Vows of Blood and Honor

Sebastian crumpled the latest message in his fist and threw it into the fire. Throwing himself into an armchair he glared at the flames as if personally offended.

"Bad news?" Vidanalas unbent enough to inquire. The elf was patiently transcribing some elven music to parchment for his daughter as she watched curiously. Briar looked up at Sebastian with a concerned gaze.

Sebastian sighed. "The latest in a long line of near misses." He said obliquely. When the two of them simply continued to look at him he shook his head. "It has been two weeks. So far the only certain news we have of Loren Serendal is that we haven't caught her. Raden's people are working on it, but the woman is damnably elusive."

"They have no notion as to her whereabouts?" Briar asked softly.

"They know where she isn't." Sebastian said dryly. "She is not in plain sight that's for certain." Briar looked down at her flute and said nothing. Sebastian rose abruptly and kissed her firmly on the mouth. "I've had enough of this." He said firmly. "I've given Raden's people long enough. He'll have to bring a war wizard or two in to help out. Maybe magically they can locate what simple eyes cannot." His hand smoothed a wisp of hair back from her forehead. "I'm sorry for this delay." The prince said quietly. "I know it is difficult for you and for my family as well. And I intend to do something about it." He nodded to Vidan and strode purposefully from the room.

"He seems quite different." Vidan noted offhandedly as he made another notation on his parchment.

"Not to me." Briar fingered on her harp strings the notes he'd written and nodded her satisfaction.

"I had not seen him so focused and sober before." Her father framed his words carefully.

"Perhaps you were not willing to look at him." Briar suggested softly. "He has ever been thus. He takes what he does very seriously."

"And what does he do?" Vidan asked finally looking at his daughter.

"I can't tell you." She smiled and shrugged. "It is for him to say. You may learn of it in time, but no one speaks directly of Sebastian's duties for the crown." She hesitated a moment and then said firmly. "And if this insults you I am sorry for it, but if you value my company at all you will not breathe a word of any suspicion, theory or knowledge you have. I have caused enough harm to he and his family, I will not have any other relation of mine causing more."

Vidan looked at her and was amazed at how cold and cruel her face looked. Her resolve was absolute. Clearly she would cut all connections with him if he did anything she believed would endanger the prince. "I understand." He said quietly. "And I will say nothing. But if I may ask, how have you caused harm to his family? I can see nothing you have done that could be construed as such."

Briar looked down at the harp she held and her slender fingers slid along the strings. "I lived." She said simply. "Sometimes that is enough."

Vidan repressed the urge to roll his eyes. The girl could be as close-mouthed and mysterious as any sage. "All right, then why did you leave Serendal?" He asked finally, reasoning there was some connection between why she left and her noble uncle's unreasoning attack on the Obarskyrs.

"That is a long story." His daughter said faintly.

When it became clear she was not going to elaborate Vidan cleared his throat. "I have the time." He said gently. "I wish you would confide in me. It might help me to understand why you are here."

Briar looked at him and shook her head slowly. "I suppose, had I grown up as his equal, or at least being seen as feminine, then it might never have happened." She shrugged. "But I'll never know." She set her harp down carefully before her suddenly trembling hands could snap a string. "Because I am a bastard, I have no status save that which I earn, and my uncles in trying to help me win a place for myself at Serendal, raised me as a warrior." Her smile was wry. "You'd never know it to look at me, as I am now. That is greatly due to my prince's influence."

Vidan regarded her with a slightly astounded gaze but said nothing, simply nodding so that she would go on.

The bard smiled slightly. "Uncle Mory was determined that in addition to my other skills I learn the broadsword. I was not very good at it, it was so different from my other blades you see." Her eyes seemed to gaze into the past as she spoke. "But my mother came to talk with me, and we spoke of you, and your skill with the blade and what you were like then. And I came out of that conversation determined to show my uncles that I was not only a warrior. Every moment I wasn't working at becoming a warrior I had spent on my music. I had the flute you'd left behind, and a harp from my mother's mother."

She looked down and folded her hands in her lap for lack of anything better to do with them. "I came down to dinner that evening, for the first time, in a gown, with my hair loose and afterward I played the harp and then left. Everyone was astounded." Her smile was dry. "Later it was said that no one remembered Briar was also a Rose until that evening. I had always worn loose breeches and tunics with hoods, clothing easy to practice in and comfortable. My mother was the only one who noticed my looks enough to think me beautiful. And that night she began to worry."

Briar took a deep breath. "With reason apparently." She looked her father in the eye. "The heir to Serendal, Saldan, began pursuing me, with the intention of bedding me. I had no one of rank to speak for me, my only protection was never being alone with him."

"Surely his parents would have…" Vidanalas began to ask but her bitter laugh cut him off.

"His parents? Lady give me strength!" She said harshly. "I was trying to avoid him one day and overheard his parents discussing the 'situation'. The conclusion was that they would claim my elven blood made me wild and that I was a loose female. They were planning to marry me off to some lech of a lord who was always eager for a hot blooded woman. In the meantime, they had no intention of interfering with their son's interest in me. After all, they were sure I had long since lost my maidenhead, I was a bastard of a bastard, with no name to protect and always among the men anyway." Her dark green gaze was nearly black with the pain and anger of the remembered words.

"Oh, sweet Maiden!" Vidan swore softly with a terrible intensity. "Would that I had known of you! I am so sorry daughter… I wish I could have had you with me."

The smile that twisted his child's lips was bittersweet. "But you did not." She said simply. "I left Serendal because not long after that, Saldan did catch me alone. He tried to rape me." She shuddered as she said it and Vidan abandoned his chair across from her and sat down beside her on the chaise. Strong protective arms were wrapped around her, warming and calming her. "I managed to fight him off." She whispered. "And ran, grabbing my blades, to Mory. I swore I would duel with Saldan, but before I could challenge him, he challenged me. His pride was hurt because I refused him." She shuddered again. "I won. It was only to first blood but he kept coming until I laid open his face with my blade and he was forced to stop or die. The duel was over, but his father was right behind me, and he ordered me confined to my room until a suitable punishment could be determined."

Her cold hands rose to her face and she shook her head. "I didn't wait to see what he had in mind. I escaped out my window and over the keep's wall. My uncle Mory saw me and got a pack ready for me with my weapons. I already had the few belongings I possessed in an old pack from an ancient trunk stored in my room. Mory made sure I had food and blankets in a sturdy satchel and arrows as well as my bow and blades. And he left a gelding tethered for me in a meadow not far away. He told me to travel through the night and into the next evening if I could, to get as far away as possible before I stopped." Her sweet voice was harsh with remembered grief. "I thought for certain I'd never see him again."

"Oh, my dear child." Vidan murmured into her hair. "If I could bear your pain I would, anything to spare you the torture of the memories." Tears were in his eyes as he held his daughter, so thankful he'd finally learned of her and that she had been strong enough to fight the fate her noble relations had planned for her."

"Its all right." Briar tried to smile. "The inn I stopped at held my brother. When a soldier from Serendal showed up looking for me he used magic to distract the man and helped me escape, for the sake of my music I think. He and I went on an adventure on behalf of the Knights of Twilight and ended up in Sanctuary." Warmth from the memories seeped into her previously sorrowful voice. "I couldn't bring myself to truly trust him, or any man really, until after a battle." She smiled. "The magical harp I used was so powerful it might have driven me completely mad, but Dragon broke it from my hands and watched me night and day. I lost my mind, my sight and my voice for almost a month. But when I was coming out of it finally, I could hear Dragon, pleading with our goddess, pledging anything to the Dark Ladies, if only his sister was not forever lost to him. He was holding my hand to his face and I could feel his tears on my skin."

The wonder and affection that filled her voice when she spoke of her brother was heartwarming to the elf. He listened as she explained how she'd finally begun to trust Dragon completely and how the two of them were semi retired agents for the Knights now. "We came to Aeliara because it has a reputation as a city that is devoted to knowledge and art. And Dragon wanted a place of beauty for me to rest and build my reputation as a bard. I was already known as The Black Rose, not by my real name, and he would make me go invisible after each performance. No one ever saw me as a female except onstage. Offstage I was always a boy, Briar by name."

"I cannot believe that." Vidan pulled back to look her in the eye. "No one could tell you were a woman?" His look was incredulous.

Briar shook her head. "Father, I was only sixteen when we came to Aeliara. And I was never seen as female by anyone. I was very good at playing the boy, though Dragon was convinced the disguise couldn't last forever, and that it wasn't good for me to hide who I was all the time. But I was too aware that Serek may well have put a price on my head, I didn't want to be known as Rosaleen Dhu."

Vidan regarded her with an ironic gleam. "Truly there are some very unobservant folk in this city." He kissed her forehead. "Your reputation as a bard is such that it impresses even the elven ambassador." He noted. "So you were successful in that respect."

"But not in keeping who I was secret." Briar grinned. "Sebastian came to a performance one night… He was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. I actually looked at him, when I never looked at men, never." She shook her head. "I distrusted and despised noblemen. Since Saldan had tried to rape me I kept everyone but Dragon at a distance. Sebastian discovered that Briar and the Black Rose were the same girl with annoying ease." She said wryly. "And he sent a note, asking for a private performance after he had attended my performance with his uncle Anakin the night before. I was astounded and terrified that Prince Sebastian wished to hear my music. And even more afraid when he wanted to know my name. I panicked."

Vidan listened in amazement as Briar told him of the events of that year. The bard Malachi and his manipulations. Sebastian's enemy at court who tried to have her killed. Her own refusal to trust in Sebastian and reluctant acceptance of his friendship. His unfailing courtesy to her and unswerving desire to be more than friends. And finally, learning the truth of what was going on when the queen came to visit her. And also learning that she was in love with Sebastian.

"I began to trust him." Briar said softly. "By the time I performed at the Rose, I could admit that I loved him. I trusted him, but I was not ready for so much. I had never thought beyond admitting that I loved him finally. Sebastian never tried to push for more than I was able to give." She looked up at her father. "When Saldan came to Aeliara and began to plot with two others to remove me from Sebastian's favor it was as if a nightmare had come to life while I was awake. They used magic to make it appear I was being unfaithful to Sebastian." Vidan's face grew colder as he wished he could have a moment alone with the lordling of Serendal.

His daughter smiled slightly. "What they did not count on was that Sebastian while declaring his affection in public, never did anything hastily, and it is not in his nature to air dirty laundry before the court." She remembered the day he'd come to confront her and her smile was sad and sweet. "My love's secret fear was that I loved him for his title and wealth, and not for himself. So when he saw the illusions, he came to me and demanded to know why I had not simply broken with him if I did not love him anymore. I didn't know what was going on, I hadn't ever been with anyone, not even him, so intimately and I was shocked that he could believe such a thing."

"That foolish, self important young puppy-" Vidan began and Briar laid a hand over his mouth.

"Father, you don't understand." She said softly. "He loves me, loved me then, even though his eyes were forcing him to believe, his heart kept crying out that it couldn't be true. That I loved him as he loved me and that I couldn't betray him. He was anguished and heartbroken at the thought that I didn't love him anymore but I wouldn't break with him because I enjoyed his consequence and wealth." She smiled. "But even in such a state, he came to me, privately and demanded to know what was going on. And he saw that he couldn't have seen me in my apartment windows, because my apartment doesn't face the street. And he begged my forgiveness for his words."

She took her hand away from his mouth. "I doubted him often, in those early days, when he was so bent on protecting me that he spread wild rumors about himself so no one would believe I mattered. If I was inconsequential, just a casual acquaintance then why bother to hurt me." She rolled her eyes. "Later he had me declared his personal bard as a way of protecting me with his own consequence." She shook her head. "The important thing to me, was that he still was in love with me, still needed and wanted me even though he had to believe I'd betrayed him."

"What of that story I heard though of him accusing you of being a whore before the entire royal court?" Vidan asked tightly.

"It was an act, just like me being dead was an act, to draw out the conspirators and incidentally, we learned then that Saldan was in Aeliara." Briar explained. "And thanks mostly to Sebastian we managed to learn who all three of the courtiers were, and the other two gave up Saldan. He had begun to fix his attentions on Princess Morgana, and she knew instantly that there was something terribly wrong with him. When we learned who he was that bothered her so much, well, Sebastian had always intended to kill Saldan when he finally got hold of him."

"But Serek accused you of murder, not Sebastian." Vidan noted.

"Yes." Briar nodded her agreement. "You see, Sebastian left me with his uncle Anakin, to hide me until he could catch Serek. But Anakin was awake one night and heard me having a nightmare. I had terrible ones once I learned Saldan was nearby. He told Sebastian, who snuck into Lord Craulnober's house and woke me up. He said that since I obviously didn't feel safe that he would stay with me so that I could sleep. He held me the entire night."

Vidan closed his eyes in a pained expression. "Please, daughter… I still have a difficult time dealing with the way he touches you, must you tell me this?"

"YES!" Briar retorted loudly. "I must." She pulled back from him and folded her arms angrily. "Can't you tell?" She regarded him scornfully. "Sebastian held me, and finally got me to relax, and made me feel loved and safe. And he never, ever did anything I didn't want him to do." Her dark eyes flashed green sparks at her father. "I am still a maid. I spend my nights in my love's arms, and we hold each other. And we touch and love, but he has never completely possessed me." She looked at him. "Do you have any idea how difficult it was once, for me to let him even kiss me? Until the night after The Rose, he had only kissed me once. And after that even, he was so careful, so gentle with me. He didn't want to frighten me, or worry me with how much he wanted me. And because he was so gentle, so loving and patient…"

She shook her head with tears in her eyes suddenly, unsure whether they were from anger or sorrow. "I've never been afraid of him, not of his touch, or that he would hurt me physically, or try to seduce me against my will." She tossed her head. "Yes, he woke me to passion, and taught me so much of how wonderful it can be to love a man. But he promised me, that first night when I admitted I loved him, that he wouldn't take my virginity until I gave it to him wholeheartedly. Not in the heat of desire, or guilt for depriving him, but because I wished to give him my body with all my heart." She sighed suddenly. "He told me once he would wait forever if he had to. Because he loves me." Her eyes met her father's gaze, so like her own. "I believe him. I trust him. And I love him with all my heart. I will not be ashamed or try to hide the fact that I enjoy his touch. He makes me glad that I am a woman, instead trying to hide it behind a performer's mask or a boy's guise. He makes me proud of who I am."

"And you do not mind the way he treats you?" Vidan asked. "I see him give you clothing and jewels, the way lordlings fling such trinkets at their light ladies, and I wish to strangle him for thinking of you that way."

"Father, you have it all wrong." Briar shook her head. "Sebastian is a courtier, and part of being a courtier is providing your lady with appropriate garments and occasionally jewels. When we first met I didn't want anything from him, I feared being perceived as a kept woman. So I do understand what you are saying." She smiled dreamily. "But knowing he loves me… He takes such delight in giving me gowns that he knows will suit my coloring, or convincing me that I could wear pale colors as well as dark." She rolled her eyes. "He gets carried away because he enjoys giving me gifts. And jewels…he knows that the court will believe me to be out of favor if I don't show up with a new necklace once in a while. And he does delight in draping them around my neck." She looked up at him. "His motivation in giving the gifts is what makes the difference for me. But his delight in my beauty, in my being his lady, makes me feel so wonderful and happy that I am a girl. He loves me. Truly loves me. Can you not accept that?"

"At first it was very difficult to do so." Vidan admitted. "He did so well at pretending to be a fool. And I was jealous that you loved him so much, you did not seem to need me at all." He raised her hands to his lips. "Now, it is easier to see that he is in love with you, and that you are deeply in love with him. I am honored that you finally told me how you came to do so. And I am thankful that you are alive."

"Its due in no small part to Sebastian that I am alive." Briar told him. "Saldan would have found me and finished what he tried to start, and then he would have killed me." She shuddered. "Sebastian tried to protect me once too often. He would have dueled with Saldan himself, but he told me his intention. When I insisted that I would be the one to kill Saldan, he locked me in our room." An impish smile tilted her lips. "But I climbed down a rope off the balcony and got out through the library below. I had a hard time of it convincing him to let me duel, but he finally agreed."

"What did you say to him?" Vidan asked curiously. "From what I have seen he is at least as stubborn as you my dear."

"I told him that I had to, I had to finish it." Briar said softly. "How could I be free of the nightmares if I did not?" She sighed. "And he pulled me into his arms and held me until it was time to begin the duel. He was so afraid I would be hurt, but he understood I had to do it."

"Yes." Vidan nodded. "Like myself now. I am terrified that he will hurt you somehow, but I finally see that you must follow your heart."

"Love makes us vulnerable Father." Briar told him gently. "But our vulnerability makes us strong."

"You truly are a bard." The elf smiled. "You have a way with words."

TBC