A/N: Good afternoon! Look! *points* My muse came back for a visit! Yay! This story just popped into my head very randomly one morning and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. It's a fairly short one-sided conversation, but one I felt Hotch needed to have before he could truly move on with his life, or rather, his romantic life. I'm probably in the minority (again) but I like Beth and look forward to seeing where their story leads. I love seeing Hotch smile. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! And I'd love to know what you think of it. Love it or hate it, please let me know! Thanks!
Aaron pulled his SUV to the curb and looked out over very familiar surroundings. He felt bad that it had been several weeks since he'd been here, but as was often the case with her, the job got in the way. He'd been home four days in three weeks. But he needed to be here. This was an important conversation meant to be had in person. He owed her that much. He picked up the long stemmed red rose from the passenger seat and stepped out into the chilly January Virginia air. He held the sides of his black overcoat together as he made the solemn walk to her graveside. He knelt down and brushed away the leaves and dirt that began to gather over her grave stone with care. He laid the rose down so that its slightly curved stem embraced her name.
"Hi Haley. I'm sorry, I know it's been a while since I've been here. I really needed to talk to you about something. I'm sure if you've been watching over us that you already know, but I wanted to tell you myself. I met someone a few weeks ago. Her name is Beth, and she caught me completely off guard.
"I haven't taken notice of anyone since you. I didn't want to. I think deep down I was afraid. You were the love of my life. I knew I'd try to compare any other woman to you and they would pale in comparison. And that's not fair to them, or you, or me really. But somehow she got through all my walls. I don't know how, but she did. And I noticed her. I guess maybe that means I'm starting to heal. Maybe. I don't know.
"I know I promised you that I would show Jack how to love, but I really had no idea how I was supposed to do that. I was so completely shattered that I never thought I'd let anyone get that close to me again. I knew I could show him a father's love, and I could show him the love of friendship through the team, but showing him what it's like to fall in love… I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to show him that. I mean, I could tell him stories about us, show him pictures, talk about what it was like to fall head over heels in love with you, but actually showing him with someone new? That thought always hurt way too much to even consider. But somehow, it doesn't hurt so much to consider it now. Maybe that's all part of the healing process too.
"Oh Haley, I wish you could see our son. You would be so very proud of him. He's growing up so fast. All that reading you did with him definitely paid off. His teacher told me that our first grader is reading on a fourth grade level. He does really well in all his school subjects, but reading is definitely where he's the strongest. He still plays soccer and he's getting really good. He's still a little shy and quiet. I know he gets that from me, but hopefully he'll grow out of that soon. I think school and sports, and being around other kids is helping with that. He's coming out of his shell little by little.
"He looks more and more like you every day, especially his eyes. There are so many times that I see you reflected in his eyes. That makes me smile now. It used to hurt to look at him sometimes, because all I could see was your face and how I failed you. But now all I see is our beautiful boy and how lucky I am to have him in my life. And I have you to thank for that.
"I've told Beth all about Jack. She's excited to meet him. I, of course, am a nervous wreck. I keep thinking 'what if he gets attached to her and things don't work out?' He definitely has your heart and your compassion. He loves with his whole heart. I guess that's why I'm afraid for them to meet. But I know I can't protect him from everything, no matter how badly I want to. He tells me all the time that he wants me to be happy. It's not really fair for him to know that there is someone out there that makes me happy and he doesn't know her. And yes, by the way, he's noticed that I've been happier lately. Apparently some of my profiling skills are already rubbing off on him, too. So I guess I'll just bite the bullet and hope everything goes okay. I think in many ways, instead of me showing him how to love, he's showing me. Or maybe we're figuring all of this out together. I'm not exactly sure. I'm planning on telling Jack about Beth tonight over mac and cheese, and maybe introducing them this weekend. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. We'll see. And yes, mac and cheese is still his favorite food. I dread the day he gets burned out on it and I have to figure out how to make something new.
"Anyway, I wanted to come and talk to you about all of this. Somehow talking to you helps me sort things out in my head. And I wanted to make sure you know that I'll always love you. Nothing will ever change that. But I guess, as they say, we all have to move on sometime. I still miss you and think of you every day. But I don't feel like I'm suffocating anymore. I feel like maybe there is a light at the end of that long, dark tunnel after all."
He stood and looked around. The sun was beginning to set behind the trees, its last few rays of the day giving off a soft glow. "I should probably go. It's getting colder out here. It may even snow tonight. I'll try to come back sooner next time. I still love you, Haley. Always."
He kissed the tips of his gloved fingers and laid his hand over her name before rising and slowly walking back to his SUV. He felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart. Maybe there was room in there for one more person. He knew now, he was ready to find out.
The End