Alright well, I am really sorry about my updating failure! So here is the new release, and the next one will be 3/6/12. This chapter is a lot shorter than anticipated, but I've been sick recently so forgive me! Also I noticed that even though I edit many works and things like that, I always have at least one error or a few in these chapters of mine that pop up (Cough, late night writing anyone?) so I will fix those sometime. So this chapter was meant to be longer, and the other half of it will become chapter 13: Who is that boy?.

In all honesty I think I could have done a better job on this chapter, the next one will be better I hope.

Chapter Twelve: Saying Goodbye

Life isn't fair. This is a saying of truth but it is also a cruelty depending on its use. As people, the desire to be treated fairly is only natural, but the inability to express oneself with the use of this phrase can hurt more than it helps.

It makes a person believe subconsciously that there is no hope in the world, not directly but just underneath the surface of these words.

If that is so, then how can people maintain hope even with this thought? Interactions perhaps?

I am Sasuke Uchiha.

I hate many things; Naruto, Itachi, Kakashi, sweets, fan girls, waiting in line, being annoyed, being bested, being late and an assortment of other things.

Then there are many things that I am; awesome, confident, collected, intellectual, clean, cool, and independent.

These things are the smallest parts of who I am. But slowly, some of these things have eroded and turned into something else. It was done in plain view but I took no notice.

There are many things I like; Naruto, being annoyed, competing with Naruto and losing just to rematch, even just walking with Naruto, or sticking it to Kakashi, or seeing the bags of groceries Itachi leaves on my doorstep sometimes after ringing my doorbell and disappearing into the wind.

Then there are many things that I am; Empathetic, uncertain, expressive, not always confident, an idiot but smart, still clean, less cool, and more dependent.

I am…someone else.

This person that I am, I wonder where he came from? When exactly did he appear? Was it with Naruto or was it within my own thoughts? And the most important question is, now that he is here, just what do I do with him?

Should he stay or should he go?

"Excuse me." Said another man I didn't recognize, another nameless face in my day, "Who are you?"

It flew out of my mouth before I could stop it, "I don't know."

The man shifted on his feet slightly, looking at me with concern, "Uh…do you know your name?"

I snapped out of it, shaking my head and cooling my thoughts at will. I am Sasuke Uchiha. I am in control, "That isn't what I meant, you caught me at a... I am Sasuke Uchiha."

"Ah." The man said, sitting in the chair across from me, "You must be Itachi's brother….about what happened…I'm…"

"Don't apologize!" I interrupted before I could stop it, I took a deep breath closing my eyes and taking control. Why is it so much harder now?

The man fell silent for a bit as I recollected myself before saying, "My name is Kisame. I am the lead singer in Itachi's band."

That explains the weird make-up now that I'm taking the energy to observe his features, but I let it go, taking a deep breath again to control myself. "He never showed me you guys before."

Not that he hadn't tried to show me his band before, I just refused. It was the first time he knocked on my door after I moved out and into the apartment next door.

"Hello." Itachi had said, "Would you like to go with me to the concert tonight?"

"You lost me at hello." I replied "I would like nothing more than to see you dead."

I winced as I remembered those words, the noise of the door slamming in Itachi's face echoing all around me. Why…why?

A nurse tapped my shoulder gently, "The doctor asked me to inform you that Itachi is still in surgery, is there anyone you would like to call?"

"Don't worry miss, we're all here." Said a familiar voice, it was Kakashi with Naruto trailing behind him sending me worried looks. I looked away, not even bothering to wonder what they were doing here already when school had yet to let out.

"Do any of you know what happened to him?" I asked, my voice was almost unrecognizable, but I realize it was my voice the tone I carried sometime before interacting with Naruto. "No one told me."

Kakashi sat in a chair a small distance away, and Naruto sat one chair over on my left. I was grateful for the space. Kakashi seemed to hesitate with the answer, it was unlike him, "I was told that he walked into oncoming traffic."

Why….would Itachi do such a thing? It doesn't make any sense. He was fine, he was absolutely fine. He was….a bottle of water hovered in the corner of my sight. I looked up to see unusually dull blue eyes staring back into mine, clutching the bottle slowly I knew then that somehow Naruto understood. He understood somehow, the feeling of being blindsided.

Something I should know how to handle by now.

"I must admit." Said a quiet voice, it was another band member of Itachi's, the one who came to get me with blonde hair tied back and heavy eyeliner, "He was with me, I own a bar just down the street. Itachi came in at around closing time and for some reason; Itachi just kept drinking and wouldn't stop. I didn't know any numbers to call, so I just kept him in my bar until the morning. It was my fault…he was so drunk….even though I tried to stop him from drinking the stubborn bastard….and I just left him unattended while locking up the place."

The man didn't walk away from me, I don't know if he is expecting me to answer or pleading me to. Either way, it doesn't matter. My mouth won't move at all, and my hands grip at the arms of the chair I am occupying. If Itachi doesn't make it…what am I going to do?

But no one was even giving me a shred of hope on the matter; I could hear their voices chattering away in the background of my thoughts, deciding things as if Itachi was already dead, not still holding on in a room somewhere nearby. Finally the man walked away, I don't know where he went and I don't care. All that matters is what's going to happen to Itachi.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

The seconds of the clock were ticking away, the room remained silent, no one moved. We waited, but we did not know exactly what we were waiting for. The only ones with the answer, the only ones who could halt this crazy ticking, were the doctors and nurses swarming around.

"Grandma." Naruto said, it was the first real word he's spoken the whole time, I forgot that he was here. "What is it?"

The woman looked young, with light blonde hair and a serious face that could only hold new I didn't want to hear. Naruto and I both rose from our seats, Naruto addressed her, "Granny…?"

The woman closed her eyes, shaking her head lightly. I slid into my seat, gripping my knees, focusing on the clouded tile floor beneath my feet; I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear her say it.

I don't want to hear that he's dead.

Tonight I would be staying with Kakashi and Iruka, my apparent guardians that I was unaware that I had. Kakashi let me go to my apartment to pack a suitcase, tomorrow I would be back to the apartment complex to clean out ….the neighbors place and get my car.

I said goodbye to everything in the apartment, I would no longer have my own space here anymore. The room was dark and emptier then it ever was. What would have happened to me if I had never met Naruto? If I had never learned how important my brother really is…was….and never made any true connections with Kakashi?

I would be as empty as this apartment feels.

"Sasuke." Kakashi said, touching my shoulder lightly, I looked into his eye, as he only had one showing like usual, it was dull and serious. Something I wasn't used to. "Let's go."

I was grateful that the ride to Iruka and Kakashi's house was silent; I didn't know what to say. My thoughts wandered, to anything else but the event of tonight, I focused on the woman doctor. Naruto called her Grandma, were they related. Why did he seem to know her so well?

"We're here." Kakashi said, I snapped out of it, realizing that we had already arrived to our destination. I've only been here once before, but back then everything was more normal. Now this place feels alien. Iruka greeted me inside with a gentle smile I didn't bother to return, he led me to a room down a hallway past the kitchen. We passed by a bathroom and a master bedroom before coming to the end of the hall where my room would be.

"Uh.."Iruka said, as he noticed me looking around the room with its cream colored walls and a white carpet on the floor. A small desk was near the door, a bed in the left corner of the room next to a window, a small TV sat on top of a dresser across the way of the bed. "Tomorrow I and Kakashi will bring your bedroom furniture in here; if you want we can paint the walls."

"Hn." I said, setting my suitcase down and sitting on my bed. Iruka stayed by the door, his hand clutching the knob as he scratched the back of his head.

"Well… let me know if there is anything you need." I didn't answer as he shut the door, leaving me to myself. This is impossible; I'm not supposed to be here. I can't….rage swelled within and I punched the headboard of the bed, slamming repetitively and so hard that I wondered if Kakashi and Iruka were ignoring it out of courtesy.

My knuckles were raw, before I slid into the bed, sinking into the soft pillows of another world. My breath deepened, and before I knew it.

I was asleep.

The next day I woke up to Kakashi sitting at the desk in the room, looking through and organizing items in a first aid kit. Without looking at me he simply said, "You're awake now."

Well duh.

I sat up; he motioned for my hand giving me a look that let me know I wouldn't be refusing him today. He bandaged my knuckles and talked to me, "Iruka is getting some boxes from the attic, after that we will go and clean out the apartments."

I nodded, my mouth feels dry but I don't feel like going to get any water. After a quick breakfast, though I barely ate, we all got in the car with Naruto joining me in the backseat. I don't know why he was here or how he was even connected to anything involving this.

He seemed to be just here.

Walking up to the front door was suffocating, but stepping through the doorway squeezed the breath from my lungs. The furniture seemed abandoned; I was walking through a place that existed only in my dreams now. A place where memories for me will never be created again, and with that came a true feeling of sorrow that pierced the walls of my stoned heart and carved itself into its surface. I made my way past the screaming photos that hung on the walls and into room next to the one I slept in the one night I broke my key.

Itachi's room.

It was plain, with a normal sized bed, his favorite guitars littered one half of the room and sheets of music covered every surface of his dresser. But on his bed there was a small book, a pen lying on its pages. I approached the bed, feeling as if I was entering alien territory that he would kill me for doing, and picked up the book which was not a book but a journal. I flipped to the first page; the small book was recently dated, meaning that he probably had more laying around. I hesitated before reading the first page, but then decided that if he wasn't around to tell me things about himself that was only his fault. If he didn't want me to know, he shouldn't have died.

(sorry guys no dates!)

Sasuke hates me, but it's alright because he needs it…one day I hope he understands what it means to break free from what everyone else's ideals and become someone who belongs to no one but yourself. My father tried to own me, and my mother tried to push me, but these actions, even carried out with love, were not the best thing. Sasuke was too young to know or understand, this is my fault and I know it, if I had gone with my parents' wishes, we would have never argued and I would have never "ran away"* from home that morning causing our parents to come after me in a rush that resulted in their deaths. I felt like such a child after being informed of what happened, even though I was eighteen, and here I was left to take care of Sasuke. But what was then will never be now, there are not always second chances in life so I will live the dream that I fought so hard for, even with the costs.

Sasuke made a new friend recently; it's been awhile since I've seen him smile but I have never seen him blush. If our parents where here, he would have been treated like I was, disgusting and nothing but a shame. But Sasuke will always have me, even if he hates me.

No matter what, I will always love my baby brother.

I couldn't see the words anymore as there was something in my vision fogging up the pages, I could feel my hands shaking and my teeth clenching, my cheeks felt raw and wet. Itachi you are nothing but a liar.

You aren't here now.

I wanted to hurl the journal across the room, scream and break every guitar that was precious to him. But I can't…I won't…Itachi… lives in this book now; this is the only connection I have to him. I became aware only recently that he was something precious to me, something that I always to for granted, and the one who helped me see that was Naruto himself. But I never did anything about it; I never got to make true amends with Itachi.

Did my brother die, thinking that I hated him?

I am sorry if you are at all offended by Itachi's death, I'm not sure if I would put that as character death or not, just because he already died? (clearly confused!) So...sorry...:/