Two things registered in Jim Brass' mind the next morning. First, there was someone else in his bed and he still had all his clothes on. Second, someone was pounding on his front door. Giving his head a moment to clear, he remembered An coming to bed with him last night. They cuddled. They talked. They'd made out like a couple of teenagers. And then they'd fallen asleep, happy in each other's arms.
He'd considered taking things a step further but was reluctant. He couldn't see how An was handling things, couldn't take cues from her body language other than to feel her tense from time to time. He knew her history, she'd shared a few more of the gruesome details, and he knew she'd been with no one else since then. He'd been her only encounter of choice and that had been forty years ago. She had to be afraid of more intimate relations and he didn't want to add more fear to her already troubled life. No, he'd decided, things would be on her time table, not his. That resolve didn't keep him from hoping though. Despite the banging on the door, comfortable warmth spread through Jim. He hadn't felt that kind of hope in a very long time.
He felt her stirring. "Stay here," he told her softly. "Let me see who's at the door." He climbed out of bed and shuffled through the hall, counting steps as he went. Just as he arrived in the living room, he heard the door open and Bill's voice. "Can I help you?" he asked.
Jim heard shuffling feet and Bill's gasp. "Hey, you can't just barge in…"
"She is here. Her car is outside," yelled Jimmy Trang. The voice turned toward Jim. "Where is she? What have you done to her?"
Trying to collect his thoughts, Jimmy's panic unsettling him, Jim shook his head. "Who? An?" She's…"
"I am here, my son," An's light voice lilted into the room. "What are you doing here?"
"You did not return last night. I was worried. I found this address next to your phone," he replied quickly. The disgustedly he added, "you stayed with him last night?"
"Jimmy, it's not what you're…" Jim tried to explain. But An began speaking too, "I did, Jimmy. I asked him to let me stay…"
"…thinking," Jim finished.
Jim heard the younger man's intake of breath and Bill from the other side of the room, "You don't need me in this, I'll just…" Jim followed the sound of Bill moving through the room to the kitchen. Then turning his attention back to Jimmy, he sighed.
"Look Jimmy, I know you're not to happy about me suddenly appearing in your life or your mother's but you've got this all wrong."
"Wrong?" Jimmy yelped. "I have it wrong? You abandoned my mother and I am the one that is wrong?"
"No, no…that's not what I meant. I just meant that …well, your mother and I just talked…that's all."
"You really expect me to believe that?" Jimmy asked incredulously. "After the way you treated her before…using her and then leaving her…like a common whore?"
Jim clinched his fist, his anger almost getting the better of him. "Say what you want about me but don't ever talk about your mother like that again," Jim warned.
"Isn't that what you do…use women as sluts and then leave them? I've made inquiries. You never stay with one woman long. Use them and lose them…like a dog," he spat.
Still clinching his fist, Jim tried to calm down. He felt An brush by him and start yelling at Jimmy in Vietnamese. Jim was never good at the language and he hadn't even tried to speak it in years but it didn't take a linguist to understand that Jimmy was getting a harsh scolding.
Reaching for the sound of her voice, Jim found her arm. "An," he said gently. Hearing no response, he spoke a little louder, "An…"
With a huff, she turned to him. "What?"
"Let him have his say. He obviously doesn't trust me…and I guess I can understand why. He didn't know where you were; it scared him. He didn't know if you were with me or if something worse had happened to you."
"There is worse than the way you treated her?" Jimmy blasted.
Jim flinched as he heard the sound of a hand hitting a face. It wasn't hard to guess who'd done the slapping. "An…please…" he pleaded.
"See what you have done?" Jimmy accused.
"He has done nothing wrong…" An yelled. "…unless loving me and saving your daughter…and you is wrong. You will tell him you are sorry for those ugly things you said."
"I will not…" Jimmy declared as Jim spoke, "An, it's okay. Let it go."
"I will not!" she declared. Then turning to her son, she informed him. "I was with your father last night. I was with him against his judgment. He thought it was too soon but I wanted it, Jimmy. You will understand this: there has never been another man for me. I gave my heart to him before you were born, before you were even made. My heart will still be his on the day that I die. I have done everything for you because you are my son and I love you. You are his son too, which only made me more determined to give you everything I had to give. All of my love for him I put into you. And now you have your own family. And I have found your father. Nothing will keep me from him if he will have me after all these years. Nothing!"
The absolute silence that followed alarmed Jim. He could hear An's breathing next to him but everything else was quiet. After a moment or two of the terror, he heard Jimmy speak in a calmer tone. "And you?" he directed at Jim. "Does she have your heart?"
Flustered, Jim wasn't quite sure how to answer. Then reaching for An, he pulled her to him. "What I feel isn't your business. It is between me and her. I hope you can accept me as your father. If you can't, I understand. But she is your mother, the one who fought for you through hell. You owe her your respect and I know you love her. The last thing I want is to cause a problem for the two of you."
"You didn't answer. If you loved her as you claimed, why did you leave her?"
Releasing a pent up breath, Jim sighed. "Orders. Our unit was ordered out and I had no choice but to go. If I had tried to stay, I would have faced court martial. I didn't want to go, not without your mother."
"So you left her…and me," Jimmy muttered sadly.
Jim heard the grief in his son's voice. He remembered Ellie accusing him several years earlier of always walking away, out of her life. And he realized that now he had two kids who thought he never wanted them. "Jimmy, I didn't want to go. I didn't know about you but…I can't honestly claim anything would have been different. Except that I would have known you were out there somewhere and I would have kept looking. When I realized I wouldn't make it back to get your mother, I assumed she would marry someone else. I kept telling myself it was for the best…"
"You would not have wanted a Vietnamese son…" Jimmy insisted.
"You are our son… living breathing proof of what was between us back then. I might be a lousy father, but I'd never turn my back on you. You are my son." He felt An shift next to him and he pulled her closer. "An and I have a lot to talk about...a lot of things to work through…decisions we need to make about us….between us. While we are doing that, you're just going to have to deal."
"How can I do that? She trusted you and you left."
Jim sighed. "Look, I get it, I really do. But I was just a kid back then too..." He swiped the back of his head with his hand, trying to gather in his emotions and think. "I'd like to think I've learned a few things since then. But even if I haven't, there's no one here telling me I have to leave… unless An does. I want to be your father Jimmy and I want to be a grandfather for your kids. Even more than that, I want for me and An to have the space to see where things can go between us."
"You still want this man?" Jimmy directed at his mother.
"I have never stopped wanting him," An replied softly.
"But…I remember when I was small; you cried in the dark about him…that he left you. It made me sad and angry."
"I was crying because I missed him…wanted him so much that it hurt. But I always knew he did not want to leave me, Jimmy. I remembered how angry he was when his superiors would not let us get married. I knew how much he loved me…he even told his family about me and talked to his father about taking me home."
Jim held An tighter, his emotions too chaotic for him to speak. She hadn't told him that she'd cried for him at night, although he should have guessed; he'd certainly done his share of crying at night over her… hurting for just the sight of her.
He felt the atmosphere change in the room. Jimmy sighed and stared at his mother and then studied the two of them together. His father had his arm firmly around his mother, tears in both their eyes. And both looked so sad. He'd expected his father to be smug about the previous night but Jimmy had been surprised. Jim Brass wasn't treating his mother as a conquest. In fact, he seemed to be treating her as someone he cherished, protecting her and defending her honor, even to her own son. Jimmy had noticed Jim's clinched fist and he'd realized that blind or not, the older man would have come after him if he'd said anything more.
Perplexed, Jimmy simply stood in the middle of the room watching them. An was glaring back at him and Jim was staying next to her, his free hand twitching nervously. Briefly, the image of a coiled snake flashed in Jimmy's mind. The man would strike if he felt An was threatened. He'd already proved that in the parking lot a couple of nights before. Maybe Jim Brass really did love his mother, Jimmy thought. Or at least, had loved her before. But what about now, he wondered.
Quietly he voiced his question. "You are talking about these things…about what you feel now?"
"We are," An confirmed. Jim felt her beginning to relax in his grasp. "But Jim is much too slow," she teased.
Hearing the mocking in her voice, Jim grinned. Maybe she was more ready to take things further than he'd credited her with. More than that though, it made him feel like things might be okay after all…that maybe they really could work this out. It made him want to take her back to bed, to shower her with kisses and hugs and all the tender touches they'd missed out on. He wanted to claim her as his. Suddenly he was forty years younger, standing in the edge of the forest with her, needing her so badly that it hurt. Determination seeped through him as he engulfed her in his arms, holding her closely and kissing the top of her head. This time no one would take him away from her.
Jimmy didn't like the way his mother had spoken. He especially didn't like the grin on Jim that followed. But as he stood there watching, he suddenly felt like an intruder. His parents, he realized, had a place that was their very own, where no one else would be welcome. For his mother's sake, he was happy to see that. But it undermined everything he'd ever believed about his father and that was going to take getting used to.
Well, that was an interesting wake up call, don't you think? SO... too fast, too slow, just right? Let me know what you think.