Okie dokie, heres the next one :)

I was going to include the conversation with Kerry in here too, but, this went longer than I thought.

The chapter still isn't overly long, but it is longer than previous ones. I have had some requests to make the lengths longer, and I tried, but I don't want to wreck this by adding random shit that isn't relevant. So I do apologise about the lengths. :)

Thankyou for all the reviews, favourites and follows, I really appreciate them :) I never expected this kind of response.

The next chapter will be the conversation with Kerry, and hopefully I will get that written and uploaded tomorrow, but I can't guarantee anything, It's my first day off in six days so I will be relaxing a lot :)

Thankyou again, for the response this story has received. Reviews always make me smile, no matter how shit my day is :)
Okay, enough of me, I will let you read now.

DISCLAIMER: I really want Rush for christmas, and maybe Callan Mulvey wrapped under my tree? Thanks :)

"Stella! What do you mean again!" Shannon was definitely persistent.

Stella continued to stay silent, this wasn't exactly something she wanted heaps of people to know about, but she knew eventually Shannon would find out.

"Stel?" Shannon prodded...

"Alright, fine. But you can't tell anyone, only Kerry and Michael know…knew."

Shannon noticed the pain in her words as she said the last three words of that sentence, she should have noticed that she wasn't coping, and the long sleeve shirts she always wore, to cover the marks on her arms. She should have been there for her, they all should have been.

Stella sighed, just when Shannon thought that she wasn't going to say anymore.

"You remember when we were chasing that little ratbag that stole TR on your first day as sergeant?"

"Don't remind me" Shannon added with a small chuckle.

"Remember when I collapsed and he caught me?"

"Yep"

"Well, when I went to the hospital they told me I had a miscarriage, that why I had those pains in my stomach that morning. It was Michael's kid. I slept with him soon after and he thought I only wanted him around when I needed a 'root'. That's when I told him, and I told Kerry when she picked me up from the hospital. I told her not to tell anyone from the team."

Shannon was close to tears, she couldn't believe that her best friend had been through that and she had no idea, and wasn't there to comfort her. It brought her back to her previous thought, she'd been so wrapped up in her own little world, she didn't notice the obvious signs that her friend wasn't coping. The hangovers, cuts, and drug use. She should have noticed. She should have helped.

"Stella, I'm sorry."

"What for, it wasn't your fault…" she was cut off by Shannon.

"I'm sorry for the miscarriage, if I'd known why you were having those pains in your stomach then I wouldn't have been such a hard ass, and been there to support you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when Michael died, wasn't there to help you pick up the pieces, I should have noticed the hangovers and long shirts you were always wearing. I wish I did, I wish I helped you. You're my best friend, but I haven't been acting like much of a friend lately. I'm just so sorry."

"Shannon, none of this is your fault, I chose not to tell people about the miscarriage, and I had no fucking idea what the pains were from. And Michael, well, I know you've had your own shit to deal with. At the end of the day it was my choice to get smashed all the time and take drugs. And the cutting was no ones fault, its how I dealt with it. And fucking Charlie, he kept riding my ass the whole time, making sure I didn't slip up, I just didn't know how to help myself, that was the only way I could deal with it all. I just want all this shit to go away, and have Michael back, I miss him so fucking much and I just wish…wish that I'd told him how I felt instead of playing stupid games with him. I knew he wanted more, I just couldn't, I couldn't be hurt anymore. And I didn't want to hurt him. If I did tell him that I loved him then he wouldn't have got into Raney's fucking car and he'd still be alive."

Tears were streaming down Stella's face and the tears were just starting to spill over with Shannon. Stella was always the strong one, the one that sucked it up and got on with it, no matter how far up shit creek things were. It was upsetting to see her like this.

"Stella, I'm sorry. But you know you can come to me whenever you need right? I know I've been preoccupied lately, but if you need to talk, I'll be here." Shannon said with a smile, "But I think tomorrow you need to see Kerry and tell her about this, she needs to know. And I don't know whether you're ready but Charlie and Lawson need to know too, so they can sort out what you're going to be doing in the field."

Stella nodded, "Thanks Shannon."

Shannon started to grab her things, "I should probably go, Lawson will be wondering where I am. I can pick you up in the morning, if you like? And we can talk to Kerry together?"

Stella smiled warmly at her friend, relieved that she'd let some of it out, "Thanks Shannon, I owe you one."