The Price of Desire

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious

A/N:

Chapter 15 (Goodbye Lone Wolf)

This time, she decided to soak herself in the new motel's bathtub, Jason and the others were roaming about the Motel 6. It was late, but everything would close at midnight. Trina leaned her head back in the tub and ran the soapy water along her arm. She breathed out slowly and closed her eyes. She didn't really want to be alone right now, but she did just want to think about everything going on. She needed things to slow down, even though that would likely never happen.

Tori's dainty laugh echoed through her head. That sweet girl, the best sister she could ever have asked for, and now she was gone. Her eyes opened and drifted to the necklace on the bathroom counter next to the sink. Her chest tightened and tears dripped slowly along her cheeks. All because of a damned necklace. Why? Why did things have to be so damn difficult? Why did she have to suffer through this pain? She breathed in and closed her eyes, she would give anything to have her sister back. If she let down everyone in the world, but had Tori at her side, she would be happy.

But no, she wouldn't be happy. She wouldn't let anyone down and Tori would never be by her side again. That picture, the girl in that picture, the more she thought about it, the more she couldn't fight those doubts of it being Tori. The girl hadn't done anything wrong! She'd been completely, totally innocent of every possible crime that she could have committed. She couldn't save her. Nothing she could do would ever bring her back.

She splashed the water and stared ahead at the tiled wall in front of her. The silence in the air was deafening, gruesome. She started to sink herself beneath the water, once more rising out her hair. She closed her eyes as the front door opened and closed, she heard someone walk in and sighed, generating bubbles beneath the water. How nice, someone finally came back. The bathroom door started shaking and she quickly rose her head from the water, raising an eyebrow. Before she could say anything, the door opened and her gaze locked with Jason's. His cheeks shot neon red. "Trina! Sorry, I didn't know you were-"

"Yeah, taking a bath here." She didn't really feel like shooing him out. Sure she was naked, but it wasn't like Jason would do anything. Besides, all the soap bubbles in the water covered her like a snow white blanket. "Would you stay in here with me though? Talk to me…" He raised an eyebrow and slowly stepped in, closing the door.

"Why? What's going on?" He looked back at the door and chuckled briskly. "Besides you forgetting to lock the bathroom door." He was covered in sweat, even his shirt had a big wet sweat stain on his chest. He probably had gone to the workout room and was coming back to take a shower. She probably shouldn't stay in much longer. He moved to the toilet next to the bathtub and sat down on the closed top.

"I'm just thinking about stuff. You know, it's great we saved Robbie, but no matter what…we can't save Tori…can we?" He pressed his lips together and bowed his head. He clasped his hands together and tapped his knuckles on the toilet seat. "I hate this. I just want…I want to feel like Tori's safe and happy, but I can't feel that way. I don't know why."

"Well maybe…" She lifted her head to him, her eyebrows were meshed with sadness and her heart was beating very slowly. Her breath hitched and her body started to tense up. "Maybe you can save her. Her memory."

"Memory?"

"Yeah. You know…a little part of her lives on within you, within all her friends, and the more you save them, the more you save that part of her memory." Her heart started to lift from the murk, but she still couldn't simply shrug off that sadness in her. "I know you're angry, you're hurt, you're sad, scared, and well…there are so many emotions that everyone involved is feeling, so you're not alone."

"I know, I haven't been alone, but sometimes it still feels that way. It's always felt that way…" Even when Tori was safe, when everything felt normal, she'd always wanted the chance to mix with her sister's friends and be happy, but they never wanted her around. Her parents didn't help much, even though most of the time they only joked about her presence being unneeded around them, it still hit her a bit. Even with Jason and Christy, there were days she just disconnected herself from them.

Jason reached over to her hand resting on the edge of the bathtub, he put his hand over hers and continued to stare into her eyes. "Trina, we know you've been like that. As long as we've known you, you've always put yourself down or kept to yourself, even when you didn't need to. You don't talk about yourself much, Christy and I are your best friends, and best friends are there for a reason. To help lift their friends up. You're not alone, unless you make it that way. You have all of us here."

"When you say that…"

"Me, Christy, Uncle Erwin, the Chief of Police and the Assistant Chief, your parents…and frankly right now, the whole damn town is practically rallying up behind you!" Her lip curled up slightly and her heart started to fill with hope. It did feel good to know that she had the support of others. "You've always relied on yourself, Trina, but you don't need to. You don't need to be the lone wolf that you've always been."

"It's hard not to be. I've always had to depend on myself…hell, having all these people depending on me is hard enough. I mean Tori depended on me and I failed her, what if…what if I fail anyone else?"

"Then we're all still with you. Christy and I are dealing with the same thoughts, the same pressures. We know what you're going through, we do. You've always thought that you had to go through life alone because you were the only one who knew what you were dealing with, but you're not."

Her body trembled with fear and anxiety, her heart scattered its beats along her body and her eyes darted towards the wall. What did he know? Probably a lot more than she was giving him credit for. They did, in a way, make the same promises to everyone out there that she had. So fears, they were going through them, pressures, they had them. "Also, the whole lone wolf complex? Feeling like you're alone in the world…Trina, take a look at your closest friends." Her eyebrows rose and she met Jason's eyes with confusion and question. "Christy struggles under her brother's success, feeling like her parents completely ignore her…hell, they haven't even called her since we've been gone!" Her lips parted and anger shot past through her. How dare they not show some concern for their daughter?

"You're sure they didn't?"

"That's what she says, but she hasn't really checked her phone in a while. Either way, she's always going on about being alone. Then there's me, stuck with an Uncle always pressuring me, and he's literally the only family I still have left. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff, except grandma, who happens to be on dialysis and needs to be taken care of…she could die any day now, the doctor says."

"I didn't know about that."

"Course not, I keep it to myself. I don't have to, but I choose to. Christy doesn't have to talk about her problems, but she chooses to because she has two best friends that can make her feel better. Now then, there's you."

"What do you know?" He smirked, as if he'd just been challenged, and he would rise to meet it. He pulled his arms back and folded them against his chest, still locking onto her gaze.

"When you were young, family was your whole world. Still is, but at some point of time, your dad started working more often due to promotions in the squad. Your mom became overprotective of Tori, because as a little girl, Tori got lost in some cavern that your family went to on vacation. Got separated from the tour guide, so dark, she fell into some water and nearly drowned. Thankfully you had found her in time."

Damn he was good, but how did he know these things? She probably talked about it before. He was right, though. Tori always hated water and the dark, ever since that event. There was a time when their house had a leak in the roof, in the middle of the night, Trina had been awakened by Tori's crying in the next room over. She ended up sleeping through the rest of the night with her.

Trina smiled and slowly wiped a tear from her eyes, Tori always needed her big sister. "Then when you became a teenager, things changed, right? Tori wound up doing great things, she didn't need her sister anymore. She was gaining friends and popularity, so you left to Hollywood Arts. You knew some martial arts. Then she winds up singing some song you wanted to sing, gets into the school with ease. She still doesn't need you…"

"Yeah…" She bowed her head and closed her hands. Her heart ached as she recalled just how perfect Tori had become. She still loved her though, she always would. She always wanted her sister to need her again, she always wanted to be the one to hold her and help her. Her mind ran through the memory of that same nine year old girl that needed her because of a simple leak, and her lips curved into a smile.

Trina woke up to a sharp cry running through the air, she moaned lightly and looked around. Tori was crying? The parents were downstairs, they couldn't hear her. She slowly rose from her bed and left her room, moving across the hallway. She flipped on the hallway light switch and looked to her right. There was a large yellow bucket in the middle of the hallway, catching raindrops until the rain let up and they could get the leak fixed. That noise was echoing through the air, anyone on the floor could hear it.

Tori's sobs became muffled and started to turn to quick whimpers. "I don't wanna die!" Tori screamed out. "I'm going to drown! I'm going to drown and I can't see anything!"

"Tori." Trina opened the door and light spilled out onto the bed. Tori was gripping her covers with her hands and biting down on them with her teeth. Her eyes were clenched shut and her body was trembling. Trina quickly moved to her sister and wrapped her arms around her. "Tori it's okay, you're safe now."

"Tri-Tri?" Tori slowly opened her eyes and met Trina's sisterly gaze. She quickly wrapped her arms around her waist and sobbed.

"It's too dark Trina, there's water and I'm scared."

"It's just the leak, there's no water and you're not drowning. Come on, I'll let you sleep in my bed if you want." Tori nodded as Trina threw the covers back. "Come on, let's get you out of here. Your big sis has you." Tori buried her face into Trina's pajamas and sobbed once.

"I love you, Sis."

Trina opened her eyes as the tears ran down her face. God she wanted to be with Tori. "She's not that little girl anymore, Jason. She has her friends and always let them say whatever they want about me. It's like…it's like she'd forgotten about her big sister. Now the one time she needed me again…"

"You want to know the truth? I don't think she ever stopped needing you." She bowed her head and slowly lifted her shoulders. "Don't give up on her, Trina. Whether or not she's gone, she still needs you…her friends are still out there."

Maybe that was the one way to save her, to save her friends. But in order for them to depend on her, she had to learn to depend on others. Maybe she really wasn't as alone as she thought she was. "Yeah…How do you even know all this?"

"I pay attention." He smiled at her and rose from the toilet. She watched him with a smile of admiration as he pulled a towel from the top rack. "You've talked about all these things before at one time or another. I don't forget what people tell me."

"That's very good of you." He smiled at her and set the towel down beside her and started to walk towards the door. He glanced back at her, his eyes were filled with some pure emotion that always seemed to be there. Her heart started to pound as she reached over to the towel. "I'll get out so you can take a shower…"

"All right." She waited until he left, then slowly stood up from the tub. She wrapped the warm towel around her body and moved out of the bathtub.

"Never stopped needing me, huh?" He always seemed to know what to say. She probably wouldn't stop needing Jason and Christy, even if she acted like she didn't. She'd go nuts without them. "I'm not alone…never have been, they've always known more about me and how I've felt, more so than even I know."

As she dried off, running the warm towel along her arms, she imagined Tori crying somewhere in the dark. Somewhere, tortured and crying for her sister, screaming for her. It broke her heart. She let her mind wander into that cavern, the Mammoth Caverns in Kansas. Tori was only seven at the time, it was her first big family vacation.

"David? David where's our daughter!" Holly shouted over the tour group. David glanced around, anxiety growing upon his face. Trina watched her parents as the group stopped walking. "Tori's missing! Tori? Tori!" Trina's eyes widened as the tour guide began insisting that they start looking for her.

As everyone began moving around, calling for Tori, Trina started to eye the surroundings. There was a small hole in a nearby wall, small enough for any kids their age to wander around in. Some small rocks and rubble had been scattered around the area, indicating that someone may have crawled in. She ran to the hole and started pointing. "Mommy! Mommy, Daddy, what if she crawled through here!" The two looked over and Holly practically fainted when her eyes fell onto the hole. The tour guide's face lost its color and he frantically looked around.

"That hole was blocked off, it goes into a room with only one other opening. If your daughter went in there, she probably wouldn't be able to see. We need to hurry, I know where it opens up. There's a deep water pit in there, if your girl goes in there, she won't be able to get out." Holly fainted in David's arms. Only Trina knew how to swim, having learned to swim at camp. She'd gone to some survival camp over the summer, and they taught the people there everything.

Once the tour guide ran off with the group, seemingly forgetting about Trina, she decided to take matters into her own hands and start crawling through the tunnel. It wasn't a long crawl, probably about three minutes. When she came out onto the other side, she heard splashing sounds and cries of a girl calling for help. "Tori!"

She could barely see, but there was a hole in the top of the cavern, creating enough light to make out the silhouette of a young girl sinking and splashing into the water. She had to work fast! Panic and adrenaline coursed through her veins. She saw a rope on the ground, possibly left over from some prior tour. She grabbed the rope and tied it around her waist while running to a stalagmite on the ground nearby, within seconds she'd tied the rope around it and dove into the water.

"I'm coming Tori!" She felt the vibrations of Tori's feet kicking through the water and quickly swam towards her baby sister. The kicking was slowing, however, meaning the girl was quickly losing the battle. With a burst of energy, she shot forward and wrapped her arms around Tori's waist. She surfaced and grabbed at the rope with one hand. Her breathes were coming out in a quick pant and she quickly threw her head back. "We're back here! Hurry!" Tori was barely moving, but at least she was had a pulse.

Trina swallowed hard and started pulling on the rope, bringing herself closer to shore. Once on the ground, she laid her sister down and tried to remember what the camp leaders told her to do for someone that was drowning. She swallowed and quickly reached forward, tilting Tori's head back, clasping her nose shut. She leaned forward and breathed into Tori's mouth, two quick rescue breaths. She continued doing this until Tori spit up the water and slowly opened her eyes. "Tri-Tri?"

"Hey Tori…" Trina's eyes were wet with tears and relief washed over her. She quickly hugged Tori close, letting the girl's cold shivers die down. It wasn't long before they felt their parents arms. All that mattered was that Tori was safe.

Trina threw the towel over the shower rod and pulled her jeans up. She inhaled deeply and turned towards the door. After she put her shirt on, she left the bathroom. Jason was sitting on the edge of the bed, eating some granola bar. "Where'd you get that from?" He lifted his eyes to her and smiled.

"Vending machine. How you doing?"

"Good." She moved beside him and stared ahead at the television screen. The police were currently at the Salon, talking about the events to come regarding the now deceased hair stylist. She'd left a note for Michael, explaining exactly what went down. Apparently Venus had survived her stab wound. "What happened there, Jason…you know, I've always tried to be there whenever Tori needed me. I've never needed anyone else because people depended on me."

"Yeah, and you're a strong person, you don't need to depend on anyone."

"But it never hurts to have people to fall back on. Back there…my mind was on you, Christy, and even Sikowitz. I needed you then, and you all came through. Never gave up…"

"Couldn't give up on you." Her lips thinned and she slowly turned her gaze to him. His hand was resting on the bed between them, so she moved her hand over his. He looked at her, still smiling for her. She did need him, she still needed him, and she needed Christy.

"Whatever happens. I'm just glad I have you guys by my side. Maybe you're right, maybe I don't need to be alone, maybe I'm not alone. I know when I need you, and I may need you to hold me back if I go ballistic on these freaks. I know you and Christy are fully capable of comforting me if I break down. I…I do need you, I can depend on you to save me if I'm drowning…"

"Always." His voice softened. Her cheeks reddened and her heart's pulsating seemed to increase. She lifted her hand to his cheek and slowly leaned forward, kissing his lips. His eyes closed and he put his hand on her waist, kissing back. Warmth flooded her body and her hair began to stand on end. The passion of one kiss, too intense, but she loved it. What a story, Sikowitz's nephew, but she didn't care. He meant so much to her.

As she pulled away from him, her eyes opened into his. Her cheeks were full with color and her heart filled with joy. Could she really trust herself to this feeling, this emotion? In such a dangerous situation, she couldn't stand the thought of losing him. "I-I think you should take your shower…" She could hardly speak.

"I should..." She leaned forward and stopped herself, clearing her throat. He moved his hand up, caressing her cheek. Her heart leapt into her throat as she brought her hand up, holding his. "I'm always going to be at your side."

"Just promise me one thing…we can put any kind of relationship on hold until everything's calm again…I-I can't stand the thought of losing you, Jason. Christy either, but…" He slowly nodded and withdrew his hand from her. Her cheek felt so bare without his caress.

"You won't lose us, and you won't lose me."

"I can't lose anyone else."

"You won't, but you don't have to be alone anymore either."

"I'm not alone."

"Exactly." Her body trembled as she watched him grab his fresh clothes from the bed and walk towards the bathroom. After he was inside, she saw the motel door open wide, Christy and Sikowitz entered inside.

"You know they have a great restaurant next to the motel," Sikowitz commented while rubbing his stomach. Christy glanced at him and slowly shook her head. Her hair was wet and a towel wrapped around her bikini, she'd smelled of chlorine.

"I guess Jason's in the shower, I'll wait." Trina's eyes started to water and she quickly moved over to them. They looked at her astonishingly as she wrapped her arms around their necks. "Trina? You okay?" She slowly nodded her head as her best friend and her teacher pat her on the back. No words were needed, they understood her feelings well enough. They were all in this to the end, no matter what.

A bit of an emotional chapter if I say so myself, some old memories, some worries discussed and all, let me know your thoughts.