As Ted made his way into the bathroom and closed the door, he tried his best to keep his movements calm and controlled, and not betray his own emotions to Barney, still kneeling on the floor where Ted had left him. He couldn't let Barney see how unsettled he was by the whole situation – couldn't give him the level of control that would come with such knowledge.
As he undressed and got ready for his shower, Ted was trembling with the exultant rush of power he felt in the wake of what he'd just done.
Oh, shit, I can't believe I just did that… and Barney…
God.
I can't believe he just did that.
The image of Barney on his knees, eyes wide, lips trembling with a shuddering breath as he prepared to obey Ted's command - a little shiver of heat went through Ted's body, and he felt his arousal building again with the thought. His hand fell thoughtlessly to stroke his slowly swelling erection, and Ted closed his eyes, leaning his head back, relishing the hot sting of the water against his skin.
The vulnerability, the desperation in Barney's eyes, as he'd eagerly taken Ted into his mouth, willing to do absolutely anything Ted asked of him in order to gain his approval, his acceptance – it was a heady, thrilling sensation, to be aware of the power he held over his friend.
Ted's hand trembled as it moved over his cock with firm, rhythmic strokes, and he leaned back against the wall, focusing on the vivid mental image of Barney's wince of pain and surprise as Ted had gripped his hair and yanked his head back, the wary, fearful vulnerability in his eyes – that had been swiftly replaced with shock and outrage as Ted had reached his release.
And yet, when Ted had crouched in front of him and kissed him, Barney had yielded readily to the gentle intrusion – and when Ted had coldly ordered Barney out of his house, Barney had quietly, submissively complied.
That hurt, bewildered look… that fearful submission… the rush of complete power…
God, it was just too much…
Ted gasped out a strangled little cry, panting for breath as he came for the second time within thirty minutes. His knees felt weak, and he braced himself against the wall for a few moments, struggling to catch his breath, blinking against the dark starlight that seemed to obscure his vision.
As his breathing returned to normal and the crescendo of pleasure faded away, reality settled back down around him – and Ted suddenly felt completely, violently ill. He barely made it out of the shower and onto his knees before his stomach revolted against him, expelling its contents into the toilet. His brow broke out in a cold sweat, his heart racing with something very different from the pleasure and arousal he'd felt only moments earlier.
You just got off on the idea of your best friend scared and helpless and humiliated. What does that say about who you are? What kind of person gets off on that?
What kind of person does that?
God, Ted… what is wrong with you?
Once the sick feeling had finally faded, Ted's troubled thoughts still remained. He paced the floor of his apartment, his cell phone in his hand, mentally debating what he should do from this point – and ultimately, doing nothing. Finally, he went to bed, his thoughts still racing with questions and uncertainties, worried accusations mingled with dark desires in his mind.
Ted barely slept at all that night.
Ted took a deep breath as he paused outside the door of MacLaren's the next night. He expected his friends to already be there, and while he didn't expect Barney to have said anything to them about what had happened the night before, he did expect Barney to be there – quietly accusing and superior and knowing, knowing about the secret desires that Ted had managed to hide so well, for so long – until now.
And really, that was all the more fuel Ted's agonizing guilt would need.
Ted had given Barney the upper hand again, he knew, in his attempt at regaining control of the situation.
Just call him aside and apologize, he told himself. Tell him you don't know what you were thinking, and it won't happen again, and the two of you can just go back to being friends again. This whole thing has gone on long enough, anyway. Just… just try to see if there's any way things can just go back to the way they used to be…
He steeled himself for the worst as he forced himself to enter the bar, struggling to bring a casual smile to his face as he joined his friends. No one acted as if anything was wrong – which was exactly as he had expected. The only seat left available was next to Barney, and Ted felt a little sick as he slid into it and forced himself to meet Barney's eyes, braced for the smug, disgusted awareness he expected to see there.
But instead, all he saw in Barney's uncertain, searching gaze was the same desperately attentive look he'd seen the night before, just before Barney had submitted to his demands and opened his mouth and…
Ted swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as a familiar heat began to build low in his stomach at the memories of the night before – but it wasn't just the memories that were having such an effect on him. It was the familiar look on Barney's face, the questioning expression that seemed to be silently asking, once again, what Ted wanted of him – and the knowledge that whatever the answer to that silent question might be, Barney was utterly, completely prepared to give it.
It was a mind-blowing realization for Ted – and more temptation than he was prepared to resist.
Before he knew what he was doing, Ted's fingers seemed to have moved of their own accord, sliding across the few inches of booth that separated them and resting with casual possessiveness on Barney's leg, just out of sight of the others. He felt Barney tense slightly under his touch, sensed his eyes darting toward Ted in a wordless question – but Ted didn't so much as look in Barney's direction as he tried to look as if he was paying attention to the conversation the others had been having when he'd sat down.
Barney flinched slightly at the unexpected contact – but he didn't object, and he didn't pull away.
Ted felt like he'd just won another small victory – and he was slowly but surely becoming addicted to that feeling.
He tried to focus on the conversation at the table for a few minutes, at least for long enough to keep from appearing suspicious, all while idly stroking Barney's thigh under the table. He took great pleasure in edging his fingers slowly upward while Barney was talking, and barely managed to suppress his smirk at the slight break in Barney's voice.
When he couldn't take the temptation anymore, Ted excused himself to the men's room, but not before giving Barney's leg a brief squeeze and meeting his eyes in an almost imperceptible, meaningful look. Once the door to the restroom had closed behind him, Ted walked to the sinks, avoiding his own reflection in the mirror as he braced his hands on the sink in front of him and tried to catch his breath.
What are you doing, Mosby? This is crazy. This shouldn't have happened once… or twice, or however many times you've let yourself go here… and it definitely shouldn't happen now… No, you just need to turn around and go back to that table and don't touch Barney or give him secret looks or even think about this ever again…
The restroom door opened, and Barney stepped inside. Their eyes locked instantly – and before he knew what he was doing, Ted was across the room, gripping Barney's narrow shoulders and pushing him up against the wall hard, his mouth falling on Barney's in a forceful, possessive kiss. Barney yielded to it readily, and the muffled, needy little whimper that escaped his lips went straight to Ted's groin, intensifying his desire.
He tightened his grip on the impossibly soft, obscenely expensive fabric of the suit Barney was wearing, pinning him helpless against the wall – but Barney abruptly turned his head away from the kiss, his eyes dark and hooded with lust, but still wary through the haze of desire that clouded them.
"Ted," he whispered, his voice thick and hoarse. "Please… what… what are we…?"
"Shut up," Ted muttered, pressing down hard on Barney's shoulders to drive him to his knees.
Caught off guard, Barney lost his balance and fell onto the dirty concrete floor with a sharp, indignant little cry.
"Ow!" he snapped, glaring resentfully up at Ted. "Careful, dude! This is a two thousand dollar suit!"
Ted smirked, crouching down in front of Barney and deliberately grasping the lapel of Barney's jacket, crumpling it between his fingers, his amusement only increased by Barney's expression of horror. Horror gave way to something else, however, something deeper and more primal, as Ted's free hand gripped Barney's hair and jerked his head back abruptly.
The convulsive swallow visible in Barney's throat, the trembling, uneven breath that fell from his parted lips, sent a heady rush of power through Ted, and he leaned in close, his mouth nearly touching Barney's ear, as he responded at last.
"And I'll do whatever the hell I want to it," he sneered softly. But even as he spoke, his hand released the luxurious fabric, sliding under Barney's jacket to rest, firm and warm and possessive, against his side, stroking slowly back and forth as he added in a low, dark tone, "And to you."
Gratified by the shiver he felt run through Barney's body at those words, Ted reached up to slide the jacket back off of Barney's shoulders, but didn't bother to push it off all the way. No, he decided as he took in the nervous question in Barney's eyes, the way his arms flexed uselessly against the thick fabric now bunched around them – no, he much preferred to leave the jacket where it was, a makeshift form of gentle bondage that would keep Barney helpless to his attentions.
Ted gripped the gathered fabric and twisted it, pulling Barney's wrists further behind his back, before tucking the crumpled suit under the toes of Barney's shoes and effectively pinning his arms. He took a sadistic sort of pleasure in the way Barney whimpered in protest, glancing over his shoulder toward the now ruined suit coat. Ted was fairly certain that Barney was more upset about the damage to his suit than he was about the fact that he was kneeling, essentially bound and helpless at Ted's mercy on the dirty bathroom floor.
When Ted carefully reached to unzip Barney's pants, however, his attention immediately focused forward again. He swallowed hard, staring down with wide eyes as Ted reached into his pants and firmly grasped his hardened arousal, giving him a slow, experimental squeeze.
"T-Ted," he whispered. "What are you… what…"
Ted leaned in close again, holding Barney's gaze until he was too close to do so any more. "I said shut up," he whispered in his ear, giving a vicious little twist of his hand that drew a sharp little cry to Barney's lips, though Ted was pleased to see that he bit it back, silencing it before it could escape his mouth.
Ted kept up his rough, inexperienced but utterly effective efforts, his grip just a little too harsh and a little too tight – until Barney let out a soft little groan, his back arching slightly, the muscles of his arms visibly clenched through the taut fabric that encased them. Ted smirked at the warm, wet rush that abruptly fell over his hand, spilling over the front of Barney's pants.
Barney hadn't yet noticed the damage, too lost in his own physical release. Ted grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in firmly for a kiss, to which Barney eagerly responded, his arms straining against their bonds to touch – but Ted reached a hand around to gently hold his arms down, a silent order to which Barney easily complied.
When Ted drew back to break the kiss, Barney struggled to catch his breath, blinking hazily as he became aware of his surroundings again. He glanced down with a little grimace at the front of his pants, his eyes widening with dismay.
"Oh, crap," he muttered.
"Yeah," Ted smirked. "Looks like you've got a little problem there, don't you?" He rose to his feet, running an affectionate hand through Barney's hair as Barney turned his head to stare up at him in disbelief.
"You're… you're not gonna…"
"Your suit all covered in come… totally obvious what you've been up to if you walk out there like that… and no extra clothes… that could be more than a little embarrassing." Ted went on without regard for Barney's words, heading toward the door. "Hope you figure out what to do about that."
And he went to rejoin the others at the table without a backward glance.