Chapter 14

Vancouver, Canada

Alex Marick fastened the belt she wore and reached for her jacket when Liam came ambling into the room. Maria needed mussels for her paella and Alex decided she had time for a run to the market before work.

One of the suspenders on Liam's pants was loose and she bent down to fix it. He stood still, eyeing her while she did it.

"What are you eating?" she asked him, seeing a red fruit clasped in one of his chubby hands.

"Rawberry," he told her. His vocabulary was growing at a rate that impressed even her.

My little genius.

"Mmmm...strawberry," she smiled. "Want to share?"

He smiled back at her and opened the palm of his hand.

She took a bite and scooped the rest into his mouth. Liam loved strawberries. Even more so when Maria dipped them in sugar like the one he'd been holding just now, but Alex knew he'd have given her the whole thing if she asked. The concept of sharing was one thing she'd never have to teach him.

How in the world did I end up with such a sweet kid? Is someone trying to remind me every single day how crazy I was to consider giving him up?

She noticed now too that his nose was runny and Alex reached for a tissue, sitting down as she hoisted him up onto her lap to clean it.

"Tell me you're not getting a cold again..." she sighed, feeling his forehead. Little kids were germ factories. She's learned that too this past year. He leaned against her, licking the sugar off his fingers.

Alex kissed the top of his head. She loved the feel of his soft hair against her lips.

He coughed as she did, making her cringe. "You are getting a cold, sweetheart. I knew you shouldn't have played with that germy blonde kid at the park yesterday, no matter how pretty she was. Her mom was reaching for tissues all afternoon. I'm telling you, girls are bad news. On all counts."

At least he wasn't cranky. Not yet anyways. Truth was, he rarely was, even was he did get sick. In fact, Alex was still waiting for when all that would change during the height of the terrible twos, although she was starting to doubt that change would take place at all. Every day convinced her a little more that Liam was an old soul. One who wouldn't be rattled by much of anything.

"You're nothing like..." Alex caught herself and gave him another kiss on the cheek. "Stop it," she chided herself. "Bet he wasn't a psychopath at the age of two either."

The truth was, Liam's innate generosity reminded her of someone else. So did the way he embraced the love of the two women in his life and returned it tenfold.

"Alejandra!"

Alex heard Maria coming up the stairs. "I'm going...I'll get the mussels. Don't worry."

"No, it is not this." Maria came into her bedroom, out of breath. "There is a man at the door. He said he wants to speak to you. I told him you're not here, but he said he didn't believe me. That he will wait until you come back. On the doorstep. He is scaring me, Alejandra."

Alex's heart pounded. "There's no one who knows we're here, Maria," she said softly.

Well, no one except David Hayward as of a few days ago.

She stood up with Liam in her arms and handed him over to Maria. "Hold on to him."

Alex moved to the window and pushed the curtain aside just enough that she could peek at the doorstep below. What she saw made her pounding heart skip a beat.

"Do you know him?" Maria asked.

Alex nodded, her hands shaking as she closed the curtain.

"Quien es?"

"His name is Dimitri."

"How do you know him?"

"He's my husband."

Kigali, Rwanda

Anna Devane looked at her daughter, still not sure whether to laugh or whether to shake her head in disbelief.

"Mom...are you listening to a word I'm saying?"

"I'm listening...I'm having a harder time believing."

Robin nodded, understanding. "I know. I didn't exactly believe Sandrine when she told me either. I thought she was playing this huge, cruel joke on me, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why."

Anna wondered what it would take to reason with her daughter. "Sweetheart, it's not possible that your father is alive."

Robin narrowed her brows and Anna could sense her exasperation. "Mom...I'm not crazy. He's alive. He's here. I had dinner with him last night!"

Anna closed her eyes suddenly feeling exhausted. None of this made sense. The exclusive resort she was staying in. The guard outside the door. The unbelievable things Robin was saying.

Robert couldn't have stayed away from us all these years if he really was alive. I know him well enough to know that.

She wanted to open her eyes and wake up from this dream already.

Instead, she opened them to find Robin staring at her, a mix of worry and irritation etched on her face.

"I know it's a lot to digest," she said softly. "It's why I couldn't tell you over the phone..."

"Robin...if what you're saying is true, then tell me why?" She straightened her back and forced herself to rein in the dozen emotions she felt as she began to consider the possibility. She stood up and fought the urge to start pacing, placing her hands on her hips instead as she faced Robin. "Why in the world would he stay away from us all these years? Why play dead and live in Africa?"

"Mom...I think you should ask him those questions."

"Are you saying you didn't?"

"Yeah, of course I did."

"Then tell me what he told you!"

"Mom...you should hear it from him."

Anna sighed, tired of the games that everyone she loved seemed to want to play with her lately.

"Tell me what he said." The tone of her voice made it clear that an honest answer was Robin's only option.

Her daughter suddenly looked very young to her again. "He said...he said that he made a deal with Faison."

"A deal? With Faison? Are you kidding me?"

"Look...I'm still just figuring things out myself. But he said he made some deal with Faison after the ship exploded in South America. That if he'd stay away from us, then Dad promised to do the same."

Anna looked at her incredulously.

"Dad said that Faison kept his part of the deal. For a long time. Until he kidnapped you in Paris. And that's when Dad broke his end of it too...and went to try and rescue you in Russia."

"Except it wasn't me..." Anna whispered.

So Sandrine Mutanga hadn't come to Paris because of my past connection with Faison, in spite of what she told us. She'd come to join forces with the people searching for me, hoping they would lead her to Robert. As usual, Sean was right. He'd suspected something was off about her from the start. Imagine her shock, when she came to Paris and found out I'd never been kidnapped...that the man she loved had gone after the wrong woman.

"Mom?" Robin looked at her with a mix of concern and hesitation.

And how shocked must you have been to find your father here after waking up in a hospital in a country halfway across the world from your own.

Anna stared at her.

"Mom?"

"What did you think when you first saw him again?" she asked softly.

There was relief on her daughter's face. "I thought...I don't know. I can't even try to explain all the crazy things I thought. I thought I was dreaming at first. That maybe I died...then I was so unbelievably happy I wanted to freeze that moment forever. To see Dad, looking at me, like he did when I was five years old and first stood in his living room. It made me feel like everything in my world was okay again."

Anna looked at her with admiration. You have the biggest heart in the world, sweetheart.

"Then I was angry too." Robin smiled a sheepish smile. "I mean, really angry. I thought how dare he walk out on us and then just expect to come back into my life? As if I was going to let him. After all, I'm not an impressionable twelve-year old anymore, right?"

Anna folded her arms, trying to make sense of her own feelings too.

"He wanted me to stay at his house, with Sandrine."

Anna smiled when she thought of Robin's reaction. "I see you turned him down. Which explains the fancy accommodations. I assume it's not Medecins sans Frontieres footing the bill."

"No, it's not."

"But it doesn't explain the guard at the door."

"Dad thinks it's not safe for me to be near him. That me being around him means he once again he broke the deal with Faison."

Anna raised her brows. "Didn't he already break it when he went to Russia to try and rescue me?"

"That's what I thought too, but Dad figured it wouldn't hurt."

"Do you feel safer with that man out there?" Anna asked her.

"No."

"I'll make sure he's gone by the end of the day." Anna had no doubts that if this so-called deal was already broken once, Faison wouldn't be a danger to her daughter. He was nothing if not methodical. Cesar Faison centred his life around his own rules. Frankly, she was more concerned with Robin being out in the field tending to armed rebels than she was about Faison coming after her. If he was a threat to Robin, he wouldn't have waited two years to make his move. Or would he?

"Does your father know I'm here?"

Robin nodded. "Yeah, I told him you're coming."

Anna took a deep breath. "Are you going to tell me where I can find him?"

"I have his phone number..." Robin moved to hand her a piece of paper.

"You think I should give him a head's up so he can get his story straight? How about an address instead?"

Robin cringed. "I don't know if that's a good idea...I mean, he's, you know, with Sandrine. She's pregnant."

Anna raised her brows. "That's just...great. Come to think of it, I have a few choice words for Ms. Mutanga too."

"Mom!" Robin looked mildly exasperated. "Sandrine...she's just as much of a pawn in this as we were, and you, you just found out Dad's alive. I don't think you know yourself what you're thinking right now."

Anna bit her tongue. "But you do?"

"No, that's not what I mean..."

Anna bent down to hiss her daughter's forehead. "I love you, sweetheart and I know you mean well. Everyone seems to know better than myself what's good for me lately. But if all this is really true...then I need to face your father on my terms. I don't make a good pawn."

Robin frowned. "Don't do anything crazy, Mom. I want you to come back, have dinner with me and spend an hour talking about Pine Valley and my gorgeous little sister. And you still have to tell me why it took you three days to get here!"

Anna chuckled. "Have a little faith, would you? I'm not going to kill anyone."

Robin dropped her shoulders in resignation, before writing down a street address on a piece of hotel stationary. "Alright, fine then. Do what you have to do. I'll just keep an eye out for fireworks coming from a certain residence in Kigali."

"You do that." She took the paper from Robin's hand and was about to leave the hotel room before turning back to Robin. "And, don't you dare give him a phone call to warn him."

Vancouver, Canada

I am not ready for this.

I have no idea what I'm going to say and there's never been a time when I need to say the right things more than now. To say the words that will let you know I never meant to hurt you.

"Alejandra?" Maria interrupted her, frenzied. "What did you say? Your husband."

"Mi marido," she mumbled.

"I understand the word husband," Maria shot back. "What I do not understand is that you have a husband."

"I do..." Alex cringed, wondering if she actually did. What in the world made her think he hadn't begun divorce proceedings at this point? She did see him at Ascot with another woman on TV. "No, I don't."

Maria stared at her perplexed. "Alejandra, I should be worried about you again?"

Alex closed her eyes. Dimitri wouldn't leave. Not if he was convinced she was here. She new him well enough to know that. Not that she didn't want to see him.

In fact, there wasn't much else she wanted more.

But not like this.

Damn you, Hayward. It always has to be on your terms, doesn't it?

"I'm not crazy, Maria," she said softly. "Just...confused."

"I can let him in?"

"Yes...No...Wait. I'll do it."

"You are sure?"

Alex nodded. She wasn't. But that didn't matter anymore.

Somehow she made her way downstairs to the door and steadied her hands and nerves enough to open it. She tried to steel herself against her emotions when she saw his face.

But that was pointless too.

"Hello, Alex."

The sound of his voice gave her goose bumps. There was a time when she was certain she'd hear it every day for the rest of her life.

It was just one more thing she'd taken for granted.

"Hello, Dimitri."

Her own voice sounded foreign to her. Whatever she'd thought to say to him, during those thirty seconds of preparation from bedroom to front door went out the window. Now she'd have to make do with being able to string more than two words together.

She stared at him, wanting to soak in the sight. Wanting to see whether every line in his face and every curve of his body was still the way she'd pictured it in her mind every day. Whether the hair she used to run her fingers through was still the same comforting mix of black and white.

She knew she was staring and had to tear her eyes away from his.

He wore a suit and tie, as he always did when he travelled. This time it was a dark, navy blue, with a yellow striped tie. There was only a minor wrinkle here and there that hinted at what had probably been a long journey. Alex assumed he'd arrived here direct from England or Hungary. Or maybe even from Pine Valley, although he'd hardly spent time there anymore in recent years. But maybe that had changed in the last two years.

His back was straight, rigid almost. Regal, commanding, elegant. The Dimitri Marick standing in front of her was all those things. He didn't wear his royal title so much as embody it. From the way he carried himself to the way he lived his life.

She spotted three or four more lines on his face that weren't etched in her mind and there was more salt than pepper now in his hair now. But aside from those minute details, her memories had been strikingly accurate.

Except for the way his dark eyes probed hers now. The way he looked at her now was entirely different. Sure there'd been fights and times when he was angry and frustrated with her, but this...this was something entirely new.

Dimitri Marick had never been able to hide the depth of his love for her. No one before him had ever looked at her the way he did. Never had anyone been as content to love her and as proud to be by her side as he was. Dimitri's love for her had always been so obvious it was almost palpable and in turn, loving him had felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Even now, when the prospect of a relationship no longer terrified her, the thought of being with someone else had never entered her mind.

Because I can't imagine being with anyone else. No one could ever make me feel the way you do.

His love was one of the few things in life she never doubted.

Until now.

Now there were so many other emotions written on his transparent face. Some of which she'd never thought she see. At least not when he was looking at her.

Anger. Disbelief. Betrayal. Disappointment.

"So Hayward told the truth for a change. Here you are, Alex. Alive and well in Vancouver."

Alex swallowed. "Why don't you come inside?"

She debated offering him a cup of tea until she reminded herself of the ridiculousness of it all.

He didn't come here for an afternoon of neighbourly gossip over scones and cream.

"Do you want to have a seat?"

"No." He shook his head and this time the only emotion she caught was anger. "I want to know why you left us. I mean, is it safe for me to be here? Is there some terrorist lurking around the corner that would explain your clandestine departure?"

Alex shook her head. This was going to hurt, she realized. Even more than she imagined.

"No..." she said softly.

"You're alright? You didn't have a sudden case of amnesia after you left Moscow?"

"I'm alright, yes," her voice sounded even stranger to her now than when she first opened the door.

"So there was no reason you couldn't pick up a phone and let your son and your husband know that you were alive?"

"No..."

"No?"

Alex felt the hot sting of tears on her cheeks now, falling down in spite of her fighting them back. "I mean...no, it's not that simple."

"Then why, Alex?"

His voice softened at the sight of her tears, making her feel manipulative. She brushed them away.

"Why the hell haven't you told us you're alright?"

Hurt. That was the only thing she saw in his eyes now.

And she wanted nothing more than to find a way to take it away.

You're the last person in the world I'd ever want to hurt.

"What do you want me say?"

Tell me what I need to say and I'll say it. Anything for you not to look at me this way.

Dimitri looked at her in disbelief. "What do I want you to say? I don't know...the truth is a good start."

"I was pregnant when I left Moscow."

Dimitri took a step back. "You what...?"

"The doctor at the hospital in Moscow told me I was pregnant..."

The hurt was mixed with disbelief now. "You were pregnant? With our child?"

She shook her head, not sure she'd be able to say it aloud. "No..."

Comprehension dawned on him and she thought she saw his face lose a touch of colour. "Maybe I will take a seat..."

"I slept with Faison hoping to gain his trust." She hadn't been able to tell him then, and even now, more than two years later, it was just as impossibly hard.

But if anyone deserves the truth, it's you.

"I see..." he managed. For the first time since entering her home, his eyes stopped meeting hers.

"I'm sorry." Alex wiped away more tears with the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry..."

He took a deep breath, struggling with his own words now. And this time she sensed the anger he fought back wasn't directed at her. "You did...you did what it took to get away from that monster. I don't blame you for that, Alex. But I don't understand...I don't understand why you wouldn't trust me enough to tell me that. Wouldn't trust that I loved you enough that it wouldn't matter."

"I couldn't cope with what I did," she admitted. "Much less with the result."

"So you ran away."

"I went away to get an abortion. I planned to come back after it was done and forget it ever happened..."

Dimitri ran a hand through his hair and loosened his expensive tie. "But...?"

Then his words were cut off when Liam came running into the room. "Mommy...come see Thomas on TV!"

Dimitri eyed her son, dumbfounded as Liam tugged at her skirt.

"Not now, sweetie," Alex whispered.

Maria came running after him, chattering in Spanish as she picked him up and carried him out of the room.

"He's...?" Dimitri was the one who was speechless now.

"I couldn't go through with it," was all she said. "His name is Liam. He's two years old."

"Faison's son?"

Alex nodded. "I ran away to get an abortion. Then, when I couldn't do it, I stayed away to protect him from his father."

It was the truth, simplified. Not the whole truth. Not by a long shot. But it was what she could muster at the moment.

"I see..."

Alex saw him struggle to make sense of it all. She didn't blame him. How would she react if the tables were turned?

"You're sure?"

"Sure?"

"That he's Faison's son?"

"Yes...I'm quite certain."

"Quite?" Dimitri paused and this time she couldn't read his eyes at all. "Is there a chance he could be...?"

"I fell off a horse on Faison's estate...the odds of an early stage pregnancy surviving that kind of fall...they're...they're next to impossible."

He straightened his back. "But not impossible?"

"Dimitri..." This wasn't a road she wanted to take him down. "It's highly, highly unlikely."

"You haven't had a DNA test then?"

"No. Because I didn't think..."

"If there's a chance, no matter how small, that your child...could be my child. Did it never occur to you that I might have a right to know?"

You have no idea how much I want him to be yours. No idea.

"He's not your son, Dimitri."

"But you don't know that with absolute certainty?"

Alex's hands fiddled nervously with her belt buckle. "With absolute certainty? No."

He stood up and straightened his tie. His gaze was cold. "I'd like to know, Alex. With absolute certainty."

"You want me to do a DNA test?"

"Yes, I want you to take a DNA test."

Alex nodded. "Alright...if that's what you want."

Even if the results will disappoint you all over again.

"Maybe I didn't have the right to expect you to trust me the way I trusted you..."

"It was never about a lack of trust."

He wouldn't let her finish. "Or the right to think that maybe what we had was strong enough to overcome even what happened on that damn estate in Russia...but I do have the right to know if the child you've decided to raise on the other side of the world is mine, don't you think?"

She nodded. "Yes...you do."

He pulled out a business card and wrote a number on the back of it. "This is the hotel where I'm staying. Seeing as you've forgotten my cell phone number. I'd like to do the test as soon as possible. Let me know what you need from me."

Alex nodded. She couldn't speak anymore, her throat felt tight. Constricted.

It was done.

He was going to leave.

His gaze lingered on her and for a moment she thought that maybe he wanted to say something else.

Say it, please. Yell, curse, be angry, break something...anything but this.

She couldn't remember wanting anything as much as she wanted his arms around her now.

Give me one sign that you still feel something..

She couldn't bring herself to move a single step in his direction.

"Goodbye, Alex."

He turned around and closed the door behind him before she had a chance to try.

Alex knew it would hurt to see him again. But she never imagined it would hurt this much.

Or that she still had so much left to lose.

She didn't bother holding back the tears as she leaned against the door.

Authors note: As usual big thanks to my awesome proofreaders and general sounding boards, Annie and Kel.