Chapter 5
Alienation
Wednesday didn't start off looking any better than the previous two days. It was reassuring to know he wasn't gay, but that didn't change the fact that Lex had been wandering through his dreams all night... and no, he hadn't been anywhere near that crystal! Sure, he'd had some steamy dreams before, what teenaged boy hadn't? But that night they were incessant... and yet maddeningly teasing since he could never quite get anywhere. They would make out, and then something would interrupt them. Usually someone would walk in. One of their fathers, or one time it was Linda. One time they got all the way to the point of being naked in bed and Lex had gotten him on his hands and knees and shifted up behind him... but then nothing. He'd looked around and saw that Lex had vanished. He was alone on the bed... which then somehow turned into a deserted island. He'd searched and searched for Lex, but he was nowhere to be found. He'd finally thrown himself down on the sand and sobbed in frustration. Then Lex walked up, standing over him and casting his shadow on him as he just gazed down, the sun blazing behind him like a fiery halo. Clark just lay there, staring up at him. Lex knelt down beside him and reached down, grabbing a hold of him. Clark moaned wantonly as Lex shifted down, taking him in his mouth like Chloe had... and then...
Clark had woken up! What kind of maddening bullshit was that? He was really glad it was early when he'd woken, because he'd had to work out the... um... 'issue' the dreams had caused.
Twice.
Breakfast with his parents had been a rather quiet affair, followed by Clark quickly leaving, not even waiting for the bus, though it made him really early. He'd just gone to his first class, taken his seat and waited. The teacher had been a bit surprised to see him there when she arrived, but seemed to sense his mood and didn't say anything as she prepared for class.
The school day passed in a haze once more. He'd passed the math test with a B, but that hardly cheered him up. At lunch he ran into Lana, and he'd returned her necklace. He wasn't sure if he was happy or sad to see it go, but he was definitely relieved when the last bell finally rang.
He walked slowly towards his locker, still lost in thought.
"Clark! Hey, I'm talking to you!"
Clark blinked in surprise, coming to a stop and looking over at the petite Japanese girl who had been pacing him, waving her hand in front of his face.
"Oh, sorry, Kim. I was just thinking about something." He replied, embarrassed at the slip. He really had to start paying attention to his surroundings!
"Ok, whatever." She said quickly, pulling out an eight by ten photo of herself and handing it to him. "I've got to run to catch my ride. Could you drop this by the Torch for me? Today's the deadline for entries, and I don't want that lame picture they have on file on top of my column again! That haircut I have in it is so five minutes ago!"
He looked down at the photo, then what she'd said sank in and he suddenly realized he'd once again forgotten to write the article he'd promised Chloe. He saw that she was waiting for an answer and quickly flashed her a smile. "Sure. I was heading there anyway." He said.
"Sweet!" She said, then tromped off without so much as a thank you.
Clark sighed deeply. He'd let Chloe down again. He hadn't even bothered to think up a basis for an article, let alone written it! He went to his locker and chunked his extra books in, then retrieved his book bag, slipping the book he'd need for his homework in it. He tossed the bag onto his shoulder, then closed his locker very gently to keep from smashing it he was so frustrated with himself. What had happened between them the night before made this new bit of failure feel ten times worse.
The unwritten article weighed heavily on his mind, replaced thoughts of Lex for the first time in days. What was there to even write about? There were only so many prime opportunities for good, investigative articles available to a high school 'reporter'... and Chloe had pretty much managed to corner the market on those. There were always community events to report on... but the only thing of any interest that had happened in Smallville in the past couple of weeks was that market, and that was such a subdued event it would take some major effort to liven it up enough to get high school kids to read about it! Perhaps if he'd interviewed some of the more colorful vendors or something, but he hadn't, and he could think of no way to make what he'd gleaned by just walking around into a story of interest. Well, unless of course he told them what happened that afternoon at the castle! But he'd never do that, not to mention this was a pretty 'straight' community, so anything even remotely racy would most likely earn nothing but ridicule. He'd seen kids being taunted and teased to tears over far less.
Clark slowed, then came to a stop, thinking about that. He thought about those kids. The one's who's only crime was being a bit different. He'd always been different... always been a 'freak'... but he'd been able to hide it, so no one else knew. It wasn't easy hiding who you really are. How many other kids were there just like him? Well, ok not space aliens with super powers, but people who had to hide who they really were inside everyday for fear of being ridiculed or worse? It didn't seem right.
Clark looked down the hall, eyeing the door to the computer science lab. He happened to know that Mr. Sims, the teacher who ran the lab, went down to the teacher's lounge every day at the end of the school day and filled his travel mug with coffee and flirted with the French teacher before closing down the lab for the night. Chloe had told him as much a week or so ago. She'd been keeping an eye on them. She didn't say why, but Clark suspected it was in hopes that an newsworthy scandal would reveal itself if she kept watching. Mr. Sims was married.
Clark wound his way through the sparse crowd of remaining students, then found an open space against the wall. He leaned back against it, pulling out his notebook and pretending to look through it. Sure enough, a minute later Mr. Sims emerged with his silver travel mug in hand. He whistled softly as he made his way down the hall. Clark closed his notebook as the door to the teacher's lounge closed behind the man.
- 0 – 0 – 0 –
Mr. Sims bid the French teacher goodbye, watching the hypnotic sway of her shapely backside as she walked away. He took a deep breath and sighed it out, then made his way back to his classroom. As he entered, he looked up in surprise, seeing the door on the other side of the lab drifting shut. His eyes darted down as he heard the soft whine of the printer as it tapered away. It only made that sound for a few seconds after printing, and yet there was no paper in the output tray. He just shrugged, then went back over to his desk, settling down and going to work grading assignments.
- 0 – 0 – 0 -
"Discovering soybeans in the cafeteria burgers isn't exactly earth shattering news."
Chloe started, her head whipping around only to find Clark standing mere inches behind her, reading her computer screen over her shoulder. "Dang it, Clark! You have to stop sneaking up on people!" She said, clutching her chest dramatically.
He gave a little snort. "It's not hard to sneak up on you when you're in editor mode, Chloe." He said a bit teasingly.
She straightened up, "Speaking of which, it's the deadline. Where's that article you promised me?"
"Um..." Clark said uneasily, avoiding her gaze and shifting from foot to foot.
Chloe rolled her eyes. "You forgot, didn't you?" She sighed in exasperation.
"Sorry." He said, flashing her a little apologetic smile.
"Oh don't give me that expression!" She said, turning studiously away, "Those big, innocent blue eyes and earnest 'I'm sorry' look can only save your butt so many times, and you surpassed that limit two missed articles ago! I also wouldn't go criticising writers who actually bothered handing in their articles!" Then she added in an undertone, "No matter how boring those articles may be."
"I know I end up saying this to you a lot, but I really am sorry." Clark said softly, tilting his head down a bit and gazing up at her sadly.
She glanced over at him, then let out a whine and studiously turned away, "Don't pull the big puppydog eyes on me either!" She took a deep breath and sighed it out. "How am I supposed to put out an edition with only this pap to fill it?"
"I'm sure you'll come up with something, Chloe. You always do." He said, his warm smile conveying his whole hearted faith in her as an editor. "Oh, and I saw Kim Kwon in the hallway and she asked me to give you this." He said, handing her the glossy photo of the overly perky girl.
Chloe sighed moodily. "I swear, I'm going to kick Kwon's butt if she doesn't stop it with the same old picture argument! I'm probably just going to have to make this one black and white too! Having color on the page increases the printing costs, and I'm not doing that just for little Miss Tattletale's face! And why does she think I need a poster sized picture? I'm just going to have to scan it in and shrink it to the size of a postage stamp, and with the resolution restrictions we have she's going to look the same no matter what I do!"
She stopped there, trying to reel herself in. She wasn't really mad at Kim. Ok, she was irritated with her, but mostly she was upset with Clark. Why did he always let her down? And why did he always make it so utterly impossible to stay mad at him? Then again, she supposed he did have a lot on his mind right now. She gave another sigh, tossing the photo on the scanner to scan in later and started to flip through the articles she had for this edition again, trying to decide what to make a size twenty font to make up for the missing article. "Where are the murderous meteor freaks running rampant when you need them?" She muttered moodily.
Clark just let out an amused breath and rested his hand comfortingly on her shoulder.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to admit how much she loved the feel of him touching her, no matter how chaste the touch was.
"Hey, Chloe!" Pete said as he strolled in. "You get my article about the soybeans?"
"Got it!" She replied cheerfully, hiding her disappointment as she felt Clark's hand quickly slip away. She looked up at him, then couldn't help but grin at the slight embarrassed flash that crossed his face when he realized he'd been poking fun at his friend's article.
"Looks riveting." Clark added with an innocent grin.
Chloe had to try hard not to roll her eyes. It was almost disturbing how convincingly Clark could lie to people's faces sometimes.
Pete of course ignored the false flattery, "I know, I know. It's not exactly Pulitzer material. I was hoping to find something shocking, but those lunch ladies have been extra careful ever since that story Chloe wrote last year. If they're doing anything shady in there, they're get pretty dang good at hiding it!"
Chloe gave him a supportive sigh, "Revisiting ground that's already been covered rarely brings up anything really juicy in my experience. You need to catch people unaware if you want to get to the bottom of stuff!"
"From the hunching of your shoulders I'm going to hazard a guess that Clark forgot to write his article again." Pete ventured with a mischievous smile.
"Like that was a hard guess." Chloe muttered, poking at her keyboard a bit harder than necessary.
Clark sighed, "I said I was sorry."
Pete glanced over, noticing something, "Wow. We really got a voluntary student submission?" He said, taking a couple sheets of paper out of the wire mesh basket just inside the door. "Usually you have to practically beat articles out of people!"
Chloe's eyes went wide, "Really? Let me see that!"
Pete hurried over, handing it to her.
She snatched it from his hand the minute it was within reach. "Decent formatting, good length." She said, flipping up the first page and noting that it had filled almost the entire second sheet as well, "Heck, I might even get to drop the lunch menu font down below thirty for the first time this year!"
"See?" Clark said with a little smile, patting her shoulder briefly, "I knew you'd find something. I gotta get going. I have chores to do. See ya!" He said, hitching up his backpack a bit, then walking out.
Chloe just muttered a vague goodbye, absorbed in reading the new submission. Pete leaned in to read it as well.
- 0 -
Alienation
by Anonymous
I know submitting this anonymously will be viewed by some as cowardly... and perhaps I am a coward about this particular subject. It's something no one seems to want to discuss, but it's something I've come to feel needs to be discussed. I've always felt different. Like an alien living on this planet, trying to integrate myself into human society and go unnoticed... but there are so many things that I just can't comprehend about what is considered 'normal' human behavior.
It goes beyond not understanding the more barbaric customs and rituals like bullying, hatred and bigotry. Females are one of the biggest mysteries to me. I know, it's not that unusual for a teenaged boy like myself to be baffled by members of the opposite sex, but I have honestly come to think of them as aliens as well... just not aliens from whatever planet I came from! Their thoughts, their feelings, the games they play... they are all so maddeningly incomprehensible!
Yes, I do most definitely like girls. I've even thought I might have loved one a time or two. Yes, many girls have told me that they find me attractive, so it's not a matter of lack of interest on their part. Still, no matter how hard I have tried to capture one of these elusive creatures for my own, it has never really worked out. Something always gets in the way. The few times my attempts weren't thwarted by their unfathomable moods or logic, something else always seemed to stop me. It just never felt right, no matter how hard I desperately wanted it to. Somehow things just never really clicked into place like they should. Sad, but also a predictable part of being a teenaged boy from what I've been told.
Now I'm getting to the part that threw me. The event that has gotten me completely mixed up in the head. I have this friend. Almost since I first met him I felt a kind of connection with him. In barely any time at all we bonded, becoming the best of friends. He is someone I trust, someone who is always there when I need him. He's not perfect, but he has a good heart and he has never let me down.
Not long ago, something very unexpected happened between us. I will admit that I was under the influence of a mind altering substance at the time (yet another reason why I'm keeping this anonymous!). We were just talking and suddenly I found myself kissing him. I've never found him (or any other male for that matter) sexually attractive before, but for some reason kissing him felt like the most natural thing in the world. Everything seemed to suddenly click in a way it never had with any of the girls I've kissed before. Though he'd never shown the slightest indication he felt anything like that about me before, he obviously felt something at the time as well. We did things together that day that I had never in my wildest dreams imagined doing with another male... and yet it was amazing! For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged right where I was... I finally felt in harmony with this world.
No, I'm not trying to advocate homosexuality, and no, it doesn't end there. Once I'd sobered up and fully realized what we'd done, at first I'll admit I was a bit horrified. I'd lost control of myself, liberated from my usual self restraint and worries of what was expected of me for just a moment, and this is what I chose to do? It shook the very foundation of my preconceived notions about myself and who I am. It wasn't that I've ever had anything against homosexuals, as homophobia is yet another mindset I simply cannot fathom. Still, I was raised as a typical red blooded American boy in the heartland. I was always taught you grew up, got a job or took over a family business, found yourself a girl and married her, had kids and lived happily ever after. One of the biggest fears that entered my head was how my parents would react if they ever found out. I'm just not sure they could ever understand. I'm not completely sure even I understand. No, I have not told them and I'm still hoping and praying that they never find out.
So, if you haven't stopped reading this yet, you might be wondering how I'm feeling about this now that the initial fear and panic has calmed a bit, other than still being afraid of people finding out of course. I've been doing a lot of thinking since it happened. While I still don't find other males enticing, I have to admit that thinking about my friend, even completely sober, still makes my mind go places I know it shouldn't. It's not males I'm attracted to... it's just him. I just can't make myself stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I try. I find it disconcerting in a way, and I definitely fear what this will do to our relationship, but I can't bring myself to regrete that it happened. I can't even deny that I want it to happen again. Not for reasons you're probably all assuming. Ok, yes, physically it felt amazing, but what I desire more than anything is to feel that intense emotional connection with a person I care deeply about once more.
I don't know if he feels the same. I haven't been able to face him since it happened. Perhaps he'll want nothing more to do with me... and while that would kill me, I could completely understand and would of course respect his wishes if that's how he feels. The fear that he'll reject me now is what's torn at me the most. I don't know if I could handle him disappearing from my life. I just can't imagine my life without him. That fear is what's kept me away from him. I'm going to talk to him. I am. I need to, whether it goes the way I hope or the way I fear. I just wanted to write this first, to share this struggle with you before it had a resolution one way or the other.
I have not come to any huge revelation about life or my sexuality. No, I am not in any way trying to 'come out', especially since, despite this event and my lingering feelings for my best friend, I honestly don't think I'm gay. I have no idea where I'm going from here, or even how things stand between me and my closest friend. So, if I don't have any answers to the millions of questions this brings up, why am I writing this article you might ask. I'm writing it because I strongly suspect I'm not the only one with questions like these plaguing them. I know the vast majority of people reading this will just blow me off or ridicule me openly. I really couldn't care less about those people. I'm writing this because of how I felt after this first happened. Like I was completely alone. Like no one would ever understand what I'd done. Like I'd finally proven myself so utterly alien that no human could ever accept me. At times I just wanted to run away and hide... but then I realized that I can't run away from myself.
My story may not have resolved itself yet, but I've finally come to terms with who I am. I'm not typical. I don't fit into the standard mold. I don't fully understand myself yet, and I don't really expect to any time soon. The one thing I do know is that no matter what happens, this is who I am... and I'm ok with that. I can't change it, and I'm not going to try to. This message is for those few people out there who know what I mean. It doesn't matter if what makes you feel different is your sexuality or something entirely unrelated. I'm speaking to the ones who feel like outsiders, and are afraid of other people discovering their secrets. I wrote this for the other aliens hiding in plain sight. I wanted you to know that you're not alone.
- 0 -
Chloe stared at the paper, her eyes getting a bit watery. She knew exactly who had written this. She'd known something had happened, that he'd been struggling... but this just broke her heart. She just wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be alright... but she wasn't sure it would be. She'd have to pay closer attention to him... because if this went badly, he was definitely going to need someone. He'd just never admit it.
Pete finished reading and straightened up. "You're not actually going to print that, are you?"
Chloe darted her eyes over to him, "Why wouldn't I?" She asked in surprise.
"It's just a bit... I dunno... gay?" He said hesitantly.
"And?" She replied, "What are you? A homophobe?"
"No!" He shot back immediately, "It's just..." He shifted from one foot to the other, obviously uneasy with the subject, but not sure exactly how to phrase it, "It's hard enough getting any respect for this paper when it's meteor freaks and two headed dogs or whatever that we're writing about."
"First point," Chloe said, holding up a finger, "I have never written a story about a two headed dog. It was a cat. Second of all, it's called freedom of speech, Pete. Get it, or get out! This is a legitimate submission by one of our fellow students, and I'm not about to be the one to censor him just because he is expressing some ambiguous sexuality. It's a human interest story. Well, actually an alien interest story I guess, but around here that's pretty much the same thing, isn't it?" She said with a little grin, "I mean come on! It's reasonably well written, it doesn't contain any curse words or descriptions of a graphic nature, so the principle would have no legitimate reason to complain. I think it's a perfectly acceptable submission, and I'm printing it! Heck, with as tame as the other stories are for this issue, I might even make it front page!"
"Are you serious?" Pete asked dubiously.
"OH!" Chloe exclaimed suddenly, "I need to see if I can catch that girl from my art class before she leaves! I bet she could make me an awesome graphic to go along with this!" She said excitedly, hopping up and dashing out.
- 0 – 0 – 0 -
Clark looked up at the castle. His parents thought he was studying in his loft. He'd forced himself to go in the house and have dinner with them (that was just as quiet and tense as breakfast had been!), and with luck his mother wouldn't try to check on him. It had been hard finding the courage to come here... but at the same time, it'd been even harder just waiting to be able to sneak out without them noticing. Still... the castle looked even more imposing in the gathering darkness. Many of the windows were lit up, though, so hopefully Lex was home. There were a number of cars parked out front, but Lex owned so many cars and switched between them so often that it didn't necessarily mean he was there.
He went up to the door. He thought about knocking... even lifted his hand, fist ready... but then he imagined a servant answering. What exactly would he say to them? That he wanted to talk to Lex? Ok... lame, but truthful... but what if they said no? What if they said Lex didn't want to see him? He didn't think he could just push past them in good conscience, but he had to talk to Lex!
Well, he'd just remove the middle man from the equation. If Lex wanted him to leave, he could tell him that straight to his face. Clark at least wanted a chance to say... well, whatever came to mind, because to be honest he still hadn't figured out what to say. He'd hoped the words would come to him when the moment arrived.
He braced himself before he could lose his nerve, opening the door and slipping in. Well, the servants were certainly all there tonight! He had to dodge five people before he made it to Lex's office. He slipped in, but found it empty. He was about to slip back out when he heard someone coming. He waited, listening at the door so he'd know when they were past.
"Did you make sure the scotch is in the sitting room? Mr. Luthor wants that for the night cap, and desert is already being served." He man walking down the hallway was saying.
There was an electronic sounding click. "Yes, sir." A feminine voice replied, sounding as if it was coming from a walkie-talkie.
"Make sure everything is ready." The man said, almost to the door, "I'm getting the papers he needs from his office."
Clark saw the doorknob start to turn.
The man walked in and crossed the darkened office towards the desk. He spun around and looked behind him, but the room was empty save for him. "Could have sworn I saw something." he muttered to himself, still glancing around nervously as he grabbed up the folder off the desk. "Man, this place is creepy at night." He said, shaking his head and going back to his duties.
- 0 – 0 – 0 -
Clark made his way towards the dining room. If Lex was having dessert, he was most likely there. He had to dodge several more servants along the way. There certainly were a lot of them tonight! He couldn't remember seeing so many here all at once. Usually it was just a couple here and there, especially in the evening. He pulled his attention back ahead of him as he walked into the dinning room... then froze in his tracks.
Lex was there... but so where half a dozen other people! They were standing around one of the side tables, just chatting as they selected their desserts while several maids cleared the dinner plates from the table. The tall, middle aged man talking to Lex spotted Clark standing there.
"Is this a late comer?" He asked with a smile.
Lex turned, spotting Clark. Surprise flickered ever so briefly over his face, then he forced a smile. "No... that would be Clark Kent. He's a local resident and a good friend of mine. I don't believe I told him about our dinner tonight, and he's gotten into a bit of a habit of letting himself in."
"Well, join us, Mr. Kent." The man said magnanimously, waving him over, "Any friend of Lex's is welcome."
"Oh... um... thank you, but I just stopped by to talk to Lex." Clark replied, blushing brightly as he noted that all eyes in the room were now on him, "I'll come back some other time. Sorry for the interruption." Clark said quickly, backing towards the door.
"Oh go on, Lex." The somewhat plump woman on the other side of Lex said, waving him on, "We've got this wonderful pie to keep us busy. We probably won't even notice you're gone!" She said with a little friendly snort of laughter.
"Indeed." The tall man agreed, "One should always make time for his friends."
Lex glanced at the others to make sure no one had any objections, then smiled and bowed his head, "Thank you. I will be back before you finish your pie." He assured them before walking briskly over towards Clark.
Clark thought he'd die of embarrassment. He turned and followed Lex as he walked past him. Lex walked in silence until they were in his office. He flicked on the lights and closed the door behind them, then turned and gazed at him silently, just waiting for Clark to speak.
"I am so sorry! I had no idea you had guests!" Clark said in chagrin.
"Calling ahead... or knocking might have been good." Lex noted.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was just afraid you wouldn't see me if you knew I was coming." His eyes dropped to Lex's left sleeve, trying to spot the bandage Chloe had seen. Shouldn't he have it in a cast? "Are you alright?" He asked softly.
"I'm just fine, Clark. It was just a few bruises. They're all but gone already. By tomorrow you probably won't even be able to tell anything happened.
"You can't be fine." Clark insisted, "I cracked your ribs. I broke your wrist!"
"My bones are just fine, Clark. Nothing is broken. Linda just has a tendency to overreact."
Clark reached out and took Lex's left hand. Lex just let him. Clark pushed back the sleeve, but the wrist wasn't wrapped anymore... it had nothing except a bit of the slight yellow tinge of a fading bruise. He switched to x-ray vision, but the wrist bones were somehow whole once more. He shifted his gaze up, but his ribs were likewise solid and unbroken. He looked back at the wrist, looking closer at one of the bones he knew he'd seen broken. There was a slightly less dense line along it... obviously newly mended bone... but how the Hell could it have mended so quickly? It normally took weeks for even light breaks to mend, didn't it? "But... but you were hurt! You couldn't even stay conscious and just moving caused you pain!"
"It's called exhaustion, Clark. Most people would have a hard time retaining consciousness after a good five hours of rather vigorous activity. You just happen to be a teenager who obviously has a great deal more stamina than I do. As for my being in pain, I admittedly had to have my chiropractor over for an adjustment, but that's not that unusual, all things considered. As you can see, the bruising is almost gone as well. I bruise easily, but they fade fast. Believe me, that was far from the worst I've gotten in the bedroom. If you didn't notice, I have a rather high threshold for pain, and I tend to like it kind of rough. Well, when I'm with men anyway." Lex said as he pulled the hand out of Clark's grasp. "Now I'd appreciate it if you'd just say whatever it is you came to say, Clark. I really don't have time for drawn out apologies right now."
Clark couldn't meet his gaze. He was greatly relieved (and puzzled) by the fact that Lex did, indeed, appear to be fine... but that still didn't make this much easier. He wandered over to the desk, then turned back and leaned against it, folding his arms across his chest nervously. "I... well, I didn't exactly have a speech planned out or anything. I just wanted to talk to you about what happened." He said.
"It's alright." Lex said evenly, "Your father explained things. Didn't he give you my message?"
Clark let out a frustrated sigh. "My father doesn't even know what happened! He 'explained things' without having a clue what he was talking about! He tends to do that sometimes if you hadn't noticed."
Lex folded his arms over his chest as well, slowly walking over to Clark. He came to a stop less than a pace away from him. "Alright." He said evenly, "Then explain it to me."
"I... I'm not sure where to begin..." Clark said, his confidence in the wisdom of coming here faltering and fading a bit more with every passing moment.
Lex gave a little nod. "Ok." He said, "Then why don't you start by explaining to me what red meteor rock does to you?"
Clark's eyes grew round. "Red meteor rock?" He asked in shock. His dad never would have told Lex about that!
"Your father came here, obviously having no clue what was going on. He saw that bracelet, rubbed his finger over the chip of red meteor rock inlayed in it and suddenly he knew exactly what happened. Or at least he thought he did. He said you had an allergic reaction, the same as when you wanted me to run off with you to Metropolis... which just so happened to be at about the precise time that you got your Smallville High class ring. A ring that your good friend Miss Sullivan reported contained red meteor rock instead of rubies. I'm not an idiot, Clark. I can manage to put two and two together."
Clark dropped his eyes.
"Why are you and your father so afraid of me finding out what you're 'allergic' to?" Lex asked, giving him a penetrating stare.
Clark sighed. "It's not you we're afraid will find out. It's anyone. The radiation that rock gives off has such a profound effect on me... it makes me dangerous. I lose all inhibitions and conscience. Only one person outside of my family has ever found out about it, and he used that knowledge against me once already. He was a bit out of it himself at the time..."
"So why does Pete stabbing you in the back mean you can't trust me?"
"I never said it was Pete!" Clark said quickly.
Lex rolled his eyes. "The only other time I've ever heard of you having such a radical personality change was when Pete and Chloe were affected by the parasites from the cave. You didn't have a parasite, yet you were acting much the same as they were for a time. Unless of course the reports of you making out quite passionately with Chloe in the middle of the Talon were mistaken. They were both 'a bit out of it' at the time, but you referred to the one who used it against you as male, therefore that would leave Pete. Simple deductive reasoning, Clark. Why can't you just trust me? I'm not Pete."
"I don't blame Pete! He was a out of his head at the time. He never would have done that otherwise. My point is, that incident proved that letting anyone know, even if I trust them completely, is a risk I can't afford to take. You have no idea how dangerous I am when I lose control! I could have killed someone!"
"You were affected by it Sunday." Lex pointed out. "You never got violent."
"That was only a tiny piece. It didn't have full affect. Even still, it might not have gone as well if you'd have put up any real struggle." Clark said, shame coloring his cheeks.
Lex stared at him for a long moment, gazing deeply into his eyes. "You would never have raped me, Clark." Lex said evenly, "I don't care what you were under the influence of, that is simply not in you."
"I wish I could believe that." Clark replied softly.
The silence drew out for a minute before Lex broke it.
"What does pink do to you?" Lex asked evenly.
Clark looked up at him in surprise.
"Red affects you," Lex said, watching his face closely, "And I've long suspected green does as well, though that seems to be some kind of physical pain reaction." He watched Clark's eyes for a moment, "I'm close on that one, I see. That makes me very curious about your interest in that necklace I bought you... but that's not my concern at the moment. That bracelet only had a speck of red... but it had a rather large piece of a pink meteor crystal in it. Be honest with me for once, Clark. Tell me what pink does."
Clark fixed his eyes on the floor. "That was the first time I'd ever encountered that kind." He said softly. "I got a crystal of it the other day, and I tried to use it to work out what it does to me... but I'm not actually a hundred percent sure I understand exactly what it does."
"So the final results aren't in yet... I'll settle for the preliminary findings." Lex said evenly.
"Well..." Clark said, trying to figure out how to phrase it, "You know how you usually have these kind of blinders on that let you notice the girls... but not really the guys? Oh... um... maybe you don't..." Clark said, blushing ever brighter, "I just... I mean how your brain focuses on what you're attracted to, and just kind of glazes over what you aren't. I've always liked girls... and when I see an attractive girl I notice them, but there could be the most gorgeous guy in the world standing in front of me and I wouldn't even give him a second glance..."
"I am well aware of the concept of sexual preference, Clark." Lex said in a slightly exasperated tone, "Get on to the effects." He said, though from his tone he'd probably already had a pretty good idea.
"Well... the pink kind of takes away the blinders. It makes me forget about gender and the fact that I'm only supposed to be attracted to girls." Clark said, feeling rather mortified by the admission.
"So... pink makes you gay." Lex summarized.
"No! I still like girls! I just... I like guys, too..." He said, finishing rather softly.
Lex nodded, "So by putting on that bracelet you suddenly became bisexual and uninhibited... and I just happened to be the one around when you got 'in the mood'."
"No!" Clark replied immediately. "It wasn't just some random fling! I care about you! More than you'll ever know! If you were a girl I would have wanted you from the start! All that bracelet did was let me see past your gender and realize that... and make me uninhibited enough to do something about it."
"Yes..." Lex said, his face still impassive. "But, I'm not a girl, now am I? So we should just forget it ever happened."
"No, you're not a girl. I know that. But that doesn't mean we need to try to forget about it. You weren't affected by it... but you let me make love to you. You wanted it. Don't try to tell me you didn't!"
Lex's eyes flicked away, fixing to the side of Clark. "We didn't 'make love', Clark. We had sex." He said evenly, "You're an attractive boy with a big dick, and I'll admit I enjoyed what you did with it. That doesn't require an emotional commitment. I'm quite used to meaningless sex by now. Don't worry about it hurting me that you don't want me anymore. Like I said, I'll be just fine."
"I never said I didn't want you anymore!"
Lex sighed in exasperation, then suddenly moved forward and seized the hair on the back of Clark's head. Before Clark knew what was happening, he found Lex's lips on his. He quickly shook off his surprise and kissed him back, careful not to hurt him. Why hadn't he found where his mother had put that necklace before he came here? He was sorely missing it right about now!
After a moment Lex broke the kiss and moved his head back. He stared at Clark for a moment, then released his hair and went around his desk without a word. He pulled open a drawer, then closed it and came back around the desk, resuming his position before Clark.
Clark looked down as he felt the cool of the silver bracelet being slipped onto his wrist. He quickly shut his eyes as a little shudder went through him, the power of the meteor rocks racing through his body.
"Open your eyes." Lex commanded.
Clark opened his eyes, gazing longingly at Lex as the man's proximity fully registered. He could smell the heady cologne that clung to Lex, feel the slight hint of his body heat he was so close.
Lex gazed intently at him. Clark's pupils had doubled in size, his skin had gotten flush and his breathing was increasing as well.
Clark's gaze dropped from those amazing eyes to Lex's lips. Clark shifted forward, claiming them. His arms wrapped around Lex, pulling him up against him roughly. God how he wanted him! Wild fantasies danced through his head of bending Lex over the desk and taking him fast and hard... or laying him out on that pool table and taking him nice and slow. Or maybe he'd just take him up to Lex's bedroom and see if his bed would stand up to a whole night of the rough fucking Lex claimed to enjoy. There was some worry in his mind even now of hurting Lex... but he'd been dreaming of getting back inside him since Sunday... Lex seemed to heal up pretty fast... and if it started getting too out of hand he could always zip home and find that necklace so there shouldn't be much danger of permanent damage...
He reached down, rubbing Lex through his tailored pants. He felt Lex's hand slip down his arm... then he felt the bracelet pulled off of his wrist.
As soon as he lost contact with the evil little red stone, his kisses slowed, then he pulled away entirely, horrified by how close he'd come to almost certainly doing serious damage to Lex. How could he have even thought about having sex with him at full strength? It was a miracle he hadn't hurt Chloe. If he'd put his hands on her it would have gone very differently, of that he was certain... and he knew for a fact that he'd never be able to keep his hands off Lex! Just because Lex could probably heal from it didn't make hurting him ok!
"That's what I thought." Lex said softly, stroking his hand down Clark's cheek one last time before pulling away from him. "Go home, Clark."
"Wait!" Clark said quickly. "That doesn't mean I don't want you! I'm just afraid of hurting you! The bracelet just makes me kind of forget about that part."
"You're my friend, Clark, and one I value a great deal. I would much rather keep you as my friend than have an imaginary relationship with this damn bracelet!" He said, tossing the bracelet in the waste basket. "So please, stop trying to protect me from some emotional pain that you apparently imagine this is causing me. I'm fine. Just go home. I have guests to attend to."
"Lex!" Clark called after him, but the man didn't pause as he left the room. Clark just stared after him, not sure what he could possibly say or do to make Lex understand. Lex didn't know about his strength or other powers. He obviously had no clue what kind of a danger Clark could pose to him, so he didn't understand Clark's caution. He obviously thought Clark's reluctance was because he had no real desire for him, that Clark was pretending to want him just because he thought that's what Lex wanted. How could Clark explain it to him without revealing everything about himself? Did he dare do that?
He followed hesitantly after Lex, hoping to catch him before he got back to the dinning room. He wasn't sure what he could possibly say at this point, but it didn't matter. Lex was already crossing the dining room. Clark stopped just out of view, leaning back against the wall, not sure what he could do. He didn't want to leave it like this... but he certainly didn't want to interrupt Lex's dinner again. Those people looked important!
"Forgive me for the interruption." Lex said as he rejoined the group. "Just a minor crisis."
"Nothing too bad, I hope?" The tall man asked with mild concern.
Lex just smiled and shook his head. "He's just a little upset about a brief romantic situation that just ended. You know how the love lives of teenagers are these days."
"Ahhh..." The man said understandingly. "I do hope he'll be alright."
"I'm sure he'll be fine. At his age, today's emotional catastrophe is often forgotten by next week." Lex replied reassuringly. "Sometimes they just have to have someone assure them that they'll survive."
The man nodded, "I do hope so. He looks to be a good lad."
"Oh, he is." Lex agreed without hesitation, "He even saved my life. That's how we first met as a matter of fact. Perhaps you've heard about that car accident I had on the bridge shortly after I first arrived in Smallville. Clark is the one who jumped into the water and pulled me out of my car. My heart had stopped. He breathed life back into me. That's not the kind of thing you forget. It wasn't just a fluke, either. He's risked his life to protect me on more than one occasion since, as well. In fact, just this last Sunday he stopped an inebriated man from smashing a bottle over my head. He got a pretty nasty cut in the process, too. He never seems to think about himself. He'd do just about anything to keep his friends from being hurt in any way, even if he has to sacrifice his own happiness and well being to do it. That's just who he is. He's the purest soul I've ever met... and the best friend I've ever had."
"He sounds like an amazing young man." The man said, clapping Lex on the shoulder. "They say a man is judged by the company he keeps. That's one friend I would hold onto if I were you."
"I intend to." Lex said earnestly.
Clark peeked around the corner. Lex was standing so that he was facing the doorway where Clark hid. Lex's eyes flicked over to him before going back to the man he was speaking to. It was obvious he'd known Clark was there, listening.
"Well," Lex said, obviously ready for a subject change, "If we can come to an agreement about those permits, I believe the new expansion to the plant will open up a number of new potential markets for us, not to mention create at least two hundred and fifty to possibly three hundred new jobs, and of course we'd be paying a considerable bit more in taxes, which would give you revenue to help fund those community improvement projects you've been trying to get done. I imagine that would make winning your next election a bit easier."
"That it would." the man replied with a chuckle, "My question to you would be if your father is going to allow such a thing? I suspect one or two of my employees are reporting to him already. He seems rather set against letting you succeed for some reason."
Lex sighed, "Yes, well my relationship with my father is complicated. He doesn't want me to succeed unless I can outmaneuver him. I think it's his strange way of trying to challenge me and make sure I have to really earn anything I accomplish. Still, I have identified his moles, so as long as we keep those people from finding out before the paperwork goes through there will be nothing he can do to stop it. I do have a plan to keep him distracted. He's been trying to get me to go away with him on a little 'family vacation' for a while now. A business associate of his has a daughter he's been trying to match me up with. I called him yesterday and agreed to the trip. I'm leaving tomorrow morning, so we'll be on a beach somewhere tropical by the time the paperwork gets filed. Who knows, maybe I'll even give the daughter a try. She's well connected and attractive, not to mention we used to be pretty good friends when we were children. Our families used to vacation together back before my mother died. If she's anything like she was back then she might actually be a good match for me. Maybe my father's right. Maybe it's time for me to settle down and get married."
The man chuckled. "Every man reaches this point sooner or later." He said, giving Lex another friendly pat on the shoulder, "Maybe having a woman in your life would do you good."
Lex glanced over, meeting Clark's eyes once more. "I think it would." He agreed.
"Did I ever tell you about my first wife?" The man asked.
Clark slipped away as the group drifted off towards the sitting room. God, why did his chest hurt so much? Lex was right. It probably would be best if Lex found himself a woman and settled down. What kind of a future was there for them, after all? Lex was too powerful and influential to be in a relationship with a sixteen year old boy. Maybe it was best that he didn't understand how Clark felt about him now. He was still his friend, and that's more than he could have really hoped for after what he'd done. He should just be happy with that.
He stepped out into the darkness, then started slowly walking home, hugging himself as tears slipped silently down his cheeks.
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A/N – hope you enjoyed it. BTW, I may have lied. I said it would only be six parts, but the last part is almost chapter length already and there are still several sections that need fleshed out, so I may have to split it, making the total come up to seven. Oh well. Seven is my lucky number anyway.
Well, once again I find myself imploring you to review if you liked this. Motivation is so hard to come by without positive reinforcement. Please help me cheer up my muse. I don't want to leave poor Clark out walking around in the dark crying forever!