Unliving

Chapter 7 - Help

"How long have you been… like this?" her wavery voice reached his ears like a plea. He looked away from the fire and set his gaze on her face.

"Very long… Around 700 years." Kagome frowned.

"That is long." She concluded, avoiding his eyes. This was all too far from reality for her to chew on it without choking… repeatedly.

His calm was still too annoying for her to handle. He was simply seated there, with his hands on the edges of his large armchair, looking perfect.

She didn't know where to start, so she asked the first thing that came to her mind:

"What is The Book of Nod?"

He seemed a little surprised by her question.

"A tale… of the Kindred. Vampires." He enlightened her, seeing as she had frowned at the unusual word.

"Oh." Kagome said, as if she would have understood. But she hadn't at all. She tilted her head, still looking away from him.

"And… what are the Traditions?" she could barely believe how freely he spoke of these things, and how freely she could ask about them. It wasn't natural. She should be stressing out by now, and go crazy, not sit in front of him, asking him polite questions about his vampire nature!

"Rules. Hn… More like guidelines than actual rules, really. They speak of the kindred's proper conduct, although they are far to general to be used as rules per se."

"When I first read them, I thought they were a spooky version of The Ten Commandments." Her smile showed how ridiculous she believed her assumption to be. Sesshoumaru was still, wondering how long will it take for her to figure out why he'd brought her here.

'It should happen any minute now, and we shall see how well you take the realization, Miss Higurashi.' He thought, and had a flinch of heart. She might as well freak out and try to run away. Then, he would be forced to stop her, and it wouldn't be pleasant, for either of them. But mostly for her.

"Uhm… I really don't know how to even… begin understanding this." She mumbled.

"You may start by looking me in the eye, Kagome." His steady voice practically forced her to stare at him. And so she did, finding that the gold light in his inhuman eyes was as bright as always. His face was as beautiful and disturbing as it had been since the moment she first laid eyes on him.

He had taken off the long coat, and was now wearing only the indigo shirt. His broad shoulders were certainly adding to his imposing appearance, and Kagome was intimidated by the sight of him. The fire toyed with the outline of his features, shadowing corners of his face, and increasing the ghostly impression Kagome now had over him. As if that was further necessary!

He tilted his head into that curious look he sometimes had around her. She could see she was interesting to him, but could not for the life of her figure out why.

"Do I look any different than yesterday, Kagome?" he said, and she received his deep voice with a visible shudder. Her composure was slowly but steadily melting away, as a small indefinable thought made its way into her mind. It felt like she should be afraid, but yet she was not.

"No." she answered, and stared at his chest. His intrusive look unsettled her and the constant thought that he could simply grab her by the throat and sink his teeth into her neck was certainly not helping her keep calm. She fussed in her seat.

'What the hell am I doing just sitting here? He's a vampire! Vampire, Higurashi! What am I doing?...' her trail of thoughts was cut abruptly when he demanded:

"Look at me." She flinched and looked into his eyes, not being able to resist his order. She wondered why that was.

"I will not hurt you, Kagome."

'Or at least not in the way you might think.' He added to himself.

"You've said… you can force blood through your veins at will. But with a price. What price?" she managed to say. Her sentences were stopping abruptly, as if she had trouble with keeping her thoughts flowing.

"At the expense of the blood. We… I must feed in order to…continue my existence. That is, I must feed on blood." She stiffened at his simple statement, and how easily he worded it out. She wanted to rip her eyes off his, but she couldn't. He was pinning her to the chair, with only his look. She couldn't move much and this was begging to worry her.

"The vitae… blood, is consumed when I use it for such tasks. It takes some effort, as it were, and I need to feed more often if I do this."

'Feed…' the word flooded her mind and drove a cold shiver of raw fear through her body.

"Then… your appearance is… manufactured." For lack of a better word, she'd used that one. He nodded once, not allowing his eyes to stray from hers.

"You may stop doing it, if that makes you more comfortable. I think it's no longer necessary, since..." she didn't finish, but Sesshoumaru was impressed with her courage.

"Very well." He let out a breath, and just before her eyes, his face became livid, as pale as chalk. His lips lost almost all color and his eyes gained a glassy shade, but were still burning with the intensity of his gaze. The only stains of color on his face were those eyes and the magenta stripes on his cheeks. He looked frightening, like a being from another world. She swallowed her fear.

Her thoughts shattered into a messy cloud, as she struggled to put some logic into what she had just found out. His life, well… existence was an impressing demonstration of force and will power. She still found him remarkable, she still looked at him and saw the great taiyoukai that he was. Strangely enough, she saw his original nature, rather than this parasitic one that had intruded upon his life.

"Did you choose to become a vampire?" she found herself asking, out of pure curiosity. Sesshoumaru knew it was coming, and dreaded the question.

"I did not." She blinked in confusion and felt sick from her stomach. How could anyone force this magnificent creature into such a thing? What kind of treachery and deceit would it take for him to be trapped inside this darkness, for such a long time? Kagome was disgusted by the thought.

'How could they do this to him?'

The look in her violet eyes wasn't the one Sesshoumaru would have expected. He expected pity, but she was revolted, she was showing anger and determination. Could she be the one he'd expected, without even knowing it? Could she indeed save him from his fate? His soul trembled with the touch of her violet gaze, which pierced through his senses and nested deep within him.

"Who… did this to you?" Another odd question.

'Would she ask of her purpose here, anytime soon?' he wondered.

"It bares little significance. It is a name that would tell you nothing." She took a mindful look at him, finding that she was now able to move freely and even to stray her gaze off his face. The thing was, now she didn't w2ant to do that anymore.

"You've isolated yourself from them. You hate them and what they've done to you, isn't it?" Sesshoumaru smiled a shadowy smile while the woman before him unveiled her intelligence. He had hoped her to understand him, and she was living up to his expectations.

"Indeed. I also dread the fact that I could be hoaxed in such a manner, by beings so much beneath my level. However, now I am one of them, and I have become to think as they do, act as they do, and exist as they do. I had no other option, and I refused to demise."

Kagome still didn't care to pity him. She didn't think pity was what he wanted, nor what he needed. Although she was still in the dark as for what it was that he did need, she was fairly certain that it was not her pity.

And so she'd been lead to think at the fist Tradition.

"Thou shalt not reveal thy thy nature to those not of the Blood. Doing so shall renounce thy claims of Blood."

He'd broken the first rule, and so blatantly, that there was no interpretation which would take the blame from his actions.

'Why would he break the first…' her thoughts cleared like the morning sky, after a night with rain. Everything seemed to rush in front of her eyes and she felt like she couldn't breathe properly. Time seemed to stop for a few moments, and she froze into his golden eyes, petrified with something far beyond terror. The thing was, she wasn't even fighting the imminence of what she was to experience. She simply had no chance of escaping it.

"So you've finally understood." His voice was still strong and he was still sure of himself. She couldn't think straight, she felt her body betray her, and beginning to shiver. Blood ceased its rush through her veins, and she could feel how her skin lost color, as she went pale. She clenched her teeth, and desperately tried not to whimper. Sesshoumaru wasn't moving.

"Why?" was all she could say, but her voice seemed to come from another throat, from another body.

He didn't answer, and she continued to fight against her body, sinking her nails into the chair's arms. She was rigid, and he knew she would lose it if he wouldn't say something to calm her down.

Kagome could not understand. If he hated it so much, how could he do it to her? How could he condemn her to the same fate, knowing that he had been living a nightmare for the last 700 years? She couldn't fit this thought into the image she'd had of him. She simply could not understand. Why would he do this? And why her?

She went limp, and let go of the chair. She unclenched her teeth and dropped her head to her chest, breathing rapidly. She frowned and closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see his face anymore. The disappointment inside her, the pain, were both too much to handle. She shook her head, denying what she knew was the truth, denying her helplessness facing the immediate twist in her existence.

She cringed when she felt his hand raising her chin. She wanted to get away from him, wanted to run like hell and never look back, wanted to wake up and se that she was safe, that the world was not as twisted as she saw it now. She couldn't move though, and her arms stood limply on her knees. Her legs refused to move and carry her away from his cold, dead touch. Her eyes were linked to his, without any other choice, and she breathed heavily.

Her mind refused to show her a way out of this situation, and her entire body rejected the cold fingers running across her skin, her neck and shoulders. However, she could not move. The sudden paralysis didn't scare her as much as the look in his eyes did. She wanted to scream, to push him away, to make him stop touching her, anyway she could. But there was no way.

Sesshoumaru looked into her burning eyes, the only part of her body that could say something. She was as limp as a paralyzed person, but all she felt poured out from those wide open eyes. Light was flickering inside them like fire, and it hurt him.

"Kagome." He whispered, and she only widened her eyes even more, for a second, and then resumed her shocked posture.

"I will not hurt you, Kagome." His plans had changed indeed, but he didn't know if these new plans would work, and now he had no choice but to keep her there until she could understand him. However, she seemed entirely out of it for the moment, without any chance of waking from her condition.

He would have to leave her alone soon, because he had to feed tonight, and there was a chance that she would try to run away. That could prove disastrous to both of them. He had to make her snap out of it, and regain her reason. She had to sit still while he was gone.

"Kagome, I will not hurt you." He repeated, but his words didn't seem to reach her. Sesshoumaru could see how her beautiful eyes lost focus and started to blur and flutter closed every now and then. He had to give her an even more powerful shock in order to wake her, or else she would lose conscience. Without any further thought, he grabbed her jaw with one hand, the other one pulling her head closed by the back of her neck.

She fell forward to him not resisting his pull, and Sesshoumaru pressed his mouth over hers, parting her lips with his tongue, trying to force entrance into her. Kagome shivered intensely at the unexpected contact and felt like she had no air. The coldness of his lips came like a slap over the face and she unwillingly opened her mouth to breathe, but found only his mouth.

Sesshoumaru didn't expect her to react so suddenly, and just as her body stiffened under his kiss he felt like hot water flowed through his veins, for a moment. He actually slipped his tongue inside her mouth when she'd opened it, although it hadn't been his intention. Her inside was warm and he felt the softness of her skin like a caress. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, submitting to the shudder that shook his body when she moved her lips over his.

A startled cry came out of Kagome's throat, finding herself pinned down by the vampire above her, and her hands sprung forward to push him away. He was cold, and she was scared by his touch. Her hands found Sesshoumaru's chest and Kagome pushed with all her strength, letting out a small whimper as the distance between them grew.

She opened her mouth to take in air, and leaned forward holding a hand over her mouth. She stood up rapidly and went behind the large chair, looking at the floor. Then her eyes darted to his face, in some other kind of shock.

"I apologize. It was necessary to wake you." Was all he said to a bewildered Kagome, staring at him with her hand over her mouth.

"You could have slapped me over the face." She said, and her voice was strangely steady.

He blinked and realized he'd never thought about that.

"Indeed." Kagome swallowed and tried to stop shivering. She really didn't know why she was shivering in the first place, if it was from the news or the kiss. It hadn't been a real kiss anyway; he only used it to make her snap out of her shock.

'Then, what's with this feeling?' she wondered, as she stared at him. Suddenly, she realized she was dead scared of what this creature could do to her, in more that one way. Nobody had disturbed her like this. She was afraid of him to her bones, she still wanted to run from him, and all reason ceased to work inside her mind as she turned and headed for the door.

Her rapid steps couldn't take very far though, as he seemed to materialize before her, just in front of the door, blocking her way. She tried to go around but he moved to stop her without much effort, having a curious look upon his face.

Kagome desperately wanted to get away, to go home and forget about him and his damned life or whatever it was that he was living… because that was not life!

She hit him in the chest and tried to push him away, but as she sprung forward to the door, she hit his side stretched arm, as he caught her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back against his chest. She was breathing rapidly, and her nails sunk into his arm, trying to force him to release his strong grip.

She opened her mouth to scream, but her voice was abruptly cut by his other hand over her mouth, strappingly pressing down her shout. She began to whimper under his hand, and her eyes frantically ran every corner of the room, searching for escape. Her fingers drew shallow cuts into his dead skin, and her legs kicked as he pulled her head against his chest, forcing her upper body to sit still.

Kagome arched her back in a hopeless try to avoid contact, and she squirmed into his arms for a few minutes.

Sesshoumaru turned his head to one side and pressed his eyes closed, as he was forced to restrain the wild creature within his grip. Her struggle eventually grew weaker, and he felt more at ease. He didn't want to hurt her, but feared that his grip was to leave her face and body with bruises, although he didn't want that.

Kagome ultimately gave in and Sesshoumaru felt hot tears run over his fingers, and trailing down his wrist. She didn't move anymore, but only cried silently, submitting to his brute force. Her arms fell beside her body and her back ceased its tense arching, as she fell against him. She began to shiver and he felt like he'd died for the second time. Her demise was so complete, so hopeless and desperate, that it tore at his soul.

"Don't scream." He said, trying to shape his voice into a softer one, although he knew it was still deep and intrusive.

He took his hand off her mouth, and turned her to face him. Kagome took a deep breath, slowly biting on her swollen lips. He stared at the trails of tears on her face, at the subjugated wilderness inside her eyes. She looked like a tamed feline, with her pale face and violet eyes, with those raven strands across her face, sticking to the wet paths of her tears. She looked beautiful.

"This has no point, Kagome. Can you not see that?" she only nodded, and said nothing. She felt defeated, empty and helpless.

So this was her fate. To be his… childe. She dreaded that word. She hated him for what he wanted to do to her.

"How can you do this?" she whispered, looking at him with her eyes half closed.

"I am not. That is what I have been trying to tell you, but you will not hear me." His words were so steady, like a rock to hang on while falling into the abyss.

Kagome shot up her head and stared at him. He raised his eyebrows and waited for her to think rationally. He knew she could do it. She couldn't help it, it was in her nature.

"Oh, my God…" she breathed out and rapidly let out air, a few times, as she sketched a smile. Sesshoumaru was more at ease now, that he saw her regain her usual posture.

"I didn't even hear you. I only saw… I could only think of…" she shook her head closing her eyes, then parting from him. She still didn't want him touching her.

Sesshoumaru let go with a slight regret, which he couldn't really place.

"But then… why did you…" she began mumbling, and he sighed. Surely, he was troubled, and it showed on his face.

"It was my original intention for you to become my childe, but all changed after you've held Tenseiga."

Kagome's head was spinning.

"Tenseiga? What does the sword have to do with anything?" Her eyes were stuck on him like he was her life saver. Although he really could be quite the opposite.

"Tenseiga has the power to bring the dead to life." Kagome's eyes widened and her mind rushed to connect the facts. She could feel the sword's call. She could feel Tenseiga reaching out to her and wanting to help its master.

'Tenseiga is his only hope out of this nightmare. Tenseiga could bring back his youkai blood and force the vampire out of him.'

"Do you think I can do this? How could I have the power to handle such a force?" she asked, very seriously. Sesshoumaru smiled at her, and she felt confused.

"You never cease to amaze me. That's what I believe in, Kagome: your willpower, your intelligence. I do not know for certain that you are the one, but you are the only one who felt Tenseiga's call for centuries. I myself have lost that ability when I was… transformed. Since then…" he shrugged his shoulders and she saw how pained he was, even through his mask of poise.

His entire power stripped from him like that, and for what? A life of hiding and feeding on another's blood. A life that could barely be called a life. His beautiful eyes hadn't seen the sunlight for 700 years, and his skin turned cold… for what? She was again enraged with the injustice he'd been subjected to. A wonderful creature imprisoned by a selfish desire to posses. An egotistical pleasure to bring to its knees a force that even time could not surpass.

"I'll try for as long as it takes, Sesshoumaru. I will stay here with you until I do it, or until Tenseiga's call will no longer be heard by my heart."

Her words drove a chill through his body, and they both stood staring at each other for a minute, before the demon nodded deeply, holding his head bowed to the woman before him.

"Thank you." He raised his head and Kagome could see the hope inside his eyes. His search had ended with her. She would do whatever it took to bring him back his life. She would defeat his fate and change it back to what it was supposed to be. She had to.

:---:

"Was it the same with Kikyo?" Kagome asked, looking at him from across the table. She'd just finished eating, although she couldn't swallow much, after the recent events. She figured Kikyo was in more or less her position, that's why she remained at the castle for so long. Maybe she'd even fell in love with him… It wasn't that difficult.

Sesshoumaru tried to stop assuming that anything could escape her attention, and nodded.

"Slightly different, but generally the same." He said. Kagome took a mindful look at him. He seemed deep in thought, as if memories would flash before his amber eyes.

"Did you love her?" Her question sprung out without her thinking that it could be disturbing to him. He'd told her far more disturbing things…

Sesshoumaru frowned.

"Love her?" he said the word as if it were impossible. Clearly, it was something he hadn't even thought about.

Kagome could see how much time had twisted Kikyo's story. She wondered what else was twisted in this tale.

"Then… did she love you?" She had to know, there was no stopping it now. She had to have all the information. Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrows for a second, and looked aside.

"I never knew." He answered, and Kagome instantly felt like a moron. He'd lost her so abruptly… maybe she was about to reveal her love, or… who was to say? So many years had gone by…

"She wanted to help me. I believe she would have eventually succeeded, if…" his voice fell into silence, and Kagome leaned forward. Her arm moved to his hand, but she stopped midway, not sure that he would have wanted her touch. Strange thing was, she didn't want it ether but felt like he needed it. So she put her palm over his and Sesshoumaru almost flinched.

"She did not deserve that fate. And it was my fault that she died." Kagome could read the regret in his deep voice.

He turned his hand and held hers for a moment, looking at her slender fingers as he entangled them with his. Kagome allowed him to do so, and the coldness from his skin spread across her body. This time it wasn't so bad, though. She was beginning to get used to his icy contact.

He swiftly stood up, like he would have just woken from a dream.

"I must leave. Please excuse me."

He gave her a lingering look, and Kagome understood his worry.

"You will find me here when you return." She didn't want to know where he was going, although she feared she already did. Feed. The word swam in a dirty mud pit inside her mind, and she hated it. She wondered how much he must hate it.

Sesshoumaru nodded and turned to leave. He stopped before opening the door, but seemed like he couldn't word out his thoughts, and resumed his first intention. He closed the door behind him and frowned.

He put his hands over his face and bowed his head, growling deeply and clenching his teeth. A rumble fought inside his chest and his body stiffened. He could feel his fangs lengthening and his claws too. His eyes flashed red for a second, and he couldn't believe it. The remainder of his youkai blood, although severely diluted, had responded to her touch.

'She really is the right one.' He thought, and went to collect his coat.

Kagome stood up and went to the window. The rain was still speckling the alley, and she saw Sesshoumaru get on his black horse and disappear behind the large trees guarding the gardens.

Her hand traced the cold glass, and her heart fell heavy inside her chest, as she was staring at the place she'd last seen him. The sadness inside her was still and didn't seem to want to leave her. So she accepted it, and allowed a solitary tear to roll over her cheek for the fate of this creature.

:---:

A.N. I admit to a huge mistake: the timeline is messed up. The 700 years he'd been a vampire would mean he was already one back in Sengoku Jidai. My mistake. Just imagine that he became a vampire after Rin died, not 500 but 700 years ago. I had to make him as old as I could, or else his power couldn't be justified. I hope this will not affect the story too much.