Days and days I've been flying, always just behind so they don't I'm there. I know they'd kill me for just being.
I could scream but no one hears you in the black.
No one except her, she'd hear me and she'd tell them not to shot and they would shoot and I'd be dead. Oh so very dead.
Like the rest.
Cold and dead that's what I saw. Cold and dead that's what they were.
It's so lonely out here. Can't keep the connection open long or it starts to hurt her, have to let go and then I'm alone again and all I can hear is my heart thumping away against my ribs.
Or maybe it ain't my heart; maybe it's just the thudding of the engines.
Feel asleep at the helm again, haunted by the ghosts I am, can't escape them 'cause they're inside my head and chase me, howling and screaming and when they catch me I wake up. I know the edge all over again.
She was dreaming too, I could see the dreams; they were scary, much scarier to her 'cause they were mine, they were real, why was she dreaming what I saw? I try to nudge her awake, wake her up quick but she's scared of me, she screams. No wonder I suppose, I'm kinda one ugly fuck-duck.
I give her another dream, a happy one, with me as I was. She was laughing, and it sounded like golden water, I smiled but then everything fell apart, back into hell with the fear, she screams again and my teeth chatter, they're are good bits, I filed them myself, like a monster's, all pointed and sharp.
Suddenly she screeches from her own nightmares, needles and needles and more, it scrapes me up my skull, I can't stand the noise, it's too loud…too sore and I push away. All the noise disappears, silence again.
No food and not ate in days and days. There's water here and I drink a little, need to keep most of it for later.
A planet, something, Beaumote, Beaumode no, no I think it was called Beaumonde. Dirty and full of loudness and light and people. Normal people, not ones like her or me. Just folks living their pretty lives on and on, through and through.
I watch from space, they just keep going through the clouds. I stop and breathe a minute. What could I do even if I could bear follow her through the crowds? They'd shoot me and I'd be cold, dead on my feet. Walking ugly fuck-duck.
I don't even know how bad I look, staring at my hands is bad enough, and I just avoid mirrors or anything shiny. Not good for me to look and see how far I've gone from what I was.
And I remembered what I was flying, I'd not even get to the Dockers before they shot me down, I'd not be cold and dead, I'd be vaporised in fire explosions.
But so close I was to her. So damn close.
I gritted my teeth together and I chattered them, I always have done when I was nervous, or scared.
I pulled the lever and down and down I went, if they shot me they shot me, at least I'd die trying.
They didn't shoot, didn't even see. I landed in an ancient scrappers yard and there was no one there, abandoned it looked. I was lucky getting there.
Something went off inside my head, screams and whispers all at once. The memories that ran so deep, so cold came back. River's voice filtered through, she was cold and deadly and said "Miranda".
Everything went black for a moment and all eternity.
All alone in the black. Bullet in the brainpan squish. Nothing stops the signal Mal. A million memories from people I didn't know just over took my own and I shook from the force. Time flew by like it was nothing ever, it meant nothing.
When I pulled back up it was still night but she was gone. Away, flying into deep space and she was scared, bad and sleeping but I couldn't reach, too far.
I ran back to my ship, have to go quick, quick, speed is needed now. Took seconds to be back in the sky, no one saw me come and no one saw me leave.
Away again, following a fainter trail than before but all the same, all the same.
Her dreams, her memories where mine. She was seeing as I saw. Murder everywhere on my home world, such beauty then nothing, no blood or gore, just death, everywhere they just lied down and died. Not like me, not like me.
I shut up, quietened my thinking and she stopped and woke up, broke the link with me.
It's so lonely in the black.