number— two
genre— humor/romance
pairing— rima/nagihiko
rating— K+
word count— 1,166 words
summary— And it's not like he wants to stalk her, okay? Honestly, he just wants his hundred bucks and his effing high caliber sushi. (FML.)
notes— I AM A HAPPY LOSER. NOT REALLY.
dedicated to— Rikan! Happy belated birthday! ILOVEYOUUU! (I am such a horrible person.) ;u;
-slight au-
stalking for the dumb
tutoring at three o'clock
MWF
be there or be square—!
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administered by:
various fanclubs
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sponsored by:
all fanclubs
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attention!
(TO ALL INTERESTED—! EMBED, REMEMBER, SHOW UP—!)
please note:
i.) 'stalking for the dumb' are not liable for any injuries for falling out of trees, off of glass domes, off of roofs, off of balconies, out a window, et are not to be blamed nor are we to be charged for these injuries.
ii.) Pictures may be shown in these sessions; nosebleeds may ensue, drooling, et cetera. Please bring proper materials.
iii.) The screech of a fangirl can reach decibels past one-hundred and forty. Please plan accordingly.
iv.) 'stalking for dumb' are not liable for any claims against its students, as in locking multiple other students inside closets, hugging their leg and refusing to let go, flipping, fighting over a jacket and/or button, stealing shoes of crush, stealing crush, possible catfights, alcohol being slipped into beverages, students becoming knocked out, students forcibly sexually harassed and/or attempted attacks, et cetera.
v.) Please avoid showing up if you are any of the following people: Souma Kukai, Yuiki Yaya, Hotori Tadase, Hinamori Amu, Mashiro Rima, and Fujisaki Nagihiko. You will get maimed/attacked/sexually harassed/locked inside of a closet, room, bathroom, et cetera.
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[002. let me be your lovely stalker]
numero dos.
(officially disclaimed.)
dedication— Rikan
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"I'll pay you a hundred bucks to stalk her."
"… what? No. I am not that desperate for money. I may be dead broke, eat bread crusts everyday, and mooch off money from you, but there is no way, no way, I am— and besides, she's just a friend, just a friend—!"
"—oh, you know you don't want to be 'just friends'."
"What?"
"— uh, nothing, I'll buy you high caliber sushi?"
"… give me the effing money."
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lesson one— phone numbers and texting
(it's the easiest, safest way to stalk and remain anonymous—!)
(three new message(s)—!)
to— Mashiro Rima
from— anonymous number
subject— my eternal luver
OMG I LOVE YOUUU! 3
to— Mashiro Rima
from— anonymous number
subject— EMPRESS
You are the sun, and I am nothing but a mere speck.
to— Mashiro Rima
from— anonymous number
subject— will you let me love you
I will love you forever and ever and cherish you and you will stay in my heart.
Please always stay with me and marry me, my lovely porcelain doll.
delete:
yes or no
messages deleted.
(one new message(s)—!)
to— Mashiro Rima
from— anonymous number
subject— none
For the record, I am not stalking you.
I was paid in high caliber sushi.
reply:
yes or no
to— anonymous number
from— Mashiro Rima
subject— none
Excuses are null and void when in denial.
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lesson two— facebook
(they can't see you, and you're free to roam—!)
Mashiro Rima
High School— Seiyo
Favorite Athletes—
Favorite Music— Hoshina Utau
Favorite Books—
Favorite Movies— How to Train Your Dragon
About Me— Petite. Japanese. Likes comedy, gag manga, comedy shows, et cetera. Screw education; not athletically inclined.
Sex— female
(Mashiro Rima would like to chat—!)
mashiro rima— I have an app that allows me to see who is on this profile for periods of time that linger past ten minutes. Seeing as how you are most likely a fanboy, I give you five seconds to get off of this page before my phone automatically calls the police. Thank you.
(This is an automated message.)
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lesson three— from afar, on tiptoe
(quietly, quickly, have at least a five meter distance—!)
He watched curiously, chewing on a piece of (high caliber!) sushi as the various fanboys crawled all over the place, following the petite young figure.
He rolled his eyes. Her real personality wasn't anything like…
(… admittedly, she was pretty though— no, no, no, he never thought that. Nope, she wasn't attractive in any way, at all.)
… and no, he wasn't in denial either.
(—eff you, Kirishma, and your high caliber sushi—!)
His foot caught onto a tree branch— stupid trees!— and he muttered to himself.
He felt his tutor slap him on the head. "Tiptoe, tiptoe," he hissed.
… eff his life.
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"Kirishma," he hissed at the phone. "Do you know what lesson four and five is?"
"—ahaha, maybe?"
"… eff my life."
—call end
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lesson four— terraces, balconies, trees
(better yet, all of the above—!)
He sat on the branch of the tree, bouncing atop it while scrolling around on his phone.
He wasn't doing it. Nope. Not for all the high caliber sushi in the world.
"You're not very good at stalking."
He glanced upwards, sighing and making a face. "Yeah well, blame it on your ex-boyfriend, money, and high caliber sushi."
She arched an eyebrow even higher. "You followed Kirishma's advice?"
"He said that stalkers turned you on. A prime example is Kirishma…"
"… oh, ew, that's gross. And you did this," she said, gesturing to the phone, the tree, and multiple other things, and ignored the second statement, "to turn me—?"
He smirked. "Wanna interpret it that way?"
She gave him a glare, turning pink along the way. "Shut up," she hissed.
"You were the one who asked," he pointed out as he jumped nimbly from his tree branch, onto her balcony, and in front of her.
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lesson five— confessions of a fanboy
(love, love, love—!)
"Fanboys are so annoying," she muttered with a scowl as she tossed him a green tea bottle.
(ew, artificial flavoring.)
"Hey, I'm a fanboy," he remarked with a frown as he cracked open the bottle.
"My point exactly."
(three new message(s)—!)
to— Fujisaki Nagihiko
from— Fuyuki Kirishma
subject— none
dude i kno u hav the hots for her.
just do it.
(remember the hi caliber sushi! remember!)
to— Fujisaki Nagihiko
from— Souma Kukai
subject— the new couple, eh?
man, what are you doing?
kiss her already it's been lik 10 min!
to— Fujisaki Nagihiko
from— Hinamori Amu
subject— SQUEE!
Do it already. DO IT.
Stop being in denial, Nagi.
JUST KISS HER SHE'LL LIKE IT.
reply:
yes or no
(His friends are so supportive and pushy. He should've known it wasn't just Kirishma in on this.)
"—still hate crossdressers, Rima?"
She gave him a suspicious look. "… yes," she said stiffly. "I do."
"In denial, I see," he said with a grin.
She scowled at him as she sat atop her balcony fence, swinging her legs. "Oh, shut up— why is your face getting closer."
"—this is for the high caliber sushi, the high-caliber sushi."
"— eww, this is so cliché, and you say I'm in denial—?"
"—mmph!"
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"... hmph. Maybe I do have a thing for stalkers."
—fin.
notes— Oh my dear, I SAID I WAS GONNA UPDATE, and I didn't. I was seriously aiming for Halloween, as it was my one year anniversary for my very first oneshot, S&S, but uh, I didn't make that goal.
Oh, and uh, my Halloween story is rotting away in my documents 'coz I have no idea how to finish it. Sad face.
(—and yes, the characters are ooc. BLAH. And Nagihiko is broke BECAUSE he is. I dunno. AGH SHUSH. It says slight AU! I HAVE REASONS!)
And I don't know what I wrote about stalkers. Because I wanted to. 8'D
And yes the formatting is weird again DON'T SHOOT ME.
AND RIKAN, omg, I am seriously late with this fic it's been like a really long time, but happy belated birthday! I'll try to be more punctual about it next time... ;u;
(I feel like I always say this. Fail attempt.)
Maybe I do have a thing for reviews.
(omg what am I doing.)
—Bluey-san