A/N: Longish chapter with a not very long wait. Please enjoy and do review. Thanks!

"Television only rots already rotten minds." - Me

Chapter Forty Two

Lessons Learned from Muggle Chat Shows

Albus hated it when he felt forced to act like the rest of his family. You know, crazy. And nosy. Because right now he felt like he was being both. Stephen had sent him a letter a few days before telling him that he (Stephen) had asked Uncle Ron for permission to marry Rose which Uncle Ron had reluctantly granted. Now Stephen needed to buy a ring. With Lily off on her honeymoon, James or Kira not even an option, Stephen was wondering if Albus and Calla would help him get the perfect ring for Rose. Of course Albus asked why he hadn't gone to Hugo and Ruby. To which Stephen told him Ruby was too busy with the baby and her Muggle schooling and Hugo was working double time with Scorpius away. Seeing no other option, Albus spoke to Calla and they agreed. And now Albus found himself hovering around his wife as she tried to steer Stephen away from anything too "gaudy."

All of this would be fine if Albus hadn't spent a tense few minutes before Lily's wedding trying to talk Rose into dropping the bloke currently trying to buy her the most expensive engagement ring he could find. He wanted to do something with Puddlemere colors but Calla put a stop to that insisting no woman wanted an engagement ring that had anything to do with sports. So then he moved to Gryffindor colors but quickly changed his mind as both Calla's and Kira's rings were red and gold. He started talking about designing one himself and Calla gave Albus a look which he knew meant he was allowed to hex someone. He didn't really want to hex Stephen. He wanted to sit him down, trick him into drinking some truth telling potion and find out what was behind his change of heart. A few weeks ago Stephen Wood was about as close to marriage as Albus was to divorce (i.e. nowhere).

Albus was momentarily distracted by a very big, very beautiful diamond necklace in the case which he thought Calla would look fantastic wearing. Of course, he thought, she wouldn't want to wear anything else, lest it distract from my oh-so-generous gift. He smiled lustily at her bum as she bent over a case when-

The door flew open, everyone's heads went up and before Albus knew what was happening a pair of lips were sealed over his. A pair of lips he hadn't felt in years. He pushed her away and looked at his wife over Anora Thomas' head. Calla was staring at him wide eyed, mouth agape.

"Albus!" Anora said, throwing her arms around his neck, "I can't believe it! It's been ages. I know I should have written but I got transferred to the- well you wouldn't know them- a German team. Then a few weeks ago I got transferred again to the English National Team! Can you believe it? With any luck I'll be playing in the World Cup! So everything's been crazy. I haven't even been in the country for- Merlin two year, now! We need to catch up. When are you free? Did James and Kira ever get married? What about Lily and Scorpius?"

"Um," Albus said, still watching Calla. "I don't think I'll be free…"

"What tonight?" Anora asked. "When then?"

"Um, ever," Albus said, reading the look on Calla's face. "I'm happily married."

"What?" Anora laughed. "It can't have been more than two or three years since I last saw you! You're pulling my leg! It's not nice to take the mickey out on your girlfriend."

"Anora, we broke up after graduation." A sense of foreboding filled Albus' stomach. He had the feeling he may have been a jerk without realizing it.

"That didn't stop you sleeping with me every time I was in the country."

"Which was years ago, Anora. I haven't heard anything from you for three years."

"So it was all on me then? You couldn't write me-?"

"I met someone, fell in love and got married. You'll forgive me if writing my ex slipped my mind."

Albus couldn't believe he was having this conversation with her. He and Anora had only ever argued about Persephone (who he happened to know was happily married to her third husband). But here she was looking at him like he'd cheated on her with his own wife.

It seemed Calla had shaken off her surprise and sidled up to her husband. "What, may I ask, would you like my husband to say, hmmm?" she asked, pursing her lips and flashing her large ruby and diamond ring.

("See that?" Stephen whispered to the sales associate. "That's what I want. A ring my Rosie can flash in other birds' faces. Something big and showy but classy, as well.")

"Where in the hell did you find this one?" Anora asked, rudely. "You know she's probably just like Daisy!"

Albus froze. "I told you that in confidence!" he hissed. He wrapped his arm around Calla's waist. "Wood, we're going." He headed for the door dragging Calla along with him, trusting that Stephen would hand the giant ugly ring in his hand back to the associate and follow them.

Calla pulled out of his arms and led the way back towards the Leaky Cauldron. She stopped in front of the wall and looked pointedly at her husband. Albus felt it was best not to say anything to her and just do what she seemed to want him to. She made her way through the pub out to Muggle London. She turned on Albus and Stephen.

"We are going to Harry Winston and if we can't find anything there, we'll go to Chanel. Worse comes to worse we'll go to Apery and Garrard. That's who made my ring, but they can rather snooty and I'd rather not have to throw around my father's name today."

Stephen and Albus followed her onto the tube and out to the fancy jewelry store. It looked like a museum to Albus but Calla seemed in her element yanking Stephen from one sparkling ring to the next. Albus looked over the glittering gems all around him and thought that he really ought to buy Calla something as an apology. Sure he hadn't done anything to make Anora kiss him but he did date her and then fool around with her after they broke up. He needed to make it up to her.

An associate walked up to him, "Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Yes, that necklace," he pointed at necklace of giant tear drop diamonds, "how much is that?"

The associate pulled it out and started talking about carat weight and the quality of the diamonds and whatnot, Albus wasn't really listening. All that mattered was that it was beautiful and Calla would love it. He felt a hand on his shoulder, when he turned Calla was there, biting her lip.

"One thing I don't understand," she whispered, flicking her eyes to the associate who was lingering.

"We need to think about it, if you could give us a moment." Looking disappointed the associate left. "What is it, love?"

"Who's Daisy and why was it such a big deal that she talked about her?"

Albus had told Calla about most of his life, she knew his dad was famous and why, and that he'd seen other girls before her. And that none of those girls had been any good for him. He hadn't wanted to go farther into it then that. He knew Calla was insecure about his sexual past so he never went too deeply into it.

Albus cleared his throat. "Daisy was my first girlfriend. I really liked her, a lot more than she liked me… she kept me on the line for… longer than I'm proud to say. I didn't realize that she was… messing with me until Kira overheard her talking with a friend. It wasn't pretty, I dropped her."

Calla stared at him for a second. "That's not everything, Albus! There's something else. Tell me."

He brought his head down to her ear. "When she told her parents that I fancied her, her parents… forced her to stay on with me because of my famous relatives… and then when she realized she wasn't interested in me that way, she started dating someone else behind my back."

Albus could see the fury mounting on Calla's face as she realized exactly what Anora was accusing her of. He gripped her hips to keep her from storming back to Diagon Alley. "Calla, after I dropped Daisy I thought about who my perfect woman was. And I thought that she would a Muggle, who had perhaps seen too much and come the right conclusion. Who would've known that Wizards exist but knew nothing about our history. I was fifteen, I was thinking about you and I didn't even know it."

Calla turned pink and appeared to be battling the urge to smile. "I- oh God no!" Calla rushed back over to Stephen who was on the verge of handing over the Muggle card Calla had provided for him in exchange for the gaudiest ring Albus had ever seen.

The associate appeared again. Albus didn't look up as he pulled out his card, "I'll take it."

"It's two hundred thousand dollars, sir. Would you like to sign up for our credit card-?"

"No!" Calla snapped. "No he wouldn't. We will take the necklace, no credit card."

Albus handed the woman his card and followed his wife. "I thought that little card was a credit card?"

"It is, but it's from the bank. The interest rate is much, much lower than a card in a store like this. Never open a credit card at a store. I don't think you could anyway. You don't have the proper papers for it."

"Sir, you need to come over here and sign for your purchase."

Calla scrabbled over to sign on some black box for Albus which was good because he was certain it was some Muggle thing he wouldn't know what to do with. She came back with a bag, pushed the ring out of Stephen's hand and dragged them both out of the store.

"We're going to Aspery and Garrard. Probably Garrard first, they do some interesting things with yellow diamonds."

"Hufflepuff colors?" Stephen said, grimacing.

"Look, you want something unique, beautiful and all her own, right?" Stephen nodded. "Then you're going to have to consider buying a colored diamond and I happen to think that yellow diamonds are beautiful."

Albus filed this piece of information away for future reference. And as it turned out, Calla picked out a yellow diamond ring from Garrard that Stephen happened to love and cost him a small fortune. Albus picked out a yellow diamond bracelet and earrings to go with Calla's necklace. He knew she was happier than she'd been now that he'd told her about Daisy and about his definition of his perfect woman but every once and a while he would see her biting her lip and looking upset.

He had to wonder if it was because Anora had kissed him. In all honesty he wasn't too happy about that. When he married Calla he had thought that her's were the last lips he would ever kiss, but now he felt somehow… sullied. Unclean. It certainly didn't help that Anora had been such a… well, such a bitch. And he'd always thought that Anora had been the best girl he'd dated in his Hogwarts days.

But somewhere along the line there had been a miscommunication. It seemed like Anora had thought they had some sort of unspoken agreement not to see anyone else until she was back in the country. It seemed ridiculous to Albus that he would wait for her, not knowing when or if she would ever return to the U.K. It was one thing when she was in Wales and only a Floo ride away, but Germany? That was pushing it. And as he recalled, he wrote Anora a few months before he met Calla and she never wrote him back. It made no sense.

What he really wanted was to talk to Scorpius, but he was out of the country for another week.

"Can we go see Kira and James?" Calla asked.

They were sitting in a taxi heading back to their penthouse. Albus felt his stomach drop, he was right. Calla was still upset. He'd never been this pissed about being correct.

"Love, if you still want to talk about what happened-"

"I do, but I want to talk to a woman. Of course I'd prefer your sister, but with her being in Paris…"

"You could talk to me."

"It's not the same."

"And you don't know how much I wish it was," he muttered.

"Albie-"

"Look I know I fucked up. Anora and I never really talked about the-the state of our relationship. And she certainly made it look like I cheated her with you. I don't want you to think that-"

"I don't think that, Albie! I really just want to talk to a girl. If I felt like I could go to Ruby and not be butting in on her schooling or mothering I would. Really I wouldn't go to Kira if I felt like I could go to someone else."

Albus snorted.

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing with James. And only because I know Hugo would kill me if I pestered him at work and I'm sure Scorpius would kill me if I interrupted his honeymoon."

"I would never let you bother Lily and Scorpius on their honeymoon," Calla said, crossing her arms and looking tetchy. "Just think if Scorpius had interrupted us during our honeymoon."

Albus smiled as he remembered their honeymoon. "I would have killed him."

Calla smiled, triumphantly. "See?"

"James and Kira's it is."

Albus leaned forward and gave the directions to his brother's house in Windsor, Calla stuffed a wad of Muggle cash into his hand to give to the driver. Albus did and all of the sudden the driver seemed in a better mood about going the extra distance. He got them to Windsor in record time and Albus gave him even more money at Calla's instruction.

They made their way up to James and Kira's comfortable two story cottage. There was no question if they would be home on a Saturday afternoon. With a very young son and their belief that weekends mean no work (straight from their school days during which they would contentedly do nothing all weekend long regardless of what was due Monday morning) Albus was sure they would be there. Whether or not either of them would get up to answer the door was another question entirely.

Albus knocked, no one answered but he heard his Kira swearing and banging around. Albus held his wand behind his suit jacket and with a flick the door opened.

Kira stumbled out of the kitchen to see who was in her home. "Oh hey, Al, Calla. What's up?"

Albus opened his mouth, but closed it when he looked at his wife. "Where's James?" He had no right to say what was bothering his wife but he knew what was bothering him.

"He's upstairs trying to talk Henry into taking a nap."

"Ohh! Henry's speaking?" Calla squealed excitedly.

"Well, for what it's worth James is speaking."

Albus snorted and went up to the nursery, watching as Calla followed Kira back into the kitchen. He didn't have much hope that their conversation would go well. The last time Kira gave Calla advice she'd convinced his wife that he was going to cheat on her unless she was a bit more forthright in the bedroom. He could only image how this was going to go.

Albus could hear Henry screaming from the hall. He stood waiting for a moment to see what James would do when the screaming suddenly cut off, startled Albus rushed into the room. Sticking out of Henry's crib where his brother's legs. Unable to understand exactly what was happening (and mildly worried James had lain upon his own son to get him to stop crying) he walked over to the crib and breathed a sigh of relief. Henry was laying on top of his father, who, it seemed, had climbed into bed with him in order to calm him down.

"Oh, hey, Al," James said, stroking Henry's back as the messy haired baby got comfortable on his daddy's chest.

"You know you could've picked him up," Albus suggested.

"Kira wants him to get used to falling asleep in his crib. Don't tell her but for me this is the only thing that works. She keeps telling me to just let him cry until he falls asleep but I just… can't do it."

Albus smiled down at his brother. "That was rather sweet, James."

"Plus if he subconsciously remembers that I never let him scream until he passed out when he's older I'll be his favorite."

"And now it's not."

"So… what brings you by this glorious Saturday afternoon?"

Albus sighed and recounted what happened at the jewelry store in Diagon Alley.

"Did you apologize to her?"

"Of course I-" Albus stopped and closed his eyes. He hadn't actually said the words 'I'm sorry.'

"You might what to start there. And then throw in a few, 'Anora's such a slag's."

"I'm not going badmouth my ex! Especially since I've already done that with Daisy."

"Doomsday Daisy? Why'd you bring her into it?"

"Doomsd- you know what? Never mind. And Anora brought her up. Said that Calla's just like her, which is a load of bunk."

"Yeah, Calla is all kinds of bonkers for you, mate." James looked down at Henry who was watching this conversation with interested. "Isn't she, Henry? Isn't she? Yes, she is. Yes, she iiisss," James said in a nauseating voice people usually reserved for babies and animals.

Albus pulled a face which James caught as he looked up. "What?" Albus shrugged. "We'll just wait until Calla pops out one of your sticky little babies and we'll just see how you talk to him."

"Or with any luck her." James' brow furrowed so Albus explained. "If we have a boy before David dies he'll disinherit Calla and leave everything to our son."

"Hmmm… Muggle titles."

Albus snorted, "Yeah, never something I thought I'd have to deal with."

"It would have been simpler had you married Anora, or someone like her."

"I'm not sure how much I like her at all," Albus snapped.

"Can't blame you, mate. Comparing sweet little Calla to Doomsday Daisy-"

"Stop calling her that!"

"Why? It's got a nice ring to it," James grinned and Henry giggled kicking his legs happily.

Albus dropped his elbows to the edge of the crib where his brother and nephew lay. "What's really bothering me is that… Anora's making it sound like I cheated on her with Calla."

"Well that's ridiculous. Calla's your wife and when was the last time you saw Anora?"

"Almost three years ago. Last time she was in the country we were both too busy to meet up," Albus said. "It's like she expected me to wait for her to come live in England again."

"I doubt she would have ever said as much, or, if you had, that she wouldn't have chewed you out for it. But if you had she would have been thrilled, probably really flattered and no doubt would have wed you in a second."

Albus raised his eyebrows at his brother's insight. James looked uncomfortable for a moment before he explained.

"Kira and I just bought a Muggle telly. Calla's been going on and on about all her favorite programs, we got curious so we got one. Only we don't really know how to work it, other than turning it on and off. So all we get to watch is one… chennell I think they call it. And we've been seeing this program called 'Loose Women.' It's just a bunch of birds talking about relationships and shopping and famous Muggles. Anyway I guess some of it has… seeped in."

Albus laughed.

"Doesn't matter, though. I know I'm right. Anora never realistically thought you'd wait for her, but she still hoped you would. So she's finally able to have a real relationship with you and you're not. She's jealous, so she lashed out. And here's the thing, Al. We all know you never cheated on Anora and Calla knows you never cheated on her. So, as far as I can see, all you've got to do is apologize to your wife for the whole kissing thing, get her all wiggly and have a good make up shag."

"I suppose you're right. It doesn't really matter what Anora thinks, does it? It matter's what Calla thinks."

"Exactly."

"You know you really should consider continuing to watch that show. It's done a lot to improve the quality of your advice."

"Yes, well I haven't got much of an option, have I?"

"Oh, I don't know. Calla's probably down stairs right now teaching Kira how to change the channels- that's what they're properly called, by the way."

"How would you know?" James asked, slightly affronted.

"We've got a telly, as well. I quite enjoy watching Muggle comedy programs after work. Takes a load off the mind, let me tell you."

"And how. Now go apologize to your wife. Henry and I have a nap to take then it's off to the bath!"

Albus laughed and made his way downstairs where Calla was in fact showing Kira how to work the telly. She caught his eye and smiled brightly. Maybe James wasn't the only one learning something from Muggle chat shows.