"Heeeeeey….Shikamaru….."

"You know you're not supposed to leave the house."

"…Yeeeeaaaaah…"

"And you left," he said boredly.

"Shika-kun, I'm ME. It would have been weird if I hadn't snuck out."

"When Kakashi-sensei asked me to do this, I knew it'd be troublesome." He sighed, loudly. I glared at him and his pineapple head.

"How'd you know I'd be sneaking out the skylight?"

"It was inevitable. Once you found out you were sealed inside, you would begin to look for the seal. Once you found it, you would get rid of it. And since you're aware of your squad's ANBU guards, you would guess the front door was being watched. And not even Naruto would sneak out of somewhere he knew was under surveillance. And if you were suspicious of the front door, you'd be suspicious of the back door. And what was left was the skylight."

Yeah…He's a smart cookie. I didn't even think about the back door.

"Wait, how'd you know that I know Kōhī and Natsūme are being held hostage by the ANBU people and Neji and Shino?"

In answer, he raised the struggling message mouse by its tail. It was literally bouncing on its tail's end.

"Uhh…'

'Normal mice don't run upside down on roofs."

"Dammit."

"And Neji's Byakugan noticed it as it was leaving last time."

"Double dammit."

"Now get back in the house," he said, looking at me with half-lidded eyes. He looked tired as hell.

Wow…he thinks I'm going to fall for that.

His sleepiness was a farce. He was wide awake, and ready to move at my slightest possible move. But he had the disadvantage of his lazy sort of pose. I could get moving before he could, and I know I'm faster than he is. If I jump backwards onto the next roof, I can get away but I'd be easily traceable through the village. But if I somehow leaped over him, I could get to Kōhī's quickly, kick the jonin's assess, and get Kōhī hyped. Then we'd somehow get to Natsūme and get the hell outta there. Then we'd camp out in the woods or something.

Eh. I'd figure it out along the way.

I jumped over Shikamaru, and almost made it, but he grabbed me by the ankle the moment I leapt off the roof.
My momentum carried us off the roof, and he had to let go or we'd smash our heads on the ground. When he let go, he threw me up in the air so he'd land first.

Smart in general, completely idiotic when dealing with me.

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" My clone pushed me to the side, and tried to escape, clutching the edge of the neighboring roof and trying to pull herself up. And no, she was not trying to ditch me, that's just STUPID. It's called a decoy.

"Ugh…what a drag. The one running away is obviously the real one, with a clone distracting me."

I mentally laughed at his ignorance. You would imagine that someone as smart as Shika-kun would have watched and seen which me had thrown which me which way.

….

That confused me….and I'm the one who actually made it happen….

He sent his shadow to catch my clone, and once it caught her, she disappeared. And by then, my arms were around his neck, choking off his air supply. I dragged him into the alley, and knocked him out. Tying him up with some discarded ropes, I eyed his pineapple head for a second.

I wonder what it looks like down….

I poked him hard in the face, and when he didn't react, I decided it was safe.

I pulled his head closer, so he was bent forward. His hair brushed against my face, and I twitched my nose, because it tickled like hell. It was much finer than I imagined it to be. I rested his head against my chest as I worked at his stupid little ponytail holder. Oh, no, he just couldn't use a normal stretchy elastic hair band like the rest of the world. He had to have it tied in several knots with a tiny little rope.

At least he gets kudos for being able to get his hair in this piece of crap.

After five minutes, I wasn't even halfway done, and Shika-kun would be waking up soon.

I looked around, and saw a shard of broken glass from a shattered mirror, and used it to cut off the string. His hair fell, still kind of up from being up so long. I ruffled his hair for a few seconds to shake it out, and then leaned back to get a good look at him.

Hooooooooly shiiiiiit, I thought to myself, in a sing song voice.

This isn't even cute. It's fucking gorgeous.

I blushed, and leaned him back against the wall.

I covered my mouth with my hand, and just kept staring.

Am I really this attracted to him? What the hell?

His eyes fluttered, and he woke up slowly. I blushed even more when he looked right in my eyes.

"Ijōna? Ijōna, what is it?"

My eyes widened, and I quickly stood up and tore the hell out of that alley, while Shikamaru stared after me, with one raised eyebrow.

"Women….such a bother."

I didn't even turn around, I just ran towards Kōhī and Natsūme's house, still blushing. I frustratedly stared ahead.

Why did I lock up like that?

Why couldn't I answer him?

WHY THE FUCK CANT I STOP BLUSHING?

I stormed up the fire escape of their apartment, and kicked in the kitchen window. The glass shattered all over, and I cleared the leftover glass on the windowpane. I leapt from the window to the counter, and swung out the doorway to living room, avoiding the glass on the floor.

What's wrong with me?

I passed through the living room, and threw open the door to the front yard thing, (Tsunade-sama was also loaded, so their penthouse is even more awesome than mine and Kakashi's) and saw Neji turn around, not as though he was expecting to be attacked.

He's not that hot.

I angrily whirled around and kicked him in the stomach, then spun again and hit the back of his head with my heel. He fell to the ground, and tried to reach and trip me. I leapt in the air, and he took advantage of my split-second retreat to put on a defensive and painfully offensive jutsu.

Maybe I at some sort of aphrodisiac earlier.

"KAITEN!"

Dammit I did NOT think Shika was attractive!

I fell on his kaiten, and I could feel it like I was falling on concrete. Concrete that was going past me at 60 miles an hour while I was stuck in the same place. The contact didn't even last a second, but I careened off, breathless and in pain.

I rolled backwards, scraping my bare legs.

Dammit. The one day I wear shorts instead of sweatpants would be the day I decide to sneak out.

I stood up, ignoring the scrapes on my legs. Neji ran at me, preparing for his 8 trigrams palm.

I didn't think he was attractive!

"EIGHT TRIGRAMS PALM!"

I whirled to avoid his attacks, barely missing his pointed strikes as they landed centimeters from my arms and torso, jabbing the air around me.

I didn't think it.

I turned fast, and slapped him in the face. It was a lame, cheap move, but it knocked him slightly off balance. I tripped him, jabbed him in a pressure point while bending his arm behind his back. He blacked out and I rolled away from him.

I didn't!

I stormed back inside the house, and slammed the door. Opening Kōhī's bedroom door, I glared ferociously.

I didn't!

"Kōhī, get up. We're getting Natsūme and then we're gonna go rough it out in the woods for a few days. I'm sick of being grounded and stuck in this damn village."

"WHAT? YOU'RE DESERTING THE VILLAGE?"

"No, you baka. That would be retarded. I just wanna get out of this village. Stretch my legs, y'know."

"Oooh…."

"Now, let's go get Natsūme and get crackin'."

"But…she's got ANBU…"

"And it took me all of 90 seconds to knock Neji the fuck out. I'm in a really fucking bad mood, so get your ass up and help be bust Natsūme out of her room damn it."

"But-"

"GET THE FUCK UP! My screaming at you isn't exactly going to help my surprise attack so you better kick ass, dammit."

"Fine. Jesus, you're mad."

"Fucking pissed, that's what I am. Now come on."

I stomped back through the living room, and leapt across the kitchen (the distance from the window to the living room doorway is significantly greater than the distance from the living room doorway to Natsūme's hallway), and Kōhī followed, and refrained from asking about the broken window.

Smart girl.

I thundered down the hall to Natsūme's bedroom, and stopped when I was faced with six ANBU guards.

"Move."

"We cannot allow you to pass."

"Move, dammit."

"We cannot allow you to pass."

"I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO MOVE! I AM PISSED OFF ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU KEEPING ME FROM GETTING NATSŪME! SO UNLESS YOU WANNA FIND YOURSELF KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT, I SUGGEST YOU MOVE YOUR ASSES!" I screamed, glaring with fire in my eyes. Like Lee and Guy do when they get to youth-high.

"Ijōna, I don't think you should antagonize them so much-"

"Kōhī. Shut. The. Hell. Up. Now help me kick their stubborn ANBU asses."

"But..that's the problem…they're ANBU…and we're only chunin…."

"What-…Kōhī, shut up and fight damn it."

"But- Ijōna."

"Fine. Sit there and be a wimp. And by the way, your face paint is smearing off."

And it was. The purple designs were smeared with sweat. Or actually….she smelled like soda. And cookies.

Like Neji did….

The fuck? Why do the smell the same? I thought she had just been bugging him…But what if..?

I shook my head, thinking: I'll deal with that later..., and turned back to the ANBU assholes.

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" Ten copies of me cracked into existence, poised to kick ass.

I'm at the disadvantage. No armor, no weapons. My only advantage is there are almost twice as many mes (of me? of I?) than there are of them.

Take out the small one first. Take her kunai.

I whirled around, and flipped over several of my copies, landing behind the small woman before she could react. My copies flooded the others, disappearing quickly. I took her kunai, and threw one into another's head, making it spin to the ring handle hit him squarely in the temple. He fell to the ground, unconscious. I grabbed the woman's shoulder, and flipped her over, tossing her onto another, taller man. They both smashed into the wall, heads smacking together with a loud crack. They both passed out instantaneously.

Three down, three to go.

The tall one. He'll get unbalanced easily if I go for his ankles. If I trip him and hit him right, he'll fall unconscious.

I dropped to the ground as the leader swung her sword (sheathed, thankfully. At least I know they want to incapacitate me, not kill me) and spun on one fit, swinging my other leg out. It collided with the tall guy's left ankle, and I heard it crack as it broke and he fell to the ground. I rolled on my back as the leader tried to jab me in the stomach with the sheathed sword, and hit the tall guy in his neck pressure point with my fist. As he blacked out, I grabbed his shoulders and used his dead weight to pull myself over him and land on the floor beside him.

Kōhī took the other one (not the leader) and started to jab him aimlessly in the head, frantically trying to hit his temple like I had taught her.

"By his hairline, stupid!" I laughed, kicking the leader in the back as she tried to move and rip Kōhī off her teammate. She dropped to the ground, and jumped up, facing me. Kōhī dropped her finally-unconscious victim (he's going to have a ton of bruises on his face, poor guy) and moved to help me, but I motioned for her to stay back.

The leader lunged for me, and I ducked, then shot up and punched the underside of her jaw. Her mask flew off, and broke into a dozen pieces, the porcelain littering the dark blue carpet. She had a large scar on her face, curling from the hairline above her left eye, over her forehead, down by her right eye, down her check, and spiraled down her neck, disappearing in the neck of her clothing. And I don't think her shoulder was where it ended…

She whirled back towards me, aiming her sword for my neck. I ducked, and tried to kick her in the side, but she blocked me, and tried to flip me. I spun horizontally, and plummeted to the ground. I reached my arms out, and landed hard in the down part of a push-up position. I pushed with my legs, and heard her cry out as I pushed her wrist back farther than it was supposed to. She dropped my leg, and I flipped backwards, pushing up with my arm. I landed on her back, and decked hard in the side of the neck. She collapsed, and I pushed off of her back, skidding backwards to a stop.

I stood, and walked back to Kōhī, who was calmly eating a cookie.

"Wayyy..whahhabou She-o?"

"Kōhī, if you talk with crap in your mouth, how the heck am I supposed to understand you?"

She swallowed, and said, "What about Shino?"

"Oh shit."

I ran to the nearest window, and saw Shino watching the house, walking slowly.

Shit I forgot about him.

I scrambled into the hall closet, and grabbed Kōhī's old poison darts.

I ran back to the window, and smashed with my fist. I quickly aimed several darts at his feet, and while his bug began to guard there, I shot one at his nose (the only visible place on his entire freakin body) and sighed in relief as it hit him, and his face jerked back, and he began to fall backwards, slowly. It was actually kind of funny to watch.

I ran to Natsūme's door, and began to twist the locked doorknob.

'Oh, crap, Ijōna, there's another-"

I twisted the doorknob all the way around, and the lock broke inside. I ripped the doorknob off, and the door swung wide open.

"ANBU….guard….in…there…"

Natsūme was leaning against the wall, in a full body restraint. The buckles were reinforced with several padlocks each. She stared boredly at her wall, where a movie was playing on her huge TV.

Wait….

She isn't staring in the bored-teenage-state-of-being-a-vegetable.

She's drugged.

I scanned the room for the ANBU. Suddenly, Kōhī screamed behind me, before she was cut off. I spun around to see her unconscious on the floor, tied up. Behind her, a body was slumped against the wall. The body was bleeding in several places. I inched towards it, and realized there was no heartbeat coming from the body hidden behind the ANBU mask.

"Fuck."

And then I felt a sharp pain pierce my collarbone, and a dull tingling spread all over my body.

Fuck. Neurotoxin..and a sedative.

I managed to send a death glare at the shadowy figure as I fell hard to the floor, then I blacked out as I slammed my head on the floor.