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Broken

The Bombing of Thirteen

I saw it coming from a mile away.

It was the moment Peeta's blood sprayed across the tiled floor in the Capitol that I saw the first major crack in Katniss Everdeen. I didn't want to admit it to anyone in the control at the time, but my heart clenched so tightly at the sight on screen that I thought I was having a heart attack.

It then caught my attention when she was escorted into the control room after the bombings. Everyone had been distracted and in need of coffee, but I saw her fingers – red and raw. I had seen the same symptoms on Finnick, but I held my tongue. It had to wait. There were more important matters at hand.

Then came the roses. God, it was like a bolt of lightening had struck her. The effect these roses had on her were astronomical. She didn't move. I wasn't even sure she was breathing. She just stared, and I swore I could see her unraveling right in front of my eyes but I was helpless to stop it.

I watched as she struggled to breathe, and her eyes darted to and fro, completely unfocused. I could see her body shaking from where I stood, and it struck me at just how much we have put her through. She was beginning to look as frail as she was when she was younger, struggling to feed her family and herself. She attempted to swallow multiple times, and her body was trembling so much that I was surprised she was still standing. She was trying so hard to compose herself, to focus on the task at hand…

But the dam broke, the floodgates opened, and Katniss Everdeen shattered into a million pieces.

Crying doesn't even begin to describe the noises she emitted. The most painful wails echoed in the clearing, silencing every creature that was in the vicinity. Katniss collapsed onto the ground, her body wracked with sobs.

She cried out my name in the most pitiful voice I had heard, reaching out for some form of support.

I pulled her close to me, murmuring into her ear to calm her as much as I could. "It's okay. It'll be okay, sweetheart."

Her words were hard to make out, but I managed to hear her small voice say, "I can't do this anymore."

"I know."

"All I can think of is—what he's going to do to Peeta—because I'm the Mockingjay!" She was gasping for air, trying to calm her heart rate and steady her breathing. It wasn't working.

I can't think of any words of comfort. That was usually Peeta's job. All I can do is wrap her tightly in my arms and say, "I know."

Her breathing becomes more erratic as she tries to get the words out of her mouth. "Did you see? How weird he acted? What are they—doing to him? It's my fault!"

And then she was done. Our Mockingjay – broken. Her cries became a cross between a sob and a scream, and all the life drained out of her body. I refused to stumble from the sudden weight, and tried to hold her in a position that's comfortable for her.

I don't think she would have even noticed.

To add to the hysteria, Finnick broke down as well. The strain of knowing the torture Annie was going through was too much for him as well. I felt terrible that we had been friends for so long and through so much, but I could not take my attention away from my tribute. Despite being out of the arena, I still felt responsible for her.

Now she was broken.

Cressida took to comforting Finnick while Boggs injected him with a sedative. Katniss was soon injected after. Her cries quieted, and I sensed her slipping away from reality.

I've been sitting in the infirmary for the past eight hours, watching her just to make sure she continued breathing. I have heard of people dying because they lost the will to live, and I wasn't sure just how unhinged our Mockingjay was yet.

I didn't even flinch when someone placed a bowl of broth next to me, nor did I when they took it away, untouched. My entire body felt exhausted and heavy, as if I was bearing some guilt or weight on my shoulders that I couldn't quite shake.

Was it my fault Katniss suffered so much? Was I requiring too much of her? Could I even lift the weight off her shoulders if I wanted to?

"Haymitch."

When I didn't turn to face Coin, she asked briskly, "How is she?"

"Peachy." I said shortly.

She continued in a curt voice, "We've assembled a team to infiltrate and recover Peeta and the rest of the…prisoners." I could sense her disapproval of having Enobaria being a part of this rescue mission.

"Boggs, Hawthorne, Jackson, Homes, Cassus, Eberline, and Muskovy have volunteered for the mission."

I nodded my head to show I heard correctly.

"You will not be coming." She stated bluntly. "You are unfit for duty."

I couldn't resist a snort. I don't think I could have gotten out of this chair, much less into the Capitol.

She left momentarily after that. We didn't have much to say to each other.

When Katniss woke up, I worked hard to keep things positive and evade the topic of the rescue mission. It worked its way out anyway, though. However, I was shocked by her reaction.

"Please, Haymitch!" She begged. "I have to do something. I can't just sit here waiting to hear if they died. There must be something I can do!"

In spite of everything that had happened, there was still a bit of the girl on fire buried deep in there. Who was I to deny her?

"Alright, I'll see what I can do. Let me talk to Plutarch." I pointed a finger at her. "You, stay put."

Peeta

"I can't stay here anymore," Katniss says. "If you want me to be the Mockingjay, you'll have to send me away."

We were outside the hospital. Delly had just left Peeta, who was still screaming inside the room.

We had all been surprised by Peeta's condition. None of us had expected it. I was just thankful Boggs had reached her in time to stop any permanent damages from happening.

Nonetheless, it was hard to look her in the eyes without seeing the ring of bruises around her neck and thinking it was somehow my fault.

I never expected this of Snow, although the man had always been very skilled when it came to torture. This torture wasn't just to destroy Peeta. This one was aimed at Katniss, and it worked all too well.

"Where do you want to go?" I ask her tonelessly.

There was an eerie calmness to Katniss now, as if her mind had cleared of all the chaos and pain that she had been suffering from for weeks and a strange emptiness took its place.

"The Capitol." She replies automatically. As if that would ever happen.

"Can't do it," Plutarch says. "Not until all the districts are secure. Good news is, the fighting's almost over in all of them but Two. It's a tough nut to crack, though."

I give him a sharp look. I'm not sure if I should trust this state Katniss was in. This was just one more blow for her to deal with. Then again, I doubted she would be any safer or saner here.

She relents, "Fine. Send me to Two."