Finally settled in his room and after a meeting with the speech therapist, Jim had fallen again into fitful sleep.

"You are leaving?" She asked sadly.

"I don't want to. But orders came through. Our unit is being shipped back home. Word is all the CAP units are being pulled out. I was hoping we'd be married by now…"

She looked at him miserably. "You said your captain would not allow it."

"Yeah, but I thought maybe I could get to the Chaplain. Maybe he could fix it. But now…" His heart was shrinking in his chest and it hurt. "But I'll come back. Somehow, I'll get back here and take you back with me."

"I know you will," she said dejectedly.

Shifting in his sleep, Jim's mind changed focus.

"Daddy, please don't go…don't leave me."

"I don't want to Ellie, but things just aren't good between me and your mother. It'll be better this way, you'll see. You and I can still spend time together and….Mom and I won't be yelling all the time. I know you don't like it when we yell."

"But Daddy, all you ever do is leave. Why won't you ever stay?"

"Ellie," he cried in his sleep. "Come back to me Ellie…"

"It's too late…"

"I know you will…"

"…too late…"

"I know…"

"I tried," he sobbed. "Please God, I tried…"

"It hurts. I want to go home…"

"I know, but we have to wait…."

His subconscious jumped form one thing to another, causing more disquiet in his sleep.

"If you're sure, Jimmy Brass. I trust you."

"Daddy, please don't go…"

"It's too late…"

"Thank you…"

"An? AN?"

"My son…and yours…"

"It's too late…"

"Many American soldiers told lies and made promises that they never intended to keep…"

"Greg came up with something … he says she could be related to you."

"My son… and yours…"

"Related to you…"

"It's too late..."

"Please don't go…"

"Jimmy Brass…"

Jim woke with a start. "Ooo's theaa?" Only silence answered him. But he could feel something, someone in the room. Lifting his hand, he began to reach, hoping to find whoever it was. But there was nothing. With a sigh of resignation, he slumped back into his pillows again. Just as he was drifting back to sleep, he heard the soft shuffle of footsteps out the door.

Catherine stepped out of the elevator on Jim's floor and walked purposefully towards his room. As she rounded the corner to his hallway, she was met by a small woman, her dark head bent. "Ms. Trang?" Catherine called in surprise.

Anna Trang looked up at Catherine, shame written in her expression. "Yes?"

"I was going to look for you later. I'm…"

"I know who you are," the other woman said softly.

"Well then, I need to talk to you about Jim."

Anna's eyes widened in horror and foreboding. "I am sorry. I did not mean to disturb him. I just wanted to see him … to see he is okay."

"You were in Jim's room?" Catherine asked somewhat confused.

"Yes. He seems…better than …" She cut herself off realizing that she was about to reveal her earlier visit to him.

"The doctor says he is better. But that's not what I wanted to talk about."

The other woman looked at Catherine anxiously and also a little frightened. "What did you wish to speak about?"

"Your name…Anna; that's…your American name, isn't it? Was your name in Vietnam An?"

Frowning, she nodded. "I was An a long time ago."

Understanding settled in Catherine's mind. She had begun to suspect it but now this tiny woman was confirming it. "You knew Jim there, didn't you?"

Looking down, An nodded that she did. "It was a long time ago."

"Not for Jim, it wasn't… I mean, this case, your granddaughter's kidnapping; it brought it all back to him like it was yesterday."

"He…he told you about…me?" She looked into Catherine's face, surprised.

"Yes, he did. It's something that I think he never got over…" Sighing, she softened her tone. "He never got over you."

"That can't be true. He came back here and made a new life; one without me." Her tone wasn't bitter or angry, simply accepting.

"Well…yes, he did. He didn't have much choice. But he never forgot you."

"He has a family now. There is no reason…"

Catherine looked at her, astonished. "Family?"

"You have a daughter, don't you?"

"Yes," Catherine said impatiently. "But what does my daughter have to do with this?"

"He wanted children."

Then it suddenly became clear to Catherine. "Wait a minute…you think that my daughter…that Jim and I… that we…?"

"You are his wife. I do not understand how you …"

"Wait…no….no, no, no….you've got it all wrong. Jim has a daughter, but not with me. And we've never been married."

"But the priest told me he was married. And in the ER, you were…"

"Upset because my very good friend was hurt. And what priest? When? Jim hasn't been married for years."

"When we came to this country the priest at the church that sponsored us…he made inquiries and told me he found out about Jimmy from a church in Newark…that he was married and had a baby girl."

Catherine's eyes widened. "Wow. That was a long time ago. Jim came here…well, it's been about twenty years now…" Looking at the very confused woman standing before her, Catherine's mind went into high gear. "When did this priest make the inquiry?"

"After we came to this country…1982."

"Well, Jim was still married then but it wasn't a good marriage. From what little he's said over the years, I'm not sure it was ever good. And recently, he's been talking about you…about how much he regretted leaving you."

An stood still, staring a the floor. "It took me a long time to stop hoping he would come back."

"He went back, you know…in the nineties. But no one knew what had happened to you."

"I did not know. I thought he …" she sighed. "I had given up hope."

Her mind moving forward, Catherine hesitated before asking her next question. "Is it possible…is your son Jim's?"

An looked at her pleadingly. "Jimmy does not know. I have tried to make him understand that his father had no choice and did not know about him but Jimmy hates his father. I cannot tell him who it is. I do not know how he will react."

"But you realized it…that the policeman that saved your granddaughter…oh my god, he was saving his own granddaughter…" Catherine said surprised.

"Yes, yes he did."

"You have to tell him. He needs to know…please, you need to tell him."

"I don't know…"

"An, he deserves the truth. He's been beating himself up for years…wondering what happened to you and what might have been if things had gone differently. You have to tell him who you are, who Jimmy is…"

"But what about his family? His daughter? Are there other children?"

"Just the daughter and as far as I know, she's the only family he has left. And they barely speak." An looked at Catherine oddly. "It's a long story," the red head quickly added.

"You really think I should tell him?"

"I do….in fact, come with me now."

"But, wait…I am not sure like you. I am afraid this will upset him…that he will not want to know."

"Look, I've known the man for a long time and I promise you, he will want to hear this. He will want to reconnect with you and know more about Jimmy and his family."

Looking nervously down the hall, An let out a deep breath. "If you are certain…"

Jim heard a soft knock on his door. And then he heard the shuffle of feet. "Well, look who's awake," Catherine said happily. "You feeling better?"

His eyes followed the sound of her voice. "Dink so…eadact bbbeta."

"Drugs are helping that thick head of yours, huh?" Catherine chuckled.

He nodded. "Ooo otay?"

"I'm fine. Brought someone who wants to see you."

Jim heard the excitement in her voice and wondered who it could be. "Oooo? Risum?"

She laughed. "No, better."

Jim frowned. "I tttoo unfoosed tta pwa ggame."

"Okay then. I'll tell you. It's Mai's grandmother, Jimmy Trang's mother."

Jim remained very still, his forehead furrowing. "Wwwhyyy ssshe …" he focused to make the words come out, "wwanta eee me?"

"I'll let her fill you in," Catherine said softly. "I'm going to get some coffee and you two can talk."

Jim listened as her footsteps sounded going out of the room. And then he startled when a hand touched his arm softly. "Jimmy?" the soft voice said.

He froze, his mind whirling. That voice sounded so familiar but…different. And she had called him Jimmy. No one had called him Jimmy in years, except Annie. Damn, I need to see…who is she?

"Your friend said I should talk to you," the voice whispered. "She said… well, she guessed who…"

"An?"

"Yes Jimmy, it is An."

His eyes grew huge as reality set in. "An, issit eally ooo?" He wanted to see, needed to see…needed to look into her eyes.

"Yes, Jimmy Brass. It is your An."

Tears began to gather in his eyes as he listened. "Tttt…uch oooo," he said as his hand began to grope for her. He calmed as he felt her hands on his and she lifted his hand to her face. "I'm much older now," she said quietly. "I'm not as pretty as you thought I was."

"Eeee tooo," he smiled, his fingers stroking her cheek. "Oooder, I mmmean. Ottt so oood ookin eder… neva retty."

"You are having trouble speaking. Is that from the explosion?"

"Ess, utit ggget etter…fffew wwweeks."

"And your eyes?"

"Mmmem too. Onger, but…otay."

"I'm sorry, Jimmy."

"I not. Mmmai aaasfe." He paused and then it registered. "MMMai ooor gggandodder?"

"Yes…yes she is. Jimmy, there is so much I have to tell you, so much I want to ask you. But most of all…" she sighed. "Most of all, I… I've dreamed of this day so many times and now, I'm … I'm afraid."

Jim's fingers quit playing on her cheek as he froze again. Then his hand dropped. Watching, An could see his breathing increase and watched as his expression changed. He looked worried. "FFFraid?"

"Yes. It was so long ago…when we loved each other. I know you have a family … children. So much has changed. We are no longer the children we were then."

Jim blinked, trying to force his eyes to see. Damn, I need to see! He knew the truth of what she was saying; it had been a long time and they both had changed. But this was An, he needed to find the right things to say, to make her understand. "Mmmush anged bbbut nnnot awl. Oooo ill hab mmmy hhheart."

He heard a sniffle, like maybe she was crying and again his head cried out for the ability to see. "An?"

"I'm still here, Jimmy. It is not real to me; I held onto your promise and to hope for so long…and now…"

"Iii'm sssorrry," he said as the tears began to creep down his face. "I ttried ttta goback. Iii ddddid."

"I know. Your friend told me. She said you did go back but it was too late. She said it was after your marriage ended."

Panic began to set in as Jim wondered what Catherine had told An. There was so much he wasn't ready for her to know, what a disaster he'd been. How could she understand the mess he'd made of his life? How could he ever explain? "Wusss." He tried to gather his thoughts, make his words come out right. "Aafta ddipomcic lations agin."

As she watched him, hope began to grow again. She wasn't exactly sure what she was hoping for, but she knew she needed to give it a chance. But first she had to ask a question, one that others had asked her and she'd always been resolute in her answer. It had only been in the last few years that she had begun to doubt and now she needed to hear an answer from him. "Jimmy, did you mean it all those years ago? Did you really love me?"

So many emotions battled within Jim as he absorbed her question. His thoughts were as jumbled as his emotions. How could she ask that? Because dumbass, you left her. And it was a long time ago… a different time and place. Besides, you've admitted yourself that you were a horny kid …was it love? Would you even recognize the emotion…especially back then? He struggled to be honest but his mind quickly flashed back and as he remembered the way she had made him feel, he had his answer. "Eeesss, I dddidd." He gulped as he forced forward. "Sttil ddo."

"It is enough that you say you did then. We no longer know each other; to say you still love me is…unwise."

Jim blinked. "Eess. Bbbut, sstill llllove dat gggurl. Awaays ill."

As An watched his face, she knew he was speaking truthfully. "There is something I should tell you but I am not sure … I don't know how you will feel about it."

"Iiss otay. Ill be otay."

She sighed. "My son, Jimmy, is your son."

His eyes widened as a deep breath escaped. "Ssson?"

"Yes," she confirmed.

Jim's face went through several changes, from questioning to doubt to happiness and then from happiness to disbelief. "Mmy ssson?" He cried.

"Yes," she answered. "When you left, I did not know. But when I realized…I was so happy Jimmy, so happy…"

Tears slowly began to trail down his face. "Mmmmy son… I haba sson." Then it all sank in. "Aand MMai an Bin…ggganchillren?"

"Yes Jimmy, they are your grandchildren. But Jimmy doesn't know. I never told him his father's name because…well, things were difficult for him and…I was afraid to tell him. And then when Mai disappeared and the investigation… I still did not know it was you…I didn't know until they told me who saved Mai. And even then I wasn't sure it was you. So I went into your room…but even then, it has been many years and you look…different." Jim chuckled through his tears. "But then, you called my name in your sleep and I knew. But I thought your friend…I thought she was your wife and so I said nothing. But she guessed it and made me come here now."

Jim chuckled in spite of the awkwardness. "Catrin…wawyff." Reaching for her again, he smiled when she clasped his hand. "Nnnneva fffurott…" Focusing his mind to form the words, he managed to get them out. "Alwaysss rremembered you…aaalways lloved you…still do."

"Jimmy," she whispered. "Me too."

"Tttelll me…afta I llleft…"

"Yes, I'll talk and you listen. And then later, you will tell me about you. But I can see this is making you tired, so for now you listen."

Jim nodded and relaxed his head back into the pillows, the motion emphasizing his weariness. He heard scraping and realized she was pulling a chair close to the bed. There was some rustling as she got settled and then he felt the warmth of her hand on his again. Briefly, he offered a prayer that this wasn't another dream.

"After you left, my mother died. She had been very sick and I think she was glad to go. But Father, he had difficulty with it. Tuan, Tim, continued to fight but they were not enough and our enemies came to the village." She paused, considering how much she would tell him. Jim felt her tense and knew things had been bad. "Father was killed then. Nguyen, Guy, was with him in our hut. Tuan was in the fields and I was hiding in the forest. They found out about me and found me where I was hiding." She stopped again, trying to keep her emotions under control. "They killed Father in front of us," she told him after deciding not to share what had happened to her.

Jim sensed there was more to the story. He might be blind but his ears were fine and he heard the pain and grief in her voice. Questions flooded his mind but he decided to let her tell him the story without questions for now. There would be time later for the full story.

"Later, they came back and we were sent to another village. Jimmy was born there. They used us as laborers and the work was hard." An decided to leave out the treatment she and Jimmy received because of his father. "Eventually we ran away and went to Saigon. Tuan and I worked and Nguyen went to school and we saved our money to buy places on a boat."

"After three years, we found a man who would take us out of the country." Again she left out the worst of the story and jumped forward. "We were found by fishermen and taken to a refugee camp. We were there for a long time but eventually the priests and nuns arranged for us to come to America."

Jim gripped her hand. "Wwhy dddin't ooo ffin mmme? I wwoodaa…"

"Our priest did find out about you. The priest in Newark told him that you were married and had a baby. I did not want to… interfere."

Despair swept through Jim in waves. His marriage had been so wrong in so many ways and this just added to the list…was at the top, in fact. If he hadn't been married, he would have known about An, about Jimmy, and his life would have been so very different. He was sure of it. As much as he was never the man Nancy had needed, he would have been that man for An. Who you kidding? You'd have screwed it up just like you did your marriage. But maybe not… You have a son, his mind screamed at him. Would you always be walking away from him like Ellie thinks you did with her? Hismind suddenly froze. Ellie… There was so much pain associated with her, with being her father. But some of his best memories were of being her father too. No Ellie? He couldn't quite grasp that.

He was tired, so tired. And all of these emotions and the effort of talking wore him down even more. And his head was hurting again. But he was afraid to let her go, afraid of so many things… things he couldn't quite understand.

Watching him as he processed everything she had said, An grew concerned. She could see the fatigue that was rapidly overtaking him. "You are tired. Tomorrow, I will come back and we will talk more."

She's leaving…don't let her go… "An…"

"Yes Jimmy."

"Dddon't ggo." He gripped her hand tightly trying to let her know how much he wanted her to stay.

"Jimmy," she whispered as she stood and leaned toward him. He felt her brush the side of his face and then her hand patted his cheek. "I will come back tomorrow and everyday and we will talk. But now, you need to rest."

Letting out a deep sigh, he blinked back tears. "Otay…"

Melancholy ran through him as he listened to her departing footsteps. And as much as he'd always believed he'd known what she felt all those years ago in her village as he left, he now realized he really hadn't understood at all.

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
T.S. Eliot