Ok peeps. Got some unfortunate news in regarding to this fic. As of today I'm back at Tafe so I'm not gona have the same amount of time to put into writing. Disappointing I know, but I do hope to continue pumping out chapters on a regular basis. I'll let you know what the work load is like when I get a bit further in. Anyway, enough sadness. Time to read some madness!

By the way, Orannis4 requested a Tsunade moment in this chapter. Here you go mate! Hope it meets your standards =)

Chapter 8

"Tenten-chan..."

Tenten slowly came to as the strange voice penetrated through her sleep.

"Tenten-chan..."

"Mmmmm..."

Groaning, she rolled away from the voice, determined to get more sleep. She felt the bed depress around her.

"Come on Tenten! It's like, Eight o'clock! Last night seriously couldn't have tired you out that much!"

Sitting bolt up, Tenten looked at Naruto, still female, with incredibly wide eyes. "Say WHAT?"

Naruto cringed at the scream but sat back on the bed. "You know, last night? Harem no Jutsu, big talk, Hokage mountain?"

Tenten's somewhat sleep-fuzzed head struggled to remember the night. Yeah, she remembered climbing up to the mountain top, Naruto turning to a girl, Naruto then swamping her with Kage Bunshin's...

Tenten's eyes widened even further as she remembered that bit. "Naruto... did you... and me... last night..."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. Currently, Tenten was flushing red very badly and was looking at her with a scared, almost maniacal look in her eye. Trying very hard to understand what she was talking about, Naruto started off slowly.

"Uh... did we what, Tenten?"

Tenten was struggling to work everything out. While she was a fan of early starts, even her brain took time to have its morning cuppa' before appearing. That, coupled with being very abruptly awoken in a strange house by Naruto AND the foggy memories of the night before, made for a very concerned girl. Rubbing her eyes, Tenten swallowed.

"Did we... you know... Harem no Jutsu... you and me?"

"Ah!" Now completely on the same page, Naruto sent her a beaming smile. "Yeah, we totally did! You wanted to see my Harem no Jutsu and I showed you good! You even enjoyed it a bit if I remember correctly."

Naruto sent her a wink, happy to give her friend an early morning teasing. What Naruto didn't expect though was for Tenten to burst into tears.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FIRST WAS NARUTO! AS A GIRL! WHAT AM I?"

Now thoroughly perplexed, Naruto sat back wondering what just happened. Apparently their pages were slightly different. She knew girls had the mood swings of a crusty old parrot but nothing she could think of explained this. She sat back with a finger on her chin as Tenten wailed, mentally blocking out the sound as she tried to remember the night.

'Nothing really naughty happened. Besides, what's her first? We didn't do anything up there for the first time. Except to talk... actually, what happened after that?"

Naruto looked back down to see Tenten hugging her pillow and crying into that. Gingerly reaching out, Naruto tried her best to detach the bawling teen from the now soggy cushion but was left with several scratches up her arms and an even bigger question mark floating over her head. Moving around, Naruto leaned into Tenten's ear and spoke above the muffled noise.

"Oi! Tenten! I duno why you're having a life crisis in my bedroom but I was just wondering if you can remember how we got home."

Naruto waited a while but Tenten made no sign of answering. Sighing to herself, she leant in again.

"Tenten!"

*Bamph*

"Damnit!"

"EH?"

Jumping back in surprise, Tenten ended up on the floor as the explosion of manliness took place. Naruto looked down at her happily and repeated his question.

"Ok, you listening? Cool. Now, how did I get home?"

Tenten just stared up at him for a bit before stumping him with her reply.

"Naruto did we shag up there?"

The boy looked at her with wide eyes. Not quite sure how to answer the question, Naruto just let his mouth take over while his brain went to its empty box.

"What's a shag?"

Tenten let out a frustrated yell before grabbing the surprised boy by his shirt.

"DID WE HAVE SEX?"

Naruto's eyes widened as he finally caught on.

"No, we couldn't have! I don't even know where to get any and on our Genin wages there's no way just you alone could pay the stork! Besides, why do you want a baby? You're so young!"

Having no answer to that, Tenten did the next smartest thing and gave Naruto a big W.T.F. face.

But then Naruto's eyes widened as he remembered Neji and Kiba's enlightening chat the previous afternoon.

"No, wait, that's not right. I gotta put this..."

He stuck his finger up.

"Into your..."

He made a circle with his other fingers and then poked his index finger through.

"Like this for sex. Right?"

Tenten started slowly backing away as she contemplated having spent the night with the world's biggest pervert.

"Naruto... I don't think that... but the... what are you... what the hell?"

Naruto looked up from poking his finger back and forth through the hole to focus for a second. Biting his lip in memory, he then sent her a big grin as he came to his conclusion.

"Nah, nothing to worry about Tenten-chan! We didn't hold hands or anything so there's NO way we could have had sex!"

It was Naruto's turn to start to feel awkward as Tenten sent him the most scrutinising glare of all time. This went on for several minutes till Naruto couldn't take any more.

"So... want some breakfast? I got ramen?"

Tenten shook her head in amazement. "You really have no idea, do you?"

Naruto looked over his shoulder indignantly from the walk to the kitchen. "Excuse me but I think you'll find I have the most smarts on ramen in the whole village!"

Tenten let out a bark of laughter. What the hell was she thinking, sex with Naruto? Besides, when Naruto was a girl, there technically was no way they could have done that anyway! Naruto sent a suss look over his shoulder as Tenten's laughter slowly grew more insane.

'She has got to be the weirdest girl I have ever met. I might have to take her to Tsunade-baachan to get her fixed.'

Tenten meanwhile felt the weight of being a bisexual teenager fall from her shoulders as she rejoiced in her continuing straight-ness. Twirling twice, she fell back onto the bed and let out another crazy laugh and ran her fingers through her hair. After that fright, NOTHING else could scare her for the rest of her life! Looking across at Naruto, she snickered as she saw him huddled over his cup on instant ramen. Feeling an overwhelming need to right Naruto's (for lack of a better word) retarded views on life's more intimate times, the girl stood up straight with a new purpose. Seeing Naruto slurp up the last of his beloved ramen, she grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards the door amidst a cry of protest. Swinging it open, she tossed him out.

"No, no, none of that Naruto-kun! We're going to see Tsunade-sama this instant!"

Naruto's eyes lit up. He always thought the first step to recovery was admitting ones faults. Sending Tenten another of his beaming smiles, he nodded happily.

"For sure! We'll get you fixed up all better in no time!"

XxXxXxX

"So I gotta stick my..."

Naruto stuck his finger up in the air. Tsunade sighed.

"Into the girls..."

He made the circle again. The woman before him looked like she was itching for a drink.

"And do this..."

He started poking his finger through the hole repeatedly. Tenten blushed slightly seeing the effort put into the motion.

"To make..."

He stuck his finger up into the air again.

"Throw up inside the girls..."

He held up his circle.

"And from that, the baby grows in the..."

He held the circle up higher. Tsunade slapped a hand to her head. "Womb, Naruto. It is called... a womb."

"And then like, ages later, a baby pops out from there. Right?"

Tsunade sighed. Tenten shook her head. This was proving to be an impossibility.

"Kind of Naruto-kun..."

Naruto looked up at the two women before him. He smiled at them to show he understood... kind of. He then went back to sticking his finger through his circle again. Tenten blushed and made to grab at his hands but was dodged.

"Honestly Naruto-kun, can't you stop that? And why can't you use the correct names?"

Naruto looked up at them and grinned. "Cause it's more fun like THIS!", and pumped his finger a few times to emphasise the point. Looking up at her idol, Tenten could tell the older lady was as close to tears as she could get in a situation like this.

Trying to recover the already far lost situation, Tenten spoke up. "Well, please Naruto, can you atleast point to the bits your fingers mean?"

For Naruto's benefit, Tsunade had unearthed two human body posters, male and female of course, and stuck them up on the wall. Unfortunately for Tenten, Naruto still had yet to realise they were for him.

"There and there!"

Following Naruto's fingers, Tenten found to her horror that one hand was pointing at his own crotch and the other was pointing at her own. Squealing in mortification, the girl quickly crossed her legs and hands over that part of her, her face burning bright red. Naruto laughed at her reaction and went back to playing 'pokies' with his fingers.

Tsunade had seen where Tenten's failed attempt to direct the conversation was going and as such had already sunk back into her chair and cracked open a bottle. Seeing Naruto react how he did after he pointed at Tenten's groin and not even blush slightly, the old medic could tell Naruto really had no idea what was going on. Paging one of her ANBU, she shouted to be heard over Tenten and ordered a TV and tape recorder. Standing quickly, she then walked over to the two teens and picked them both up by the scruff of the neck. Throwing them down on separate chairs, Tsunade held out a very full cup of a strong alcoholic substance to each of the teens.

"Drink."

"What?", came the unison reply.

Tsunade just thrust it into their hands and walked to the door. Opening it, she dragged the TV in and then barked an order at the guard outside to not be bothered until further notice. Slamming it shut, she then activated a Silence Seal. While Naruto happily sipped on his beverage, Tenten watched her idol with concern. Something about this wasn't right. She then saw Tsunade slip a tape in and the girl let out a terrified gasp when she realised just what it was.

"Oh, please, please, please Tsunade-sama don't do this to me please I beg you! My eyes are still innocent!"

Tsunade just grunted at her. "Naruto can't seem to grasp what we're talking about so just pretend this is a balls out, crash course in anatomy... or something. Either way, I am sure as hell not doing this alone. Now settle yourself down for a show."

*Bamph*

Both women turned to face their smoky, now third female member. "Awww man, this sucks! Ah well. What we watchin' Tsunade-baachan?"

Tsunade turned to see Tenten desperately mouthing 'NO'. Shrugging, the taller blond just grabbed a bottle and took a swig before settling down for the show.

As soon as the cheesy music began to play, Tenten gave up hope and sank her cup in one gulp. She could only pray that this would get her sloshed enough that most of the 'session' will be just a bad dream. Naruto meanwhile was chirping happily to Tsunade while waiting for the movie to really get going. It seemed she was a chatty drunk.

"So yeah, I haven't seen this movie anywhere before. What did you say it was called? No? Oh that's ok here's the title anyway... Hmmm, Sexy Night Time Adventures? That's one I've never heard of... it's almost sounds like something Ero-Sennin would write. So yeah anyway what's it aboooooooh... my..."

Tsunade smirked as Naruto's eyes grew rounder, the perverted image holding her attention captive. Her eyebrows went up though as Naruto then quickly pulled the waist band to her pants out and looked down.

"So that's what it really looks like down there hey?"

XxXxXxX

A/N – And that's the latest amount of twisted material that's flown from my mind. As I said though, Tafe is gona be taking over my life now. That's why the chapter was a bit shorter too cause I just wanted to get it out into your guys' waiting arms! So consider this my sorry if the next update is a while away. Till then though, hope I brought a little bit of life into your otherwise boring day =)

Lanky Nathan