...Hey...I'm back...even though I'm sure by now you hate me.
I'm so so so sorry about this being so late, but after having my computer crash like 4 times (I was pretty sure it was some form of an Apocalypse) I lost all desire to continue. Then, after spending months being angry with this story, I got fired up again and wrote this within about a week. Yay for random inspiration!
Anyway, because of this long hiatus, I sort of forgot how I wanted this to end...so now I'm winging it. This chapter definitely took on a life of its own. So now, because of my perpetual fear of computer crashes, I'm probably going to be updating shorter chapters (Sorry!) Just so I don't lose a huge portion of the story in one go.
I hope you enjoy!
Standard Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine :(
Those eyes terrified Megumi. She knew how to deal with an angry Sanosuke. She could even handle him drunk. However, this new love-struck rooster was foreign and completely unpredictable. Her confidence waned from its previous heights.
The floorboards creaked as Kaoru shifted her weight. "I'll leave you two alone," she mumbled, her footsteps leading her to the backyard where Kenji played. With her best friend gone Megumi's heart quickened knowing she was now alone with Sanosuke. Tension mounted as neither person moved, too terrified to break the thick silence that had accumulated around them. Sanosuke took a slow step forward, looking earnestly at Megumi. Panicking, the Lady Doctor took a quick half-step back.
"Megumi," her name a plea on his lips, his arm half raised toward her.
"Takani-sama," she blurted, her nervousness forcing half-completed thoughts into words.
His hand retracted in confusion. "What?"
Megumi took a deep breath to calm her nerves and to reaffirm that her tears were safely locked away. "Takani-sama," she repeated. "We've fallen out of communication for the past several years, Sagara-san. It would be rude to assume we have a close relationship and can call to each other so familiarly." She began to calm as she found poise in her aloof persona.
Confusion furrowed his brow and parted his lips. Megumi saw comprehension dawn on him when his mouth pressed into a thin line, and his jaw clenched. "What exactly would you call the past weeks then, Takani-sama," he asked with a hard voice.
Her eyes narrowed at his tone and insolence. "Forgive me for being rude, Sagara-san," she hissed, "but I would, of course, call that lying. I may have known Tomatsu-san for weeks now, but I still haven't spoken to Sanosuke Sagara in years. This is our first encounter since your departure, and honestly I can't say I'm thrilled to see you."
The tension in Sanosuke's shoulders could be clearly seen, and because of it she relaxed. They were back in familiar territory.
"But really, it can only be expected, don't you think?" she asked, falsely conversational. "Having someone lie to you for weeks on end would put anyone in a sour mood—especially if that person had disappeared five years earlier with no word or warning." Megumi tilted her head, giving a disarming smile along with her narrowed eyes.
The muscles in Sanosuke's throat shifted as he swallowed. "It's not like it was some great mystery," he said hurriedly. "You know I got in trouble with the law. I had to get out of here before I got caught. I didn't have time to tell you personally."
Irritation licked her insides before she stifled it. "Oh, now I see," she said as she calmly adjusted her kimono. "Well, consider the message passed. I completely understand your reasons for leaving." Megumi turned and took slow steps to the kitchen. "What a load off your shoulders."
The room was silent as Megumi quietly left. Upon entering the kitchen Megumi automatically raided the cabinets; she needed something to do with her hands.
What a fool. How dare he come here after weeks of lying and give her such a paltry excuse. Why couldn't he just apologize? Apologize to her for leaving, for staying away, for sending back no word so she didn't know if he was alive or dead, and for lying to her face. But apparently that was too much to ask. After all, it has always been about what Sanosuke wanted. He wanted to fight so he fought. He wanted kill someone so he killed someone. He wanted to leave the country with no word of warning so he did. What everyone else wanted was unimportant.
Pots and pans clanked together loudly as she maneuvered them. In her frustration she banged a pot onto the counter only to have it fall to the ground. She stiffened as the crash echoed through the room. Her anger and frustration spiked. Snatching up the pot, she threw it into the sink, the noise doing nothing to soothe her. Gripping the edges of the sink with her hands, she rocked back and forth trying to control herself. Her stomach clenched up and her grip tightened as her breathing became louder. Megumi pushed herself up, turning so her back pressed against counter. Her arm rose to pinch the bridge of her nose.
She needed to get control of herself.
"Megumi?"
Her head snapped up. Sanosuke stood in the doorway, a hand on the frame. His face pinched in obvious concern for her; she could barely stomach it.
"Sagara-san," she snapped, "maybe I wasn't clear earlier. I want you out of this house." She pushed herself from the counter, arms crossed and chin up. "You have come and you have explained your past actions. Your presence is no longer required."
"Megumi please," he pleaded, taking a step closer to her. "Listen to me."
Megumi laughed meanly. "Why in the world would I do that? I'm not interested Sagara-san."
Sanosuke straightened and looked down at his feet. He remained quiet, defeat showing in the set of his shoulders.
His posture sapped away her resolution. It was no longer satisfying seeing him squirm. She sighed as exhaustion seeped into her limbs. "Just leave, Sanosuke. You're doing neither of us any good being here." Turning her back to him she stared out the window above her sink, not really seeing anything. She knew Sanosuke, and she knew his pride. He wouldn't stay after being rejected so many times, if only to save his ego. He would leave, and a part of her would go with him.
Sanosuke mumbled something behind her. Megumi turned halfway to look at him. "Speak up," she demanded.
There was a pause as Sanosuke continued to inspect his shoes. "I said I must be crazy." Sanosuke lifted his gaze to look around the room. He studied it as though he hadn't seen any of it. A sigh escaped him. "I knew you'd be angry with me, fox," he said. "I knew it would take forever and a day to get you to forgive me. I came into this knowing that showing up again after so long would hurt you." He raised a hand and rubbed hard against his chest. He met her gaze solemnly. "I just didn't know it would hurt me too."
Megumi's lip twitched. Looking away she quietly said, "What an annoyance that must be."
Sanosuke moved forward, raising an arm, trying to get her to understand. "That's the thing fox. I like it. This pain, it's a reminder. Because of it, I know I'll never leave Japan again. I'd rather deal with this burning ache in my chest here at home than leave and deal with my half-dead emotions."
Megumi hid her hurt behind a curtain of anger. "If you were so upset, why did you stay away for so long? You had every reason to come home."
The tall man started to take a step forward, hesitated, then stopped. "Megumi, please look at me."
Gathering her resolve and clenching her teeth, Megumi slowly looked at him. His eyes were sober, giving him a look she'd never seen before.
"I'm not the same boy I was five years ago. I left because I was afraid, and I stayed away for the same reason," his eyes flickered down while he gave a harsh chuckle. "What I wanted scared me, and the process of getting it terrified me. I was lazy, uncouth, and worthless. I wanted everything to fall into my lap so I didn't have to work at it. But what I wanted—well, she wasn't having that." He looked up at her from under his lashes, pinning her with his stare. Raising his chin, Sanosuke met her eyes straight on. "She wasn't going to settle. She had expectations, and she expected me to meet them. It didn't matter what my past was, it was assumed that I would be the best I could be, no matter the circumstances. She believed in a man I didn't think existed."
A pause. "This woman must be a saint," Megumi mumbled sarcastically, trying not to let such compliments affect her. With resignation she said, "Quit playing this game, Sanosuke. What do you want?"
"Isn't it obvious?" As he started toward her, Megumi froze—fight or flight?—but before she could react, his large body blocked her escape. Though she was a tall woman, Megumi craned her neck to see Sanosuke, his gaze seeing deep into her core.
She quickly dropped her eyes, staring at his chest. The silence lengthened as her control lessened. Her hands started shaking, prompting her to cross her arms defensively. Finally she said, "I can't give you what you want." He didn't respond. Her eyes nearly flickered up to his before she stopped herself. She mustn't waver.
So focused was Megumi that she failed until the last moment to notice Sanosuke's large hand rising toward her face. Gently, ever so gently, the warm, calloused hand spread across her cheek. Her lip quivered slightly as his thumb slowly stroked her face, the rough skin of his hand catching on her silky features. Much to her chagrin, a blush formed on her cheeks as his tender administrations continued. Moving up her face, he pushed her bangs out of the way before raising her chin to see her. The muscles in his neck worked as he swallowed thickly. His hand cupped her cheek again.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, his voice cracking. "When I saw you on your porch for the first time in years I couldn't speak. You literally knocked the wind out of me." He smiled down at her, reaching out with his remaining hand to lightly squeeze hers. "I'd forgotten how easily you could make me speechless."
The temptation to lean into his strong hand almost overwhelmed Megumi. However, she was nothing if not logical. She knew this romantic behavior wouldn't last as well as his supposed commitment to stay in Japan. To allow herself to be sucked in now would be the equivalent to emotional suicide when he left. It would simply be too difficult to pick up the pieces.
She pulled away her hand and sidestepped Sanosuke, hiding behind her bangs. "You've become quite eloquent, Sanosuke. Who would have guessed you had such a way with words?" she said, trying fruitlessly to sound casual. She took the few steps to the sink and resumed washing the dishes. A heavy and awkward silence filled the room, threatening to suffocate the lady doctor.
She continued washing the dishes.
"How do you do that?"
She paused, sudsy water dripping from her fingers and a confused frown on her face. "Do what?"
"Act like you don't care. How is it you can fool yourself so completely?"
Megumi mentally gave a broken chuckle. If only she could fool herself. "It's probably because it's not an act."
"I don't believe you."
Megumi turned toward him with a raised brow. "Regardless of whether or not you believe me, the truth is the truth. I'm not lying. I'm not faking this. It seems like I don't care because I really don't. I'm over all of this, Sanosuke. I'm over you." The Lady Doctor turned back and resumed washing the dishes, tears beginning to prick the back of her eyes as she dammed up her emotions. It was only a matter of time now. Sooner or later, his damaged pride would force him to leave.
Megumi clenched her eyes. She'd get through it. She'd have too.
Another pregnant pause.
"I still don't believe you."
Megumi pursed her lips in irritation. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be," she snapped.
Ignoring her, Sanosuke said, "You want to know why I don't? Because I refuse to believe that, after everything you and I have been through—together and apart—you're going to stop us because of your pride."
The dam burst. "My pride!" Megumi exclaimed, whipping around to face Sanosuke. "How dare you bring up my pride! Your pride kept you from telling me the truth for weeks! The only thing my pride is stopping is you trying to take advantage of me again!" Shoving her hand into the soapy water, Megumi snatched up a pan and chucked it at Sanosuke's head. Sanosuke's reflexes were sharp as ever though; he easily dodged the pan. Before he had a chance to recover Megumi flew over to him, her arm raised.
A resounding smack echoed, leaving silence in its wake.
Megumi panted from the exertion, her rage stopping her from taking deep breaths. Both remained frozen for a moment more before Sanosuke turned his head slowly back to Megumi. His fists tightened and his muscles bunched as a white hot fury burned in his eyes.
"Why must you be so damned difficult, woman!" bellowed Sanosuke, slamming his fist down on the counter and cracking the countertop.
Megumi's eyes widened and she took a few quick steps back.
Sanosuke's eyes narrowed. "Oh, no you don't! You want to fight, fox? Well then you're going to get a fight!" He followed her, taking two giant steps and getting within inches of her face. "I'm here bearing my damned soul to you! I'm trying to tell you that I love you, and all you can do is slap me in the face? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how long it took me to get up the courage to come back to Japan? How long I sat on your porch, debating on whether or not I should even knock on your door?"
Megumi backed up even farther before she found herself pressed against a wall. Sanosuke followed soon after, allowing no room for movement.
"I've been through hell and back, Megumi," he bellowed. In his fury, his arm cocked back and punched the wall beside her head, blasting a crater through it. The shards sprinkled Megumi's shoulder. "I'm not letting anything stop me from getting what I want. That includes you!"
Fear. The moment Sanosuke had stalked toward her she felt crippled by it. It tied up her tongue and her legs. She couldn't respond, couldn't fight. All she could do was stand with shaking knees and a gaping mouth, her breath coming out in gasps. No matter how much she felt sickened by herself, she couldn't bring herself to move. Her body simply tried to make itself as small as possible. Her mind knew Sanosuke would never hurt her, but all she could think of was Kanryuu.
She whimpered.
A/N: Please review! My self-esteem is incredibly low when it comes to my own stories. Please boost my confidence!