All that night and the following day, Ted didn't call Barney, or text him, or contact him in any way.
It wasn't that he didn't want to. In fact, he was dying for some kind of contact – just to let him know where things were between them after his humiliation of the previous night. It was slowly driving him insane, wondering what Barney was thinking about him right then, what conclusions he might have drawn as a result of Ted's latest ill-fated "test". He really wanted to call Barney, if only to somehow gauge his reaction to what he had discovered, and the state of their relationship at the moment.
He simply had no idea what to say.
He'd picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number many times in the past few hours, but every time he found himself just staring at it, his finger hovering over the call button, his heart racing and his brow broken out in a cold sweat at the very thought. Every time he imagined Barney picking up the phone, he felt panicked, humiliated. It was as if this entire, carefully constructed situation of his own making was swiftly careening away from him, and he had no idea how to bring it back under his control.
He had no idea why he'd done it in the first place.
Or at least, no idea that he wanted to consider.
What must he be thinking of me right now?
Ted's face flushed with shame at the thought, and he swallowed back the hard, sick knot in his throat with difficulty, the memory of the mingled triumph and disgust in Barney's voice as he'd left filling his mind.
God… what if he tells the others? Surely he wouldn't. I mean… he has to know that if he did, he'd lose any chance of earning back my friendship. And that still matters to him, doesn't it? Of course it does. Just because of what happened last night, it doesn't really change anything, as far as our arrangement… right?
Ted thought back to the night before, and the difference in the way Barney had spoken to him then, and how he'd spoken to him for the past few weeks. The caution, the pitiful desperation to please, had vanished, replaced with the same old cocky arrogance that Barney had always had in the past.
It was strangely infuriating to Ted, and he found himself opening and closing his fists at his sides, his jaw clenched with repressed anger – and a deep, inexplicable desire to do something, anything to wipe that smug confidence out as he'd always been able to do in the past. He was supposed to meet Barney and the others at the bar in a few minutes, and a part of him was eager to get there, hoping that he would be able to do something to reassert his power – but deep down, he knew better.
The simple truth was that due to his single misstep of the night before – Ted no longer held the same power he'd wielded for the past few weeks.
And Barney knows it. That's the problem.
As Ted made his way downstairs to MacLaren's, he couldn't stop his mind from envisioning the scene that might be awaiting him there. His cruel imagination conjured up nightmare images of a laughing, exultant Barney telling the story in gloriously exaggerated detail to Marshall, Lily, and Robin, just as Ted entered, to be faced with their stares of varying degrees of amusement and disgust.
Maybe he didn't say anything. Maybe he's just as embarrassed as I am. I mean – to tell them about what happened last night, he'd have to tell them the rest of it too, wouldn't he? And I don't think he wants them all knowing what a desperate, pathetic fool he's made of himself these past few weeks, right? He wouldn't do that, would he?
Unless… he could also let them know what a desperate, pathetic fool I made of myself…
Yeah. This is Barney we're talking about. He'd totally do that.
It was enough to make Ted stop just outside the door for a long moment, his hand trembling on the handle, unable to make himself go in – until a couple of attractive young women approached the entrance, hesitating and giving him uncertain looks, and he realized that his indecision was causing him to block the doorway. Steeling himself for whatever was to come, Ted gave the girls a tight, forced smile and nod of silent greeting, opening the door and stepping back to allow them to enter before following them inside.
It was exactly as he'd imagined it.
Barney was sitting at their usual booth, surrounded by their friends, who appeared to be paying rapt attention as he told them what appeared to be a fascinating and hilarious story. Barney's eyes shone with laughter, and he seemed confident and vibrant in a way that Ted hadn't seen him look in months. Ted's heart sank as four pairs of eyes turned toward him at his entrance, his stomach lurching as he braced himself for the mockery and revulsion he expected to see in those eyes.
But it wasn't there.
"Hey, Ted!" Marshall called out with a grin. "You gotta hear this, get over here!"
"Yeah, Ted, this is great!" Barney agreed. "You wouldn't even believe this story if you were there!"
Barney's voice was warm and welcoming as he beckoned Ted toward the table, but it was impossible for Ted to miss the subtle innuendo in his choice of words, or the almost vicious sparkle of triumph in his icy blue eyes. Ted forced a smile in return as he cautiously approached the table and pulled a chair up to the end of the booth, casually surveying the expressions on the faces of his friends.
Marshall seemed genuinely engaged in Barney's story, and his face did not betray any awkwardness at Ted's arrival. Ted knew that Marshall might have tried to hide any knowledge he might have had of the night before, in order to spare Ted's pride – but he also knew that he probably would have failed in the attempt. Ted knew Marshall well enough to have been able to pick up on any hints of deception there, if there had been any to pick up on – so, evidently, there weren't.
Robin – well, Robin could be cool as ice when she wanted to be, so Ted couldn't really be sure of anything from her friendly if slightly distracted smile of greeting.
Lily – now, Lily was an open book.
The fact that he saw no embarrassment, no awkward glances at the others, no judgment or uncertainty in her gaze, was immensely reassuring to Ted, putting his mind at ease and making him sure that Barney had not said anything about last night. Ted let out a soft, slow breath of relief as he tried to focus on whatever story Barney was telling about his latest juvenile antics.
But the moment he caught Barney's gaze, that relief vanished.
There was a subtle challenge in Barney's eyes as he started over, telling his story from the beginning.
"So… I was chatting up this hot chick at the bar, right? When all of a sudden, my phone starts going off… and it's a text, from…"
Ted tensed, his eyes locked onto Barney's, braced for the worst.
"… an unknown number."
Barney smirked as the others watched Ted for his reaction to the story they'd apparently already heard most of. Ted did his best to look unaffected, though his heart was racing, and he felt like he was edging toward the verge of panic again.
"So, I'm curious. I look down and read the text. Guess what it says."
Ted did his best to keep his voice level and even as he replied with a shrug that he hoped was casual and unconcerned. "No clue."
"It says, 'She's hot. Take her home.'"
Lily gave a visible shudder. "Ugh… isn't that the creepiest thing you've ever heard?"
"The absolute creepiest," Barney agreed, his gaze never leaving Ted's face, a secret amusement in his smile as he nodded slowly. "But you know… I'm a curious guy. Couldn't just leave that hanging there and not see what would happen, you know? So… I take the chick home."
"And then what happened?" Marshall asked in an eager tone that made it clear he already knew the answer – or thought he did, anyway.
"We go back to her place. And get this… dude texts me her address like, five seconds before she told it to me…"
"And like a moron to the slaughter, you went there anyway." Robin rolled her eyes. "Barney. You realize you could have been like… robbed and murdered and never seen again, right?"
"But I wasn't – and instead, I have this awesome story to tell," Barney pointed out, turning toward her with a raised index finger to emphasize his point. "So, with your permission, I'll continue…"
Robin sighed. "By all means, go right ahead…"
"So we get to the apartment, and everything looks normal and all… and we're getting it on in her bed, when suddenly… I hear the strangest sound… coming from… of all places… the closet…"
Ted felt as if he was going to vomit, right then and there – impressive vomit-free streak be damned. He couldn't speak, couldn't react in any way, terrified of giving himself away. Fortunately, his friends were caught up enough in the story that they didn't seem to notice.
"What did you do?" Marshall demanded, aghast, before turning toward Ted to add, "This is where you came in."
"What?" Ted choked out.
"When you came in a minute ago, this is the point in the story I'd reached," Barney clarified calmly, an innocently curious eyebrow raised. "What else did you think he meant?"
"What did you do?" Marshall repeated insistently. "Come on, dude, tell us what happened!"
"Well, I walked over and jerked the closet door open, and there's the girl's boyfriend hiding in there… naked… with a freakin' camcorder! And since nobody but me puts sex tapes of me on the internet, I made him a proposition. He gives me the tape… and… I let him join in."
Ted barely noticed the surprised gasps and other protests of his friends in response to this turn of Barney's story. Barney's tone softened almost imperceptibly, something knowing and cruel in his expression as he went on.
"Come on… the dude's sitting in the closet, watching me… in the bed he shares with his girlfriend…"
A slight twitch of his lips revealed to Ted just how amusing he found not only the almost-fictional account he was relating, but also the present situation, as Barney concluded quietly with a little shrug.
"It was obviously what he wanted, anyway."
After the initial shock of Barney's story wore off, the conversation turned to other topics – but Ted couldn't focus on anything but Barney, and the quiet satisfaction in his eyes. When Barney rose from his seat a half hour later and made his excuses to the group before heading toward the door, Ted made up his mind that he was not going to let this go any farther without addressing the matter, one way or another.
He offered some lame excuse that he didn't even remember thirty seconds later before following Barney out onto the street. He found him leaning up against the wall of the building, hands in his pockets – obviously waiting, as if he'd known exactly what he was doing, and had expected Ted to follow him out so quickly.
Ted found it utterly infuriating.
Before he knew what he was doing, Ted had grabbed Barney by the lapels of his ridiculously expensive suit and slammed him up against the wall on which he was leaning.
"What the hell was that about?" he snarled in Barney's face, eyes narrowed and accusing.
"I might ask you the same thing," Barney pointed out, irritatingly unfazed by Ted's rough treatment of him. "Pretty screwed up thing you did last night. You're just lucky I didn't take it any further than I did in there."
Ted's hands tightened unconsciously in Barney's suit, wrinkling the delicate fabric, though Barney didn't seem particularly concerned with that at the moment. Ted's voice was low with warning, measured but trembling.
"You wouldn't."
"Maybe I should!" Barney retorted. "Because you need help, Mosby! Seriously, you are fucked up. But hey, I guess I should be glad it happened – because I've finally figured this whole thing out!" He waved a hand in a vague gesture to indicate the entire situation between them. "I finally get it now…"
"Shut up, Barney," Ted cut him off sharply, not wanting to hear what he knew Barney was going to say. "You don't have the first clue…"
"You want me," Barney declared anyway, leaning forward against Ted's pinning grip, his lips twisted upward in a triumphant smirk. "Why else would you be literally hiding in a freakin' closet, just to watch me get it on with some random chick? In Robin's bed, no less?"
"Please, Barney," Ted scoffed, something defensively vicious creeping into his tone. "You've wanted me a lot longer. It's obvious – to everyone. The way you've been acting these past few weeks is proof enough. When I wouldn't speak to you, you couldn't stand it. And now, the way you follow me around like a little lost puppy…" he sneered softly, shaking his head in disgust. "It's pathetic, Barney. That's what you are. Pathetic."
"You wish I wanted you," Barney retorted, and Ted took some measure of cruel satisfaction from the tremor in his voice, the flash of hurt in his eyes. "You just wish I'd…"
Ted just wished he would shut up.
That was the only reason – surely that was the only reason – but in the next moment, Barney's words were cut off abruptly as Ted covered his mouth in a fierce, bruising kiss that knocked his head back hard against the wall behind him. Barney let out a muffled cry of pain and surprise that was swallowed up by Ted's mouth on his, raising his hands in a weak, half-hearted attempt to push Ted away.
But now that he'd crossed this particular line, Ted knew there was no going back.
He caught Barney's wrists and pinned them against the wall near his head, holding him there firmly as he deepened the kiss, holding him until his struggles finally stilled, and Barney began to return the kiss, his body no longer fighting for distance, but instead fighting for more contact, his hips rolling closer to Ted's as he leaned hungrily into the kiss.
That was the moment that Ted chose to pull away, a cold, victorious smile on his lips.
"I knew it," he said softly, his smile widening when Barney flinched at the words. "You're so obvious, Barney. You really think you're fooling anyone? You're not. You wanted that – and a lot more than that."
Barney didn't bother trying to deny it this time – didn't venture a response at all – and suddenly, the mingled hope and hurt in his eyes was more than Ted could bear. The accusation of it – the guilt he felt when he shouldn't be feeling guilty, damn it! It was Barney's fault this had all happened; Barney was the one who should be bearing the blame for it, not looking up at him like some kind of cross between a violated victim and a spurned lover. Ted couldn't stand looking at the expression on his face another moment – so he struck out with a vicious slap that knocked Barney's head back into the wall again.
Barney just took the blow, closing his eyes and swallowing hard, offering no protest, no attempt at self-defense – and that just made it so much worse.
Feeling the need to hurt, to dig in deep into the fresh wound he'd created until there was no doubt left in either of their minds who was really in control here, Ted leaned in closer, gripping Barney's wrists again and moving in until he could speak softly, close to his ear, cruel words spilling from his lips with an ease that startled and frightened even himself.
"Too bad you'll never have it. Because I'd never sleep with a pathetic, desperate slut like you."
Barney flinched again, biting his lower lip as if to hold back something – a retort, a cry – Ted didn't know, and didn't care.
He released Barney abruptly and headed back into the bar. For a few moments he half-expected Barney to come to his senses and follow him back in, and expose Ted's dark secrets to their friends in a fit of vindictive – if totally deserved – payback for the hurt Ted had just inflicted.
When Barney didn't, Ted began to relax, feeling a sense of relief that he had, apparently, won this little battle of wills in which they'd engaged.
He knows who's boss again now, and won't try anything like that again… he reassured himself as he laughed at a joke Marshall had just made and tried to lose his worries in the comfort of his friends' company. I'm in control again… and everything's going to be just fine…