Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain

It had been an emotional day for Jim. The walk in the hallway had really brought home the reality of how difficult being blind was going to be. The constant vigilance, using his other senses, had worn him out. And then An's visit had unsettled him in a different way. The case had brought back old feelings but until they kissed, he hadn't realized how potent those feelings still were. Could the love he felt for that girl so long ago morph into something lasting now? Or was this going to turn into another rehash of old regrets? The doctor's visit hadn't helped either. And the scan that followed took the last bit of his energy. Consequently, he was lying in his bed, exhausted, but his mind too busy to let him sleep.

He pushed the scan to the back of his mind, opting for the more pleasant thoughts of An's visit. He knew the kiss had disconcerted her as much as it had him but he couldn't forget the sensation of her lips on his. It was so overwhelming, meeting An again, finding out he had a son, grandchildren, and now discovering that there was still a spark there… a very powerful one. As his thoughts lingered over their kiss, he was filled with dread. There were so many ways this could go bad. But that other voice in his brain kept whispering that there were so many ways this could be good too.

At PD, Sam Vega ended the call to Los Angeles. Then looking across his desk, he nodded to Nick. "That was your guy, Liu. He did some checking and Joey and John have been hanging around Wong's place. LAPD is on the way to pick them up."

"What about Sally Trang?" Nick asked.

"I'm going to question her, but all we have are the phone calls and without anything else, there's not much I can do. But we're going to stay on it."

"Yeah, okay. But you realize, she could be the person behind the bomb at the motel…behind Jim getting hurt…."

"I know, Nick. But unless Tan and Lee turn on her…or maybe Wong, we don't have much."

"Or Wong? Maybe he'll give her up. He's probably the one she was in contact with."

"Maybe he will, but I doubt it. Wong doesn't sound like the type to cooperate."

Nick sighed. "Yeah, you're right. It's just not fair to Jim though. ….just not fair."

Anna Trang sat in her son's den. Alicia had errands to run and while Jimmy was recovering from his beating, he still slept much of the time. Consequently, Anna had come to spend the afternoon with her grandchildren.

Jimmy had actually asked her if she had been to the hospital again, to visit Captain Brass. He'd expressed his gratitude, as he did everyday, for the "good policeman who had done so much for them," as he put it.

Mai had wandered into the room as Jimmy was speaking and asked if she could visit Captain Brass again. Anna had agreed and then Jimmy had suggested that she go with Anna the next day.

Then Mai turned to her father and commented, "Bai says he is a good man, like your father."

Jimmy's anger was immediate and felt by everyone in the room. "Captain Brass is a good man, Mai…. Unlike my father. Do not forget that my father abandoned us."

"Jimmy," Anna said softly. Then glancing from father to daughter, she tried to tell her son, with just a look, to leave it. But her son was not listening. "Mai, do not forget that my father got my mother pregnant and then did nothing…just left her."

"But that's not true," Mai insisted. "Tell him, Bai…. Tell him how his father tried."

Jimmy looked at his mother angrily. "What have you been telling her?"

Finally Anna had enough. "The truth. Your father did not know about you. He did try to marry me and planned to bring me to this country. He had already spoken to his father about it… and mine. But his commanding officer would not approve our marriage and before he could find another way, he was sent away. But he did try!"

Jimmy's eyes widened. "You have not said much about him for many years. Why are you defending him now?"

Anna hesitated and then glanced at Mai. "Leave us, granddaughter. I must speak with your father alone."

Mai was upset by the tension that she thought she had caused and ran from the room, tears in her eyes. Anna watched her and sighed. Jimmy exploded. "See…see what he has caused…and he is not even here."

Briefly Anna remembered her promise to have Jimmy's father with her when she told him but her emotions were too strong to hold back now. "He cannot be here, Jimmy."

Jimmy stopped his rant looked at her intensely. "What? What do you mean? Have you seen him? What do you know?"

"I have seen him… talked to him." She stopped and caught her breath and thoughts. "Do you remember, Jimmy…when we chose our American names?"

"Yes. I chose Jimmy after Jimmy Buffet."

"Yes. And what did I tell you about your choice?"

"You said that you thought it was a good choice."

"I did. And it was, but not because of the reason you chose it…"

"Then why?" And then his expression changed to understanding and shock. "Jimmy was my father's name, wasn't it?"

"It still is. I have visited with your father everyday since he brought our Mai back to us."

Anna watched as her son digested her news. He was clearly upset but she could see a range of other emotions pass over him as well. "Your father is Captain…"

"James Brass," he concluded, interrupting her. "Captain Brass is my father," he said flatly.

"Yes."

"Does he… does he …know…about me?" His face displayed the anger that he felt but his voice betrayed his curiosity.

"Yes, he does. I think he sensed it even before I told him. He said there was something about you, about the case… it brought back many memories."

"What else…did he say?" His fists were balled and his shoulders tense but his eyes were pleading with her.

"He said he was sorry…that he had left me. He didn't know about a baby. He also told me that he had tried to go back but the authorities would not let him. He did go back…"

"In the nineties," Jimmy finished. "Yes, he told me that. He said I would like Vietnam."

"Jimmy, he wants to know you and the children."

The son eyed his mother. "He is not ashamed?"

"No, he is not. He is…worried, afraid you will hate him…that you won't give him a chance… afraid you will not let him know you and his grandchildren."

"But…he is married… has children of his own…" Jimmy was obviously struggling with the sudden appearance of a father in his life.

"He has a daughter. She does not live here and he has said little about her. And he has not been married for many years." Anna watched her son somberly and then proceeded. "You have seen that he is a good man. He went to L.A. looking for Mai… and for you. And he stayed in that room with Mai when others would have left. He is blind and has trouble speaking because of it. Your father has sacrificed much, without even knowing who you were."

"But he will be ashamed to call me his son. I know it." Jimmy was still clinging to the hatred he'd carried for so many years.

"He will not." She paused again and sighed. "If we had been married in Vietnam and he had been able to bring me back to this country then, you would have known your father. And he would have been very proud of you. He talked of having a family, of many children…we both did. He wanted many children…with me. He knew those children would be half Vietnamese. It did not matter. He looked at me with only love. He did not see our differences, he saw only the woman he loved. And if you will give him a chance, I know he will look at you like that…as a son he loves."

"I will meet him. But Mai and the others, they will not know about him until I am sure."

"Sure?"

"That he is the man that you say he is. I will not have Mai and Vinh hurt by…by a… a grandfather that is ashamed."

I will take you with me tomorrow then."

"No. Later today…after Alicia comes home. We will go then and I will meet my father."

Jim was dozing when Anna and Jimmy arrived. She knocked softly and entered the room, Jimmy just behind her. But it was her gentle touch on Jim's shoulder that wakened him. "An?" he asked groggily.

"Yes Jimmy, it is your An."

Jimmy Trang stood, watching the interaction between his mother and this man who was his father. He saw the subtle smile that worked over Jim's lips as he realized who was waking him. And Jimmy saw the tenderness in the older man's face. Perhaps his mother was right, perhaps his father was a good man.

He watched as Jim took An's hand in his and his smile grew. He pulled her hand to his heart and held it there. "You okkay?" the older man asked.

"I am. But I have brought someone…"

Surprise crossed the older man's face. "You…bbrought…"

An turned and motioned to her son. Then turning back to Jim she explained. "I know I said I would wait until we could tell him together, but I told Jimmy about you this afternoon. He is here with me now."

Jim heard the other set of footsteps as they approached the bed. His heart was racing and his mind was full of questions. "You…ttold him? But I thought…I wwanted…" he tilted his head, almost in disbelief. "You ttold him?"

Turning back to her son, her hand still encased in Jim's much larger one, An spoke to Jimmy. "Jimmy, this is your father. This is the man who has possessed my heart since before you were born."

Jim's hand clinched hers tighter. Had she really said what he thought she said? Her heart was his? There was a chance? She might still… and then his mind turned to his son. What was the younger man thinking? Was he still angry? And then he realized he needed to say something. But what? What could he say after forty years?

But he had to try. "Jimmy? I….I'm nnot sure what I sshould say, what wwould be the rright thing here. I know yyou're very angry with me for llleaving your mother llike I did. It wwasn't mmy choice… to lleave her I mmean. And I hhad no idea aabout… about you." Damn I need to see. Is he too angry to speak? Disgusted? What? What is he thinking? Feeling? I need to see! "Look, I wwouldn't blame you…" he started again.

"I… I was angry," Jimmy cut in. "For years I hated you. But…you brought Mai back to us, to me. To be angry with you is…foolish. I am…grateful for what you did for her and for me." He paused and took a deep breath. "It is very…confusing."

"Yeah, I ccan imagine." Now what, Jim wondered. "What can I say…do…how can I make it right?

An watched Jim's face and knew he was full of questions… and regrets. Glancing at her son, she realized he had many questions as well. "Perhaps the two of you should talk. It might be better if I go and let you…"

"No," both men answered immediately.

She pulled the chair next to the bed, her hand still firmly in Jim's. "Then we will talk," she declared as she sat in the chair.

And they did talk. Jim tried to share his side of the story with his son, pausing time after time to apologize for not being there, and then shared some of his life since coming home from Vietnam. He skipped over the rougher areas, like his almost non existent relationship with Ellie. It was difficult, between his speech difficulties and the varied emotions that flooded through him. But he was determined to explain and answer questions.

An sat quietly, holding his hand and giving it a squeeze of encouragement from time to time. Her emotions were in turmoil as well. She grieved the years they might have had together, was jealous at the thought of him with another woman, and felt joy that they had found one another again. But she was fearful too. What if he didn't want to renew their relationship? What if all he wanted was a relationship with her son? How would she handle that? Could she?

Jimmy listened, interjecting questions from time to time. But he also watched his mother and was surprised to realize she still loved this man. He watched as a small smile settled over her face as she listened. He saw the pain as Jim talked about his marriage and talked about his daughter. And he saw the contentment that she wore as Jim talked about how much he wanted to be apart of their lives, to be the parent and grandparent he'd never had the chance to be before.

And as Jimmy listened and watched, he knew he couldn't carry his anger any farther. He wasn't sure what he felt for this man beyond gratitude, but his anger had been misplaced. Besides, it would only hurt his mother. And he wanted happiness for her. The way she looked at him and his apparent happiness with her presence told Jimmy that this would not be the end of it. Whatever Jimmy felt about it, his mother and this man were not finished yet. Jimmy resigned himself to a new beginning.

Jimmy shared some of his memories, things he hadn't spoken of in many years, stories of bullying and abuse that he endured because of his mixed heritage. He remembered the villagers and people of Saigon and their hatred of him. And although it hadn't been nearly as bad in the refugee camp, it had been there too. And even after they came to America, there were schoolmates and other children who were cruel. And there had been adults who had looked at him with hatred. He noticed the tears that formed in Jim's eyes as he listened to Jimmy and the younger man felt gratified. His father seemed to understand his pain.

Finally An stood and caressing Jim's face softly, she spoke tenderly. "You are tired. And Jimmy is as well. We will continue this another time. It is a good beginning," she declared.

Jim frowned but nodded his acquiescence. He was tired…and emotionally drained. Tugging on her hand one more time, he sighed. "Thank you," he told her quietly.

"It is plain to see that you are weary…"

"No…I mmean, ffor…Jjimmy. Ffor bbringing hhim."

Jimmy stepped forward and glanced at his mother. She understood his intent and nodded with a smile. He took his father's hand from her and shook it easily. "I will visit again," he told the older man. Jim shook his hand and then nodded affirmatively through the tears that had gathered again in his eyes. "Ii'd llike Ththatt."

With an odd mixture of elation and sadness, Jim listened to their departing footsteps. Then settling back into his pillow, he let his mind wander as he attempted to sleep. And as oblivion descended, he had one last thought. Soon I'll be able to look into my son's face…

Without forgiveness, there's no future.
Desmond Tutu

There are some really fantastic people out there who have read and left comments. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your comments make me laugh sometimes, make me all warm and fuzzy at others, and most of all encourage me to keep at it. I do this writing thing because I enjoy it and I post the stories because I hope that others might find some pleaseure in reading them. But the warm fuzzies and constructive criticisms make it all the better. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter.