seat on the chair and stalked out of her room. The bustling hum of civilian life in the sunny streets of the Hidden Leaf Village was all just a blurry buzz to her, her mind elsewhere. She kept her dazed out eyes on the ground as her feet dragged her around the village. She rubbed her Curse Mark on her neck, even though there was no pain afflicting her at the moment. She blamed whatever lingering attachment she held towards her former sensei on the seal that marred her creamy skin. She closed her eyes and leant against the tree to the Third Training Ground, her mind drifting back to the bundle of bitter emotions that he branded her with along with his blasted Curse Mark.
She remembered all the twisted, nasty experiments he did; how she raged against the nightmares that she sobbed about into her pillow when she awoke from her relentless slumber that she would screamed her way out of; how she would obsessed over the idea of finding and killing him with her own bare and bloodied hands; and how she loathed herself for wanting to die alongside with him, to be together with him in the afterlife. The Curse Mark was the only thing that bound their souls, forever entwining their paths in an endless cycle until one of them dies.
"Damn him!" Anko rammed her right fist into the tree bark over and over again, venting out her frustration. Blood was seeping out from the splinters she an inflicted onto her soft skin, stinging her with a small piercing pain, but she didn't care. No pain could ever compare to the ache she felt every single time her former mentor shown up in her life.
"Anko?"
The snake kunoichi froze, and she raised her head to see the source of that sweet and caring tone. Kurenai stood there, her crimson optics wavering with concerned over her friend that was injuring herself. Three Genin stood behind her, observing her with curiosity and confusion at her actions. However, behind their so-called worried for her, Anko saw something else, something that was transparent to her and she despised so much.
Pity.
She wasn't used to it, and she mostly certainly didn't want it. She'd rather be dead than accept anyone's pity. It was foolish, worthless thing—shameful, even.
Anko removed her hand from the small wreckage she made with her fist, glancing sideways to avoid seeing the troubled expression on her friend's face. She didn't want her or anyone else see just how broken she truly was on the inside. Kurenai was wide-eyed from what she saw, shocked that she witnessed something she, Anko's best friend, or any other of the Jōnin, would never had thought to see before.
"Hey, Kurenai…" Anko greeted her meekly, still not meeting her blood-colored hues. She held her blistered hand behind her back, trying not to show her discomfort at the small twig of pain she felt. "What're you doing here?"
"I was coming here to train with my students," the female Jōnin answered, gesturing a hand to the kids behind her. "Anko, what were you do—"
She unable to finish her question when one of her students—one Anko was familiar with now—came forward, inclining his head to her in a welcome.
"Hello, Anko-sensei." Shino greeted, stepping closer to her with his hands in his light-blue jacket pockets. "It's been a while."
"Hey, kiddo." Anko smiled warmly at one of the first Genin she lead on a mission not too long ago. She ruffled his busy brown hair in affection with her good hand, grinning when she heard one the Aburame's teammate—Kiba Inuzuka—snickered at the scene. "How've you been?"
"Fine." There was something in voice that was masked with his usual curt reply. It sounded urgent, Anko confirmed, like he was hinting something to her. "Are you here for training as well?"
"Oh, um…" Realization struck her when she figured out what the boy was trying to do for her. When it did, Anko faked an innocent, awkward smile on her features. "Yes, I was. I'll be going now to give you and your buddies space to train."
Shino nodded thankfully, both from offer to give them the training grounds to him and his squad, and for noticing his secret message to her. "We'll appreciate that, thank you."
"Train hard! Bye!" Anko flashed the bug boy one last happy grin before scurrying off. Kurenai tried to stop her from leaving, but the Special Jōnin was already gone in a blink of an eye. Kiba sauntered up to his sensei; assuring her that Anko will be fine and that they should focused on training for now. Hinata strolled over to where Shino stood, fidgeting her fingers shyly.
"Uh, um…" she shuttered nervously, gazing at her teammate with her lavender eyes. "Shino, why did you do that? Kurenai-sensei was so worried about her, but it seemed to me that you were giving Anko-sensei a chance to get away."
"She didn't want to bother, that much as clear in her eyes." Shino replied matter-of-factly. "Even if she didn't run away, what could Kurenai-sensei possibly say to make Anko-sensei feel better about her problems? There wasn't anything she could do console her."
"Yeah, but—"
"Come on. Let's go train." Shino interrupted his quiet, gentle teammate to join his sensei and other his hot-tempered, feral teammate to begin their exercise session. His mind went back to the Land of the Sea when he saw a quivering, horrified Anko clenching herself tightly in fright. He was the only one who had noticed that she was distressed about something, like he did now. He didn't want to see that look on her face again, and did not want his sensei or his comrades to see it either. If they did, then all of them would be uneasy with worry for the violet-haired woman.
ஜ ~ ஜ
Anko let out a sigh of relief when she was able to get back into the streets and away from Kurenai. She will thank the Aburame boy for his assistance back there when she sees him again. She owed him one.
Taking out a roll of bandages from her coat, Anko fastened it around her bloodied laceration, tying it to a tight knot. She exited the alleyway she entered so no one would see the blood in plain sight, and she continued her walk down the streets in profound reflection of the stressful event that took place on her mission. She kept hearing Kabuto's words echoing inside her head, and she tried to comprehend on what they meant.
"You don't get it, do you? Everything I did, helping you and all, I was ordered to do. Lord Orochimaru told me to watch over and protect you. He couldn't allow you to die just yet."
"If comes down between you and someone else again, then I will gladly let that person die. I was following Lord Orochimaru's orders, and so I am speaking on his behalf. Do understand this when I say it for him: I will always choose you."
God, what could that even mean…? Anko wondered, only to cease her pondering when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She glanced to her side to see Asuma standing next to her, a grin plastered on his chiseled face, his cigarette dangling his lips.
"Yo." He gave her a mock salute.
Anko smirked, mimicking him back with her own greeting. "Yo yourself."
Asuma inspected her face closely, noting her tired eyes and bandaged hand with a hard stare. He wanted to ask what happened, but decided against it since he knew she would either get a lie or nothing out of her. "How're you doing?"
Anko rolled her eyes tiredly, walking down the streets with the male Jōnin at her side. Scoffing, she spoke in a sarcastic tone. "Great, Asuma. Walking on sunshine."
"Anko, we're close friends, right? I really want to know how you're doing." he responded, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I'm fine, Asuma. Really, I am. I appreciate your concern, but I really don't need to be coddle like some helpless child." Anko assured him, rubbing her temple in exhaustion. Why does everyone always have to poke their nose into her business? "I'll catch you later, okay? Bye."
"Anko, wa—" But she was already gone before he got the words out, dashing down the streets and away from him. Asuma had a half a mind to chase after her and demand what's wrong, but another man came up to him.
"Let her go. She'll open up when she's ready." Kakashi told him calmly, his optics engrossed in his book.
Asuma took the cigarette from his mouth, exhaling a trail of smoke in the air as he and his best friend treaded down the streets. "I'm really worried about her, Kakashi. Kurenai, too, ever since we got back from the mission."
Kakashi nodded understandingly, flipping a page in his book. "I heard about that. Genma told me, who heard it from Shizune. You're not the only one that's worried about her, you know. Can I ask you a question, Asuma?"
"Yeah. What?"
The Copy Ninja peered his visible eye from under his book to look at this companion sternly. "On your mission, did you see any black markings on Anko's neck, any signs of the Curse Mark getting out of control?"
Asuma shook his head, his expression grim. "No, nothing at all. That thing is such a burden for her, isn't it? I feel sorry for her for she must be going through."
"I know how you feel. The Curse Mark isn't something you can just ignore, it needs to be watched over and studied after being contained." Kakashi shut his book and shoved it into his pouch. He gazed up at the blue sky, his thoughts rushing about how he treated Sasuke's Curse Mark with the Curse Sealing Jutsu a while back. "According from what I saw from Sasuke, the Curse Mark is a plague to the one who bears it, and are blessed with unimaginable power. But it's like a double-edge sword, the Curse Mark causes extreme pain to the owner, as well."
"And they can't control it?"
"If it was a choice, then it wouldn't be called a curse."
"…You're worried about Sasuke, aren't you?" Asuma guessed after a long pause of silence. "You don't think he's…dead, do you? That Orochimaru might've…?"
"If he did, then we would've heard something about it from Master Jiraiya by now." Kakashi inserted firmly, not wanting to jump to conclusions. He refused to admit that a student of his was gone forever. "If Sasuke was dead… Well, he isn't. There's no way Naruto would allow Sasuke to die without keeping his promise to Sakura first.
The dark-haired shinobi grunted lightly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. You know, you and Anko are a lot alike. Both of you seemed to have attachments to the past, or things that have…passed on." There was brief pause before he added in, "You miss Obito?"
"Every day." Kakashi admitted with hesitation. Sighing lazily, he clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder and poof away in a puff of smoke. "Later."
ஜ ~ ஜ
In the Sound Village in the Land of Rice Paddies, Sasuke roamed the dimly, candle-lit corridors of his current residence. He wasn't going to use the word 'home' to describe where he lives for the time being. That meaning has long been forgotten, he had discarded what a 'home' really was when he was seven years old—since that bloody night occurred.
His hatred and fury spiked to dangerously level as the memories came crashing back into his head—the sight of his traitorous brother standing over his dead parents' bodies, the tears staining his shocked face, the blood, and most importantly, the fear he had felt that fateful night. It was the kind of fear he fiercely vowed never to show again—to anyone. This is why he was here in the snake's den, to grow stronger and defeat his worst enemy, his elder brother, Itachi Uchiha, for the massacre of the Uchiha clan.
He showed very faint surprise when he saw Kabuto coming down the hallway, the same direction that lead to Orochimaru's private quarters. He heard from Orochimaru that Kabuto was on an errand for him, and won't be turning for a few days. Sasuke knew he was doing another business run that meant collecting slaves, so he didn't expect him to be back for another day or so. It usually takes him five days to finish conducting his errand when he is out on a gathering new test subjects.
"Sasuke," the medic greeted with a dry half-smile, halting when he was only five feet away from the Uchiha child. "If you're going to see Lord Orochimaru for training, then you might as well head back to your room."
Sasuke narrowed his black eyes at him, angry that his training was being stalled. "Why?"
"Lord Orochimaru is going over some reports, so he doesn't have time to assist you with your training today."
The Uchiha boy huffed in frustration, pivoting around to go back to his room to meditate. Kabuto followed, walking side-by-side with him to head to his medical quarters for treatment of his sore cheek where Anko slapped him three days ago. He didn't have time to heal it on his way back, worried that one of the snake kunoichi's comrades might have decided to go after him when he dashed away from them when he finished his talk with her.
Sasuke's optics glanced at the silver-haired ninja's bruised cheek. "What happened to you?"
Kabuto looked at his lord's protégé with amusing eyes. "Worried?"
"Curious." the Uchiha grunted in annoyance, his voice curt and cold.
"Miss Mitarashi hit me when I disagreed with her during my mission."
"Hmm…" Sasuke remembered the violet-haired woman from the Chūnin Exams. From what he heard from the medic when he first arrived to the Village Hidden in the Sound, Anko Mitarashi was the first to survived the Heavens' Curse Mark and that she was once a student of Orochimaru's. "You ran into that woman during your mission?"
"I did, and I was then ordered to protect her by Lord Orochimaru." Kabuto replied casually. "She was…reluctant for my help, but I had no choice in the end. It was a command from Lord Orochimaru, after all."
"Why does he waste his time on her?" the younger youth inquired, realizing that she might be the reason why his teacher was delaying his training. "Unless he has some genius plan with sleeping with the enemy, what is he doing?"
Kabuto wondered that himself, and when he asked his master, all he got as an answer was that she wasn't allow to die just yet. The Snake Sannin was a mysterious one, and he could never figure out what in the world why he was so interested with his former student when he should be focusing on training his next vessel. The Sound shinobi shrugged his shoulders slightly at the question. "I want to know the same thing myself."
Sasuke watched Kabuto turned down into another dark hallway, pausing to glare at his retreating back before he made his way to his room.
ஜ ~ ஜ
"So Amachi doesn't know anything?"
Anko strode down the gloomy halls of the Intelligence Division Headquarters, her head rising up when she heard a familiar voice talking to a much deeper one. She came to talk to Ibiki to see if they have gotten any intel on Orochimaru from his crazy subordinate, but it looks like Genma beat her to it. She came to a stop when she saw him and Ibiki standing outside a closed door.
Noticing her as she stepped up to them, the brown-haired Special Jōnin greeted Anko with a friendly, charming smile. "Hey there, Anko."
"Hey, guys." She inclined her head at the six-feet tall sadist, who gave her a simple nod in return. The snake kunoichi fixed her eyes on the toothpick-mouthed ninja, pointing a finger at him. "Genma, what're you doing here?"
"Ah, I'm just one a errand for Lady Hokage. She asked me to come and see if Ibiki was able to squeezed any information from the rat in that room." He gestured to the door they were standing outside of, and then snuffed his hands down into his pockets. "No luck, though. He doesn't know anything."
Anko hang her head down in disappointment, her bangs hiding her letdown eyes. "I see…"
"I take it you're here for the same thing." Ibiki commented.
"Uh, yeah…" She swiveled her heel and kept a slow stride as she went down the hallway with her two friends at her side. "I was hoping Amachi would know something, but I guess he didn't, after all."
"Sorry, Anko." Genma apologized to her; a sympathetic look crossed his face.
"It's okay." she lied, not wanting them to pity her for any reason whatsoever. "It can't be helped."
"Don't worry, we'll get information on Orochimaru soon enough." the sadist assured her, tapping her setting a comforting hand on her shoulder and then withdrew it back to his side. "Just be patient."
"Mm-hmm…" Anko nodded weakly, her eyes towards the ground.
Genma and Ibiki exchanged worried looks, gazing down at the sorrowful kunoichi between them. They knew Anko for a long time by working in the Chūnin Exams together and they could tell that the news of not finding any information about her former sensei had upset her.
There was a long, weird silence between the trio of Special Jōnin before Ibiki spoke up. "I wonder where that snake slithered away to."
"Hmph, knowing him, he'd probably just ventured into one his pits again for hiding." Anko piped up in a coarse tone.
"That sounds logical," the brown-haired Special Jōnin agreed, his toothpick flickering up and down in his mouth. "But where, exactly? Every time we think he got him cornered, he slips away."
"I doubt that it can make a difference whether we did find him or not," the sadist pointed out, shaking his head gravely. "His skills are way out of our league. His power is inhuman, something that surpassed the normal limitations of a shinobi. He's like a beast in human form."
Anko concurred mutely, nodding her head. Her mind was still spinning with questions about where Orochimaru was and what he is doing. She still has so many unanswered questions nagging her in the back of her brain. And God, the memories of their times together and what Kabuto's words came flashing swiftly inside her head. She remembered those peaceful, happy times, and she yearned for those sweet moments once more.
"It's okay to miss him, you know." Ibiki stated suddenly, shocking Anko out of her trance. Genma was also surprised by his abrupt insinuation, drifting his eyes back and forth between Ibiki and Anko to see what will happen next. He also knew about Anko's lingering feelings to her former sensei, it was obvious to everyone, even though Anko would try and hide it. She was good at bottling up her emotions, but those who were the closest to her could read her like a book.
"Ibiki…" The kunoichi was speechless; no words were able to form in her mouth at the moment.
"We all know that you were close to Orochimaru, so you don't have to pretend that you're not sad," he went on, his optics not meeting her startled brown eyes.
Anko furrowed her brows in a stern line, her anger glaring slightly at the suggestion that she held some sort of love to her teacher. "You're wrong, Ibiki. I don't miss him. He used me and betrayed me. All I want is him for him to die—by my hands."
"Denial is the first step to grief, Anko." Ibiki told her in his rigid voice, his dark eyes locking on her angry ones. "The second: acceptance."
"Just what are you trying to imply on me?" She sounded bitter, dangerously sharp.
"Anko," The interrogator halted in his tracks when the violet-haired kunoichi stopped to fold her arms over her chest, Genma standing behind her with an anxious expression. "Everyone in the village have accepted the fact that Orochimaru gone rouge, and everyone was devastated just as much as you were, but it seems to me that you haven't official accepted the fact you missed him. We're all prepared to face Orochimaru when the time comes, but for you, it's different. Your motivation to chase after him is one that is driven by hate, and that is a fatal mistake on your part."
Brown optics blazed with fierce defiance at him. "Is there a point to this? I want him dead as much you guys, so I don't see wh—"
"The point is, Anko, is that unlike us, you want to die alongside with him because you have some sort of lingering attachment to Orochimaru." Ibiki told her, clipping her off. Anko was taken aback, her eyes wide and her body froze at the sadist's statement. How did he know that? How did Ibiki know all of that, about her thoughts and feelings, which she had worked so hard on keeping them locked away in her soul for years?
Anko turned her back on him, incapable of denying about what he just said. She exhaled a quiet sigh before she darted out of the building and into the streets.
"Anko, hey!" Genma called after her, but she was already gone when he shouted those words. The Special Jōnin sighed in profound exhausted, pivoting his head to look at the huge, older man. "Was that really necessary? You only made her feel worse."
"She needed to stop lying to herself." Ibiki responded calmly, slightly cold.
Genma studied his firm, unreadable face before he exhaled a tired breath again. "I know you act cold when you're worried about Anko, but telling her off about Orochimaru isn't exactly the way to get on her good side. You know how sensitive she is about it."
"And what do you suggest we do about it?"
"I don't know, but I do know that I'd rather have her maudlin like last time rather having her angry at me." The brown-haired shinobi stiffened when he felt icy daggers being sent his way, and he felt chills crawling up his spine when he Ibiki's chilly optics penetrating him.
"What happened between you and Anko?" he inquired with his interrogating face back on. Genma tried to put into words, but he didn't understand much of it himself when he told the sadist the time when he comforted Anko when she was drunk on the night when the prelims were over.
"She just seemed…scared, at first…" he trailed off when he noticed Ibiki's firm glare changed with small panic across his scarred face, and then quickly added in, "Not of me! I didn't do anything bad to her. We just slept, that's all."
"Good." Ibiki said curtly, nodding understandingly.
The other man sighed in relief, and then continued on with distress laced in his words. "I saw a side of Anko I didn't think anyone would ever see. She looked terrified—lonely. Lately, Anko's sadness is becoming more transparent to everyone but her. I can almost feel it, you know, her sorrow. She does a good job to hide it, but it's obvious to me just how isolated Anko feels."
The scarred Special Jōnin nodded in agreement. "Anko is the type to do what she wants, and not care what anyone thinks. She acts brave and tough, but when it comes to Orochimaru, she runs away from like a frightened child and then she'll do something stupid that'll get her into trouble. Behind that rough exterior of hers, Anko is the type that acts like she wants be left of alone, when all she really needs is somewhere to stay by her side. If she lets that side show more often, Anko would never want to be alone again."
Genma grunted lightly, a small smile surfacing on his handsome face. "Yeah, but she's just too stubborn to admit it. I wonder if there's anyone out there that Anko could be honest with for once in her life…"
ஜ ~ ஜ
Anko sat on an empty table outside the Amaguriama store, her face plastered with a blank expression—hollow, like her soul. She only wished her mind was the same, her doubts and emotions contrasting themselves in her body to reach a point of reason she could move on from the aching questions that was thrumming inside her. She kept thinking about everything, starting with Kabuto's words that voiced Orochimaru's interest of keeping her alive. She wanted to know why—she had the right to know, didn't she? She was glad that the Snake Sannin haven't completely discarded her from his thoughts, despite that it was might just his twisted way of fun for letting her live to play for more and not his genuine concern that wanted him to let her live. The recollection of their times together as sensei and pupil came racing inside her mind, plundering her hatred and sorrow back down into her stomach.
She didn't know how she should feel this way, and she didn't want to think what others would do if they found out her that she still loved her ex-mentor—how they will look at her. Disgusted. Full of pity. Afraid to touch or go near her. She anguished at the thought of how her friends that she keeps pushing away will think of her like. But what can she do? Nobody would understand how she feels, how she still felt about Orochimaru. Will they hate her, pity her, think that it caused by her naïve, childish adoration for her former sensei?
"If isn't it Anko! Long time no see!" came a jovial voice. Anko snapped herself out of her thoughts, jerking her head up see a jolly, long white-haired Sannin grinning down at her.
"Master Jir-Jiraiya…?" Anko stared at him at surprised. She didn't expect to see him here in the Leaf Village. Everyone knew he would occasionally leave the village to gather information about the Akatsuki and Orochimaru's movements. He was the kind of man that goes where he pleases, drifting along like the wind. He'd never stayed in one place for long, even in home that he loves so much with all his heart.
"Mind if I take a seat?" he asked hopefully.
Anko shook her head slowly, and the Mountain Sage planted himself next to her. She watched him ordered a plate of sweet dumplings and when he finished flirting with the female waitress, he turned his attention to the pretty kunoichi with violaceous hair.
"Tsunade told me what happened during your last mission," he began, his voice a little anxious. "I'm pretty sure things are going a pretty hectic for you for everyone who knows about it."
"Mm-hmm…" Anko beckoned her head, her optics expressionless. "I'm…under a lot of pressure right now."
The old hermit sighed as a calm wind wafted through the air. "I'm not gonna pretend I understand your feelings, but I can tell you the confusion you're feeling right now… It's perfectly normal; you don't have to be ashamed. It's okay if you feel something towards Orochimaru. He was your sensei."
"I know…" Anko mumbled quietly, but the words didn't make her feel all that better about herself. He didn't understand, not entirely. Her feelings…bordered on something beyond the normal feelings between student and teacher. "Master Jiraiya… Was there something else you wanted to speak to me about?"
"Do I really need a reason to spend a lovely afternoon with an equally lovely young lady?" The Toad Sage flashed her a huge smile, and Anko felt the corners of her mouth turned up to a small smile, silently appreciating his attempt to cheer her up. His smile formed into a solemn line, his eyes wavering with deep concern. "Tsunade told me what Kabuto said to you, from what Asuma and Kurenai said to her. You know, no one is in the position to force your hand. How you feel is up to you, no one else. So what Kabuto, Kurenai, or anyone else said to you this far…don't take it personally."
"…" Anko was silent as she brought her hand up to her Curse Mark, the only reminder of Orochimaru that he left her with before he—No, before she choose to leave him, refusing his offer. The Curse Mark didn't hurt, but when it didn't, pain still cut through her heart.
"Do you…worry about him?" Jiraiya inquired her, seriously. "I know you're in a hurry to go after him, so…"
"It's because I've been trying to survive… All I could do to bring him down…" Anko answered, her chest heavy with nostalgia of old forlorn feelings towards the Snake Sannin.
"There is something that I had wanted to ask you since you got your memories back, but…" the old hermit started reluctantly, uncomfortably. "It's all right if you don't want to answer, but… Did Orochimaru reached out his hand to you? Do you regret not going with him?"
Anko jumped at his query, her body tensed up in alarm. She was shocked that he could read her so well, despite not being around each other often. Why was it that everyone that was connected to her old sensei could suddenly know everything she is feeling by just looking at her, just like he does? There was a long stillness between the two of them until Anko dared speak the out the sentiments she kept closed shut in her soul. "That man… He knows everything about me… I want that as well…"
The Sannin nodded gently as gazed up at the indigo sky, watching the clouds and the birds flying about. "I see… You're in pain, too…" Another long, tensed silence stretched between them before he spoke again, "Do you regret not going to him when you had the chance? Are you happy here in the Leaf Village?"
"I…don't regret not going with him, I don't think I can stand by and watch him cause destruction wherever he goes. It didn't matter whether or not if I did go with him, he would've betrayed me anyway, used me like I'm some kind of tool for his own selfish deeds." Anko replied, her voice was low and lamentable. "But at the same time, when I look at the Leaf Village, all I see is a beautiful cage. It makes me want to run before the trap closes on me."
Jiraiya showed little surprised to her admission. "So you're not happy here?"
"It's all I've ever known in my life. I was born and raised here by my parents; they died serving the village on a mission; it was here where I sought warmth from my friends; and I owe it to Lord Third Hokage for everything he did for me—the life he afforded me. He stood by side when Orochimaru left, and it was thanks to him I was even made this far in my life."
"That sounds like gratitude to me. " Jiraiya indicated to her, his shoulders shrugging mildly. "Nothing's wrong with that, but I asked if you were happy."
The snake kunoichi shot him a thoughtful look. "I am, I guess. Especially when Orochimaru came in my life. I was orphaned at a young age, and when he came…I felt so happy. He brought colors to my black and gray world—life, joy, hope, light. But then it was empty again when he abandoned the village. After that, my whole life turned upside down. I know how the village really feels about me and my loyalty because of the connection I had with Orochimaru, and no matter what I do—how much I keep my allegiance to the village and know my place—their opinion of me will never change. I can't tell you how much I wanted to scream. I just feel like I could explode under all this pressure, about me and…Orochimaru."
The Toad Sage exhaled a long sigh. "I know it's difficult to live here and love there, but you don't ha—"
"Stop it, please." Anko bolted from her seat swiftly, her hands in clenched fists and her body was trembling. She fumbled a feet forward, her back facing the Sannin as a chilly wind passed through them. "I don't love him, I…I never did. So can everyone stop saying that?"
She raced out of the Sannin's sight, moisture broke out from under eyelids. Jiraiya just watched her go, not even bothering to stop her. He understood how much she was hurting, how much she thought if time were to pass, the pain will get better, but it never did. He too felt that way when he tried to stop his former teammate from leaving the Leaf Village. After the pain, all he was left with a sense of helplessness and regret. However, unlike Anko, he wasn't planning to die along with him willingly.
Dieing to stop an enemy/friend and dieing to be together with that person in the afterlife are two different things. Anko have her old feelings for her sensei, the part of her still attached to the caring side of Orochimaru, the side that showed her kindness and acknowledgment when no one else did.
"I wonder if she would…" Jiraiya started to voice his doubts of her reliability to the village, but he pushed away his musings and ate quietly as his sweet dumplings finally arrived, enjoying how the sun warmed the air until it was nice and sweet.
ஜ ~ ஜ
I don't want people talking about us! Anko screamed inside her head, her cheeks flushed from the tears she shed. She kept her optics downward, not caring who she bumped into or their noisy complaints as she rushed through the streets to find solace in her apartment. She didn't want to hear it anymore, about her feelings and her relationship with Orochimaru. I know best what Orochimaru means to me….
In her haste, Anko felt one of ankle twisted beneath her and she stumbled, losing her balance. She fell hard on the dirt ground, the skin on her knees and palms broke, the flesh chewed up as the searing burns of her lacerations brought more tears to her face. The snake kunoichi surged up to her feet, wobbling as she resumed her stride back to her apartment.
Upon entering her home, she quickly headed for the kitchen and turned on the basin, rushing water pouring down into the sink as she stripped off her clothes onto the wooden floor until she stood there only in her black bra and panties. Her knees were bleeding the most, rivulets of crimson flowing down to her ankles.
She didn't know how many hours she took cleaning off the blood in her isolated kitchen. She ran another paper towel under the cold water and pressed it to her palms. Several other paper towels laid in the basin already, soapy and wet and stained pink and gray from her blood and the dirt. She saved her knees for last, attending to her bloodied hands first before moving to the abrasions on her kneecaps.
"Ow," Anko hissed, wincing in pain as she gingerly scrubbed off the blood off her. As she clean her injuries, she thought back to all of her talks to her friends and Master Jiraiya. She felt like a complete, utter fool, rushing away from everything her anger flared at the mention of her old sensei. She needed to make a mental note to apologize to them later for her distant behavior.
The snake kunoichi returned her attention on tending to her scraped knees, dabbing the damped paper towel over the opening of her cuts, watching as a thick line of blood run down the slender curve of her right leg. A wave of calmness awash over her as her breath ceased for the moment, her eyes locked on the rivulet of the red liquid. The sight of blood soothed in a strange way, it always had.
It was an odd sensation she gained while under Orochimaru's tutelage. She was always used to seeing blood when she trained, and it would only take a small cut to ease her when she was built up with her feelings and pressure. Maybe it was because it gave her determination to get back up and fight and get stronger so she could never see another scratch on her body, a cut that reminded of her of a careless mistake due to her weakness. She vowed she would never show weakness again, not in front of anyone.
Or maybe it was because it was from the bloodthirsty nature she had inherited from Orochimaru, another piece of him implanted into her being. After all, he was the one who taught her how to enjoy the sight of blood, and its taste and smell. It didn't take long for her younger self to get used to revel in the essence of blood. Sure, when she got hurt it, it stung a bit, but as her blood pumped out from her wounds and saw the stream of sweet, glossy blood dripped down her skin, Anko hadn't felt panic or fear.
She'd felt fascination, quickly followed by the incredible sense of…peace. A memory came back to her, a time when she and Orochimaru shared a rather…pleasurable moment together when she was young.
It started out as a serene moment between teacher and student, a young Anko sitting under the shade of a tree, munching down of her homemade lunch she made for herself. Her sensei was next to her, observing with rapt attention in his slitted, golden optics. Once and while, his serpent-longed tongue would come out and licked his lips, captivating her with its unusualness.
He was different from others—always strange, but interestingly beautiful. His skin was as pale as snow, contrasting strikingly with his long ebony, silky hair. His eyes were that of amber hues, surrounded by purple markings running down the sides of his nose. And his fangs…those elongated, pretty white teeth fascinated her; her curiosity piqued when she saw them.
So on that day, she cautiously raised her index finger to his mouth, and of course, he didn't refused her. He welcomed her approach and opened his mouth wider until the pad of skin met the tip of one of his fangs. He gently lowered the top of his mouth down, his fang pricking the fleshy pad of her finger until blood tickled down.
The young Anko's cheeks heated up when his entire mouth closed around her finger, his tongue running over her luxurious blood slowly, savoring the rich, enticing taste. Anko had shivered at the contact, excited and more than a little frightened at being so close to her sensei. It almost as if she was receiving a indirect kiss from the man she had loved so much, and she guessed he was showing her that he felt the same way. It was just wishful thinking; the young kunoichi decided on that conclusion that day. Orochimaru let go of her hand wordlessly when he was done and then suggested they continued training for the rest of that day. Ever since that time, young Anko never got that…intimate with him again.
Anko clicked out of her journey down memory lane when an erotic mental image burned instantly in the back of her mind: Orochimaru's lips pressed hungrily against her skin, his long pink tongue lapping at her, his hot mouth drawing blood deeply from the vein in her neck, on the exact same spot where he sunk his teeth on her all those years ago. And all the while, she was underneath him, writhing so passionately with ecstasy she thought she would shatter into million shards of white-hot sensation.
The purple-haired woman violently jolted out her most yearning desire, jumpy and anxious as a cat. Just thinking about her and Orochimaru made her melt, as if fire was roaring through her body. It shocked her so much on how badly she wanted him, how she wanted to see those molten gold orbs penetrating her with a devastatingly, smoldering gaze as he pressed his body against hers until their hips flushed together.
Did she really miss him that much? No, she assured herself in her denial, she didn't miss him. She didn't want to, not after everything he had done to her and the Leaf Village. And yet…why did she keep enduring this aching pain in her heart?
She needed a sense of tranquility again, and now. Her head was pounding from today's events, and her breathing was shallow. She wanted peace, even just a few minutes would do.
Anko's gaze followed to the ninja pouch she placed in the heap of her clothing, and reached inside until she found what she was looking for: a kunai knife. A surge of dark anticipation and shame came rushing into her as she brought the knife to her bare arm. Without a single minute's delay, she pressed the tip of the kunai into her flesh firmly, a trail of crimson blood moved gracefully down her arm, unknown to her that she just had embraced her private, miserable demon as she did.
When she pulled back, she caught her reflection on the metallic blade and she hardly recognized the image of the drawn and sorrowful face that was staring back at her, her optics weary and haunted. She gasped in horror, throwing the kunai in her sink, letting it clattered in there. She backed away and ran into her room, crying her heart out to the man her heart still lingered for to this day.
"Orochimaru…"