AN/: Well, here it is- my first attempt at writing sex. It's kinda scary, and I now have a greater respect for all the PWP writers out there. It's harder than it looks. ANyways, I hope you enjoy the story.

DISCLAIMER: Joss' toys, my take on his world. I don't own it.

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Spike struggled to keep his mind silent as he led Tara downstairs; not too long ago, he was getting all weepy over Buffy and now he was about to shag her best friend's ex.

He wondered for almost a whole three seconds if this might be some kind of revenge or rebound, but then he looked into her eyes and knew: Tara was nobody's rebound girl.

Tara stepped closer to him and stroked his cheek. She could sense some kind of turmoil.

"What's wrong?"

Spike closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, enjoying the closeness. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this- just for comfort. "I don't think it's fair t'you, us doin' this. I don't want this to be some kind of revenge."

Tara smiled softly, understanding. "We've dealt with a lot lately, and I know that we're both hurt. This isn't about revenge, Spike; it's about healing. We both need to move on, to forget, and I can't think of anyone who could make me forget more that you." She told him, pressing herself closer. Spike instantly hardened, but still wouldn't let himself give in, not yet.

"What is it you're most afraid of, Spike?" She asked him. He looked down at her, his insecurities showing. He didn't know what it was, but whenever he was around her, all his armor, all his shields, fell out of place and he was left bare. Buffy made his shields double up, Dru was the reason he had created them, but Tara…some part of him knew that he'd be safe with her without them, and they left, leaving him at her mercy.

"I don't want t'be with you, knowing that you're thinkin' of her." He confessed.

Tara rose up on her toes until they were eye to eye. Leaning in until her lips almost touched his, she whispered, "So make sure I don't." She shivered as Spike stared at her, the look on his face pure, animalistic lust.

Tara's words had succeeded in not only quelling his fear, but also in making it impossible to think about anything but what she had said. If she wanted to forget, he'd make sure that by the time he was done with her, she didn't even know who Willow was.

Spike lunged forward and ground his mouth against hers. Tara moaned as he moved his hands up her spine and brought them around to cup her breasts. 'She has amazin' breasts.' Spike thought, kneading them through her top. He rolled her nipples between his fingers, loving the sound the made as she cries out for him. He silenced her with a kiss, and that along with the smell of her arousal was too much for him.

"Sorry luv." He muttered, ripping off her shirt. "I'll pick y'up a new one." Spike lifted Tara up and threw her on the bed, not giving her a chance to settle before he was on her again. He was about to tear off her bra as well when Tara stopped him.

"Let me, I just bought this thing." She pushed him onto his back and he watched with appreciative eyes as she straddled him and slowly unhooked her bra. Spike's smile was full of surprise as he enjoyed his show. 'It's always the quiet ones.'

Tara shrugged the straps off her shoulders and covered her breasts with her hands. Spike's earlier thoughts of her as an Earth goddess where quickly changing to sex goddess. This girl was built for sex; she was all woman. Spike chuckled as she began to massage herself, and he was getting almost painfully hard as the moments went by.

"You little minx" He said, running his hands along her thighs, "You act all pure and quiet while all along you've been hidin' your inner porn-star"

Tara chuckled. "I was only quiet because most of the stuff I have to say can't be said in front of Dawn." Her chuckle turned to a gasp as Spike's roaming hands found their was under her skirt. "Oh, goddess!"

Spike grinned evilly. "Y'like that, pet?" he asked as he pulled her panties to the side and sunk a finger into her wetness.

"OH! Spike!" Tara grunted, grinding her hips down as he added another finger. "Please…more." She begged him. He added a third, and struggled to stay in control, even though every time she came down, it was right on his now very uncomfortable erection.

Tara rode him a few more seconds before he lost it. Flipping her onto her back, he pulled his fingers out and took off her skirt. There was a mad dash between them to get each other's clothes off, and soon they were naked.

Spike settled between her legs and was about the enter her. Tara suddenly stiffened up, terror in her eyes. "Spike, stop!" Spike stilled immediately.

"Oh fuck, did I hurt you? What's wrong?"

Tara shook her head. "I just…I'm sorry, I just got f-freaked out for a minute. G-go ahead."

Spike moved off of her and lay by her side. "That wasn't a freak-out, luv; that was pure terror. Believe me, I've seen that look a thousand times." He brushed her hair out of her face. "This is about that guy, yeah? The one that hurt you?"

Tara's eyes filled with tears. "Yeah," She whispered.

Anger filled Spike as he thought about someone causing her any pain. He held back a growl, his demon struggling to come out. "Tell me what happened Tara."

The tears spilled out. Tara nestled up against his neck; Spike wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.

She began to sob. Spike never called her by her name before; having him do it now just showed her how serious he was, how much her cared.

"Who was he?" He asked quietly, stroking her hair.

"H-he was a f-friend of my brother's. He was always at the house, a-and he would just be there, teasing me and saying things…then I-it was more than that. He would pull me into the bathroom or my room and…he w-would touch me; make me do things." Spike pulled her closer, wishing he knew what to do. "He did that for months, and then one day he did more. He h-had never actually r-raped me before, until that day. It hurt so bad, I thought he'd broken something. I a-always knew to be q-quiet, but this just hurt so much that I couldn't, and I screamed.

My cousin was visiting with her parents…it was the day before Thanksgiving…She heard me and came to see what was wrong. She was only ten and thought he was trying to kill me. She yelled for my mom and she came up…y-you ever see Willow's eyes turn black?" Spike nodded. "My mom's did that. Then she killed him, burned him to a crisp. He was just lying there, crumbling.

My dad came in and saw him dead and me naked, and flipped. My mom was still black-eyed, and it was the first time he had seen just how powerful she was. She died two weeks later, and around that time, my dad started telling us about the women in the family becoming demons. I think he was afraid of us becoming too much like her."

For the first time, Spike really saw what happened to people after evil was through with them. They ended up like Tara had been, the ones that lived at all- little girls destined to be victims, to always be hurt-used. Not all of them escaped like her, and found strength. No, usually once the monsters were done with you, you stayed broken. 'How many have I broken over the years?' he wondered, feeling what must have been a stab of guilt.

"Did your dad kill her- you mum?" he asked her.

Tara nodded hesitantly. "I think so. He's the kind of man who would."

Spike tightened his grip on her. No wonder she looked so scared; if souled humans had hurt her so much, she must've been terrified of what a demon like himself would do.

"I should've killed 'im last year." He told her. Tara smiled.

Turning his face towards hers, she kissed him, taking his anger away. "You didn't know. And anyway, all that would've done was give Buffy a reason to stake you. That would've sucked."

"Yeah, I guess it would at that. But I still could've done somethin'. I could smell a bit o' badness on him, but I didn't do anything. I should've."

Tara looked at him, her face earnest. "You did do something; you punched me, remember? Once there was proof that I wasn't a demon, he didn't have any way to control me. You did that, Spike." She leaned forward and gave him a searing kiss. "And," she said with a come-hither smile, "If you still want to…try, I do too."

Spike brushed his thumb across her lips, a look of wonderment on his face. He smiled.

"Glinda, you are the farthest thing from ready that I can think of." He told her gently. Crestfallen, Tara tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "Hey, listen; y'need time, got it? You don't go from bein' raped to dating girls to having sex with men again. You need t'get used to it, and it's not like I'm goin' anywhere. Y'need to take however long you need, and when you're ready, I'll be there, alright?"

Tara brushed a tear off her face and smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Now," Spike told her, pulling her against his neck again, "It's late, y'must be tired, so we're goin' to bed. In the morning I'll open my gift, give you yours, and we'll maybe find something to eat, yeah?" He pulled the blanket up around them, feeling her warmth seep into him.

Tara gave him one last kiss before snuggling in. "Merry Christmas, Spike."

"Merry Christmas, luv." He whispered back as she closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas."

AN/: So, I hope you liked it. I could continue, I guess, or I could end it here. Let me know what you think.