A/N: Sorry for the wait boys and girls. I'd love to give you an excuse but I don't really have one. Review or it'll take me even longer to update again! That's called a threat.

"Marriage is a partnership… but when married to a pregnant woman it's more of a one sided institution where the one making a baby is in a position to get anything she wants and the other one is obliged to provide it. Even if all that is required is a burger." – Danielle Juarez

Chapter Thirty Nine

Wedded Bliss

Kira was finding that being pregnant rocked and sucked in equal measure.

It rocked because she could (and did) eat anything she wanted, she was horny as hell and James was more than willing to oblige her and she got away with being lazy. Plus she got to spend all kinds of time with Victoire and Ruby both of whom were also pregnant. And then there was Calla who was busy planning her wedding and taking all the advice she could get from the Weasley/Potters who've already gotten married. So being as lazy as she could be Kira was easy for Calla to find which wouldn't be a problem if Kira was actually interested in helping the other woman plan her wedding. Which wasn't the case.

Meaning that being lazy was a double edged sward.

Being pregnant sucked because she was getting fat and beginning to wonder if she would be able to lose the weight, she very often got horny when James wasn't around and had to deal with it by herself and being lazy meant planning Calla's fancy, gigantic London Wedding.

But on the other hand Kira was getting the chance to get to know her future sister-in-law and making the pretty virgin blush was quickly becoming her favorite game. Plus as a very lazy pregnant woman (unlike Ruby who was excited to no longer be the only Muggle in the family and was actively helping her future cousin-in-law plan her wedding) she didn't have to go on any of the wedding related errands. Well the wedding got planned without her help so it all worked out in the end.

So pregnancy was an uncomfortable mix of awesome and total suckatude. At the moment it was more suckage than awesome. The Ritz was beautiful and the smells coming out of the kitchen were fantastic and the few bits of food Kira got were totally great, the problem was that those few bits weren't nearly enough for her kicking baby who was making his (or her, Kira wasn't sure if the baby was a boy or a girl and was referring to it by one pronoun or the other randomly) hunger known. Who ever thought serving fifteen tiny courses would make up for one normal sized meal had been out of their mind. Or minds Albus had agreed to this monstrosity after all.

She looked down the long table the family was sitting at. It was comprised of almost entirely Weasleys and Potters with Calla's father sitting by the beaming bride and groom looking appalled at the family he'd let his daughter marry into. Kira didn't know why. As far as this brunch could be they were on very good behavior. Of course Grand Molly had cried during the ceremony attended to by eleven hundred of Calla and Albus' closest friends and though the bloody abbey was filled to bursting with people Molly's heaving sobs echoed off the stone walls. While watching the ridiculously proper ceremony Kira felt closer to a nap than tears. But from the look on Albus and Calla's faces as they exchanged their vows and kissed Kira knew it was all worth it. At the end of the day the wedding is all about the bride and groom and so long as they think it's perfect, who cares what anyone else thinks?

The reception at the Ritz was a far more intimate gathering of five hundred and later that night they would have a ball, yes a bloody ball, with dancing and everything. Kira didn't understand how they expected anyone dance after eating so little food. Who was going to have the energy? She'd be lucky if she made it to dessert without falling asleep.

Kira certainly hadn't had this problem at her wedding. Which had taken all of two weeks to plan, had an attendance of seventy five people and had been catered by Grand Molly taking place in back yard of the Burrow like Merlin intended. And as she'd been pregnant then no one had said anything when she ate half her weight in delicious food. But no! You ask for seconds at the Ritz and the waiter looks at you like you've lost your ever loving mind. Oh because it'd been her idea to get pregnant! Sure it had been her fault but that was neither here nor there. Did she deserve to be starved just because her boyfriend was stupid enough to believe her when she said you couldn't get pregnant while standing up? I mean really who could have seen that coming?

Kira yawned and rubbed her belly. The earl of such and such sitting across from her turned his nose up. Kira made a point of scratching her nose with her middle finger. Honestly. She'd never been gladder that the wizarding world was without nobility. These guys needed a serious dose of reality. If the last war had taught the wizarding world one thing it was the people you're born to don't make much of a difference on the quality of person you are. James burped and Kira smiled at him approvingly. That man proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that your parents don't make you the person you are. Harry and Ginny Potter were two of the politest people she'd ever had the opportunity to meet.

It just goes to show.

The waiter put a tiny scoop of sorbet in front of her. Kira scrunched up her nose. She took her spoon and ate it in one bite. James knowing his wife pushed his sorbet in front of her. She gladly ate his in one bite, as well. About a half hour later (or so it felt to the hungry hungry pregnant witch) the evil waiter (as the hungry hungry pregnant witch was referring to him in her head) put a sliver of chocolate cake in front of her.

"Are you serious?" she snapped.

The waiter moved on quickly. Kira turned her glare onto her husband. It was his fault she was here barely eating enough to keep mouse alive let alone a hungry fucking hungry pregnant witch. James (who's self (and marriage) preservation instinct had kicked in around the second tiny plate of food placed in front his wife) slide his piece of cake onto his wife's plate. She ate them both in about three bites. She crossed her arms under her breasts and watched grumpily while a laughing and smiling bride and groom left the head of the table and went to cut the giant wedding cake. If that damned waiter tried to give her a tiny piece of that cake she was going to eat his hand.

Everyone clapped politely when the newlyweds kindly fed each other some cake and Kira grumbled as it was wheeled out of the room. The biggest bit of food she'd seen in hours and they were taking it away. Whataloadacrap!

After two bites of cake plus James' cake the wedding party moved (or hobbled because they're so damned pregnant) into the ballroom. James helped Kira sit down in one of the chairs situated around the room and plopped down next to her.

"Fancy digs, eh?"

"I can't believe Albus wants to get along with these lunatics," Kira said.

"Lighten up, babe. Some of these people are very nice and I'm sure you'll agree with me as soon as I can bribe one of these waiters into bringing you a burger," James said, looking around.

"You'd better not ask the sadistic bastard that was serving us at dinner. I mean really who actually survive on a sliver of cake?" Kira demanded.

"Darling, settle down, please. Every time you yell I'm worried James Jr.'ll just pop right outa ya!"

"For the last time we are not naming our child James Jr!"

"Well obviously if it's a girl we'll be naming her Jamesalina." Kira sighed angrily. "Or Kirames… alina…"

"Where's my burger?"

"Coming up, my love."

James wondered off and Kira watched Calla spin around the room with her father, Albus cut in and Kira smirked at the blushing bride.

"They're cute together, aren't they?" Ruby asked sitting down next Kira.

"Oh they'd be a whole hell of a lot cuter if I weren't so damn hungry."

"I know what you mean," Victoire said sitting at Kira's other side. "I kept eating the food off of Teddy's plate and it still wasn't enough."

"You'd think that knowing three pregnant women would be at this wedding they would serve larger portions," Ruby said.

"No, it's not chic to feed the guests at a party," Kira said.

"Well be that as it may," Victoire said. "If Calla asks us if we're enjoying ourselves what do we say?"

"No I'm starving to death, you skinny bitch?" Kira suggested.

"No, Kira," Ruby said. "We say of course we are. The ceremony was radiant, you look beautiful and the food was delicious."

"And then under our breaths' we say, 'we just wish there was more of it,'" Victoire added.

As irony would have it, Calla bounced over to them a few minutes (cough-complaints-cough) later and asked, "Are you guys enjoying yourselves?" with a giant smile on her face.

"Of course we are," Victoire said before Kira could pipe up. But her stomach came to her rescue by letting out a loud grumble.

"Oh good!" Calla exclaimed pulling up a chair. "I wanted to talk to- well all of you before Albie and I-"

"Hahahahaha! You call him 'Albie'?" Kira laughed. Ruby pinched Kira's shoulder.

"I wanted to talk to you before my husband and I went… to bed," Calla whispered the last part.

Kira snorted and after a heart beat of silence Ruby, holding her round belly, started giggling. Victoire had her hand over her mouth but couldn't keep the laughter at bay.

"Okay. Okay!" Kira said, wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes. "When James and I first… went to bed… hehehe… neither of us had before so really we were just a couple of kids putting… well messing around and doing the bit we'd always avoided up 'til that point. But Albie- hahaha- has done it all before. So just relax and let him lead you through it."

"'Lead me through it'? That makes it sound like we'll be dancing or something!" Calla exclaimed.

"Well in a way you will be," Victoire said.

"But it's a lot more fun…" Ruby insisted.

"Eventually," Kira added.

"What's it going to be like tonight?"

All three married pregnant women were quiet. Until, as was her way, Ruby came to the rescue.

"Look at this way, Calla. If it wasn't fun and worth the discomfort you will feel tonight, none of us would be pregnant."

"That's completely true," Victoire said.

"And I wouldn't worry too much about tonight," Kira said.

"You wouldn't?" Calla asked, hopefully.

"No, Albus isn't stupid. Regardless of his male genitalia which would traditional prove otherwise. He will be kind with you and try his hardest to make it enjoyable for both of you. Which you should be happy about. James didn't get that until I hit and yelled him. And Albus is smarter than James!"

For some reason this made Calla's face take on a look of horror. Albus broke the moment by leaning his chin on his wife's shoulder and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You ladies aren't scaring off my little darling wife, are you?" he asked.

"We're trying but she hasn't run screaming from the room yet," Kira said.

"Well, let me take her off your hands." Albus helped Calla stand up. "Come along my love, I have a surprise for you."

"I bet it's in his trousers!" Kira 'whispered.'

"Oh my God!" Calla covered her face with her hands and Kira laughed.

Scorpius, with glasses of champagne in both hands, tried to tactfully move around the masses of people who weren't used to get out of anyone's way. It was a constant battle not to curse the lot of them. He hadn't a clue why Albus wanted to be a part of this world. Everyone here thought Albus was a nobody. They were all up in arms about some prince from Wales and all the Muggle photographers outside the hotel were snapping shots of him with his wife. No one seemed to care about Albus' father who basically saved all of them from enslavement. Muggles are weird.

Scorpius stopped a moment to watch Albus lead his new wife out of the ballroom. There was a smattering of applause. Like it was impressive that the newlyweds were going to go have sex for the first time. Across the room a plastic pretty blonde smiled at him. In an effort not to be rude to Albus' peers, Scorpius gave a tight lipped smile back. He knew he screwed up when she came "seductively" over to him. Not knowing what to do he stayed put. He couldn't just walk away. She might be the daughter of some high up Count or something and he'd make it impossible for Al to get along with the bloke because Scorpius had inadvertently rude to the Count's daughter. Damn it! He just wanted to go home.

"Hello there," a seductive voice drew his attention. It was the plastic blonde.

"Umm…" Scorpius mumbled.

"You have two glasses," she said, holding out a hand, "may I?"

"Well, actually…"

Lily came to his rescue. "Actually it's for me." She reached with her left hand showing off her glittering promise ring. Scorpius wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to his chest in an effort to ward off the blonde. It seemed that Lily wasn't worried about insulting the daughter of a Count.

"What a… cute little ring…" the blonde mumbled snobbishly, before wondering off.

"Bitch," Lily 'whispered.'

"Baby," Scorpius chastised lightly.

"Oh, don't 'baby' me," she snapped.

"Bloody hell, all you Potter are pissy today. James is torturing the waiters for a burger, Albus was being a prick this morning when I asked if he wanted any pointers for tonight and I swear I saw Kira flipping off the duke of something or other during dinner-"

"Oh so Kira's a Potter, is she?"

Scorpius was quiet for a second. He got the feeling he was walking into a trap. "Well she did marry your brother."

"Right, so Calla's a Potter then too."

"Yes-"

"And I'm a bloody Potter, aren't I?"

"Babe-"

"Oh no you don't! I'm sick to death of being a Potter. I'm sick to death of my pretty little promise ring. My damned brother knew Calla for three months before they got engaged! And I've been wearing this damned ring for four years!" Lily pushed her left hand into his face.

Scorpius snatched the glass out of her hand and put both hers and his on the tray of a passing waiter. He took her by the hand and dragged her out of the ballroom. He stood by the bank of elevators unsure of how to make them work. The immediate family was staying at the hotel and Scorpius knew what to do once he was in the lift but had forgotten how to make them work in the first place. Lily pulled out of his embrace and smacked the buttons on the wall. The doors slid open and they both got on. Her with her arms crossed, glaring at his reflection and him roughly pressing the button for the proper floor. When the lift reached their floor Scorpius followed Lily to their room. Once inside he turned on her.

"All right, Lily. Lay it on me. Tell me how you really feel?"

"I thought I'd made that abundantly clear, Malfoy," she snapped.

"Oh so it's 'Malfoy' now is it? Not 'love' or 'baby' or 'darling.' It's 'Malfoy.'"

"No, you bleeding idiot! It's Potter not Malfoy! It's Potter when it should be Malfoy. How are you not getting this?"

Scorpius shook his head. He really didn't know how he hadn't seen this coming. Lily had been patient with him for four years. He could have asked her when she graduated only he didn't. It had all been running so smoothly. Why complicate something that's going well? Oh, I don't know, maybe because at some point your girlfriend wants to be your wife. Even if you piss her off occasionally. And even though Scorpius realized all of this and recognized that this eruption was due to another girl flirting with him (which she never liked) mixed with both of her brothers being married in the same year, he was still pissed because he had the perfect proposal planned and she was ruining it.

"You want to be married, Lily?" Scorpius asked, roughly pulling a small velvet box from his pocket.

"No, you toss pot, I want to be married to you!" she yelled.

"Fine! Here." He tossed her the box which she caught.

"What is this?" Some of the anger left her voice and was replaced with tense confusion.

"You don't know?"

Scorpius walked up to her pulled the box from her hand, grabbed her left hand and took the promise ring off. He threw it across the room, opened the box and pushed the five carat engagement ring on her finger. It was round with two small round emeralds on either side all set in white gold. It was delicate and pretty and when Scorpius saw it he'd known it was perfect for her. Along with the holiday to Spain for the five year anniversary during which he had planned to ask her properly.

"There. Will you marry me? Are you happy now?" Lily looked up from her ring and glared at him. She said nothing but started to violently undress herself. He watched her in confusion for a moment. "What are you doing?"

"You want to know if I'm happy? Well I'm not. But we're engaged so we ought to celebrate. Now shut up and take your trousers off." He was in her arms a second later and they fell to the floor in a tangle of half removed clothing and limbs.

Twenty minutes later Scorpius was gasping against Lily's throat, her legs still twined around his hips and her nails still digging into his back. They stayed like that for a moment. Savoring the closeness, the peace that followed their violent coupling. All of the anger drained out of Scorpius. He was marrying this passionate, irrational, wonderful woman. She would be his and his alone. She didn't like it when girls flirted with him well he hated it when blokes came on to her. But now he had a giant sign staked on her finger that said, 'Property of Someone Else So Piss Off You Wanker."

He smiled down at her and she blinked blurrily up at him. Honestly the proposal in Spain would have been nice. Romantic and idyllic. But it wouldn't have been them. This was them. Arguing then getting engaged and then celebrated with a shag on the floor.

"I don't know about you but I'm happy now," he said.

Lily smiled. "Me too, Love. Me too."

And if marriage was anything like this, Scorpius was more than happy to sign up.