Wow, yeah, so... I was gone FOREVER. I've been busy, ya know! Spending almost two weeks in Vermont without my computer, a bunch of AP work for school as well as working 40 hours a week at my job means that I couldn't update. That and I had no idea what to write. Well, I hope no one hates me, and I have it now.
Disclaimer: i actually own most of this, but only most. Not all.
Chapter: Belle
It was an enormous relief to Belle to know that she had finally straightened everything out, her feelings and such. It was so different from what she had with Michael Lightwood; she didn't doubt that it was still love, but this was a different love. With Michael, she was thrilled to find herself falling in love, feeling new things, experiencing everything. Every little thing was new and exciting. With Jem, it wasn't as though new feelings were being created. It was like she had always felt these things, always loved him, and every moment was just being uncovered.
Like drawing with a stele, she thought. She had seen Shadowhunters scrawling their runes, and it was not like ink flowing from a pen. It was like the Mark was there the entire time, and the stele was just uncovering it.
She twirled in a lazy circle, closing her eyes and holding her arms out like a child, imagining that she could fly if she wished hard enough. I'm already flying, she swore, and indeed she felt like she walked on air. From the room across the hall she heard Jem moving around, though it sounded like he had knocked something over. Weird, he's usually so graceful. She heard a large thump and the sound of something shattering, followed by the unmistakable sound of coughing.
Her heart stopped. Ice flowed through her veins, her stomach clenched, and a tingling shiver ran down her spine. Just as she wrenched the door open, wild-eyed, she saw Jem's door shut with just a small creak and a flash of darkest hair. Will has it under control, she reminded herself forcefully. There's nothing you can do. Just stay here and try to get some sleep.
She tried, she really did. It was a valiant effort, but when the clock struck eleven and she was horribly awake, Belle knew it was not happening. She crawled out of bed and dressed hurriedly, trading her pajamas for jeans and a soft black sweater. I am in mourning.
Everyone was either in bed or out, because she met no resistance as she padded down the staircase and out the door, not hesitating for even a minute. The air was thick with moisture and smog; it was going to rain, and sure enough, she had barely turned the corner when the clouds opened up and released a torrential downpour. Great, just great. Though her destination was not far away, she got soaked to the bone, her hair hanging in a straight black curtain to her waist.
She reached the townhouse by the Thames and knocked. Magnus answered, looking surprisingly awake for almost midnight. "Save him," Belle choked out, the rain mixing with tears on her cheeks. Magnus asked no questions, just stepped to the side and let her in.
"Now," he asked when she was safely in front of the roaring fire, "what can I do for you?"
"Jem, it's Jem. I need you to help me, to save him, because I love him and I can't live without him." She didn't dissolve into sobs, though she wanted to. This was so much more important than her own emotional stability.
His face softened. "I've looked, love. I can't perform miracles."
"There has to be something you can do! There's never nothing!"
"I…" He bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. "I have a… theory. Nothing more, and it probably wouldn't work, but if you are willing to take the risk, we can try it."
She lunged toward him and grabbed his shirtfront. "I will do anything," she proclaimed. "I will do anything under Heaven."
"You don't believe in Heaven."
"But you do." Her eyes were beseeching him to tell her his idea. She looked so hopelessly broken that he folded.
"Sit," he ordered, and she obeyed. "I had an idea that we could fight fire with fire. That is, we could give him the poison from another Greater Demon, they might cancel each other out. But it's dangerous. He could die from an overdose of poison, or he might become addicted to the new poison, or nothing might happen. Of course, even procuring the poison would be difficult enough. It's not easy to convince a Greater Demon of anything, and the price would be incalculable. It gets worse. The only demon I think we could go to is the most powerful demon of them all."
"Nyx," Belle recalled softly. "The Greater Demon that controls the Shadows." The Shadowhunters were born out of a heavenly mandate to kill Nyx– that was why their ancestor, Jonathan Shadowhunter, was given his last name. He and his descendants were meant to hunt shadows, literally. "Do you think we have a chance of persuading it to help us?"
"Not for free, but I think we have a chance, however infinitesimal it is. Why did you come to me now? You always knew Jem was sick."
"He's worse. I can't lose him, Magnus. I have lost everything but you and Riley, and I can't lose him, too."
"He's a mortal," Magnus explained sadly. "You are immortal. You were always going to lose him."
"Not now," she whispered. "I will save him, and if I have to make a metaphorical deal with the Devil to do it, I will. Of course, by 'Devil' I mean Nyx, and by 'metaphorical' I mean get your coat." She stood up and shook her hair back, defiance and stubbornness written on every line of her face.
Magnus sighed. "What am I going to do with you?" He did, however, follow her to the door and step out. The rain had left as quickly as it had arrived, leaving the air crisp and clear. He scoped the area and decided they needed a quiet, private, dark place, the more shadows the better. He dragged Belle down to some of the more abandoned alleys of London.
"You're taking this very calmly, you know," he stated. "I told you I think I found the cure to your true love's addiction by overdosing him with poison, and we're on our way to get it by persuading a Greater Demon to hand it over. How are you so relaxed?"
"I'm doing what feels right for once. I am going to save him, and I am secure in my own ability." She stopped dead when Magnus did, almost running into him. "Hey!"
He said nothing but looked around, eventually squatting down to trace a pentagram in the dirt. As he did, he chanted in the warlock language Chthonian, which sounded like crackling flames. Soon, a chill breeze swept through the alley, making Belle shiver in her damp clothes. The shadows seemed restless, making pictures on the bricks of the building in front of her, grotesque and horrifying scenes of murder and destruction. At one point a grinning skull was clearly visible.
You dare summon me, warlock? Nyx's voice was cold and empty, the hoarse roughness of a knife scraping against stone. Somehow the sound reminded Belle of her childhood, of the darkness in her bedroom, and privately she felt that she was right; there was good reason to be scared of the dark.
Of course there is reason to be afraid of the shadows, faerie. The darkness can be more profound than many realize. What do you request of me? Its words were humble, but its tone suggested sheer mockery, nothing more.
She swallowed, her tongue thick in her mouth. "I– I ask something of you," she stuttered, tripping over the simple words. "There's a friend of mine, and he's dying of an addiction to the poison of the Greater Demon Yanluo."
Surely you don't think I will save him? This is a waste of time.
"I don't think you'll do it for free, but I think you'll do it if I offer payment."
There was a short pause. You are no extraordinary being. I am the oldest and most powerful of the demons. What can one such as yourself offer?
Belle considered it. "Anything," she breathed shortly after. "I will do anything to save him."
Would you offer your own life?
"I…" She wanted to straighten her spine and confidently declare that of course she would, and in theory she would. However, in practice, the decision was harder. She wanted Jem to live so that she would spend forever with him, but here the choice was eternity with her alive and him not, or he lives in return for her death. Surely he was more important than her? Who would mourn her? Magnus and Riley, certainly, but they were immortal. They would find new friends and forget her.
Everyone would miss Jem when he was gone. Hell, he and Will were one and the same; one of their deaths would initiate the other's. When she looked at it that way, what was the choice? Life for two boys that could contribute so much in return for the death of a nameless faerie girl.
Yes, they were more important than she. Their lives were a thousand times more important than hers. She lived for Jem, and what was the point of living for something if you would not die for it?
"I offer my life."
Magnus stopped his chanting long enough to yell, "Belle! You idiot, think for once!"
"I am thinking, Magnus. This is my choice. If I offer my life, you will save Jem?"
A life for a life. One must be taken for one to be saved. You must be willing; I will not take your soul if you struggle or have cold feet. You must embrace Death, and if you do so, I will save your friend.
"You're all about the balance, after all. All right, I agree. Just… make it quick, won't you?"
She could have sworn that the demon laughed. I will not do it now. Because I am merciful, I will give you exactly ten days to finalize the bargain. Ten days from tonight you will meet me here. I will leave the cure with your warlock and take your life as my payment. Is this the deal you wish to agree to?
Belle took a deep breath and hid her trembling lip. "I, Isabella Renault, agree to your bargain. I will be here in ten days."
Then we have no more to say to one another, no?
Magnus spoke louder and more rapidly, spells of banishment. When he was confident than Nyx was gone, he whirled to face Belle. "You stupid bitch, do you realize what you've done?"
"I've saved Jem and, by extension, Will! I've given up something useless for something infinitely more valuable!"
"Your life isn't useless! When the hell did you start caring about Will Herondale, anyway?"
"I care for him because I see the good in him! He's a brilliant Shadowhunter, they both are, but what am I?"
"You're Belle," he said in a soft tone, much less angrily. Perhaps he saw the tears that pricked her eyes, or the way her hands shook. Perhaps he saw that although she was sure she had made the right call, she was absolutely terrified. "You're my Belle. I don't want to lose you."
"I don't want to die, okay? But if it's a choice between me or them, they win. I thought I'd have forever, and ten days is a hell of a lot less time then I always thought. I never wanted it to end like this, but don't you see? I love him more than I love my own life. He'll find another girl, he can start a family! He'll stop loving me," she said with an air of finality, pretending her voice didn't shake.
"No, he won't," Magnus murmured. "He loves you, but you've made your choice. I can't change that, but come here, okay?" He pulled her into his arms and held her, kissing the top of her head and trying to force himself not to cry. He felt her quiver and realized she was trying to do the same thing, which for some reason made him laugh, however shaky it was. "You go home. Go to him, hold him, tell him you love him, and pretend that you aren't saying goodbye."
"At least there's one good thing," Belle said in a whisper. "Sacrificing myself like this would get me into Heaven, right? And that's where he'll end up someday, so I can see him then." She smiled weakly, and Magnus saw past the uncertain exterior to the heart of gold she hid so often. He imagined her with feathered wings, being the angel she always was to him.
"Good night," he said abruptly, pulling away, wrapping his jacket tighter around him and striding home. Belle watched him until he was out of sight before running back to the Institute. She flew up to Jem's room, not even stopping to change clothes.
He was of course asleep, curled up on his side facing the door, looking pale and ill. She almost cried, the suddenness of it all finally hitting her, but instead she crawled into his bed and wrapped her arms around him from behind, burying her face into the silver hair curling up at the nape of his neck. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but the words wouldn't come. Instead all she could do was sob, "I'm sorry," before finally falling into a deep sleep.
Um, yeah. Don't hate, but review?