Hey peeps. Seeming I was locked out of FF and had nothing to do, I wrote the next chapter faster. It's also a bit longer because I love you all and stuff but mostly because I wanted to set this chapter up for some real mayhem. How lucky are you guys huh, huh?

Aaaaaaand START

Chapter 14

"MAN, MAN, MAN, MAN, MAN!"

Naruto was stomping through the streets singing loudly and horribly off key as he positively glowed in his re-found manliness. Civilians were glaring at him in distaste; the demon boy now being even louder. One particularly crank old lady threw an old shoe in his direction. Naruto noticed and turned to find out who it belonged to. He saw the woman glaring holes through him. Feeling way too good about himself to just let it slide like all other times, he sent her a big false smile and picked up the shoe.

"May I be led to believe this shoe is yours?"

The old lady snarled at him. "Damn right it's mine! You're making all this horrible racket, disturbing the peace more than normal and I cannot stand for it!"

Naruto cocked his head at the screaming children playing ball no further than 10 meters away.

"Perhaps you should sit down then because there's a whole lot more noise than just me around. Turn your selective hearing aid off and look around. Those kids over there are making twice the noise I am. So why don't you crawl back into that little shop of yours and go count the floorboards because I have so many better things to do right now than listen to one cranky old bat."

The woman started frothing in fury at being spoken to like that. Several other shop keepers and bystanders stood up too.

"H-how dare you! You cannot speak to me like that! Shinobi or not, you need to learn your place!"

There was a mumble of agreement through the crowd. Naruto just shrugged and started walking away. "My place is protecting happy people from bitter old fossils like you."

The crowd instantly circled around him menacingly. One large citizen stepped up, looking down his nose at the boy. "You do realise we can write out an official complaint that can have you reprimanded and sent back to the academy. I suggest you watch what you say boy."

Naruto looked up at him disinterestedly. "I'm sorry. You must not understand vast amount of damn I do not give."

The man growled at him and raised a hand. "Watch yourself boy. You might bite off more than you can chew."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, maybe one day. But at the moment, all I see is a bunch of overconfident airbags threatening Konoha's demon. I'm pretty sure that would go down well in my favour."

He gave them all a smile, just allowing enough chakra to lengthen his canines a tad.

'Surely that tiny amount wouldn't affect me... no harm done.'

The group stepped back a bit and with that Naruto stepped forward and walked through them. He threw them all the bird over his shoulder and laughed as he walked away.

"Maybe next time you gang up on me, you can bring me something that will actually pose a threat. I feel bad fighting armatures."

He was instantly showered in insults and curses but Naruto couldn't have been happier. He spun the shoe around his index finger and began whistling.

"Demon, 1. Brainless villages, 0."

XxXxXxX

Anko was happily chewing one her most favouritest treat of all time, eyes scrunched up in pure bliss as the delicacy slowly slid down her throat. Kurenai was watching disinterestedly as the vibrant woman leant forward and grabbed another 3 sticks of dango before stuffing her face again. Sighing, Kurenai dropped her arm to the table and looked out at the sun.

"Seriously Anko, you've been eating for the past hour. Keep that up and you'll get fat. Besides, I have things to do! You really don't need me to stay here and watch you gain weight."

The snake mistress strained as a not fully chewed piece was forced down her throat. She breathed out happily she eyed her friend. "Oh come on Kurenai, you know you need me to make you stop working. If I wasn't here, you'd be nothing but bones. Just watching you work makes me tired."

With that said, another stick found its way into her mouth. Frowning, Kurenai went to say something but just as she opened her mouth, Anko flashed forward and stuffed a dango ball into it. Coughing in surprise, Kurenai had to quickly chew and swallow or face having to dislodge it from her lungs. Anko laughed and ended up spitting food everywhere. Not caring though, she pointed a stick at Kurenai as said woman wiped food from her face.

"That's more like it! Eat! Drink! Be merry! You don't have hardly enough down time. Atleast not for me. If I had a beard and smoked though I'm sure you would..."

"Shut up."

Cheeks now matching her brilliant eyes, Kurenai looked down shyly and ignored Anko's chuckles. Sticking another ball in her mouth, Anko looked around and peered out the window as she heard a horribly off key voice nearing them. Happy for the distraction, Kurenai followed her friends gaze until she saw the tell-tale tuft of striking blond hair.

"Oh, that's Naruto-kun."

Anko gave her a vacant look.

"He's on Kakashi's team."

"Ah, that Naruto."

Turning back, they saw him nearing them, swinging a shoe around one index finger. Noticing them, he stuck an arm up and waved vigorously before running over.

"Kurenai-sensei. Crazy snake lady. How are you both?"

Anko's eyebrow twitched and Kurenai eyed her cautiously. "We're doing ok Naruto-kun. How about you? You seem very lively today. I would have imagined you'd be training with all that energy."

Naruto deflated a bit but shrugged it off. "Ah, I can't. Tsunade Baa-chan told me I can't because of a medical condition, or something."

While she was a serious work-a-holic, Kurenai ALWAYS had time for a troubled student. Patting the seat beside her, she shuffled across.

"Really? That's quite disappointing. Did you wana tell me about it?"

Naruto shrugged again and dropped down besides her. "Yeah, I suppose so. I duno how you haven't heard about it yet though. I'll was just off to find something to eat though. I'm really hungry but don't have much money."

Patting his tummy, he was happy to hear it growl angrily. Perfect timing. Looking ever so slightly up at Kurenai, he tried his best to look as malnourished as possible. He saw her face crack slightly and he knew he had her. Sinking into his chair, he sighed despondently as his stomach grumbled again. Hearing a defeated sigh from the woman beside him, he internally grinned. Food always tasted better when it was bought by someone else.

"Fine. If that's the case I suppose I can buy you one bowl of something. What would you care for?"

"Ramen!" In a stroke of genius though, he remembered his manners and bowed slightly. "Please. Thankyou so much for this too. It's been hard for me lately so this is a big help."

After much experience in draining Iruka's savings, he found it was much easier to get a second serving if one was extremely polite. Seeing Kurenai smile down at him, he was pretty sure he was going to be waddling out of here once his tale was finished. As Kurenai waved over a waiter, the purple haired lady on the other side of his meal ticket waved him over. Leaning in, she cupped her hand to his ear.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. You're just lucky Kurenai is a softy."

Leaning back, she smiled. "You played it well though. Hell, if I could pull something like that off as well as you can I'd be doing it too!" Seeing Naruto smile sheepishly, she grinned and stuck another dango ball in her mouth. "But why ramen? You are sitting in the greatest dango restaurant in all of Konoha, and you order ramen. Did someone stick a hot coal in your mouth at birth or something?"

Instantly in serious mode, Naruto looked at her evenly. "Because ramen is only the greatest food of all time. Not only is it filling, it comes in a wide variety of flavours and is high in carbohydrates, exactly what a growing body like mine needs. It also has a high sodium content which is the perfect cure for muscle cramps. It is delicious, nutritious and above all, incredibly tasty."

Anko blinked several times as Naruto crossed his arms in finality. "Kid, I didn't think you even knew those words, let alone how to put them into a sentence. And ramen is most definitely not nutritious. Where did you hear that?"

As if coming out of a nap, Naruto blinked and looked up at Anko. "Nutritious? Is that a new brand of ramen?"

They fell into an uneasy quiet as they stared at each other. Anko slowly dropped an eyebrow as Naruto slightly tilted his head to the side in question. They continued staring until Kurenai finished ordering and looked back at the two. She looked from one to the other in confusion until she tapped Anko's arm.

"Uh, what did I just miss?"

Anko paused a moment. "I'm... not too sure myself."

Kurenai looked at Naruto questioningly. "Naruto?"

Naruto looked up at her with wide eyes. "Yes, sensei?"

Kurenai glanced at Anko. "What just happened?"

Naruto smiled and looked up as he remembered. "Oh, I was just telling Snake Lady why ramen was like, 100 times better than dango."

Kurenai cocked an eyebrow at Anko and motioned for Naruto to continue. He didn't catch the hint though.

"Ok Naruto, what did you tell Anko?"

Naruto instantly went serious again. "Ramen is only the greatest food of all time. Not only is it filling, it comes in a wide variety of flavours and is high in carbohydrates, exactly what a growing body like mine needs. It also has a high sodium content which is the perfect cure for muscle cramps. It is delicious, nutritious and above all, incredibly tasty."

Kurenai's eyebrows shot up in surprise. While she didn't know the boy all that well, it was general knowledge that he struggled to piece together a word much bigger than three syllables.

"How did you know all that?"

Coming back down again, Naruto took a moment before looking up at her. "Know what?"

She caught Anko's eye. "Um... never mind. Anyway, how about we get onto the story about why you can't train?"

Sitting up a bit Naruto nodded. "Alright. Well, it starts two days ago when something happened to my Oiroke no Jutsu. Basically I lost total – "

Butting in, Anko looked at the boy curiously. "Wait, what?"

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "That's right, you and Kurenai-sensei don't know. It's a transformation technique that turns me into a girl version of me."

Both Jounin widened their eyes at this. "Come again? It actually turns you into a girl?"

Naruto nodded.

"Do you have big boobs?"

"ANKO!"

"Yup."

"And everything down below gets vaginafied?"

"ANKO!"

"Yup."

Totally ignoring the fuming Genjutsu mistress, Anko leaned back in wonder, a finger touching her chin. "Well I'll be... that has to have thousands of applications!"

Naruto nodded unhappily. "Yeah, but I've only ever met one person who actually thought it useful. Everyone else just calls me a pervert and smacks me."

Kurenai came to the rescue, somewhat. Still very cautious, she was still open minded enough to hear out any new technique created.

"Well... it sounds like it has its uses. What do you usually use it for?"

Naruto paused. "Promise you won't hit me?"

Kurenai nodded.

"Ok, well, it's a diversionary technique. Anyone who has even a hint of perversion is instantly knocked out."

Hearing this, both Jounin's leaned in. "How do you do this?"

Naruto paused. "Well... I'm naked when I transform and then I jump on them."

Anko instantly burst out laughing while Kurenai's eyes hardened and hands formed a seal. Instantly cowering, Naruto threw his hands out.

"Ah-ah-AH, remember you promised!"

Freezing, the powerful woman took several breaths before forcibly pushing her arms down to her side. Calming herself, she spoke carefully through clenched teeth.

"You do realise what you're doing is making a mockery of women everywhere by using this?"

Naruto nodded slowly. "Uh, kinda, but it's only for a moment, and it's really effective! Like, I even beat Sarutobi-jiji with it!"

Anko slapped her hands down on the table, eyes wide in surprise.

"You even beat the Hokage with that?"

Naruto nodded proudly. "Yup! Ain't met no one yet who can withstand it."

While Anko was stunned into silent respect, Kurenai was running the whole scenario over in her head. No matter what way she looked at it, she still found it offensive. It must have been painfully obvious on her face though because Naruto looked up with big puppy eyes and blinked several times.

"I – I'm really sorry Kurenai-sensei. It's also a really good sneaking technique too! No one can tell who I am! Like, I've been running around the last two days as a girl half the time and unless I tell people who I am, they don't know it's me!"

Frowning, she looked at the pleading boy sternly. She couldn't fault the second reason and after consideration, she kind of understood the first. Every kunoichi had atleast a little skin showing to distract the opposition. That was why she went around only wrapped in bandages and a top.

'Well, every kunoichi except Hinata.'

Sighing, she consented. "Well... I do suppose you have a good excuse. Just try keep the nakedness to a minimum. Deal?"

Naruto nodded promptly. "Deal." He also internally sighed in relief. His meal was still safe. Leaning back, he crossed his arms behind his head and continued.

"So yeah, anyway, from there I lost control of it. I duno how, but every few hours or so, poof! And I'd be a girl. Kakashi-sensei sent me to see Tsunade baa-chan after he got an eyeful of me naked as a girl and then she told me not to train."

"Wait, Kakashi saw you naked?"

Naruto growled. "Yeah. I kicked him pretty hard in the guts for it too."

Anko laughed. "You're salty about that? But you just said you jump people naked for a distraction!"

Kurenai just shook her head as Anko continued to laugh. Naruto however started drooling and making 'gimmie' hands at the waiter who was bringing him his ramen. When the waiter saw who it was though, his eyes narrowed and his grip changed on the bowl.

"Here's your ramen you filthy fox."

He then sent it at the boy food first. The two Jounin didn't even have time to blink before it smacked into Naruto's face with a wet squish. Turning to face the waiter, they were ready to gut him like a fish when an empty bowl hit the table and a satisfied burp sounded out behind them.

"Gah! Yummy! That's how I like it, fast and filling! Keep 'em coming!"

Three sets of eyes landed on him in shock as Naruto licked up the remains of the food from his face. Anko poked his jaw just to see if it would dislocate like a certain someone she knew.

"How did you do that? You ate the whole bowl in what, a third of a second? How didn't it go all over your face?"

Naruto just grinned and licked his lips. "I duno, that isn't too different to how I normally eat anyway."

He looked up at Kurenai again with big eyes. "Could I please have seconds?"

Still somewhat in shock Kurenai nodded and turned to the waiter. "You heard him. But if you pull a stunt like that again, I promise you I will make your wildest nightmares come true."

Anko grinned and slid her tongue along the edge of her kunai. "And then after her the real fun will start."

Eeping, the man ran away in a flurry of 'yes, sirs' and towels. Turning back to the boy, Anko leaned in and sent Naruto a creepy smile.

"So, now we know why you can't train, tell me more about this technique of yours!"

Naruto leaned back slightly and looked up at Kurenai. "Uh, what else do you wana know? I turn into a girl..."

Anko grinned wider and started crawling across the table. "Well duh, like have you snuck into the women's baths yet? Or have you teased a guy into sexual paralysis yet? Or, or, have you shocked the hell out of other girls?"

"Anko, behave yourself!"

Naruto started understanding what she wanted and frowned. "Well, I haven't gone into the girls bath yet..." He eyed up Kurenai and saw her nodding dangerously. Swallowing, he continued. "But I kinda sprung it on Tenten and she forgot how to move for a while, oh Hinata too! She's a massive closet pervert, did you know that? Um, Fuzzy Brows has a crush on me, Ino is hunting me for leaving her with a massive shopping bill, Neji and Kiba tried to tell me about sex and sexing, I watched a porno with Tsunade Baa-chan, I flirted with Sasuke in front of his fangirls to save our lives and flashed the whole main street my bum."

Anko whistled in surprise and Kurenai dropped her head into her hands, not fully comprehending just how this child managed to get himself into so much trouble.

"How about that! You do in two days what takes me a week! I'm so proud!"

Naruto sent her a winning smile. "Thanks! After you shouted at me in the street I knew you weren't as bad as everyone said!"

Anko's grin became positively dangerous and she leered over Naruto. "Not as bad hey?"

She went to grab him but stopped mid motion. "Hang on a second, I shouted at you?"

Naruto nodded. "Yup, when I was taking Tenten home on my shoulder."

Anko's eyes widened as she remembered and whistled again. "No way! I thought you were just a girl out for some girl on girl action!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What? Girl on girl? What's that?"

Anko's smile turned from dangerous to predatory. "Oh, it's when girls do the same thing as what you saw in that porno, just with each other."

Blushing furiously, Kurenai slapped a hand down on the table. "E-enough Anko! Naruto is barely a teenager! You shouldn't be telling him this stuff!"

"Wait, what?"

Leaving the innocent boy's question unanswered, Anko jumped across the table, grabbed Kurenai's waist and pulled her in close, nuzzling her face. "Oh come now Kurenai-baby. He's gotta find out what it is eventually..." Anko began trailing her fingers over Kurenai's stomach and slowly started moving her hand in a downward direction. "...actually... why not just show him what I mean?"

She then licked Kurenai's neck and blew on the wet patch.

"A-A...Anko, p-please st-stop!"

Anko leaned in and moaned into Kurenai's hair as her fingers got ever so lower. The whole store stopped and drool started running a-plenty as the two kunoichi got down to business. Kurenai was blushing up a storm and desprately trying to free herself from Anko's devious grasp, not even noticing the stalled shop around them. She was far too flustered to escape however and juuuust before Anko's fingers disappeared...

Thump.

Jumping back over to the other side of the table again, Anko smiled brightly at Naruto. "And that's that problem taken care of! Now, if you would come with me, I have MANY things to do with you!"

Pulling the boy away, he could only stare at the unconscious Kurenai in wonder at such a devastating tactic. He so had to learn that.

XxXxXxX

A/N – that was a bit more adult than I normally do wasn't it? I hope it was still in good taste and (hopefully) in character. Anko would do something like this yeah? I can totally see her doing something atleast like this. But the main point of it was to get a laugh out of you readers. Hopefully I succeeded!

Catch ya's next chapta peeps

Lanky Nathan