"Ladies and gentlemen, please observe my actions as I use Miss Mynogg's sonic creation, I Should Be So Lucky, to show how grateful we are - and lucky - to have you around willing to man this device for defending our home. And to Madame Nell, who is lucky enough to be the first to pilot this ship, we wholeheartedly dedicate this to you. It suits you, really."

Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh spoke through an in-ship microphone connected through the whole hangar, making the whole rock they live in reverberate. Flipping an infrared-coloured switch, the spaceship roars to life as an ultraviolet puff of smoke leaves its exhaust.

"Now, you can all watch from the screen over there." Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh said as he sped off, ready to defend his home against the full might of the Yor Collective.

"First things first, you fire with the Beat Hazard device, mounted at the front of the ship. Upgrades makes it hit harder, and opens up auxiliary firing ports at various wonky angles at the front of the spaceship. Since I'm an Elite pilot, I already have them all pimped up, as you shall too, but if you lose your ship you'll have to fly all over space crashing into space crates to stick those upgrades onto you. On 'flying' this thing, navigation is largely stuck at two dimensions...

Eagle interrupted. "But why? Isn't it much easier to evade enemies with a third dimension? I'm a pilot; I should know..."

Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh answered "Er, out in space the whole spatial orientation thing would be quite difficult; it often means a lot of sick bags. It is also a good strategy, since apart from leaving you less confused, it leaves the Yor more confused since their highly logical robotic minds couldn't understand why we are not using proper strategies; it creeps them out. It freaks them out. And lastly, there's a Material Emancipation Grill system here somewhere, so we'd better be safe and steer clear of them. Even the Yor had lots of problems with that as well."

"A Material Em-Emancipation...excuse me sir Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh but what is that?"

"Er, Colin, I'm not too sure as well. All I know is that it fries anything that passes through it, be it our ship or the Yor. Its emitters had the markings of a certain 'Aperture Science'; its manufacturer presumably. Must've been leftovers from its very dangerous dabbling into highly advanced shower curtain wormholing technology; we detected huge anomalies over the Immaterium where those Emancipation Grids came from; led to an outbreak of Chaos Spawns all over, some even entering the bathroom. We dispatched them quickly, but it seems that most of the Warp daemons got to the Yor instead. Heh, lucky us. So, meanwhile, back to the battlefield."

Rocks calmly float all over as Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh effortlessly evades them. "First things first guys, try to withhold fire as much as possible. It increases something we call a 'Multipler', which increases our Score greatly. The Multiplier could also be increased by running into random space crates like these, labeled with a big '+1' or whatever integer."

"Wait, so in dire situations like these where you pick up people from their own worlds, you still keep Scores? Homeland defense is just a game to you all?"

"Now now then, Olaf, we know your hometown is ripped apart by Lash, but then these scores are necessary. I think. It buoys our morale by competition, and lowers their morale as well."

"We robots know no morale." Jugger butted in.

"Err, not really morale - morale as we know it, rather, morale - effectivity in combat. You see, their minds tend to fry a little bit for feats of daring like that since crashing into random space crates isn't logical in times of war, and they can't ignore illogical actions. It fries the Yor central computers a bit, helps keep them down for a little longer as they take almost forever trying to make tactics against us; the game and Score system keeps them off the edge. So...ships incoming. Just watch a bit."

A bunch of tiny little spaceships appear on screen, a third of the size of the Beat Hazard ship, silver in colour with hints of black and red at their rear. "Those, are Scouts. They are passively suicidal drones that you may crash into, but don't. It destroys your ship and forces us to send a spare ship from here through the Warp, just in time to catch you as you drift around in space in the midst of a giant explosion. We do have limited ships here, so do try to not die often, eh? Wreck the Scouts if necessary; the Beat Hazard device works fine."

In my imagination
there is no hesitation...

Scouts simply zoom by as they try to surround the enemy ship. "One more thing here, be careful when you steer the ship. We still have problems with the retrorockets, so you'll be having the total braking distance of a Battleship. It may cost you your ship just crashing into Scouts or space rocks."

A predominantly red ship zooms in, with wings the shape of a peanut and filled with white stripes. "Those are Fighters. They fire pathetically-slow Proton Torpedoes, which wreck your ship, and also could crash into you, which also wrecks your ship. Dispatch of them with the Beat Hazard device as well, and those Photon Torpedoes, just outrun them."

Andy looked confused. "What do you mean with that Beat Hazard..."

"Shoot at them kid." Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh replied as his ship whizzed into the path of a circular crate with a logo of an old-fashioned circular, black bomb moving in a 'downwards direction'. "Now, these are B.O.M.B. powerups. They give you bombs, short for Big Ordinance, Multidirectional, Bomb., which you activate with this other trigger here, which spreads out a massive spectacle of energy all over, destroying stuff all over."

"Like my Black Bomb!" Lash gleefully said.

Hawke looked at the hyper little wunderkid. "You don't say."

The crate crashes into the ship, and as the bubblewrap crate punctures a spherical B.O.M.B. bomb then latches magnetically onto the hull, rolling into the ship's bomb bay where other bombs are kept.

To demonstrate what he meant, Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh deployed the bomb as Yor Bombers closed by. A brilliant blast of light emerged from the spherical B.O.M.B. as it spread out from slightly underneath the ship. The massive wave of energy crumpled metal after metal, turned missiles into space dust and disrupted Photon Torpedoes so badly that they simply collapsed into themselves into naught, and tore a massive hole in the Yor forces. It also briefly ionized the hull of Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh's ship, repelling pesky pieces of metal and metallic space rock that could have had damaged the ship.

"Uh-oh, more bombers..." Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh motioned towards the large squadron of rather big ships, slightly larger than the Beat Hazard ship itself and colored a menacing matte gray, adorned with a dash of red and glossy black. The ships have evaded the explosion of the B.O.M.B., and are quite tough compared to Scouts or Fighters, but were quickly destroyed by the throbbing, pulsing power of the SAW song channeled through the mysterious Beat Hazard device.

"Er, Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh, what are those?" Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh looked behind him to see not just one, but two very, very large, fully-independent ships with a pair of wings each, with each wing laden with two twin-cannon turrets the size of the Beat Hazard ship engine block, adding up to a total of sixteen cannons from thw two ships, all aimed at the Beat Hazard device.

Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh replied. "Bosses." A massive barrage of furious Photon Torpedoes zeroed in on Abrgnjgftgebthynujymh's ship.

Will he make it? Stay tuned, for the next episode...