Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words
A/N: I am SO remorseful that this is incredibly delayed. And shorter than the previous chapters. I had a difficult time with this chapter but alas, it's here! The song used in this chapter is Chasing Pavements by Adele. Enjoy and review :)
All contact between Rachel and Quinn had been abruptly cut off for two weeks, though it was unclear as to who initiated it. Their only encounters were through Finn's presence, and even then they didn't directly speak to each other.
A week later, Rachel approached Finn with a special request. "Finn, may I ask you something?"
"Sure, Rachel." He gave her a grin and he leaned against his locker.
"I was wondering if you would be willing to assist me in preparing a song that I plan on performing for the Glee club this Friday."
"Yeah! What sort of a duet did you have in mind?"
"Actually, I meant for this to be a solo—not that I don't appreciate your talent, because I do! I would just much rather sing this alone, as I have a multitude of feelings I would like to communicate."
The jock's brow knitted together a bit as he sifted through her long explanation. "So why do you need me to help you?"
"Well, I would be honored if you would be so kind as to accompany me with background vocals and some gentle dance moves."
"Oh. Yeah, of course! Just let me know what song you pick and when you want to practice." His face lit up and his dorky smile returned.
"Of course. Thank you, Finn."
"Anytime, Rach."
Rachel gazed at Quinn, the girl's head lowered and staring at the hands in her lap. The brunette hoped Quinn wouldn't think the song was for Finn.
"I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over. If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further."
"This ain't lust," Finn sang, watching Rachel with his words.
"I know, this is love. But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough 'cause it was not said to you, and that's exactly what I need to do, if I end up with you." At this, Rachel swallowed hard, Quinn's eyes meeting her for the first time that day. She felt as if somebody had punched her square in the stomach, forcing all the air out of her lungs. She recovered quickly, continuing with the song as a stray tear threatened to roll down her cheek. She watched the way Quinn shifted her focus to Finn, leaving a lingering lump in her throat as she sang the next lines.
"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place? Should I leave it there? Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere..."
Finn carried out some varied, "oohs" and "aahs" for effect as they moved around the room slowly, imitating a low-key interpretive dance.
"I build myself up and fly around in circles, waiting as my heart drops and my back begins to be tingle. Finally, could this be it?" The tone of Rachel's voice caused Quinn to look her in the eyes, wondering why the brunette was so insistent and the lyrics seemed to be so relevant to how she (had to admit) she felt every time Rachel was close to her.
Rachel stepped forward, singing the chorus as she swayed in front of Quinn without much thought.
"Should I give up.. or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place... Should I leave it there, should I give up? Or should I just keep on chasing pavements? Should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Finn launched into the chorus this time as Rachel sat in Puck's lap, the chair directly to Quinn's right, chiming in with Finn now and again. Quinn sat stiffly, staring straight ahead though her hands were balled up in her lap, clearly not liking Rachel's seating arrangement.
Applause erupted from the gleeks, and the petite diva gave them a smile, noticing that everyone gathered around her except for Quinn. Finn and the other members enveloped her in warmth, but Rachel bit her cheek brutally in order not to break down then and there. She had always known Quinn to be cold, but she never expected her to be heartless.
But what Rachel never saw was the tortured expression Quinn wore as she left the room in silent thought.
Quinn was absent from school the next day.
Rachel fished her phone out of her pocket the moment she arrived home. Still sitting in her car, she texted Finn.
Is Quinn okay?
Finn's reply came, Idk. She wasnt at school.
I am aware of that, hence why I am concerned.
Maybe she wasnt feeling good at the potluck. I think she's fine.
She... she was well enough at the potluck.
Rachel closed her phone with a click right as another message came in. She opened her phone to see the text was from a number she did not have in her contacts. She wasn't familiar with it either.
It read, Rachel, stop bothering Finn. I'm fine.
Quinn?
No, it's Santa Clause.
That was as good a confirmation as any. Are you okay? ..You weren't at school today.
I was kinda sick. I guess, in a way, I'm okay. Quinn's fingers hovered over the keyboard before sending the message. She couldn't tell Rachel it was all her fault that Quinn had stayed home. The blonde had told her mother she was sick, but really, she felt guilty and love-sick more than anything, especially after Rachel's performance the day before. She knew the whole thing was aimed at her, and the overwhelming pain was quite the bitch to deal with. The mere realization of her true emotions made her sick to her stomach, so her excuse wasn't total baloney.
It doesn't seem like you're fine.
Geez, Berry, bold much?
I just care about you... a lot. I didn't—sorry.
Quinn frowned at her phone. She didn't mean to be a jerk. It was just her instinctive method of denial and protection. I should be the one apologizing.
But you aren't, are you? Rachel huffed and shut her phone, tossing it across the room. She didn't have the guts to break it, but she couldn't go back to the stress it brought about.
Quinn felt like she shouldn't reply. She didn't want to say sorry. Rachel had made a move on her, not the other way around. Part of her instantly fought back with the solid fact that the blonde had wanted it. "Damn it," she muttered, curling up in a ball, staring at her phone in hopes of some contact from Rachel.
Quinn woke up clutching her phone to her chest. Groggily, she flipped it open to find no sign of contact from Rachel. She rubbed at her eyes before anything would spill from them as she reluctantly dressed for the day.
"Stupid, Fabray. God, you're so stupid," she hissed at her reflection in the mirror. She gripped the counter and hung her head, staring at the sink without seeing it.
Quinn finished her make-up with distaste and ate her breakfast slowly as she was deep in thought. How am I supposed to fix this? It's not even my fault. No, it is... It's all my fault. Why do I even care anyway?
"I want Finn," she muttered to assure herself. "I like Finn. Finn's my boyfriend."
Still, Quinn bit her lip. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't believe her own words.
"Rachel?" Quinn emerged from around the corner of the near empty hallway. The blonde had made sure to arrive early to catch Rachel at a reasonably quiet time.
Rachel didn't turn away from her locker. She stared straight into the pink décor, answering with a simple, "Yes, Quinn?"
The taller girl glanced around then landed her eyes on the tiled floor. "What do you want me to do?"
"I'm not sure what you mean."
Quinn advanced so as not to be heard by the few people scattered in the hall. She sighed softly, "Rach, what are we doing?"
"Nothing."
"What are you doing then? Because one of us has sure as hell got an intention in all of this mess."
"Nothing is a mess, Quinn."
"I am. You are. We are. Everything is so screwed up, and I can't even tell where it started anymore."
"Well, I think I revealed my intentions very clearly at the potluck, Quinn. I believe it's no longer my choice."
"How do I fix it?"
"What needs to be fixed, exactly?"
"I don't know," Quinn mumbled, rummaging through her brain for some sort of answer. "How I treated you after... well, you know."
Rachel shook her head in disappointment. "I have to go, Quinn." She turned on her heel and headed toward anywhere that wasn't in front of Quinn.
The blonde's reflexes acted a little too late as she grasped at empty air in an attempt to stop the girl. "See you in Glee?" she called after the brunette.
Rachel turned, locating the sound of the voice and offered a half-hearted smile. "See you in Glee."
Quinn was left at the end of the hallway with her arms folded and her mouth wavering as she breathed deeply to avoid crying. Every time she tried to be the good girl and mend the tears with their relationship, she was the one torn further apart. One day she would find out how it's possible she could make consistent mistakes whenever she encountered Rachel.
Rachel was seated in Glee club for once, as opposed to her flipping through song lyrics or writing a song as she paced the room.
Santana walked in and was about to turn right back around when she noticed Rachel made no attempt to make her stay. "What, Man Hands, no complaining?"
"Hm?" She looked up to see Santana. "Oh. Santana. I didn't even know you came in."
"Okay, where is Rachel Berry and what did you do with her, you impostor?"
Rachel laughed lightly. "I hadn't the notion you cared, Miss Lopez."
"Eh. I'm kinda stuck with you whether I like it or not."
Rachel titled her head in confusion. "I thought we always had good amounts of distance in Glee Club. If you'd like, I could further it.."
Santana narrowed her eyes in thought, not malice. "She didn't tell you, did she?" she asked, realization dawning on the Latina.
"Who are you talking about?" As Rachel asked her question, a tall blonde female entered, alerting the brunette of her presence wordlessly. Rachel smiled politely at Quinn while her heart fluttered with every step the girl took.
Santana piped in with, "No one. I never said anything. For all you know I wasn't even here."
"But you're sitting right—"
"No I'm not." The Latina sat back in her chair, giving Quinn a hard look as she approached for reasons unknown to Rachel. All the brunette could observe was the small way Quinn's head dipped from the nonverbal reprimand.
"You better not have—" Quinn meekly threatened as she went to take a chair next to Rachel, shifting in the chair to meet Santana's glare.
"Calm down, Quinnie, she's as unaware as ever."
"Good." Quinn nodded with relief and was able to give Rachel a smile now that she was put at ease.
Finn entered soon after this brief exchange, and Rachel skittered over to greet him, quietly asking for a hug. He agreed and hugged her tightly, giving her the release she had been needing from someone, no matter who it really was.
"How are you?" he asked joyously, oblivious to any lingering tension in the room.
"I have to admit that I've been better," she said, resting her gaze on her hands as she twirled them aimlessly.
"What's wrong?" Finn was dimwitted and generally unobservant, but he could sense a problem. And Rachel definitely had a problem.
Rachel glanced behind her, finding Quinn sitting in her chair, laughing at something clever Santana had said. Happiness has seemed so absent for the both of them lately. The brunette could feel her heart swell slightly with the sight; Quinn always was prettiest when she was smiling. Finn followed her line of sight without Rachel noticing, leaning his head to the side as he watched Quinn put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter and the way Rachel turned back around with her lip worried between her teeth.
"That was about her, wasn't it?"
"What was?"
"The song... I thought you meant that for me."
"Yes, it was for her. So I'm sorry, Finn, but no it was not intended for you. Please don't inform her of any of my longing or whatever silly looks I get on my face from seeing her."
"I won't, Rach. But like, how long?" His question would be confusing in most cases, but Rachel was intuitive enough to pick up the meaning.
"As far back as my memory goes," she answered with a wistful sigh. "I'm incredibly sorry, Finn. I'm positive she won't break up with you anytime soon though. The odds are in your favor."
Finn nodded. He believed every word Rachel said, from her sincerity about how much she likes Quinn to the idea that he and Quinn will last for quite a bit longer. It was not the most ideal situation because the goofy boy had a heart that cared about Rachel but wanted to preserve his claim on Quinn, leaving him at a loss of what to do.
A moment later, Mr. Schuester walked in, saving Finn from any further explanation of his current complex. "Alright everyone, sit down," Schue addressed the room, straightening his tie as he took his spot front and center.
Rachel hurriedly found a seat, upset to find both chairs next to Quinn taken. "Now, I know you all have been without any real assignment for a while, so I thought we'd do something a little more.. personal with it."
"Meaning?" Mercedes questioned, sane enough to know not everyone lives is Schuester's head with him.
"Meaning, I want you all to find a song that expresses who you are, how you're feeling, or just something that resonates with you right now. We'll perform them next week."
"Wow, no Journey being forced down our throats for once," Kurt whispered while a few glee club members chuckled.
"I heard that, Kurt. But I think you guys could use a break. Everyone seems to be stressed about something, so I think this will be good for a lot of you." He smiled and nodded his head once before going into his small office to work on grading his Spanish classes' papers.
After school let out and Glee club finished, Rachel was the one to sniff out Quinn this time. She found the blonde at her locker, grabbing a few items before she left.
"Hello, Quinn," Rachel spoke softly, smiling with a hesitant kindness. She always worried so much about irritating everyone around her, especially the girl in front of her.
Quinn's features remained stoic when she was alerted to Rachel's presence, but her inside were doing this weird flipping thing that made it hard for her to focus. She never knew why she would get that way, though she was aware it only ever happened around Rachel. Maybe it's because they've known each other for so long…or something.
"Look, I know you must be mad at me right now for not listening to what you had to say earlier, but I—"
Quinn slammed her locker shut loudly, interrupting Rachel's apology of sorts with the noise. The blonde's hand gripped the handle tightly, turning her knuckles white from the deathly grip. "Stop it," she hissed. Stop trying to fix everything and apologize and just—" Quinn's face crinkled with her lack of word choice, one hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she sighed. "Just stop pretending and stop liking me and please leave me alone." With that, the tall girl spun around to leave, but she was pulled back by a small hand on her forearm.
"Excuse me, Quinn Fabray. I am not the one who confronted me this morning to try and do exactly what I also attempted to do just now. Don't be a hypocrite. And while you're at stop denying that this means nothing to you," she spit, growing with intensity as she neared the end of her spiel. "That song was for you, Quinn!"
"I know it was, Rachel! You don't give me enough goddamn credit to see that I am trying here." Quinn knocked Rachel's arm away. "This is the very first time I've ever had to work at something before. And Rach," she cooed as she located Rachel's hand with her own, "I am trying so hard here."
"I—"
"I am working at this even though I keep screwing it up because..."
"Because why?" Rachel asked carefully, sensing Quinn need a little prompting.
"Because I really need you."