Reno stubbed his cigarette out before he walked back into the Shinra building, hoping that the lingering sewage smell on the Turk floor would mask the scent of his relapse. He knew he reeked of that nicotine and tobacco blend he had just been dragging into his lungs, but he didn't regret having that last cigarette. Smoking had set the still addicted parts of his brain into a restful state and had made it easier to think. Who said he had to have a relationship right now? He hadn't cared two shits about Rufus but he had let him claim him as his boyfriend. Why had he even allowed that? He was smarter than that! He knew Rufus treated his boytoys like crap and he had still allowed himself to become one despite his prior knowledge! He mentally kicked himself as he climbed up the many flights of stairs to the Turk floor, his travel bag slung over his shoulder and his eyes focused on his feet. He should know not to be so desperate as to be with someone he didn't have any feelings for. He still didn't think he was right for Rude, but he had no uncertainty about the fact that Rude was right for him. Deep inside he knew that, if he would stop being so wishy-washy and actually commit himself to a relationship with Rude, he had the potential to be what Rude needed. He just didn't trust himself with the responsibility of holding down a committed relationship. He had never had one before, so he had no idea how they worked. He had never even seen a working committed relationship; all the married people he had met were either divorced or cheating on each other. It didn't paint a pretty picture for commitment.
Reno shoved the doors to the Turk floor open and gagged, dragged out of his reverie by the lingering scent of backed up plumbing. It seemed that only the maintenance men were left on the floor as there were no other Turks in sight, even Elena had given up on using her office and must have retreated to Reeve's office. Reno tucked his nose into his shirt and stalked up to the elevator, sick of stairs for the day. Luckily he would be flying soon and, even though he'd be closest to the source of his troubles while he flew, he would be in the air and in the air; nothing mattered but the sensation in the pit of his stomach as he swooped through the sky like a bird.
Rude tucked his bags into the back of the chopper, waiting for Reno to make it to the launch pad. He felt like he had been waiting for hours, but he knew it had only been a few minutes. He had taken such a long time making sure he was prepared for the week that he was sure Reno, with his sloppy, fast, and inadequate for the circumstances packing technique, would have beat him to the chopper. For some strange reason, however, Reno was running behind as well. Rude hoped that Reno hadn't gone to great lengths to try and reverse the assignment, but with the way Reno had been acting towards him lately he wouldn't put it past the red-head. He saw the upcoming week for what it was; a chance to redeem himself in Reno's eyes and repair the tear Reno had ripped into their relationship. It was true what Reno had said to him, they had never officially had a relationship, but Rude planned to remedy that. He would get Reno's real feelings out of him if it was the last thing he ever did and he would resort to desperate measures to do so. The something that had urged him to be with Reno in the first place demanded that he beat the love out of Reno and take it back for himself.
Of course, beating the love out of Reno was a last resort, but the plan had its merits, especially as the red-head walked up to the helicopter pad reeking of poison smoke that could have only come from a cigarette. He sighed and tried not to breathe the scent he had hoped to disassociate with Reno. "When did you pick smoking back up?"
Reno blinked, he wasn't even aware Rude had noticed his approach. He quickly sniffed his shirt and frowned. "Godsdammit! I thought walking through the Turk floor would mask that!"
"The scent of shit doesn't stick quite as well as cigarette smoke does. Unless, of course, you've been smoking logs of shit too?" Rude blinked as he caught himself swearing. He rarely swore. Even when he was hurt he didn't swear. He was sure his mother was looking down on him and clucking her tongue in disapproval, but he would deal with his conscience later. Right now he had to deal with Reno in whatever way his something demanded. Right now, that something demanded that he be an utter asshole and he would obey. Not listening to that something that he needed a better name for than just 'that something' had lost him Reno's affection so listening to it would most likely bring the affection back. It was the most logical thought Rude had ever mustered up.
Reno blinked, scooting past Rude to drop his luggage in the back of the chopper. "Are…are you okay?"
"I hate it when you smoke those damn things." Rude watched as Reno set his bag down, sighing softly at the lack of weight in it. "Didn't you pack anything, Reno?"
"Course I packed stuff!" Reno looked between his bag and Rude's bags, confused. "Why did you pack so much stuff? It's only a week long trip!"
"Right now it's only a week long trip, but considering it takes two weeks for mail to reach me here from Junon, I figure that unless Rufus called for his package a week ago we may be stuck up there longer than expected." Rude climbed into the cockpit of the helicopter, chuckling softly at the look of horror that crossed Reno's face and finding it hard to keep up his angry demeanor. He knew though that Reno would eventually say something that would make it so, so much easier for him to be angry with the red-head like his something demanded.
"What! We've never been on a mission this stupid for that long!" Reno gaped, aghast at the prospect. "There's not even anything IN Modeoheim! They've got one bar and nothing else that would interest me one bit!"
"They've got skiing, Reno." Rude pulled on his headset, waiting for Reno to get in the chopper.
"Again, nothing else that would interest me one bit! What am I supposed to do for a whole week, Rude!" Reno pouted and stalked over to his side of the chopper, his spirits falling at the prospect of an extra week of sub-freezing climate.
"I hope you brought a book." Rude adjusted his headset, trying to seem impatient with Reno but knowing that he didn't pull off his façade well. There were many, many reasons that Rude wasn't an actor. His inability to act out things he didn't feel was the major one.
Reno climbed into his side of the chopper, pulling on his headset. "But…I don't have any books."
"Well then, you're in for one hell of a boring week." Rude got the helicopter started, eager to get off the ground.
Reno sighed and helped Rude pilot the bird off the landing pad, gazing into the sky with a grin. "I don't know where you're going, but I'm gonna steer us towards Costa Del Sol."
Rude was unable to resist a chuckle as he shook his head. "Costa Del Sol sounds amazing, but you've gotta remember, Reno, it may be warm, but this is the time of year when the Sahagin swarm the beach and soak up all your sun."
Reno wrinkled his nose and flew towards Modeoheim. "Suddenly a week in Modeoheim doesn't sound too bad. Maybe we should stay longer?"
Rude sat back, hands loose on the controls, waiting on his opportunity to give Reno a talking to. "If we stay longer then maybe I'll have time to teach you how to read that book you didn't bring."
"Oh right, it sounded great until I remembered that there are going to be a lot of boring parts." Reno shuddered. "Maybe we should just go kill all the Sahagin and play on the beach?"
"I'd rather just sit in Modeoheim and get paid to wait for a package. It sounds a lot less strenuous than most of our other missions. No one wants to kill us on this one." Rude took over the controls as Reno started drifting the helicopter in the wrong direction.
"But…Costa Del Sol is a ten minute trip….Modeoheim is an hour long trip…I'll get numb-butt syndrome and my balls will become one with the chair and you'll have to have me surgically removed from the helicopter if I have to sit still that long!" Reno looked out his window to the clear sky beside him.
"Well, maybe I'll just leave you in the chair for the week and I'll sit inside by the fire until you stop complaining." Rude tensed as he felt his opportunity to unleash the full fury of his something draw near.
Reno laughed. "Nah, I think you'd probably help me."
"Why would I do that, Reno?" Rude let the question hang, biting his tongue against the urge to say more.
Reno blinked, looking at Rude in confusion and stammering slightly as he tried to respond. "W-what?"
"Why would I help you out of the chair?" Rude looked at Reno, eyes hidden behind his sunglasses. Reno stilled reeked of cigarettes and the scent filled his nostrils, making his eyebrows crease with anger and frustration. Was Reno only able to be chatty and talkative with him now because he had smoked beforehand? Did Reno dislike his company so much now that he had to resort to drugs or alcohol to be able to tolerate him? His something told him that that much must be true and Rude felt his eyebrows touch together, his jaw set in a tight line as he forced the chopper to go faster.
"Because…you like me? We're friends?" Reno smiled weakly, feeling like Rude had sucker-punched him. Maybe it was the high altitude that did it, but Reno suddenly found that his stomach was swimming somewhere around his ankles as he tried to process the idea that Rude wouldn't help him with something simply because they were friends.
"Are we friends, Reno? Do you really think we're friends Mr. 'I-have-to-smoke-or-drink-before-we-can-do-anything-that-doesn't-involve-arguing'? I mean really, Reno, after all the time you've spent in the past week plus trying to avoid me and get rid of me do you really think we can call each other friends?" Rude watched as color drained from Reno's face, feeling even bitterer now that he had let out his carefully chosen accusations.
Reno blinked, still feeling like he had just been punched in the gut. "I... I… I … Damn, Rude. That…That hurt like hell to hear."
"Now you know how I feel." Rude looked straight ahead, tongue pressed between his teeth as he took full control of the chopper, reaching over and flipping Reno's controls off so that he could pilot by himself.
Reno let the worthless controls slip from his hands, sinking in his chair to join his stomach on the floor. He was stunned by what had just happened. Rude had dropped him. Just when everything had started to look up for their trip and they were starting to have a good time together again, Rude had dropped him like he was a scrap of rotten fruit. He pulled off his headset and stood on shaking legs so he could move to the back of the chopper, finding it useless for him to sit in the front seat if he wasn't able to help fly.
Reno curled up in the backseat, surrounded by Rude's bags while clutching his own much smaller bag to his chest. In his attempts to keep himself from getting dropped, he had forced Rude to drop him. He should have told him how much he loved him when they had made love instead of biting his lip and choking the words back. He should have curled up in Rude's arms instead of running to the shower on shaking legs, legs that shook just like his legs shook now but for very different reasons. He should have stayed the night and let himself wake up content and happy on Saturday, instead of flopping onto his unwelcoming bed and letting his own self pity lull him to sleep.
Reno touched a hand to his neck, quickly finding the yellowing remains of the last bite mark Rude had left on him. The scabbed and crusted bite marks around it didn't mean anything to him, but the pale yellow bruise beneath his fingers did. He had been conflicted when he received the bite, and he was conflicted now. He had succeeded in his mission of getting Rude to keep him at arms length so that he wouldn't hurt him, but was he happy with how the results of his fruition felt in his soul? No. He wasn't. It was an undeniable fact that he still wasn't happy. He had thought that without commitment to Rude, he would be happier, but as he sat curled under all of their bags, he knew that he had been stupid to think that he could be happy without Rude. He rubbed the bite mark slowly, smiling softly to himself as he remembered how gently Rude had bitten him. Rude had bit him just hard enough to leave a bruise, but not hard enough to cause him more than a few lingering moments of pain that had fueled his pleasure. He should have known better than to throw away all that he and Rude could have had, but maybe there was time to pick the pieces back up?
The reality check Rude had just given him meant that the man was feeling hurt, more hurt than Reno had realized. Rude kept his emotions sealed in behind his sunglasses, but Reno would find a way to break his guard and learn what he had to do to make things right again. Even if they couldn't be lovers again, as obviously Reno was a terrible, horrible choice for Rude in that respect, then maybe they could learn to just be friends again? Reno would shoot for friends first, then he would work on getting Rude back into his bed. After all, he still had things in Rude's shower that he needed to gather up and there were countless pairs of socks roaming Rude's apartment that belonged to Reno's feet. If nothing else, he at least had an excuse to get back in Rude's bedroom to look for his socks.
Author's Note: So, Reno has FINALLY grown up and figured out that he's got no reason NOT to be with Rude, but maybe he waited too long to figure it out? Reno should smoke more often if it keeps him from being such a moron about his relationships.