A/N: Twilight is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. Any & all Twilight characters used in this chapter and any that follow do NOT belong to me, but to one, Stephenie Meyer.

This is my first fan fic, and I'm finally continuing after abandoning it a year ago. RL whipped my ass, and I'm finally getting into my writings once again.

PSA: Bella is in a dark place until the second chapter.

Rated M for language, future chapters, and for the citrus sitting on my counter waiting to be used. What better way to quench your thirst in the south, than with a nice tall cold glass of sweet sweet lemonade!

Psst...I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. If you want to be my beta (I'm begging here!) PM me! Oh, and REVIEW!

Chapter 1

Welcome to Hell

The first few weeks after Edward left are hazy. I don't recall much; however, I do remember my mother visiting, begging me to return to Jacksonville. The thought of leaving Forks was unacceptable. This was the place where I knew his memory would remain. Nothing in this hellhole of a town would allow me to forget him. When Renee insisted, the dispute began. I hadn't spoken since that day, but when the words were released, they were nothing anyone expected.

"Honey, I think it would be best if you came home, to Jacksonville. It would get you away from bad memories," Renee insisted.

Bad memories? Every memory I have of Ed—of him, are HERE.

"I am NOT leaving! This is my home. This is where I'm staying!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs. Then the uncontrollable sobbing began. I couldn't fathom leaving Forks. I wouldn't let his memory fade; if that's all I had to hold onto—a memory—then that's what I would do. Hold on for dear life, if you could call this living. I remained in somewhat of a comatose state for several days.

Saturday afternoon, between crying spells, I head Charlie talking on the phone with Renee.

"I'm not sure. She says she won't leave, but she needs to get out of here. She needs to get away from anything that reminds her of that bast—of Edward. She's been in her room since you left last week. I don't know what to do anymore." There was a brief pause before he continued, "The screams are the same; no worse, no better."

I decided then, if I could merely exist, I would. My father didn't deserve this. I would try to put my life back together, just enough to convince him I could—should—stay. I would push away all thoughts of—gulp—Edward, as long as possible. I could not be held responsible for what happened when I lay down at night, when all the repressed memories flooded my broken, burning heart.

Each night, alone in my room, the horror began. The rocking chair in the corner, the blue sweater hanging in my closet, even the bed I lay in were all just small mementos of the time spent with him. The ghost that haunted me whispered a reminder of everything I'd lost in the woods that day. Closing my eyes only made the images appear; they were much worse than the muted thoughts my conscience mind fabricated. The nightmares were the same; always in the woods, Edward just within my view. I could never reach him, no matter the countless number of times I tried. He would then disappear, leaving me alone in the darkest of places, surround by thirsty eyes. Bloodcurdling screams and heaving sobs would wake me from the pits hell that absorbed my darkest hours.

Charlie's somber sigh filled the house as he hung up the phone. I quietly crossed the hall to the bathroom so as not to disturb him. I needed to make some sort of attempt to convince Charlie. The face staring back in the mirror was unrecognizable. The flames that burned a hole in my heart licked within my dark eyes. Poor Charlie, poor Renee. They had no cause to suffer; I had no reason to put them through this torture. I would mourn in silence. I would burn alone.

I quickly combed through my tangled hair, placing it into a low ponytail at the nape of my neck. I brushed cosmetic powder across my face, trying to conceal my red nose and swollen eyes. I wasn't fooling anyone. I looked exactly like I felt—dead. I was broken and had no clue how to begin picking up the pieces.

My failed attempt to descend the stairs silently took Charlie's attention away from the television. Startled, he looked over his shoulder to the staircase.

"Bella, is everything ok?" he asked cautiously.

No, everything was not okay, but I mustered up my best lie.

"I'm fine Dad." Who was I kidding? I was far from fine, but I would have to deal with that later. Right now, I needed to concentrate on being normal. Well, for now, I would settle for not-so-broken. "Would you like dinner? Maybe Grandma Swan's lasagna?" I asked casually. Dinner should be a safe enough subject. Nothing in the kitchen should send me on an emotional rollercoaster.

"I'm glad you came downstairs. I've missed you," Charlie replied sincerely. My dad was usually a man of very few words. I knew he meant what he said, and frankly, I'd missed him too. "You know you don't have to cook, we can go to the diner if you'd like," he added quietly.

"I don't know if I'm up for the diner just yet, besides I don't mind cooking."

No amount of prodding would get me out of the house tonight. I was already pushing what control I had over my emotions, and going out would only cause me to lose it all over again. Charlie wasn't ready for that just yet, and honestly, neither was I.

I made my way into the kitchen to prepare dinner. When the lasagna was placed in the oven, I joined Charlie in the living room. I sat on the end of the couch closest to his chair and stared at the TV set. I tried to concentrate on the game, but it was all a blur. My mind found itself reliving the moments before he was gone. A few warm tears began to stream silently down my face. I had to find some way to cool the flames for a while; something to silence the cries that yearned to spill forth. I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around knees. I just needed to hold myself together until nightfall. If the pain would slumber until then, I would welcome the nightmares and bloodcurdling screams, but only then.

Absorbed in my thoughts, the unexpected ding from the oven timer startled me. My sudden gasp woke Charlie, who had been dozing in his recliner. He jumped to his feet as I passed his chair. "Huh…What is it!" he asked, still in a sleep induced stupor.

"It's okay, Dad. The timer just startled me." I made my way into the kitchen and over to the oven, turning it off. I hadn't heard Charlie enter until he was beside me.

"Bells, I really am glad to have you back." He embraced me in an awkward sideways hug. Did Charlie really think I was back? How could he be so convinced, when I wasn't so sure myself? I let out a small sigh, not knowing what to say to him. Feeling my uneasiness, Charlie took the oven mitt from my hands.

"Here let me get this," he said opening the oven door.

While Charlie removed the lasagna from the oven, I took a single plate from the cupboard and positioned it in front of Charlie's seat. As I turned to retrieve a spoon from the drawer, Charlie cleared his throat. "Aren't you gonna eat with me, Bells?"

"Um…Yeah. Sure, Dad." I was far from hungry, although I honestly couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. My appetite was lost along with so many other things that day in the woods. The thought of the dark, encroaching forest made me shudder.

Focus, Bella. Charlie needs you right now. You can fall apart later.

Later. I anticipated "later". Shoving those thoughts from my mind until then, I took another plate from the cupboard and joined Charlie. He shoveled in heaping mouthfuls of lasagna as I pushed my portion around on my plate. Charlie seemed starved; how long had it been since I cooked? Surely, he'd been eating, but from the looks of it, I'd guess not. I wondered how long I'd been out of it, but the thought of trying to calculate back to that forsaken day, petrified me. Again, I shuddered.

Just another hour or two, and the night is yours. I didn't know if I was talking to myself, or to the ghost. Whichever didn't matter; the results would be the same.

Dinner was consumed without conversation. I silently cleared the table and started cleaning the kitchen. Charlie proceeded to help, but I shooed him away with excuses of needing to get back to normal. I couldn't help laughing to myself at the word. Nothing about me, nor my life, had ever been normal, but there's a first time for everything. Maybe, just maybe, I could find a norm; for now, I just needed to function until graduation. Then I'd be able to leave and choose to continue my charade or completely fall to pieces.

Cleaning didn't take as much time as I'd hoped, leaving me with the better part of an hour before I could retire to my room without suspicion. I crossed the living room, taking my place on the couch next to Charlie again. It seemed I would have to endure another ballgame, but that was much better than having to chat with Charlie. Thankfully, he wasn't one for talking, and I wasn't ready to open up to anyone just yet. Finally, the buzzer sounded, and I took that as my cue to leave the room.

I hurried up the staircase and into the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I turned the on the faucet, filling the tub with as hot of water as was tolerable. The heat radiating from the tub was no comparison to the flames that continued to torture my blazing heart. I slipped out of my clothes, and sank to my nose in the bath, relaxing as the warmth tingled against my skin. Then it started; the salty tears began to flow, just a slow trickle at first, then they came like a rapid torrent. I fought to contain the cries my body ached to scream. Sitting up, I pulled myself into a tight ball; all efforts of holding myself together tonight were in vain.

Edward's beautiful face crept into my mind. His angelic voice softly whispered, "Let go, Bella."

Obeying the voice I loved so much, I released myself and gradually lay back in the tub. The warm water slowly encased my body, then my face, drowning out Charlie's game below. My hair fanned out around me, clouding my vision. I exhaled slowly, bubbles rising to the surface. I closed my eyes and listened to the ghost's relentless whisper. Then everything was silent.

I felt myself slipping further into the abyss of my silent mind. The stillness was beautiful. The fire that once consumed me seemed to be only smoldering ashes now. Comfort. Quiet. Peace.

Charlie's rapping on the door brought me back to reality. I inhaled, pulling water down my throat and into my lungs. I quickly sat up, sputtering and gasping for air.

"Everything okay in there, Bells?" Charlie asked concerned.

I immediately got out of the bath, and wrapped myself in a towel. "Yes sir, I'm coming out now." My robe was hanging on the back of the door, so I pulled it around me, covering my wrinkled body.

"I was just worried. You'd been in there a while," he said. His eyebrows puckered with concern.

"I was just relaxing, Dad. Trying to soak the day away, you know." I smiled sheepishly.

Avoiding any more conversation, I tip-toed across the hall to my room, and locked the door behind me. The alarm clock on my nightstand revealed 9:15; I'd been in the bathroom over an hour. No wonder Charlie was concerned.

I quickly dressed in a tattered T-shirt and holey sweatpants, and climbed into bed. It wasn't particularly cold tonight, but I pulled the covers up to my neck anyway. I needed to feel safe. Tonight scared me worse than usual. I was afraid the results of my bath would catch up with me now, making tonight the most daunting of them all. I tried to keep my eyes open, fighting sleep best I could, praying I wouldn't have to pay for the calmness I felt earlier tonight.