Chapter 4
As expected the last month of classes was very interesting. The first week we talked about reading the signals of and pleasing your partner, all the males had ideas on the best way to give a woman oral sex. It was a lively discussion until Jane walked down to the board drew a picture of a woman's vagina and then proceeded to tell all of them how to do it correctly while the women clapped and encouraged her. The second week dealt with same sex relationships and the general consensus was that women were more open to experimenting with the same sex than men. Every woman in class admitted to being with the same sex at least once, including Isabella which shocked me, while only three of the men did. We also discussed religion and the guilt parents use to keep kids from having sex. The responses were all over the place, from the preacher's daughter who was now a campus slut to the son of the town whore who was scared to touch himself let alone have sex. Most of the class ran in middle, it is college have fun, enjoy yourself, it's just sex after all. During the middle of the discussion a soft voice that had never spoken before ask. "But will you feel that way when you meet the person you want to marry, the person you love. Will it just be sex then or will it be different from the dozens of other people you have done the same thing with? How do explain that it is special with them but was not with the others? And will you believe them when they say it is different with you?" The discussion continued but not as lively, people were starting to actually think about what she had said and think about some of their actions. The last week was spent on how right or wrong it was to use sex as a weapon or punishment. While most of the class felt it was wrong they admitted to having it done to them and doing it to their own partners. With finals, Christmas and the end of the semester there were only three weeks of classes this month.
I was actually looking forward to reading most of their final journals. A few students were still shallow in their writings but most were attempting to dig deeper. While the past month had not been the most lively discussion wise I think it had probably been the most honest. I hoped their writing reflected that. I had longer to read them this time, they wouldn't pick them up until the final and that was almost two weeks away, due to being one of the last finals given.
Throughout the month I continued to run into Isabella around town and on campus she was always friendly but shy. I would watch her as long as I could in these instances and the more I watched the more I was sure she was a natural submissive. I wanted her to be my submissive, for starters. Two weeks ago I was shocked when I walked into La Dominante and she was tending bar. Granted I didn't come to the club that often now but I definitely would have remembered her. I went in search of Alastair before she spotted me to find out when she started working here.
Alastair owned La Dominante, a high end BDSM club, was a Dom and we had known each other for close to ten years. I wondered why he hadn't mentioned her to me, but then she wasn't my usual type either. Once I located him we caught up first before I started asking about Isabella.
"I see you hired a new bartender Alastair. How is she working out?"
"I don't have a new bartender Edward, who are you talking about?"
"The brunette behind the bar, Ms. Swan, she is in one of my classes. I haven't seen her here before."
"It has been longer than I thought since you have been here." He said with a chuckle. "She has been here for over a year Edward. Actually she has been training the staff at my new club downtown, Eclipse, for the last few months but asked to come back here for finals week so she didn't have to put up with the frat boy assholes as she calls them."
"I've been in at least once a month except for the last few months. How is it I never saw her?" He chuckled again.
"I don't know she has been here. She normally works during the week may be that is why you have missed her. When she does work weekends she handles the VIP bar and the waitresses. Besides you haven't been looking for a sub and she doesn't do random play like the others."
"That still doesn't explain why I never noticed her. I mean she is beautiful." Alastair cocked his head and just looked at me for several minutes. I was starting to fidget.
"Shit Edward you like her don't you?" Now he was laughing at me and I felt myself blush. Fucking hell when did I start blushing?
"I was just surprised to see her here is all." I said lamely.
"Sure, keep your secrets then. So you don't want to know anything about her?" We stared at each other to see who would crack first. "Fine" he said. "She is in the process of getting her graduate degree and not as new to the lifestyle as you may think. I know she has had two Dom's, one died and the other...the other." He paused and I looked at him to continue. "The other ended close to a year ago and not in a good way. She had been his sub for about seven months I think, he wanted to change their agreement to more of a 24/7, and she didn't because of her studies and other reasons. He flipped out during their last scene and she had to be hospitalized, he is serving jail time for assault. She is just starting to look for a Dom again and having a hard time of it because she won't have sex during a test scene." My mouth dropped open.
"How does she get away with that?" I asked.
"It is one of her stipulations right off the bat. No sex, even oral for the first three scenes and they have to be here at the club. She does reserve the right to change her mind but she makes sure a temporary contract is in place stating if she doesn't say she wants to change the rules and something happens then it is non-consensual and charges will be filed. She has the scenes video taped to ensure the rules are adhered to and she keeps the tapes, no one else ever sees them. She has been approached several times and the Dom's always have a fit about the no sex thing, the contract and the videotaping. A few have changed their minds and when they approached her again she said no. She has done two scenes with different Dom's, one she said no to immediately after the scene and the other is waiting to see if she will do the second scene with him or not."
"Who are the Dom's?" I didn't know if he would tell or not but since they happened at the club I lost nothing by asking and I had to know who else wanted her, if they would prove to be competition or not.
"James Hunter was her last Dom, Riley Skinner is the Dom she told no thanks after one scene and Jacob Black is the Dom that is waiting for her answer on a second scene. She actually has good instincts. She refused Riley because she told me he seemed like a sadist and would only enjoy the pain and he didn't seem to notice what was happening with her at all. She refuses to wear a blindfold so she see can watch the reaction of the Dom's."
"And Jacob?" I prompted.
"She said things were fine but he seemed less experienced and unsure of himself, given the choice she would like someone between 28-35, experienced and I quote 'It would be nice if he thought with the brain between his shoulders every now and then too.' She isn't looking for an idiot or a sex fiend." She did have good instincts if she picked up on that from one scene with each of them and she was spot on with Riley. Then I thought about her last Dom.
"James Hunter, I always thought he was a good Dom. I haven't heard of him having problems with anyone." I questioned Alastair.
"To my knowledge he didn't. I only know the few details Bella has offered to me. Before their last scene he asked to move their arrangement to a 24/7 and she said no, that it wasn't a good time for her to do that. He reacted badly to her denial even though she wasn't ending things the scene got out of hand she said red several times before he stopped and she was injured. The only other thing I know is he willingly pled guilty to assault charges and has another 6 months to serve in his sentence. If you want to know more you will have to ask her."
The question now became how do I get her to do a scene with me? As I looked towards the bar I noticed her looking at us before she turned to help someone. "Do you have a copy of her rules for the test scenes I can look over?" I asked him.
"Sure but you will have to actually ask her about doing the scene." I nodded my head that I understood as he went to get the contract for me.
The last day of class arrived and I answered questions they had about the final or any question in general as long as it wasn't personal. Wished them luck on the final at the end of next week, collected their journals and left wondering if I would see Isabella after the final. When I arrived home I immediately searched for journal 57 and sat down to read the first entry.
Do people really believe the only way to tell what someone likes is to ask them? In my opinion that takes self absorption to a new level. If nothing else you should be able to tell if their breathing increases or if they make noises, come on people. Do they arch up into your touch or get goose bumps when you lick your way down their chest? Do his hips buck when you play with his happy trail? Can you get him so worked up that he snaps and takes you hard and fast because he might go crazy if he isn't inside you? It is all about reading the signs and knowing what they mean.
Don't they want someone to know them that way? He was able to read me like a book and bring me out of my shell. He would touch, lick, nip and bite me in all the right places until I wanted to do nothing more than fuck him in that moment and not care who heard or saw. It didn't happen often but when he wanted it to he could make it happen because he knew me well enough to break down all my walls and fears.
I saw him again at the club I work at, the man, still nothing. But I now realize that even if he doesn't notice me, as I wish he would, he has helped me to move on and see that I need to try again. I will be even more cautious this time but it is time to try. Not that I haven't been trying but it is time to be more open in my attempts. I wish I could thank him for showing me that but in my community it would be in very poor taste to approach him first and I would never want to make him uncomfortable.
Did she write this before doing her scenes? Or did she do them but her heart wasn't in it and now she would be more open to an actual arrangement? If it is the second that could create problems for me, I do not want her doing the second scene with Black and deciding to try again with him. Jacob was a good Dom and a nice guy, he would be good to her but I wanted her. I wanted her for me not Black. I crossed my fingers and prayed she didn't make a decision for a few more weeks. I wish I knew for sure if I was the him she keeps mentioning. After she is out of my class I will man up and talk to her about everything. A cop out yes but the best I could do until she was no longer my student.
Throughout the entire class you have been very in tune with yourself and others, more so than any one else. It is good to be able to pick up on the signs a partner gives off, it shows that you care about them and maybe that is what is missing from the relationships others mentioned in class. While I am sure the man would want to know he has helped you to be more open be careful and do not make hasty decisions. As I stated before maybe he has a reason for not acknowledging you yet.
That was the most I could say without saying I wanted her to wait for me. I hoped it was enough. I sat Isabella's journal aside and read a few others. Some students made more of an effort as the semester went by and some stayed with the status quo and I read entries of boring, in my opinion, sexual encounters. With all the students cramming for finals I hadn't seen Isabella for a few days like I normally do so I once again picked up her journal and tried to put together a few more pieces of the puzzle.
Why are men so squeamish about being with another man but love the idea of watching two women together? I mean who instinctively knows how to give a hand job or blow job better than a man. Yes a woman can teach a man how to touch her but another woman just knows what is good because it is also good for them. I understand if a man doesn't want penetrative sex with another man, a lot of women won't do anal either but open yourself up to the possibilities of other things. Explore a little. For as much as the guys say 'live a little, its college, experiment, have fun'. I notice this is one area they don't want to experience.
Most women at one time or another have experimented with another woman and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Experimenting does not mean you are a lesbian. I have been with one woman once but I love cock too much to be a lesbian. Believe it or not, for as possessive as he was, he asked me to do it. I could teach him how to touch me and he could experiment on his own but he swore he learned more about me from that one encounter than ever before. He paid close attention to how we touched each other and used his knowledge to drive me crazy. It wasn't lost on me that he refused to be with a man so I could learn the same things. He called it the luxury of being the D.
Dildos and vibrators can get me through but nothing replaces an actual warm blooded cock moving in and out of me. That is one of the reasons I have not accepted the offers of the Domme's that want to scene with me. I love a Dom that can 'manhandle' me and having a Domme unable to do that would not be satisfying for me for very long. I know this about myself.
I also have a few Dom's wanting to scene with me. Most won't accept my conditions. I need a Dom but I don't want to have sex with several people to find one. Even as a sub if you pay close attention to things it is easy to pick up on the signals of the ones that can turn sadistic on you. I should probably clarify that by saying it is easy once you know what to look for and I do. I did a scene with one Dom who enjoyed pain for pains sake and since I am not a pain slut he is out. There was another but I am not sure he is...dedicated enough yet or not. He seems to be searching for something and I do not think I can give him that. Time will tell.
I am working up the courage to tell the man thank you, the one that doesn't see me. He may not understand it but he helped to bring me back to a place I can start to be happy again. I deserve happiness again, I finally believe that and I have the man to thank for it.
Was she talking about Riley and Jacob? From what I knew of the situation she could be. Was there some way to get my point across that if it is me she is talking about she just needs to wait until she is no longer my student but how to do that when she won't get my message until after classes end is my dilemma. I hated the wait and see game but I would have to play it. At this point I didn't have a choice. I was happy to see she is questioning Jacob's motives. Maybe that will buy me the time I need until the end of the semester.
Most men are worried about the social stigma associated with being intimate with another man especially if it is just experimentation. At this age few men have the confidence in their sexuality needed to admit to things of that nature. As far as your search for a Dom, be careful and take your time. If he recognizes your worth he will have no problem with your conditions. Hold out for the one you want. I think the man does see you but is not in a position to do anything about it yet. Wait for him, if you can.
That was the best I could do for now and I hoped she would understand I was talking about myself. I sat her journal aside and cringed when I realized the next one I picked up was Ms. Denali's. She was no longer hiding the fact that it was me she talked about. I was fed up with her and my last entry in her journal told her flat out that it would never happen. I was not expecting her to be happy about it.
I dreamt of Isabella that night. It was as if I watching the scene from afar instead of being in the middle of it as I always was. When the scene was over and they were leaving the club is when it hit me. I was watching it from afar, the Dom leaving with her was Jacob Black. I woke in a cold sweat, angry and also hurt that I lost my chance with her. I couldn't allow that to happen. I went back to sleep but it was not restful. I finally got out of bed at 7 and went directly to Isabella's journal, if she had already done the second scene with Jacob I was sure it would be in there.
I was surprised at the majority of the people that said they didn't use sex as a weapon or punishment and then proceeded to give examples of how they did just that. Not giving your boyfriend any because he pissed you off - punishment. Hooking up with an old girlfriend and fucking her just so she can see what she is missing and because she fucked one of your frat brothers - weapon. Are they really that stupid? Yes - I think they are. I almost laughed out loud at their expressions when the guy down front talked about not letting his girlfriend cum as a punishment - priceless. An effective punishment it is too - I know. I would rather take my spanking then be kept on the edge like that. Yes it is definitely an effective punishment.
Sex can be used as weapon and punishment at the same time. My last Dom, he wanted more and I couldn't give it to him. We had a twice a month weekend arrangement and he wanted a 24/7, I just couldn't do it. I didn't have those kinds of feelings from him and I can't do just sex 24/7. I knew he was becoming attached but never expected his reaction when I said no. That last scene was definitely a weapon - to hurt me figuratively, and a punishment for saying no. I was hurt physically and that is what has kept me for trying again, until now.
This is my last journal and I want to say how much I have enjoyed this class. It has been insightful, amusing and in an odd way cathartic for me. I am ready to move ahead with my life and it is due in a large part to this journal. I forced myself to say a final goodbye to someone I loved very much and confront head on that some things in life can't be controlled or for seen. From here I go forward and hopefully find the one that can complete me.
I was disappointed with her last journal entry, it didn't tell me what I desperately wanted to know. One, did she do a second scene with Black and two, there wasn't a thank you in there. I was doubting if the man she wrote about was me. I read the rest of the journals before returning to Isabella's, I still needed to write my final notes in it.
Since this is the final journal I should tell you some things. Your journal is the one I looked forward to reading most. Your mind drew me in, the insight you have is nothing short of amazing and you are very good at reading people. Now let us see if I am as good at reading you.
The man he did notice you. No he didn't notice you in the past and I can't explain why. Maybe there were things that kept him distracted or maybe he just wasn't seeing clearly but he is now- thank god. He too has been searching for something more and hopes you will give him the chance to prove that to you. He knows of your conditions and is more than willingly to meet them - for you.
If I have read you as well as I think - La Dominante December 27 4pm in VIP room 2. I know they are closed but I also know the owner and he will be there. I prefer this to be more private for a test instead of when the club is open but I also want you to feel safe in the knowledge that another person is there. I hope you are there - Isabella.
It was a huge risk on my part leaving that final note but I felt sure in the end it would be worth it. My dreams of Isabella continued. In some she showed up in some she didn't and I found myself praying that she did. On the day of the final I was nervous as hell. I had my TA handout the final and I waited until the mid point of their test time before I entered the room with their journals. I stacked the journals then sat and pretended to read a book. As they came up I scanned their test briefly as I accepted them. When Isabella handed me her test I simply sat it down. I couldn't bring myself to look at it while she was in the room. She collected her journal, smiled at me and left. The second she was out of the room I grabbed her test and looked at the bottom. Thank you. I laughed at the two words written on the bottom and the remaining students looked at me like I was going crazy. I didn't care. Now I found myself praying she would show up on the 27th.
La Dominante is Italian for the dominant.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.
Thank you for reading and the reviews. I am glad you are enjoying the story.
One more chapter left and it will be posted before the 18th - it has to be for the contest.