My world changed the day I found out I was going to be a mother, I didn't know then what an amazing experience having him in my life would be. I had not ever wanted to have a child, it was a horrible world and it scared me to think of bringing an innocent life into this world, if I had known then the joy he would bring me I would not have believed it.
Joey was my joy; he was the best thing that had ever happened to me, my twins were born a year and a half later and I love them dearly but Joseph was my first born and has the most special place in my heart, he was the one who broke through my armour and taught me how to love and let people in, he became my best friend, my life.
Losing my son crushed me, I was at work when I got the call, my world came crashing down around me and I collapsed into a ball, I could not breath or speak nothing was getting through and I just could not comprehend what I had been told, it couldn't be true, my baby boy could not be gone, he could not be dead.
Time has passed and the pain has not lessened at all, every day I feel empty and alone, I feel broken. How am I supposed to go on? I can't seem to smile, not even for my twins although I try so hard to be their Mommy, I have to be their Mommy and be strong for them, no matter how hard it is and how much it hurts, they need me to love and support them, now more than ever.
"Mommy where Joey?" my two year old son asks me and the pain and sadness rushes to the forefront and it takes all that I have not to break down and sob, Lee doesn't understand that his brother is gone, he doesn't understand the meaning of death, he doesn't understand why Joey isn't in his bed next to his anymore, doesn't understand why his Mommy, Daddy and the other main adults in his life are crying and sad all the time.
How am I supposed to explain to my toddlers that their brother is gone and can't come back "oh Lee, Joey had to go away" I tell him, choking back tears, I had never loved anyone the way I loved my first born and I'm not sure I can go on without him.
"When he coming back Mommy?" I almost lost it right then and there; I just want to fall to the ground and sob until I can't cry anymore, how do I crush my son, how do I let him know that his brother that he loved can't ever come home, won't ever play with him again.
"Joey isn't coming back, he can't come back" as the words come out of my mouth the tears start to fall, I pick my son up and hold him tight as I sink to the floor and sob for my lost child, for the baby boy I carried in my womb, for the little boy I loved and cherished, for the son who had made my world worth living.
I hate myself for being so weak with my son right in front of me, he shouldn't have to see this but I can't help myself, my happiness is gone, my world is falling apart and I can't breathe, I can't think clearly, I know intellectually that he is gone but I still look around for him, I look everywhere for him but I can't find him and I feel like he died again.
I try to breathe again but I can't seem to get the air into my lungs, I just feel so lost, how as a mother am I supposed to go on without my son, without the precious boy who turned me into a Mommy, who taught me to open my heart and helped me to love Booth, Darcy and Parker. Joey gave me a family and now he's gone.
Where is he? Where is my baby boy?
A/N: Joey's death through Bones's point of view...I plan to write a few more through peoples points of view and then maybe life after Joey and how the family copes.