Quick Before the Hyena Come
Hatred can drive someone to do the strangest things. I responded to the lions' hatred of my species by avoiding them and trying not to cause any trouble, but there were three hyenas that refused to do so. Their idea of fun was massive retribution. I personally think they have no right, but I mustn't contradict them because they are our clan leaders.
The least troublesome is Ed. For the record, he used to be eloquent.
"Let's go kill an antelope!" Banzai would suggest.
"We had antelope yesterday!" Shenzi would argue. "I'd rather eat zebra!"
"In my humble opinion, I sincerely believe a meerkat would be rather fitting," Ed would state. "They have fewer calories and require less effort to catch, and given the temperature of the day, it would be unwise for us to exert ourselves. Furthermore, if we do not keep our weight under control, we won't be as efficient hunters, and the lions will conquer us with no difficulty."
It so happened that some humans were camping on the savanna. I never understood that either. When will humans learn not to interfere with our lives? When they invade our home, it's called a "safari." When we invade their homes, it's called an "intrusion." When they kill us, it's "hunting," even though they don't eat us. When we kill them, it's "cruelty," even though we never kill what we don't eat, unless of course we're defending ourselves. I don't understand all these double standards. If I could speak Human, I would demand an explanation.
Anyway, these humans were more careless than usual. They left behind something called "coffee." Being curious, Ed sampled a little. He spent the rest of the day unable to speak, paralyzed by fits of hysterical laughter. He was never the same after that. I don't claim that a small taste of coffee permanently changed his mentality, but it certainly didn't help matters. In my opinion, Ed always was a lunatic, and the coffee just pushed him over the edge. (I personally have never tried coffee, soda, tea, or any other human beverage. Water was good enough for my ancestors, and it suits me just fine.)
The real problem with the abandoned human camp began in the meerkat colony. There was one meerkat who decided he wanted to explore too.
"Timon, be reasonable!" his mother coaxed. "You can't just wander off somewhere hyenas have been! What if they come back?"
Refusing to listen to sound advice, Timon managed to sneak away from his life of wrecking tunnels long enough to visit the place where the humans had been. When he returned to his home, he was nearly demented.
"Humans have such great lives!" he told the other meerkats. "I want to live like a human instead of an animal!"
"But you are an animal," his mother replied. "If nature had intended for you to be a human, you would have been born into a human family instead of a meerkat colony! You can't try to be something you're not, Timmy."
"But maybe if we got what we needed with money instead of having to kill or be eaten, those mook hyenas would leave us in peace!" Timon argued.
For the record, there was a time in his life when Timon lived like a human. This all began after he met Pumbaa. They had their own "TV series," whatever that means. (I'm not too familiar with human terms.) The two of them even built a "movie theater." Almost everyone on the savanna has visited it at one time or the other, but I have no wish to do so. I want nothing to do with anything related to humans.
While Timon was busy ruining his own life, the three miscreant clan leaders of ours were busy ruining everyone else's. Banzai, Shenzi, and Ed loved bullying everyone more helpless than they were. They were far too cowardly to fight fair or hunt properly. It's hyenas like them that give the rest of us a bad name. I won't say these three are the entire reason we still have a bad reputation, but they certainly aren't helping us any.
Our clan lived in wasteland known as the "Elephant Graveyard." (It was the one area the lions didn't want.) In case anyone's curious, the land was desolate when we found it. The lions blamed us for killing all those elephants, but anyone who thinks about it for ten seconds will understand how it just isn't possible. There are a lot of us in the clan, but not enough to kill hundreds of elephants, even over the course of several generations. Besides, we much prefer smaller prey. Elephants are a real challenge for even a pride of lions to take down. A pack of hyenas would really have their work cut out for them.
King Mufasa offered us an excellent deal once. He would have his lions avoid all our favorite waterholes and hunting grounds, and we hyenas would avoid his pride's favorites in return. The system worked out wonderfully. We weren't at peace with the lions, but there was a sort of truce. We avoided each other and had fewer conflicts.
Scar, who never was king as far as I'm concerned, ruined all that. He spread lies that the lionesses were taking the best hunting grounds for themselves, even though King Mufasa was far too just to allow members of his pride to do such a thing. Scar eventually convinced Shenzi and Banzai that he was an ally to the hyenas; he wanted there to be peace between the two species, and he was making it his personal responsibility to see that the hyenas were treated well. Even though Scar was an erratic jerk who didn't deserve to live, he was an excellent liar. He could make anyone believe him, and he made such wonderful promises that our clan leaders were more than willing to accept him as their boss.
If it had been up to me, we would have driven Scar away then and there, but it was not up to me. When a clan leader makes a decision another hyena doesn't like, there are two choices. The one who disapproves can challenge the leader to a fight or just go along with the plan anyway. I knew I could never win a duel against Shenzi, particularly not with Banzai and Ed on her side, so I kept my mouth shut. The day Scar made the announcement began a period of time that was the worst of my life.
"Sarabi has a new cub!" Scar exclaimed. "I want you to get rid of him! As long as Mufasa has a prince, I have no chance of becoming king!"
A short time after Prince Simba's birth, one of the stupidest hyenas in our clan tried to sneak up to Pride Rock and eat the newborn cub. One important thing to remember if you're a hyena is that you must never, under any circumstances, stroll into the midst of a pride of lions alone. It rarely works out, and that evening was no exception. I suspect the lions ate well that night.
Not long afterwards, ten of the most cunning hyenas in our clan actually succeeding in capturing the baby lion and bringing him to the Elephant Graveyard. (I have no idea how they did it. Perhaps the lionesses were off hunting and King Mufasa was patrolling the borders of his land.) Anyway, the hyenas planned to kill Prince Simba the next morning as part of a ritual instead of just eating him immediately. (I have no idea why. Eating immediately reduces the chances of anyone scavenging your meal.) I asked that I be the one in charge of guarding the cub for the night to make sure no one tried to steal him. The other hyenas agreed that it sounded like a great idea and gave him to me.
It is true that hyenas eat young animals, just as human beings eat veal and lamb, but I didn't want to see the prince killed, especially not after King Mufasa had worked out an acceptable compromise for our two species. I gently picked up Prince Simba in my jaws, just as a mother lion would, and I carried him to a waterhole the lions liked to use. I knew if I waited until he was found, I would be blamed for trying to kill him. However, if I left, another predator would eat him. I decided to stay. When I heard King Mufasa's heavy footsteps, I seized the opportunity to run for my life, but my curiosity compelled me to hide nearby.
"Oh, Sire! He's safe!" a small bird exclaimed. "Thank the Circle of Life and the Great Kings of the Past!" He gasped. "Sire, your paws are trembling! Are you injured?"
"Only terrified," King Mufasa replied, gently cradling his son. "I thought I might lose him."
"I can't understand it, Sire! He was surrounded by hyenas before anyone realized what was happening or where they had taken him! How is it he is still alive? It's almost as if one of the hyenas saved his life, but we all know that's impossible!"
No longer frightened, King Mufasa announced, "Never again will I allow hyenas to come this close to killing my son!"
As his father took him home, the baby lion, who was obviously too young to understand what had just happened, smiled at me. I waved goodbye to the lion prince and ran home. The way I saw it, I couldn't afford to spend too long wrapped in sentimentality. If even a cub could see where I was hiding, it wouldn't be long before an adult lion found me, falsely accused me of trespassing, and succeeded in ending my life.
Naturally the other hyenas were furious when they couldn't find the cub to kill him the next morning, and as I had been in charge of him, the blame fell on me. It was only by providing a gazelle for my clan leaders that I was able to escape being mauled.