Life Swap

Chapter Four
Living in the Past

"So you're telling me that you're not James Potter?" Dumbledore said.

Harry nodded.

"That you are really his son, Harry Potter, from the future?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry nodded again.

"And that you were sent to the past and, it seems, into your father's body?" Dumbledore continued.

"Yes, Professor," Harry said. "I know it's hard to believe, but you've got to trust me – if I can't turn to you, I've got nowhere else to go."

Staring at Harry, Dumbledore said, "If it makes you feel any better, I believe you."

"Thanks, Professor."

"The question is," Dumbledore continued, "what can we do about it?"

"One thing's for sure - " Harry began.

"I can't know anything about the future," Dumbledore said.

"That makes things a lot harder," Harry said.

"It probably does," Dumbledore said.

"But you already know that I'm James' son," Harry said.

Dumbledore smiled. "I won't tell if you don't. Besides, even if I did, it wouldn't change much: he would probably just insist that you be named Harry."

Harry grinned.

"First thing's first," Dumbledore said.

"Yes?"

"You said that the last thing you remember is that a strong spell was cast upon you, right?"

Harry nodded.

"That was most likely what got you here," Dumbledore said, "because it certainly wasn't this end of time."

"Why?"

"Well, it had to have been something powerful enough to dispel your spirit or mind from your body and get it all the way back to a quarter of the century in the past. James only got hit in the head with a Bludger."

"It's amazing that you don't think I'm crazy."

Dumbledore smiled. "Do you remember what the spell was? Did the person (don't tell me who it was, lest I be tempted to change it in the future) who cast the curse mean for this to happen?"

"No," Harry said. "But I recognized it . . . if the curse didn't kill you, it separated your mind and body temporarily. If you were lucky enough to survive, 'lucky' – puh," Harry spat in contempt, "if you were lucky enough, you went completely insane for about half an hour then fell into a coma. Depending on how strong the curse is, it can do anything from kill you to putting you out of action for about two hours. It's a recent creation from the demented mind of Voldemort himself. He was trying to find a way of controlling minds that couldn't be fought like the Imperius Curse could, but he got that instead."

"I guess there's nothing I can do to stop it if it's already done," Dumbledore said.

"Don't worry," Harry said. "You find a way that helps counteract it. It worked for . . . well, I won't name names, but you know how I said there were people who survived? Yeah, that's thanks to you. The spell takes a little while to start, which gives you about five full seconds to use the way to counteract it, and if you do it right, you should be fine the next day – but it takes a bit of discipline, like producing a Patronus or doing Occlumency – same thing to cast the spell too, which is why sometimes it doesn't kill you, even if you don't use the countermeasures."

"And what about you?"

Harry froze for a moment, before looked down and sighed. "I didn't . . . I mean, I thought she was . . . I was caught by surprise, is all. I . . . and I wasn't . . . I was shaken and I let my guard down. I don't . . . and I probably shouldn't . . . talk about it . . . "

"So long as you don't name any names," Dumbledore said, "I'm sure that you can get at least some of the burden off your shoulders."

Harry took a deep breath. "I was so angry . . . I mean, of all the people who . . . well, to make the story short, this particular . . . witch was responsible for one of the greatest losses in my life, and . . . I guess . . . I felt I needed revenge. Just as I thought . . . things were never going great, but at least I had . . . I'm not making sense, am I?"

Dumbledore just waved a hand dismissively. "Go on."

Harry gulped, and realized he was shaking. "I thought I killed her," Harry whispered.

Dumbledore blinked at him.

"She killed him. She wasn't even sorry. I wanted to make her sorry. I wanted her to pay for what she'd done to him – what she'd done to me. And in the process, I sunk to their level. I became just as bad as the Death Eaters. When I realized this, I thought it was too late. I thought that I'd killed someone. It didn't really matter who she was in that moment. Half of me was scared that she was actually dead. Half of me wished that I had never done it. That half of me wished she were still alive. The other half of me, the part that really scares me most of the time, was glad that it was over."

Harry stopped, looking at Dumbledore, who simply looked sadly understanding for Harry.

"Anyway, I couldn't just leave it at that. I had to know. I needed to find out whether or not she was dead or not, whether or not I was a murderer. So I checked. And that was when she got me."

Silence. Then Harry said, "Did I say too much?"

"No, you left it nice and ambiguous," Dumbledore said.

Dumbledore frowned at him. Harry felt the strange sensation that comes with someone performing Legimens on your mind. Instinctively, Harry began performing Occlumency and then hesitated.

"Professor?"

"You haven't had a happy life, have you?"

Harry said, "Are you looking through my memories?"

"No," Dumbledore said, patiently. "I'm just getting the feel of who Harry Potter is. You just told me you almost killed someone, so I felt it was prudent to check to see that you would only do that with good reason – the general feel of who you are. You know, you're very much like your father."

"Not exactly sure that's a compliment, Professor," Harry said. "He's a bit of a bully at the moment, isn't he? Likes to curse people just for the heck of it."

"Perhaps," Dumbledore said. "How do you know?"

"I stumbled into Snape's memories once," Harry said. "That's how I recognized Sirius, Lupin, and Pettigrew."

"Hm," Dumbledore said.

Harry felt that Dumbledore had stopped probing his mind.

"Brave and intelligent, like your father," Dumbledore said. "You seem to have the need to prove yourself all the time, and from the feelings of accomplishment I sensed, you have proven yourself. But there has been some recent pain and sadness . . . and anger – part of which does not seem to be your own. That puzzles me, but I won't inquire. I cannot see you as a murderer, Harry."

Harry sighed with relief. Hastily he said, "But I did kill a Basilisk once. Well, I mean, it was trying to eat me, so what was I supposed to do?" Harry stopped, then continued more seriously, "Even then, though, I wasn't as angry as when I attacked . . . that witch. In fact, I've never been that angry – not even with Mal . . . well, my main rival at school, and he bloody pisses me off. In a way, I'm afraid of becoming someone like him – or maybe his father. Capable of doing such horrible things." Harry blinked. "I don't ever want to have to do that.

Dumbledore nodded. "Hopefully, you never will."

Harry sighed internally, knowing that one day he'd have to.

"When did this attack take place?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry blinked. "Why?"

"It may be useful to know in the future whether or not your mind will spontaneously go back in time," Dumbledore said. "Maybe I'll be around to explain the situation to people."

"I think it was the 20th of February, when I got cursed," Harry said.

"Curious," Dumbledore noted.

I'm beginning to hate that word, Harry thought. "What is?"

"Two days ago, on the 20th, was when your father blacked out."

"Well," Dumbledore continued, "I'm debating whether or not to let you back to class now. We don't know for how long you'll be with us, so it may not be worth your while to pretend to be your father during the time you're here. Plus, you might slip up and say something about the future."

Quickly, Harry said, "No, Professor! I mean, I kind of would like to stick around – see stuff about my dad. I mean, while he's my age." Harry added this last part quickly – he didn't want to seem like he hadn't known his father at all during his life. "Plus, I don't think my dad would stay in the hospital after a little thing like this."

Dumbledore nodded. "Well, then, you may need to know some details about his life so that you may pass for him."

"Anything you can tell me will be great," Harry said.

Author's Note: So how was it? Please review!