Unliving

Chapter twelve - Lesson

Alexis wasn't really what Kagome had in mind that a vampire should be. He was nothing like Sesshoumaru, he wasn't cold and distant, and he didn't have danger written all over his perfect features. She could feel at ease with him… somehow. She was still well aware of the fact that she could turn into his prey at any given moment, but she wasn't facing that particular threat at this time, so she was as relaxed as she could be, given the circumstances.

While Alexis was telling her something about one of his travels in Antarctica, she could feel Sesshoumaru's death glare spear her. This damned being couldn't stand her enjoying herself or what? So just to spite him, she didn't even flinch, didn't even try to look his way or talk to him the entire time they spent in the room. Alexis didn't seem to mind missing on the discussion, and remained with her until it was time to leave. Kagome felt the attraction he was releasing, felt how charming he was, but didn't think he was doing it on purpose. He was just being himself. She didn't really mind being… charmed. Especially since it drove Sesshoumaru crazy.

When Alexis said "I must take my leave." and kissed her hand, Kagome got a shiver from his touch. He was still warm, and his breath barely brushed her skin. She decided vampire men were probably the most mannered one could find. Too bad they were dead.

She was seated in the armchair, all alone, wondering what took Sesshoumaru so long to see his guests off. She looked out the window and momentarily stared at the rain. She was getting tired of all this rain. The weather was getting worse by the day, foggier and colder, and rainy… rainy… rainy. She got up and walked towards the exit. She slid through the crack of the door with no sound whatsoever and began walking along the empty, dark hallway to where she knew she'll meet the angel. But just when she wanted to take the turn, Alexis' voice stopped her midway.

"I see you want to punish me, Sesshoumaru. A woman? This is certainly something you haven't tried yet."

"She has nothing to do with you, Alexis. Leave her alone." Sesshoumaru said, and his husky voice seemed to fill the main entrance. He was in front of the staircase, and Alexis was leaning against the edge, with a weird look about him. Kagome held her breath and prayed to God they wouldn't sense her. She was pretty far from them, and their voices could only be heard due to the echo. She was having trouble making out the exact words anyway, and couldn't clearly see their faces. But Sesshoumaru was irritated, no question about that.

Alexis laughed.

"Oh, I think she does. What is it now, are you trying to make me jealous?" He moved his body forward and brushed Sesshoumaru's lips with his fingers. The youkai backed his head from the touch.

"Stop it, Alexis. You know that this is all your doing. I have never…"

"You stop it, Sesshoumaru! I can't believe you'd rather have a woman, a mortal woman here rather than me!" he practically spat the words in Sesshoumaru's face, like a reproach. He sprung forward and caught Sesshoumaru by the hair, pulling his head back. Kagome widened her eyes, not believing what she was seeing. Not only was Sesshoumaru not reacting to this contact, but he seemed to try calming down Alexis. She couldn't understand. Why was he this passive?

Alexis moved again and put his hands on Sesshoumaru's chest, looking up into his eyes, then resting his head against him.

"You've never loved me at all, Sesshoumaru." The taiyoukai turned his head to one side and Kagome thought he closed his eyes for a moment. Then he put one arm around Alexis, and the dark haired vampire raised his chin to nuzzle Sesshoumaru's neck.

When Alexis got closer than he'd wanted, Sesshoumaru thought it would be a good time for him to talk.

"Do not do this Alexis. It is not worth it."

"I want to." Alexis said, and opened his mouth. Kagome thought she saw the dim light reflected into the young vampire's fangs, and wondered how Sesshoumaru could allow this. It seemed so unlike him. What was the connection between them, anyway?

By the time Alexis reached Sesshoumaru's neck, the taiyoukai put his other hand under his chin and raised his face to his.

"No." the word made Alexis close his mouth. Then Sesshoumaru placed a shallow kiss on Alexis' lips, and tried to back away. But the other vampire wouldn't allow him to. He pulled him closer, although Sesshoumaru tensed.

"If you won't grant me this, then at least give me a proper, ordinary kiss." Sesshoumaru took in a deep breath.

"I miss you. I didn't want to force you into this, Sesshoumaru, although you know I could have." Alexis said, and his words sounded like a plea. Sesshoumaru bent and under Kagome's horrified eyes, fully kissed Alexis as if he were a woman. She felt sick to her stomach. Was he… She didn't even know if a vampire could be heterosexual or homosexual, or maybe bisexual… She looked at them kiss, and her stare became one of curiosity more than a sickened one. She'd never seen two men kiss before. Not live anyway.

This was too strange. And the fact that Sesshoumaru was one of them only made it stranger. But she began not feeling sick anymore. She wasn't all too comfortable watching it, but at least she didn't have the urging desire to puke her guts out any longer. She kinda felt like she was robbing them of their privacy. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, because although it was well in her nature to listen at various doors (it came with the job) she'd never peeked into bedrooms. And this was a private scene.

The kiss ended abruptly, and Alexis licked his lips, smiling up at Sesshoumaru. He was a little shorter than the youkai. Sesshoumaru backed away, and pushed Alexis at the same time. Alexis got the idea and just left without another word. Kagome stared at Sesshoumaru until she heard the heavy doors falling closed. Then she saw him lightly wipe his lips with the back of his fingers. She turned and headed back to the meeting room she'd exited a few minutes earlier, still confused by what she'd seen.

"Could you tell me what you were thinking?" Sesshoumaru hissed, as soon as he entered the room.

"Excuse me?" Kagome pretended not to understand, and didn't even look his way.

She heard him growl and move away from her seat.

"You know what I mean. Did I not advise you to stay away from them?"

"You mean from him." She replied, a little annoyed.

"I mean…" he stepped in front of her chair, and rapidly went about her body with his gold eyes. "… them."

"Will you stop being the damned control freak that you are for just half a minute and realize you can't drive me around like a freakin' puppet? I'm not your damned toy, Sesshoumaru; I thought you got that straight by now. Nothing happened, right? Why do you have to make such a big deal out of it? Just leave it alone."

He wanted to shut her up so badly, that he had to clench his teeth not to strike her.

"Is that what you think? That nothing happened? Gisele almost choked you to death, Viktor was about to throw you out of the room at least a couple of times, and Alexis…" Sesshoumaru stopped, and Kagome stood up to confront him, with her hands stuck on her hips and her neck stretched forward in a defiant stance.

"What about Alexis, Sesshoumaru? All we did was talk." She knew why this was bothering him. Or, she thought she did. She never considered the fact that vampires being the sick creatures that they are, they could very well turn out to have sick sexual preferences as well. It wasn't like mortals didn't indulge in such acts also. But she'd never thought Sesshoumaru the type to do that, she wasn't sure why.

"All you did was talk. He was considering opportunities. You are so naïve…" Sesshoumaru spat at her, and took a step towards her. Kagome straightened her back and looked defiantly into his eyes. She wasn't afraid.

"Oh, come on! Is it that hard to believe that he might have actually liked me? Am I that horrible a person that no other could stand to be in my presence, but you? Or are you just jealous?" Her words cut like a blade through Sesshoumaru.

"Do not think so highly of yourself, mortal." He threw at her, spitting out the word like a disease. Kagome was on fire.

"I didn't mean me, Sesshoumaru." Her voice was all honey and she knew this would drive him mad. 'Serves him right, if he thinks he can push me around like that.'

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and Kagome didn't see much else but his figure blurring out of sight, and then felt her back against the wall. Her feet weren't touching the ground anymore. She struggled to breathe, as he was holding her up by the neck with one hand, and pinning her shoulder to the wall with the other.

She didn't say anything.

Sesshoumaru bent to her and his eyes sparked coldly as he whispered into her ear.

"Alexis could do to you things that you think impossible for humans to withstand without dying. He is a cold hearted killer and a twisted one by the way. You would be nothing more than a night's entertainment to him. Get that straight into your head, Kagome."

"And you are… what? The knight in shining armor?" she replied sarcastically. She didn't believe him. Alexis didn't seem that bad.

Sesshoumaru clenched his claws on her shoulder and pierced her flesh, drawing blood. Kagome whimpered, and he found it quite enjoyable that she didn't struggle to get away. She was just sitting there, defying him with her silence.

"I am the only thing standing between you and your eternity of pain, Kagome dear. He would Embrace you just to make you his personal slave, if he would think that would make me come to him willingly."

Sesshoumaru had realized Kagome saw them in the hallway, but he wasn't sure how much she'd seen.

"You're lying. You just wanna keep me…" she couldn't finish her sentence, because his grip on her neck tightened and she could barely breathe as it was.

"Never accuse me of lying again, mortal." He stressed the words, and Kagome felt like she was turning blue from the lack of air. His cold grip made it even harder for her to think of anything, as if anything else was needed!

Her shoes slipped out of her feet and dropped to the ground with a muffled sound, as she went limp. She wanted to stay awake and not faint, and she got her wish just as Sesshoumaru allowed her to breathe again.

She raised her hands and pushed his chest away, but there was really no use. He wouldn't move unless he wanted to.

"Get away from me, you freak!" she continued to fight him until he dropped her and used both his hands to push her against the wall. The wounds hurt like hell, but she only wanted to get away from him.

"Let go!" she yelled, and as a result she received a hand pressing over her mouth. He closed in on her squirming body and hissed between his teeth.

"Stop screaming, damn it! You will only cause trouble for yourself." She didn't care to listen and continued to struggle; letting out all the sounds she could, through his tight grip. Sesshoumaru was really getting sick of restraining her like this, when he knew he could do so much better, and with less effort nonetheless. But he'd promised her not to.

Kagome stuck her nails into his arms and did all the damage she could, although she knew he wouldn't mind much. She bit his hand several times, but Sesshoumaru only narrowed his eyes and pushed himself against her as hard as he thought she could take. Kagome moaned in pain.

"Are you trying to make me hurt you? There is no escape, unless I wish it so." Kagome's eyes cursed him a thousand times over, as she refused to give in again, and refused to cry like a weakling, although she knew he was right.

She took advantage of a moment in which he thought her to settle down, and slapped him hard over the face, her nails leaving shallow scratches into his cheek. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a second, and clenched his teeth. His fangs grew and Kagome widened her eyes. Now she was getting afraid.

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes and stuck them on hers. She couldn't break eye contact, although she was still biting on his hand, and her nails were still stuck into his arms.

"You asked for it." He said, and his cold voice drove shivers through her. He bowed his head a little and looked at her from under his eyebrows. Kagome felt her body getting colder and colder, and something creeping inside her thoughts. She couldn't resist it. Sesshoumaru's golden stare dug into her soul and immobilized her thoughts, her every emotion and her will entirely.

"Stop resisting me." He said, and she found his words the most beautiful song a human could hear. She widened her eyes, barely realizing that she had to escape his grip, his eyes… those eyes…

She rolled back her eyes, but Sesshoumaru caught her jaw and shook her head a few times, forcing her to stay awake.

"Look at me." He whispered, and she had no choice.

"Stop resisting." She frowned, and refused to think she wanted to submit, although her body was betraying her. She witnessed in desperation her own arms dropping to either side of her body. She didn't want to fight him anymore. Or, rather her reason did, but her body wouldn't listen to her. Sesshoumaru loosened his grip.

"Do not scream." He said, as he let go of her mouth, and saw the marks on her face and shoulders. Bruises were beginning to form, and he felt a little sorry for her. She was, after all, only a mortal. Kagome leaned against the wall, not believing what she'd just done. Or rather what she didn't do. She wanted to run, but not really… It was all too awkward, and she couldn't even look away from his eyes.

"I am not controlling your mind, Kagome. Only your body. Sit still and do not oppose it." His words reached her as if they were sent through fog. She looked at him stupidly, not knowing if her mouth would listen to her if she tried to speak. She gave it a shot, and parted her lips. They seemed heavy, but she frowned and let out the words.

"…hate you…" she managed to say. Sesshoumaru grinned at her and she felt lost. He took a deep look into her eyes.

"Sit still." He commanded, and she found that she couldn't resist.

He grabbed her jaw and pushed her head to the side, almost banging it against the wall. The moment he put his arm around her, she realized what he was going to do to her, and fear grabbed her by the throat. She felt like she was choking, and her entire being fought against the numbness taking over her. His lips moved slowly on her neck and she let out a sob. He trailed his tongue over her warm skin, and Kagome shivered, desperately wanting him to stop.

"Let go…" she moaned, barely moving her lips. But he didn't. He wanted her to wake up by herself. He wanted to see just how strong she was. His fangs scraped her neck, and she flinched under his grip. Sesshoumaru smiled, slowly biting on her skin, careful not to pierce her. The lust for her blood was getting to his nerves, though. He couldn't hold back for much longer.

"Let go!" she said all of a sudden, and her hands pushed him away. Sesshoumaru allowed her to part from him, and Kagome dropped to the ground, shaking.

"Good girl." He said, and Kagome couldn't understand. She didn't wanna look at him, she was too afraid that he might try it again, although something inside her said that it had been more to this than she could read for now.

"It is quite alright to look at me now, Kagome. You are safe. You have been safe all along, actually."

"Tell that to the bruises on my body." She said resentfully, looking up at him.

"You just resisted Dominate, Kagome. Low level, but you did resist it. I think there might be hope for you yet."

She began to understand. So, this was just a test? He was testing her, or what?

"Did you have to be so brutal?"

Sesshoumaru smiled.

"Brutal? I was being gentle." Kagome frowned.

"You call this gentle?" she moved to show him her bleeding shoulder. The smell of blood was bothering Sesshoumaru for some time now.

"It is far from what Alexis could have done to you."

"Again, Alexis." She said, and shook her head.

"So, does he love you or what?" she couldn't believe she was saying that.

Sesshoumaru pondered over the question for a minute or so.

"He thinks he does. I believe he just wants me because I reject him." Kagome raised her eyebrows.

"He is my Sire." Sesshoumaru said, and Kagome almost choked.

"You mean… Alexis… made you…"

"He was the one who Embraced me. Yes." Everything fell into place. So that's why Sesshoumaru was so permissive with Alexis. Kagome remembered her first impression over the dark haired vampire. He seemed so young, so charming… She didn't even want to think of how old he could be. Sesshoumaru being 700 years old as a vampire…

"I think I've had enough for tonight." She whispered, looking away from him, and placing a hand on her neck. She could still feel his lips over her skin. Was she feeling that good back then, because of his mind control, or just because it felt good? She couldn't tell.

"You promised, Sesshoumaru. You promised and you broke your promise."

"You did also. I told you what not to do, and you went and did the exact thing I advised you against. Would you not consider me fair?"

"Fair?" she laughed sadly, still looking at the floor she was seated on. She was barefoot and her legs were under her, leaving her thigh exposed almost indecently.

"I don't think you could be fair, Sesshoumaru." He frowned at her remark, but didn't question her any further. He thought she was partially right.

"You are so high up and so obviously… different that you couldn't possibly know what is fair to someone like me. Someone mortal. Someone defenseless. I hate being defenseless against you, and I begin to hate you too. The worst thing is, I don't want to hate you. So you see…" she rose her eyes to him, and found his look a little more heartfelt than the usual stare

"… you see, I'm at a loss here. You do all these… wrong things to me, and you're so… far away from anything and anyone I've come across and still…" Kagome shook her head, looking out the window, and standing up. She leaned against the wall, taking a quick look at her wounded shoulder. The blood was dry by now, but trails of it could be seen across her skin. She moved her eyes to him again.

"And still…" she said, not wanting to be completely exposed to him. She was afraid he would laugh at her show of emotion. After all, he was always so composed! She wanted him to know what went through her mind, she wanted to say it, but something was stopping her. She fought with the thought that her feelings might have not been entirely…hers. How could she ever know for sure? How could she?

"What do you feel, Kagome?" he asked, and his voice didn't seem intrusive, or manipulative. He was just curious. She swallowed, and didn't know what to answer. So she shrugged her shoulders, and raised her eyebrows for a second, in the image of absolute confusion.

"I'm not sure. What do you want me to feel?" He threw his head back. He could howl at her words. Was she this difficult all the time?

"I did not mean that. Kagome, I have not implanted any sort of feeling within you. I only…"

"You only messed with my head a little, right?" she cut him off, and Sesshoumaru pressed his lips together. She was right. But how could she make him feel so guilty for it? He'd done it so many times, on so many unsuspecting mortals, that he eventually became used to it. She wasn't supposed to be able to make him feel guilt. Damn it, she wasn't supposed to make him feel!

"I did." He said it like an apology, and took a step towards her. He wasn't far as it was. Kagome tried to back from him, but she didn't have any place to go, she was stuck against the wall.

'Pathetic, Higurashi! Where's your nerve?' she thought, as she realized how lost she was while facing him.

She shrugged again. That's how helpless she felt!

"I guess I can't ask anything else from you. You're what you are, after all." He seemed to take that a little harshly.

"How do you mean?" his voice was so deep, and she so wanted it not to get to her, but…

"You can't feel the same way I do, Sesshoumaru. I see that now. I don't mean that you can't respond to my feelings, but that you way of perceiving emotion is drastically different from mine, because you're…"

"Vampire." He spat out the word, and she saw exactly how disgusted he was with it.

She shook her head.

"Immortal." She simply said, and smiled at him awkwardly. He saw it as sadness.

"No matter what you do, you're still immortal, and this defines you. You have no escape, much as I cannot escape my death, or the way I feel for you. I don't rightly enjoy being… feeling this way, but I have no choice. You knew…" she stopped in mid sentence, afraid that he would take it as an accusation.

"I knew what would happen. I knew you would eventually fall in love with me." He finished.

"I'm not in love with you." She corrected, and he raised an eyebrow. This was new. He could swear she was. They all became in love with him, at some point. And he'd hated that, hated mortals, for their weakness. Even before he was a vampire, he'd hated mortality and its frivolous manifestations, like love. Love! He could laugh at it.

Sure you could love, but within boundaries, like he did Rin. One could regret loss, but not get caught in it. One could remember someone they loved, but what was the use of mourning? He could never understand humans, and their ridiculous tears, their bloodshed for one another. Why? What for? Some other worthless mortal telling you they love you back? Some useless piece of existence that seems like happiness? Happiness? Delusion, more like it!

"Then?" he managed to say, this time really curious, and maybe a little nervous at her possible answer. He didn't know what was coming to him… for a change. Kagome looked at him mindfully, tilting her head and narrowing her watery eyes.

"I didn't think anyone could make me feel this way. I want… I want to save you. Does that seem stupid or what?" she laughed sadly at her own words and embraced her waist, shaking her head.

Sesshoumaru was truly stunned. Her words were the most unusual he'd heard.

"Don't worry, I won't be like this all the time, you just caught me in a bad mood. Maybe the pinning to the wall had something to do with it." She smiled, but he didn't buy it. He moved closer and realized how short she was when he placed a hand on the top of her head. Kagome felt like a child under this touch. Was she supposed to feel like that? She didn't know anymore. She needed… maybe she needed him, who was to say, anyhow? Stranger things had been known to happen. Even to her.

"I apologize." He whispered, as he pulled her closer and embraced her stiff form. She didn't rightly know what to make of it. What was he apologizing for, anyway? It was so unlike him to do that…

He raised her chin and stared into her eyes for a minute. He genuinely wanted to kiss her. For real. Not to punish her, not to show her that he could. Just kiss her. Was that so wrong?

He bent and Kagome felt his warm lips over hers. She couldn't believe he'd just done that. His body was warming up and she felt his heartbeat against her own chest. It was so fast… or maybe it just seemed that way, in comparison with not having a heartbeat at all. She was wondering why he was kissing her. What was the lesson, this time? What was next? Another mind control trick, another Alexis warning? Alexis. She flinched and backed from his mouth.

"Why did you kiss me? Why did you kiss him?" Sesshoumaru tensed in an instant. He couldn't have a moment of peace with this woman. Did he have to explain himself all the time? It was fairly enough that he'd bothered to explain anything at all to her.

"Do I need a reason?" his words did nothing but confirm her suspicions. He really didn't care much about others. He simply wanted to, at the time, and that was it. He had no reason. His actions had no consequences for him. And as for what they did to others, he didn't rightly care. She felt like the biggest moron in the world.

"Leave me alone, Sesshoumaru." He didn't care to listen, just yet. She became more and more distant as he watched her, and at some point he felt like he was forcefully embracing her. So he let go.

"You are having trouble understanding me, Kagome."

"No, on the contrary. I understand you alright. I'm just not sure I can take you."

"Take me?"

"Yes. Take you. Like… handle you, and your entire world. Because you come with a full package. Sesshoumaru-sama and his world. His immortality. His tragedy. Can you take it? Well, I don't know…" she said, sarcastically, barely holding back her tears.

"Why are you doing this? You know we can't get anywhere with this… do you wanna call it a relationship? Suppose you could feel something, although I sincerely doubt it, suppose you could love me, and that I would be insane enough to… abandon myself to you. Suppose we lived together, what kind of a life would that be? Hell, you're dead!" Tears fell on her cheeks and she began to shiver. Sesshoumaru frowned and found the situation a little too much for him to handle. Where was the Kagome he'd seen so many times? Where was all the anger and fear? Was this how she really was? This helpless mortal squirming in the vulnerability of her own condition? He felt a little taken aback. He wasn't ready for this. Not yet. Maybe in 500 years or so…

"I think you have said enough. I understand your point."

"Do you? Do you really?" she said, wiping her face clean and hating her tears.

"I believe I do." He replied, and his voice was again cold and intrusive. That vampire voice she so resented.

"Right. Go back to being closed and icy, Sesshoumaru. That'll help plenty! Were you this way before you were turned, or is Alexis to blame for this horrible being you are now?" He clenched his teeth, knowing that he'd been this cold since… forever. But this was the only time he'd felt sort of guilty for it.

"Do not presume you understand me, human." Again, with the coldness. And that human, said like it would have been a swearword.

"I'm not human, vampire!" she yelled at him, and Sesshoumaru had to fist his hands not to lose it. He didn't like it when others disobeyed him. He was used to being in charge, all his life… and his unlife.

"You are mortal. That is enough."

"Enough to know you are hopeless. Do you think that turning back into a youkai would do some great good to you? Well, you're wrong! You may be able to see the sunlight, and not fear fire, but what use would that do it you can't feel anything else that your own superiority? Your damned ego? You know what? I'll be damned if I'll even try to use Tenseiga on you if you'll be like this. You don't deserve it!"

Sesshoumaru's jaws were trembling from the pressure, and his own claws were piercing his flesh. Her last words had fallen like death upon him. He felt burned from the inside, and he couldn't take it anymore. He growled loudly and sprung forward to grab her wrists. Kagome didn't even oppose him this time. She knew he'll snap. She was only praying he wouldn't kill her. His eyes flashed red a few times.

"Who are you to tell me what I'm worth? Who are you to say what I deserve and what not? You have lived a second compared to me. You know nothing of this world. It is the world, your precious world that has brought me to this state, Kagome. Immortality has the advantage that it gives you perspective. Humans are a plague, and they deserve to die. They deserve to be fed upon, because they do nothing but destroy. Nothing but taint, and they sicken me.

I used to not stand the smell of them, the sight of them. This is what I think of your humanity, and I dare you to say I am wrong. You say I do not feel. I do feel, but what use would it be to show it to someone like you? You would only taint it. I can love, but my kind of love is not by far as yours is. I would not even call it love, that's how different it is." He shook his head and released her wrists. His eyes were burning with an emotion Kagome had never seen before in him, or in anyone else.

"Do as you please. I was a fool to think a mortal could understand an immortal." He turned his back to her and walked across the room to lean against the window frame. Kagome got the feeling he was admitting defeat. Or maybe he was just tired. He was allowed to be tired, after all. She really didn't know what to do. She could leave, she'd gathered enough information for her father to be pleased with the report, and her story had been forsaken since day two that she'd arrived here.

So this was it. She sighed. She looked at his tall figure, his perfect white hair, his clawed fingers against the cold glass of the window. She knew it was cold, by the steamed widow, from his… his warmth. She stared at the glass, and his hand. He was warm. Why was he doing that? Why? She wasn't near him; he couldn't have done it for her. Somehow, that made her think again.

She swallowed and licked her dry lips.

"We're not all that bad, Sesshoumaru." She said, knowing that he'll hear her from across the room. But he didn't say anything. He just stood there. So, she was meant to be the one who gives in this time as well. So be it. She walked towards him and stopped just before touching his back with her chest. She was as nervous as she'd been when she first saw him.

"I mean, we can do beautiful things too. We can do wonderful things for the ones we love, things you would probably find ridiculous, but for us they mean a lot. I don't expect you to understand why a brother would donate a kidney to his sister or why someone would travel across the world just to see the person they love… But understand that they are significant facts for us, just as your status is to you. You want to be alive again, you long for your heart to beat against your chest by its own again, and the blood to flow through your veins again.

We are not that different, inside. We just have different scales to measure life. You have no right to think this low about ours. It's just not your place to judge us so harshly. Maybe you will be judged someday as well, and who knows by whom? Who knows if some other kind of being wouldn't find your life pointless? Did you ever think of that? We are who we are, and we make the best of it, in any way we can. Don't judge, Sesshoumaru."

He turned to look into her eyes, to see if she really meant what she said. He couldn't believe she did, but her clear violet eyes and her kind face hit him like lightning. He thought he was going to give her a lesson, but instead, she was the one giving him the lesson of his life. The lesson of compassion, sympathy, humanity. And he began to understand it, although his mind raged against it still.

He'd judged others his entire life, although he thought himself distant and uncaring. But he'd judged everyone, and found them so below him, that he simply ignored their feelings. They couldn't possibly matter, if they were that weak! But he'd never considered their different status; he'd never thought to look at the world through their eyes. It simply wasn't an option.

And this mortal was now telling him that maybe there was a being above him. Who? God? He could laugh at her words, but didn't feel like it. Who was to say? Maybe there was a God, who stared down at him and laughed at his misery. Maybe.

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