ONESHOT: The Shadowlands

What happened to Faith while she was dead. Again.

By Rachel Brook. Used With Permission

Faith backed out of Zephyrus' reach, the Eye of Horus in her hands.

"Sorry," She whispered to the young man, her lips still tingling from the kiss and her heart pounding in her chest. She knew that he would hurt her for this. She knew that her time alive was up…again.

"You Bitch!" He yelled, raising a hand. The hand comes towards her…but she never felt the contact.

The world went black. No pain. She did not feel her head implode…nor did she feel the arms of Lestrade as he caught her. Or heard his cry.

Faith Harkness was, once again, no longer among the living.

Heaven's Gate, Outside of Time

Faith's eyes snapped open. She was standing, surrounded by a warm light. For a moment she was confused. Where was she? What happened? How did she get here?

She looked around her, a faint sense of worry filling her being. She needed to get back to…somewhere. It's…urgent?

A hand suddenly fell on her shoulder, making her jump and spin around…

And she found herself face to face with Gabriel, the Archangel from Eden.

He was weeping, glinting tears falling from his eyes, but he smiled at her slightly.

Faith wasn't sure if the smile was to calm her or make her more worried and confused.

"Faith," Gabriel said, his voice calm and clear, despite his obvious distress.

"You have come too early to Heaven's Gate. It is not your time."

The girl blinked and tilted her head to the side. This was heaven's gate? Then what…

Her eyes suddenly widened, memories flooding her consciousness. After a long moment, she found her voice.

"Zephyrus…killed me?"

Gabriel nodded, his smile falling.

The girl's chin did the same. She had expected that, knew that it would happen…but it still hurt to actually hear it aloud. To know, unquestionably, that he really did kill her.

"What am I supposed to do, now? Why was I brought to heaven's gate if I'm not supposed to be here?"

Gabriel lifted her chin gently.

"The Perfect One told me to bring you here. I am to instruct you on a very crucial matter and then send you to the Shadowlands to await your Resurrection call."

Faith blinked. This was all sounding very familiar. She nodded.

"Alright."

The Archangel smiled gently at her and takes her hand, guiding her down a path on the softest grass she had ever felt under foot. If this was heaven's gate, Heaven itself must be unfathomable!

"You did well, getting all the items you need. Osiris will be there to help you. But you first must find him. He will reveal to you the other's progress."

His face appeared to fall for a moment, as if he knew that what Osiris would later tell Faith wouldn't be pleasant.

"Do you remember what happened to you the first time you were resurrected?"

Faith was slightly startled by the sudden change in subject, but she nodded in response.

"Death was separated from me. And I later sent her into the Rift."

The Archangel nodded.

"Correct."

"Will another piece of me break off when I am resurrected again?" the girl asked, connecting the dots at a remarkable speed.

"Yes." Gabriel replied, coming to a stop at what appears to be a random point by the gate.

"But you must take care not to attack this one. She will be of great use to a dear friend of yours. Your friend is in a remarkable amount of distress and will be close to the breaking point. Your 'broken piece' if you will, can do her much good. But you must not present your cloud self to her until she is in desperate need of it, is that clear?"

Gabriel's eyes were hard, burning into Faith's very soul. This was a truly serious matter. Everything had to be done just so, or the whole house of cards would fall.

"Crystal clear."

"Very good."

Suddenly, the archangel tilted his head to the side, as if listening to something Faith couldn't hear. His wings stiffened noticeably and his face became taught. He nodded and his eyes once again fell on Faith.

"It is time to go to the Shadowlands."

Faith nodded, putting on a brave face. She once defeated the darkness of the Shadowlands… she can do it again.

Gabriel gathered her up in his arms, tears falling onto her head; his wings encircled and cocooned them.

"Confrotamini, et patum Fidei," He whispered in her ear. "Recordamini verba veritatis et amoris, etiam obprobium malorum."

And suddenly, Faith was standing alone… in the Shadowlands.

Faith sat and waited for the call, the pull towards her body on the other side.

There was nothing of worth to explore in the Shadowlands. It was barren and dead. So she sat on the barren ground, eyes closed, counting on her fingers the Hail Mary's of the Rosary she decided to pray while she waited.

"Faith…" A voice called across the plain, causing the girl's eyes to snap open. Was this it? Was this her call?

"Faith…" The voice called again.

But there was no tug on her soul. No pull towards the other side.

No this wasn't her resurrection call. . . so what was it?

Caution filled the girl as she climbed to her feet. "Who's there?" She called out into the gray fog of the Shadowland. The voice was beginning to send shivers down her spine. She knew that voice…but where?

"Don't tell me you've forgotten all about me, Faithlet," The voice seemed to hiss. "It is not good for little girls to forget their uncles…"

Suddenly, Faith's back went ramrod straight. Only one man was her uncle…and only oneman had ever called her "Faithlet". "G-Gray."

The fog swirled in front of her, forming the image of Gray Ambrose, his face in a smirk, his eyes still cold and dark. "Hello again, Faithlet." His smirk transformed into a sadistic grin. "It certainly has been a while."

Faith felt nausea build up in her stomach. She was alone; alone and relatively defenseless with the madman that had tortured her for two centuries in the rift. She tried her hardest to keep the fear out of her voice. "What are you doing here?"

Gray chuckled, coming a step forward. "Come now, Faith. You're a smart girl. I'm pretty sure you already have it figured out."

Faith took a quick step back, fear suddenly pulsing though her. He was right. She did know. He was here to discourage her. To make her doubt, doubt in her resurrection call.

Gray's chuckling became darker, more sinister, sending chills faster down Faith's spine.

"You did it, Faith. You got all the objects needed to bring your friends back from the land of the dead…At the cost of your own life." Gray was practically laughing now. "And you followed directions that you knew would only hurt you the entire way through! Oh! And better still, directions given to you by the man who killed you!" He began to applaud. "I guess those 200 years of training went better than expected!"

Faith felt her guard slipping as curiosity began to peak its head at his last statement. She squashed it firmly down.

"What? You aren't going to ask what I mean?"

Faith refused the bait.

Gray's face slowly began to light up. He clasped his hands together in front of him, a sick delight spreading across his face. He glided up to her. "So you already knew what it was I was doing to you those long years, do you?"

He was so close to her that her being was screaming for her to move away, but something was holding her there. She couldn't even curl her fist. She was frozen. Forced to hear every word the mad man would say.

"Those years were training ground. To break you into a billion pieces…pieces you would be forced to have someone else put back together." His hand slid along her arms as he circled her. "To make you absolutely submissive," his hands came to her should as he stood behind her. "And that is all you are. Broken. Useless." His lips came to her ear. She could practically taste the smoke on her tongue, nearly causing her to gag. "Worthless and unloved. Forever and ever alone."

Faith refused to show just how much his words hit her. This was a test. She had to pass! Yes, she admitted to being unnaturally submissive to Jack's demands, but it was the only way. She had told this much to Osiris. He believed in her. She needed to believe in herself.

"But you already know this, don't you, Faithlet?" Gray began to taunt. "You know that you can never be loved the way you want to be because…" His lips were right on her ear now."Because you are the most bizarre freak of nature the world has ever seen!" He pulled away for a moment. "No wonder Suzie Costello found you so fascinating…"

Faith found those words harder to keep out. That had always bothered her. Why had Suzie found her so fascinating? So fascinating to the point that the woman killed others just to test her "toy," the Gauntlet?

"That's all you are to Torchwood, my dear Faith. An experiment. A being that never should have been and yet, here you are! A girl who has lived through more of earth's history than any other normal being in the cosmos, and continues on, even though 'Little Faith's soul has long ago left the building…'" Gray voice was becoming like a sick and twisted whisper, a snake that was slithering up to her, ready to set it's fangs into her soft flesh. "Even my brother, your own 'protective daddy,' wonders if you just how much of an ability you have to destroy. He has seen your power after all. That little trick you pulled on Sampson…"

The memory flashed unbiddingly through Faith's head. Sampson falling to the floor with a whimper of pain because she was being cautious, because she had seen too much that day, because…because…

She didn't look, and had refused to see.

Faith felt the walls crumbling. She had hurt her dear Sampson. The pup she had watched over for years and who had watched over her since she healed him. The memory alone was too much. "Stop," She muttered under her breath, clenching her eyes shut. She didn't want Sampson pulled into this.

"You could become Death without a second thought." Gray continued, not hearing, or ignoring her request. "In fact, you could become her equal, maybe surpass her in power if you wanted to." A creepy smile crept onto his face. "And you would hold no reservations. You would become my brother at the moment. Kill without a second thought, because humans are a lost cause… Aren't they, Faith?"

"Stop it!" Faith said, eyes flashing open, jaw and fists finally free from the trap that had been set on her.

His hand grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look up at him. "And you would love it. You would relish the blood—"

"I SAID STOP IT!" Faith lashed out, pushing him away from her, but refusing to touch him after her hands retracted, sending him stumbling a few centimeters back.

Grey made a tut-tut sound as he regained his balance quickly and before she could run away from him, he grabbed her arm and every cut, every prick, every bit of pain she felt those years alone. "Not in control, are we? Good…"

Suddenly, every cut was reopened at once. Every cut that Gray made meticulously, ripped open mercilessly.

And Faith screamed.

Gray's grip on her arm increased the pain ten-fold. She couldn't collapse to the ground or even lose consciousness.

"God…come…to…my…assistance…" She cried out. ~Please… don't let me fail! I still need to apologize.~

"Admit it, Faith Harkness." Gray hissed. "You are a lost cause. You have no one out there who wants you to return."

Pain exploded in her lower abdomen, a feeling of being ripped open from the inside out blooming though her body. Coupled with the pain were the unwanted memories of her last day in captivity coming to the forefront of her memory. A day she just wanted to forget.

"You will never leave here. Trapped here with me…for the rest of eternity…"

Faith shook her head. She couldn't take it anymore.

"NO!" Faith cried out. "NO! NO! NO! I will escape! I will be called back!" The pain dimmed, but was still present. "I am NOT a lost cause. NO ONE is a lost cause! Someone out there still loves me, knows the real me, and cherishes me!"

As the words escaped her lips, she felt herself falling, a tug by a strong force, one she couldn't fight, and a bright light filling her head….

And the next thing she knew, she was hearing Jack's voice whine in her ear.

"That. Is. Disgusting."

Certainly not the first thing a girl wanted to hear after being called back from the dead.

And it threw another dagger into Faith's already bleeding heart. It confirmed what she already knew. Jack was not the one she had described in her last moment in the Shadowlands.

He never could be.

"Love you too, Jack." Faith said, her voice stiff and tired, refusing to reveal just how much his words hurt. She knew this Jack wasn't her father. Her Jack understood resurrection…pretty much better than anyone else.

And that hurt her.

She so desperately wanted to see Jack, her daddy.

But she had to focus on the problem at hand.

Her eyes fluttered open and locked on a red cloud floating above her head. Her other self, forced from her body the moment Faith was resurrected. "Should have expected this one."

The cloud giggled and suddenly, Faith knew the other's personality.

"That cloud of vapour just giggled." Lestrade commented. "And you know, a few days ago, that would have made no sense to me. I think I'm a broken man."

"Not broken," Faith replied, eyes still locked on the cloud, forcing down every emotion. She knew what she would need to do. Gabriel had told her that much, after all.

This little self would be going to Susie, Violet or Mira. The one that needed her the most. "What is your name?"

The cloud giggled once more, "I don't have one yet. Silly, Faith!"

Faith almost smiled at that. Almost.

After physically attaching the girl-cloud to herself, Faith felt a rush of indifference about the entire situation fill her being. She was single minded and focused. She didn't even bat an eyelash when Jack ordered her off his ship.

But what did almost spark a reaction out of her was when Jack slammed her into the bulk head. Was she doing something wrong by wanting to complete her mission as soon as possible?

When Lestrade asked just what she had planned for her cloud self, she gave him the brief version. She knew that most of what he was dealing with at the moment was bizarre enough. Adding meeting with Angels and inner demons would only provide more damage to the man's already failing resolve.

Plus, Jack didn't need to know that she knew his brother…more so then she ever wanted to.

"There it is again." He said stiffly. "You sound so bloody like him. I suppose there's no stopping you, whatever the cost."

Faith nodded. At least he was getting it.

That didn't mean that his next statement didn't reach her ears.

"I just hope, for all our sakes, that you find your Watson."

That left a sucker punch feeling to her gut. She knew she wasn't supposed to hear that.

And she also knew who he was describing her to be like.

What made it even worse was that she knew why she was acting as such.

And knew that it would be a long time coming before she would allow herself to return to normal.

Her time in the Shadowland had caused damage, serious damage, damage that wouldn't be easy to be rid of.

And to be honest, it was only going to get worse.

And she wasn't really sure if she could be rid of it by herself.

Be rid of the curse Gray had put on her. . . the one that refused to let her be herself . . .