A/N: A little happy a little sad and very funny! Thanks a bunch to all the people who have reviewed and like this story. It means a lot to me.

Chapter Eight

I Wish I Was

Scorpius was having a very difficult time with his Potions assignment. The assignment itself wasn't all that hard, in fact it was quite easy. It was the Potters that were causing the majority of his distress. All three of them were in the library with him. Albus was attempting to study with him, like the responsible mate that he was. James on the other hand was lounging across two chairs, his feet propped up with a lazy smile on his face. He'd had that very same smile on his face since the first day of classes.

At first Scorpius thought that he'd been planning some sort of beginning the school year prank, but nothing ever happened. In fact James was actually better behaved then Scorpius had ever seen him. He was going to all his classes (on time!), paying attention to the professors, not interrupting or adding some cheeky comment that would make everyone laugh and he had all but stopped getting detentions.

Nowadays the detentions he got were for getting caught snogging in public. Scorpius, like most people who heard about it (i.e. everyone)thought that he was snogging some random floozy as per usual. But no. He was snogging none other than Kira Fitzsimmons. When he finally found out the truth, Scorpius just about kicked his own bum. It was so obvious.

James Sirius Potter receives a detention for a PDA. The very same day Kira Fitzsimmons receives a detention for the same damn thing.

It was so painfully obvious after seeing the two of them together once. They could barely take their eyes off each other, let alone their hands. It was surprising that they didn't get more detentions, but Scorpius was inclined to think that the professors were willing to give them a little slack with the snogging if it meant they wouldn't be pranking. It was a lot easier to reprimand a couple of kids for kissing in the hallway then to explain to the parents of a whole House why their son or daughter has blue hair.

James gave a contented sigh and gazed adoringly at Kira who was sitting across the library with the primary cause of Scorpius' distress. She gave him a cutesy finger wave and blew him a kiss that he caught dramatically before stuffing it into his pocket "for later." He gave the air a mildly explicit lick in return and Scorpius had a hard time trying not to gag. Albus on the other hand didn't even try to hold it in.

"Merlin James!" he snapped. "I'm sick of seeing the two of you eating each others' faces every time I turn around! The library is a place to study, damn it. Act like a mature almost adult that you supposedly are."

James laughed making both Scorpius and Albus scowl. The bloke had always been a happy person, but nowadays he was so damned cheerful it made those around him feel horribly depressed by comparison. Honestly, Scorpius thought, how could anyone's joy compete with James 'I'm Snogging the girl of My Dreams' Potter.

Scorpius wanted to snog the girl of his dreams, but no she wasn't interested in the likes of him. Not for the first and most likely not for the last time he truly hated the fact that he was a Malfoy. He was sure that things between him and Lily would be ten thousand times easier if he was the son of someone her father hadn't spent seven some odd years hating with every fiber of his being.

Scorpius glanced over at Lily. She was staring at him, so he looked away. He could feel her eyes boring into the side of his face and had to fight the urge not to look her way. It didn't help that she was gorgeous and for as long as he'd known her his gaze had been drawn to her.

"… isn't that right, Scorpius?" Albus said. Scorpius shook his head in confusion.

"Ha! See? Scorpius agrees with me, you numb skull!" James grinned triumphantly.

"Sorry, mates," he said. "I have no idea what you guys are talking about."

"Maybe if you stopped staring at our sister you'd be able to keep up with the conversation," Albus suggested dryly. James nodded in agreement. Scorpius' eyes went wide and he started to sputter.

"How long have you known?" he asked, finally finding his voice.

"Since this summer," Albus said. Scorpius' mouth fell open in shock. Summer had been two and half months ago and during that time the Potter boys had been more friendly than usual. Scorpius hadn't thought much of it at the time, but now…

"What exactly do you know?" He was nothing if not a cautious creature. His father had taught him that. One of the only things the traitorous bastard taught him. Scorpius wouldn't be admitting to anything until he knew what they knew. They might just think he liked looking at her or something. Not that he fancied her so much it boarded on the pathological.

"Lily told Kira that you asked her out in her second year and she turned you down saying that she had a boyfriend," James said. "That story just happens to be the same one you told me last year."

"And of course since Kira can't keep her hands off my dear brother or keep her mouth shut she told him," Albus said, bitterly.

"Shit, Al!" James exclaimed. "I'm not apologizing for that again. I know I should have knocked, but honestly if the girl wasn't such a prude she wouldn't have cared. It's not like you were doing anything dirty."

"That's not the point, James!" Albus yelled back. "The point is that I explicitly asked you to leave Daisy and I alone for a few hours and you disrespected that request. In fact you were going to snog Kira in my room hoping that Mum and Dad wouldn't think to look for the two of you there."

"How do you reckon that one out?"

"Because I know you, you great big lummox!"

"What in the blithering Hell are you two talking about?" Scorpius asked. He had been trying to follow the story but something was missing.

"When we got home from Victoire's wedding my parents went to town yelling at Kira and I for snogging in the upstairs loo, which, interestingly enough, never happened, and then snogging in the middle of the reception in the backyard," James explained. "This conniving blitter dragged innocent little Daisy Doe up to his room and snogged the crap out of her."

"That is not what happened!" Albus yelled.

"Well, that's what I saw."

"I don't care what you saw, James! That's not what happened."

"Then what happened?" Scorpius asked.

"When I saw that Mum and Dad were about to go off on James and Kira I kindly and gently suggested that Daisy and I go up to my room to talk. She agreed, so up we went. We talked for a while and then all of the sudden she tackled me and we started snogging. We were perfectly happy until this moron," Albus pointed at James, "barges in with Kira wrapped around him. He breaks away from her long enough to tell us to 'bugger off!' I refused of course-"

"You called me a 'fucking idiot' and told me to go 'fuck myself,'" James said. "And they call you the good child."

"The exact words aren't important. What is important is that Daisy ran off and Flooed home before I even got to say goodbye to her. She wouldn't answer any of my letters over the summer and won't speak to me now that we're at school. All because this prick thought he could avoid Mum and Dad by snogging in MY ROOM!"

"I think you've got some anger issues, Al," James said, completely unfazed by his brother's yelling.

"I think you should go talk to her," Scorpius said. For some reason that wiped the smile off of James' face. "The girl is probably just embarrassed. James isn't exactly the most discrete guy in the world and she's probably worried that he's going to tell everyone."

"You think so?" Albus asked, significantly calmer.

"Yeah, Daisy's smart she probably knows all about James' big mouth."

"Hey!" James said, affronted.

"You're probably right, but how can get her to listen? She's been ignoring me since it happened," Albus said, ignoring James.

"Maybe you should talk to her in the library?" Kira suggested, coming up to their table. Albus and Scorpius groan in unison. Anytime Kira and James were within snogging distance, they were… well… snogging. "This is where she is most of the time, and she's probably pretty comfortable here."

"Hey!" James exclaimed again.

"I know a Prefect who could get you into the Ravenclaw Common Room," Scorpius offered.

"That might be pushing it," Kira said. She had yet to kiss her boyfriend and said boyfriend was getting kind of pissy. "I think- Ummph! Ohhh…" James had finally gotten fed up with being ignored and took matters quite literally into his own hands. He'd reached behind him to where Kira had been standing, pulled her into his lap and kissed the living daylights out of her.

Scorpius shook his head and glanced over to the table Lily had been sitting at, it was empty. Looking around the library for his fire haired angle he saw that she had made her way over to their table and smiling at him. Scorpius felt his eyes go wide and his mind go blank. She was so beautiful.

"Hey, Scorpius," she said, giving him finger wave.

"Hey," he choked. Her voice was so light and pretty, he oft felt like a buffoon talking to her because his voice always sounded so harsh compared to hers.

"How was your summer? I feel like we haven't spoken in ages," she laughed.

If she had been anyone else Scorpius would have said that she was flirting with him. But she was Lily Potter and he was Scorpius Malfoy. There was no way she was flirting with him. His most hated emotion started curling in his belly. Heart ache pure and simple. The heart ache he always felt when he remembered that she was the daughter of the savior of Wizarding world and he was the son a Death Eater.

"My summer was great, thanks. How was yours?" His mind was utterly blank as he spoke. Escape his only true desire. Escape from this conversation and the people he'd come to consider his closest friends. James and Albus Potter, the beloved sons of the man who saved his father's life, his father who never even thanked him.

"Oh, it was… eventful to say the least," she said and then she blushed for no discernable reason. "I was wondering-"

"I'm sorry, Lily, mates," Scorpius said, standing up and snatching a random book from the pile on the table. "But I have to go. I'll see you all around."

He all but ran into the dark depths of the library and hoped with all his might that endless shelves would just open up and swallow him whole. He wanted what he couldn't have. What he could never have.

Scorpius hid behind a stack of books and peaked around the corner to the table he'd just left. A light from the window was shining down on the table. Kira and James snogging, Albus contemplating the prudish girl he fancied and Lily looking forlorn in the direction he'd gone. There they were the children of Potter, with the light of the sun caressing them like a lover. The sun paying homage to their perfect lineage. And here was Scorpius hiding in the shadows behind moldy books wishing that he was something, someone different.

---

Rose sat fidgeting in her seat, five minutes early to her Defense Against the Dark Arts class in order to avoid her boyfriend. She wasn't even sure she could call Stephen her boyfriend anymore. She'd hardly spoken two words to him since their row at Victoire and Teddy's wedding. He'd tried to make it better a number of times, but Rose always found a way to avoid him and his sad eyes. She didn't want to break up with him any more the she wanted him to break up with her. But she figured that it would end as soon as he graduated anyway, so staying together in the moment was only putting off the inevitable.

The door opened and a few of Rose's classmates wondered in. Outside the door there was a flash of messy brown hair. Hair that Rose would recognize anywhere. Stephen. Thinking quick she knocked her books on the floor and ducked down to retrieve them. She peaked around the legs of her desk to see that Stephen had entered the room. He stepped to and fro for a moment before trudging back out to the hall.

Rose felt her chest tighten as she watched the legs of her classmates enter the room. It seemed that he'd asked her a million times in a million different ways what was wrong, but she'd never been able to give him a straight answer. Gryffindors were supposed to be brave and she was too much of a coward to admit that she was scared.

Rose piled her books up and wiggled her way back into her chair. She kept her head down, not interested in talking to her friends. She felt guilty for making her boyfriend sad and she felt bad that she was too much of a coward to just tell him the truth. I'm a horrible Gryffindor, she thought, a horrible girlfriend.

She moaned into her desk.

"Are you all right, Rose?" a depressingly familiar voice asked. Rose looked up at the smiling but worried face her mother. Over Mum's shoulder was her Dad and Uncle Harry.

She'd known that Professor Wilsoncorp was beginning his lecture on the Last War, but she hadn't thought for a second that her Mum, Dad and Uncle would show up to speak as well. Professor Wilsoncorp liked to talk about history as much as technique. He had made a point of having as many speakers come to the class as physically possible, so why not have the heroes of the Last War come to speak when the subject came up?

Her mother and father were looking at her curiously, while Uncle Harry lingered in the background with a pleasant smile on his face. They weren't going to let this go until she either told them everything was fine, which was a lie or until they had humiliated her utterly. Rose closed her eyes and sighed, she might as well be as truthful as she ever could be about a boy with her father present.

"No, I'm not," she whispered speaking only to her mother, "can I talk to you after class, Mum?" She completely ignored her father. She didn't want to talk about anything having to do with her boyfriend with her father nearby. "Alone?"

"Of course, sweetheart," Hermione said and Rose groaned while her peers snickered at her expense.

Professor Wilsoncorp stumbled into the room with his usual gracelessness. He was a pitiful man in Rose's opinion. Such an obvious brownnoser, but somehow ignorant to his own pathetic sucking up. He'd tried many times to get Rose or any of her cousins to talk their famous relatives into coming in to speak. After many fruitless attempts, Rose assumed that he'd went to the Headmistress, knowing that she was a close friend of the family.

"All right, class, settle down, settle down," Professor Wilsoncorp called the class to order. "I've got a very special surprise for you today." Why he bothered saying that made no sense to Rose. Everyone already knew what the surprise was. "Here we have three very important speakers who have agreed to grace our class for the next few weeks. Not only to speak about their unique experiences during the Last War but also to teach all of you a few spells that they learned during the war."

Professor Wilsoncorp introduced the three of them individually and they all smiled politely to the class before taking one of the three seats at the front of the room. "Ron Weasley, Hermione Weasley and… Harry Potter." Rose rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe that Wilsoncorp had paused before saying Uncle Harry's name. But she seemed to be the only one struggled against laughter. The rest of the class was clapping politely, even the Slytherins. Even Scorpius Malfoy, who was eying Uncle Harry closely. Rose rolled her eyes again. That Slytherin was an anomaly to be sure.

"First, I'd like to collect you assignment from last class." Wilsoncorp wandered through the class collecting the homework. "And for next time I'd like a paragraph response to today's speakers."

Rose pulled a piece of parchment to scribble the assignment down and to doodle on. She'd heard the story that the three of them were going to tell and doubted that she'd hear anything new this time around. Her mother began, detailing the decisions she made during the beginning of the war. A lot of what she had to say had to do with morals and how to keep your spirit up in times of trouble. Her Dad would talk about technique, spells they used to stay inconspicuous, enchantments they used to escape the enemy. Uncle Harry would talk about the spells of the enemy and the many ways to counter those spells. None of them would talk about deeper things.

They wouldn't talk about Scorpius' aunt torturing her Mum. They wouldn't tell the class that Uncle Harry save Scorpius' father from cursed fire. They wouldn't divulge the last time any of them saw Teddy Tonks or his daughter or his son-in-law alive. They wouldn't talk about any of the things they had a hard time talking about in private.

Rose only knew about it because once a few years ago all the parents sat down all the kids and explained everything. Apparently James had been hearing some things at school and the parents realized that it was time. Time to tell their offspring what had really gone down all those years ago. It had been hard at the time. Listening to tales of her mother's torment and her father's tears over his slain brother. Uncle Harry was the hardest to listen to. His memories were brutal and lonely. Even surrounded by people he had been so alone.

Rose shook her head. It didn't matter. They wouldn't talk about it. They never talked about it, only answering the questions their children asked upon occasion.

She glanced to the back of the class where Scorpius sat, curious about his reaction to the things her parents were saying and the things they left out. He looked like he knew. That didn't make much sense to Rose. The Last War hadn't been kind to the Malfoys. Why would his father tell his son that he'd been save by the same man who he had all but condemned to die?

Maybe it was his mother? Rose wondered.

The speaking ended just as Rose suspected it would. Not a single mention of all those things that would really speak to what the war was really about. The fact that they were still grieving spoke volumes in Rose's opinion, but no. Those things would stay silent. Silent as the dead they continued to mourn.

It was moments and thoughts like these that made Rose feel even guiltier about her situation with Stephen. Life was short, her parents knew that first hand. It was too short to spend any significant amount of time bemoaning what can't be changed. She needed to talk to Stephen. It wouldn't be a pleasant talk.

"Does anyone have a question for our speakers before class is adjourned? Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" Wilsoncorp looked eagerly up at Scorpius. The whole class had turned to him, but he didn't seem to notice. He was staring intently at Harry, who was looking back, curious.

"I was just wondering, Mr. Potter," he said, with genuine courtesy. "Why you refer to Lord Voldemort as Tom Riddle when everyone else calls him 'Lord Voldemort' or 'You Know Who' or any of the other names for him?" he asked.

"Now, Mr. Malfoy," Wilsoncorp said, chidingly. "That is a curious question but it doesn't really have anything to do with defense against the dark arts. So-"

"Actually, Professor Wilsoncorp," Uncle Harry interrupted. "It has a great deal to do with defense against the dark arts."

Ever the brownnoser, Wilsoncorp changed his mind instantly and his face took on a smile meant to please. "Really? Well, then do tell!" Rose tried not to gag.

"I stopped called Tom Riddle 'Voldemort' after I realized that by doing so I was giving him power over me. Power he had no right to have. When 'Voldemort' was born he was christened Thomas Marvolo Riddle. Tom Riddle being his father's name. When his mother died, her last words were the hope that he would be as handsome as his father. His given name was a way for her to dictate in some small way who he might one day become.

"Now, Scorpius," Harry said. "Words have power, we all know that being of magical stock. The easiest way to cast a spell is through the use of words. But names in particular have a lot of power because they are a way for all of us to identify ourselves. Am I Harry Potter? Or am I a father, a husband, a son? Am I all of that? Am I none of it? What real influence does my name have on who I am? When my parents chose to name me Harold James Potter, were they hoping that would be like my father in some small way? I don't know. Unfortunately I'll never know, but what I do know is that names are a way for parents to have some control over who we will become.

"By naming her son, Thomas Riddle after his father, Merope Gaunt, his mother, was trying in vain to dictate who her son would become. I think that Tom Riddle realized this. That from beyond the grave his mother, and father, had some control over his identity that he didn't want them to have. He wanted power above all else and the fact that his parents had power over his identity, something he had struggled so long with, was horrible for him. He didn't want anyone but himself to have power over him, least of all the two people who had deserted him utterly.

"When he took the name 'Voldemort' he was taking away the right his mother had to dictate his identity. From that moment on he decided that he was the master of himself. By forcing others to call him 'The Dark Lord' or 'He Who Must Not Be Named' or 'You Know Who' he was reinforcing that power he had over them and stroking his ego. He'd given himself a new name that no one could call him by. It's a tremendous ego boost.

"The point, Scorpius, is that names have power, Tom Riddle realized this and used to his own ends. By calling him 'Voldemort' or any of the other names, we give him power over us. By calling him 'Tom Riddle' we take that power back. I call him 'Tom Riddle' because he will never have power over me ever again," Harry said.

Rose stared at her uncle with wide eyes. She'd always known that he was a smart man, but she'd never heard him prove it quite so eloquently. He'd given just enough information to make sure that his listeners were informed, but also imparted a valuable piece of knowledge on them in the process.

After a few more questions Professor Wilsoncorp ended the class. Rose knew that her mother was expecting to talk to her, but she couldn't find it in her to stay behind. She needed to get her thoughts together before she talked to anyone, let alone her mother. Hermione was loving and caring and everything a good mother was supposed to be, but she was Rose's mother and that automatically meant that she could never see the wrong in her own daughter.

And if Rose had been anything, she'd been wrong.

Stephen cared about her. Cared deeply if all his letters and following and talking could be seen as any indicator. And she'd treated him badly just because she was afraid. She was afraid just like everyone had been afraid of Lord Vold- Tom Riddle. People had been so afraid of him they gave him the ultimate power over them. Rose would never let anyone have that kind of power over her.

She wouldn't be afraid anymore.

But before she faced her fears head on she needed to think about what she was going to say. How exactly she was going to word her humiliating confession. How she would hold her face if worst came to worst and Stephen broke up with her for putting him off for so long. How things would have to be handled if while talking to him she decided that he needed to be let free of any obligation he felt towards her.

She was fifteen, not an idiot.

Now, she just wished that she was as brave as her Uncle Harry.