Over the next few days that passed, Barney was so deliriously happy that he almost completely forgot about that surreal, disturbing encounter with Ted on the roof. It had been terribly strange and unsettling, and he still wondered every now and then when Ted would bring it up again, and give him some clue as to what was going to be expected of him – but mostly, he tried to just put it out of his mind and enjoy the situation.

He was back to hanging out with the gang at MacLaren's as usual, and that was all that mattered.

The others seemed nearly as relieved as Barney was that the dynamic of their little group had finally been restored – though he wasn't really sure why they should be, considering how easily they'd all gone along with Ted's decision to oust him from the group. They hadn't stopped taking his calls when Ted had, but they certainly hadn't gone out of their way to call him or spend any time with him. Robin had hung out with him briefly, once or twice, in the bar – but Barney was pretty sure even that was just a reaction to her own guilt for her part in the actions that had led to his getting kicked out of the group.

It had been perfectly, painfully clear that if it came down to a choice between him and Ted, there was only one choice any of them would make. Before, Barney could have at least pretended to believe that none of them could imagine living without his awesomeness in their lives.

Now – it was no use pretending.

He knew exactly where he stood when it came to his friends – Ted's friends – and just how little value they placed on his friendship.

It doesn't matter, Barney told himself, knocking back the last of his second drink and motioning for Wendy to come take his order for another. That's all in the past now, so don't think about it. You're back where you belong, so there's no use worrying now. Just enjoy it and… and try to act like things are normal again.

Because they are. They really are.

And he almost managed to convince himself that it was true.

He spent the evening regaling the group with stories – most of them made up – of his wild antics during the weeks they'd been apart, taking those stories as far over the top as possible. On some level, he knew that he was overcompensating – trying way too hard – but he couldn't seem to stop, even when he noticed the amusement of the others gradually turning toward vague irritation. As their demeanor shifted from genuine enjoyment of his wild stories and hyper antics, to that familiar sort of forced tolerance they sometimes showed him, only Ted seemed to still regard him with amusement – though Barney was pretty sure Ted's amusement was at something a little deeper than his crazy stories.

He knows I'm uncomfortable… and he's enjoying it. He likes watching me struggle to make things seem normal. To… to fit in again.

He likes knowing how hard this is for me, because… because he thinks I deserve it.

It was not a comforting thought… but Barney wasn't entirely sure that Ted was wrong.

Marshall and Lily were the first to retire for the evening. They had a longer drive across town than anyone else, and both had to work the next morning. Barney could show up for work whenever he felt like it and pretty much be okay, he knew; but at the moment there was nothing he could imagine that could possibly be any more awkward than sitting in a booth alone with Ted and Robin. Marshall and Lily had only been gone a couple of minutes when he scooted toward the edge of the booth.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go…" His words broke off abruptly in a startled yelp when he felt a sharp kick under the table, and he glared accusingly at Ted. "Ow!"

"Sorry." Ted shrugged, not looking the least bit apologetic with a hint of a smirk on his lips – but he was shaking his head almost imperceptibly, his dark eyes solemn and warning.

"'S okay," Barney muttered grudgingly, continuing to rise to his feet, though more slowly this time, wincing at the pressure on his sore shin as he adjusted his story.

Ted clearly wanted him to stay.

"I'm gonna go… get another drink. You guys want anything?"

"On you?" Ted's smile was all innocence, but there was a slight challenge in his expression.

Barney rolled his eyes, grumbling. "Yeah. Why not."

"Barney, are you sure you should have another?" Robin frowned, an expression of concern on her face. "The way you're acting tonight, I think you've had enough…"

"What? I can't have a good time with my friends? It's been ages since I've been out with you guys. Can you blame me for wanting to enjoy it? " Barney smirked at her… then sighed when the worry in her eyes did not fade. "Relax, it's not like I'm driving," he scoffed. "So… you want something or not?"

"No, I… I think I'm gonna go."

Robin rose to her feet as well, glancing between them with a smile that didn't quite manage to fully mask her discomfort. Barney didn't blame her. Although they were all trying to act as they always had, before he and Robin had slept together and screwed up the entire group dynamic, that was next to impossible to do in the rare instances when it was just the three of them together. Neither Robin nor Barney had any desire to linger any longer than they absolutely had to.

Unfortunately, Ted didn't seem all that bothered by it. In fact, judging by the cool interest Barney saw hidden just beneath the surface of his calm, vaguely concerned expression – he was rather enjoying their discomfort, in the wake of their betrayal.

Fortunately – Ted did not hold any leverage over Robin that could force her to stay.

"But you're off tomorrow," Ted reminded Robin with a slight frown, a feigned question mingling with genuine disappointment in his words. "It's not even 9:30."

"Yeah, um… I'm still on early morning hours, you know?" Robin explained, anxiously fidgeting with her bracelet. "I guess I'm just… I'm kinda worn out. Gonna call it a night, go upstairs and watch some TV. See you guys later." She gave Barney an awkward but sincere smile. "Good night, Barney."

"And Ted." Barney glanced anxiously toward Ted before giving Robin a pointed look. "Good night, Barney and Ted. Because… you certainly wouldn't be singling me out for any reason…"

"Except that… you're the one I'm… not going to see in a couple of hours." Robin raised an eyebrow, giving Barney a look of severe irritation. "I'll see Ted as soon as he comes upstairs."

"Oh." As her words sank in, Barney's face flushed with embarrassment, with the realization that he had just made a slightly awkward situation just about unbearable. "Oh… right. Sorry." He cleared his throat, unable to meet either of their eyes as he headed toward the bar. "Good night, then. I'll just… get those drinks."

Barney felt an intense sense of relief as he walked away from the table and took a seat on a barstool, waiting for Carl to finish preparing the drinks for the two girls sitting at the other end of the bar. He ran a hand through his hair, annoyed and a little alarmed to find that his hands were visibly shaking. His nerves were on edge, his stomach doing nervous flip-flops at the knowledge that in a few moments, he would be returning to the table – and whatever Ted had in mind for his first test.

There was no other reason why Ted would have told him to wait after the others had left.

As long as Robin had been there, Barney had been able to distract himself from the uneasy questions – the same questions that had filled his mind for the past week, ever since that surreal encounter with Ted on the roof. Now, however, there was nothing left to stand between him and whatever Ted had planned – nothing except the two drinks he was supposed to order and bring back to the table.

His cell phone beeped in his pocket, and Barney took it out – his stomach lurching when he read the brief message on the screen.

"Forget drinks. Men's room, now."

Barney closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to steady his nerves as he put his phone away.

What are you freaking out for? It's just Ted. It's not like he could possibly have anything too bad planned…

But all Barney could picture, even as he tried to convince himself, was the cold expression on Ted's face that night on the roof, when he'd turned his back, fully prepared to walk away from Barney forever. As far as Barney was concerned, that was the cruelest thing Ted could possibly do – so really, was anything beyond him?

It's going to be a stupid prank… no big deal… something mildly painful or embarrassing that will be over before I know it. Ted's trying to talk big, but he's not that tough. I've probably been put through worse by the bullies in grade school. Nothing to worry about… just… get it over with…

Barney steeled himself as he headed for the men's room, swallowing back the hard knot that had formed in the back of his throat as he pushed the door open and slipped inside. As the door closed again, Ted appeared at his side from behind it – immediately too close, too demanding. Barney didn't really mean to take the startled backward step he took that brought his back up against the door – but Ted seemed to have expected it.

He moved swiftly and smoothly into Barney's space, bracing one hand against the door beside Barney's head and giving him a smug smirk, his dark eyes dancing with amusement that Barney did not find in the least reassuring. His voice was lower than usual, deliberately over-dramatic and foreboding in a way that might have made Barney laugh, if his words hadn't made him so apprehensive.

"Ready for your first test?"

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, his heart racing, wide eyes locked onto Ted's challenging gaze. "H-how many tests…" He cleared his throat when his voice broke over the words, struggling to steady himself before going on. "How many tests will there be?"

"How ever many I decide it's going to take for you to learn your lesson," Ted countered, raising a single eyebrow. "Got a problem with that?"

Ted backed off a step, his head tilted slightly in a warning way, and Barney's heart seemed to drop to somewhere around his knees. Automatically, he pressed his hands back against the door behind him, holding it shut, unwilling to let Ted walk away.

"No," he hurriedly replied, shaking his head. "No, no problem…"

"Good." Ted was quiet for a moment before going on, his words calm and measured. "When you left the bar, did you happen to notice the girl sitting in the far left corner booth, by herself?"

Barney frowned, puzzled, trying to remember, before shaking his head slowly. "No…?"

"You wouldn't," Ted observed, shaking his head with a knowing smirk. "Totally off your radar."

"Why?" Barney frowned. "Too smart? Or, just nerdy?" Barney grimaced with distaste. "Is she fat?"

"Check 'all of the above'." Ted's self-satisfied expression was deeply unsettling.

"So… what about this girl? Why does she have anything to do with this?" Barney shook his head in confusion.

"Because you're going to take her home tonight." Ted was clearly very pleased with himself, judging by his smile of vindictive amusement. "You're going to go up to her and treat her like she was the hottest thing in this bar tonight. You're going to make her feel beautiful, and special, and attractive… and then you're going to take her home and give her the best, most satisfying, hottest night of her life."

"Ted," Barney whined in protest, "that'll ruin my record! I don't do fat chicks, dude, remember?"

Ted's smile faded, and he took a step closer to Barney, his hand against the door again, their faces inches apart. There was a smoldering challenge, a barely suppressed anger in his eyes as he spoke, his voice low and warning.

"You do tonight. If I say you do."

Barney hated himself for the sick, fearful feeling that came over him at the subtle threat in Ted's words. A part of him was frustrated and outraged at Ted's blatant posturing and demanding manner – but a stronger, deeper part of him was simply terrified at the thought that he might lose the closest friend he'd ever known. His voice was small, slightly pleading, as he tried again to change Ted's mind.

"I have a perfect record of only sleeping with hotties," he reminded Ted plaintively. "If I do this, that's ruined. Ten years of perfection, down the drain."

Ted let out a derisive scoffing sound. "Perfection? Please." Unfazed, he continued, a pensive expression on his lips as he shrugged slightly, still not backing up out of Barney's space. "Even if that were true… which it totally isn't… what's more important to you? Your record… or…"

He let his voice trail off, but the second option hung between them, unspoken… and there was never any question of which Barney would choose.

"Okay," he relented through gritted teeth, closing his eyes and resting his head against the door behind him. "Fine. Whatever you think this is going to prove… for what it's worth, I'll do it. But… why?" He shook his head, searching Ted's face, bewildered.

Ted shrugged. "Why not?"

"What, do you think you're… making me a better person, somehow? Trying to make me less shallow and more accepting or some shit?"

Ted considered that for a moment, then nodded slowly, smiling. "Maybe."

Barney scoffed softly, rolling his eyes. "Yeah. Because lowering my standards so that I'm taking advantage of girls with even bigger self-esteem issues is so much better than what I already do. Have you stopped to consider that, whatever damage you think I do to these girls on a nightly basis – it's going to be ten times worse for this poor chick?"

"No, it's not," Ted argued. "Because you're going to give her one of your best stories – something designed to keep her from expecting a call, without making her feel like you've walked out on her. You're… leaving to go to Afghanistan in the morning, or… you've been diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a week to live. Something devastatingly romantic and moving that will give her a lovely memory – and maybe a little bit of confidence to carry on to her next relationship."

"Why?" Barney whined. "Ted, why does it have to be this?"

"Because if you wanted to do it," Ted reminded him, "what would be the point?"

"What is the point?" Barney demanded in frustration, raising one hand in a questioning gesture.

"The point…" Ted's eyes narrowed, and there was a malicious glint in them that sent a little apprehensive shiver down Barney's spine. "… is for you to do as you're told, and let me worry about my reasons. I decide what I want you to do… and you just decide whether you think it's worth it or not."

Barney stared at him in tense silence for a long moment, weighing his options – not that he really had any. When it came right down to it, if this was the price of Ted's friendship – he knew it was worth it. He sighed, his shoulders falling with defeat.

"Fine. It's… just one night. I can get through it, one way or the other." He took a step away from the door, opening it and peering out – grimacing when he saw the girl in question. "Well… if nothing else, she should at least be eager to please…"

"Ugh." Ted shook his head in disgust, pulling the door the rest of the way open. "I think I'll take that drink now. I think I need it."

Ted watched from the privacy of their usual table as Barney approached the lonely girl in the corner booth, who seemed utterly stunned that an attractive, smooth sort of guy like him was actually paying her any attention at all. Her face lit up as he sat down beside her, waving down a waitress to get her a fresh drink.

Half an hour later when Barney left the bar with the girl, Ted felt a sense of satisfaction, as well as a strange little thrill of power, at the knowledge that Barney had done as he was told. After the way he'd been hurt, it felt good to see Barney squirm a little – to know that for once, Ted the nice guy – right… more like Ted the doormat – had the upper hand.

And maybe this will be good for him, after all, he reasoned. It can't hurt Barney to learn to treat people a little better – not to put himself first all the time. I'm going to teach him the consequences of being a bad friend, help him learn to make better choices in the future… and maybe have a little fun with it along the way.

It's no big deal… no one's going to get hurt…