Here comes the next chapter.
Obviously, and quite sadly, the detectives aren't mine...
I really appreciate the favorites and alerts, but reviews are like my paychecks... vital! I would really like to hear what you think of the story so far. Thanks a lot! :)
Mariah, thanks for the beta work!
She was sitting in the cab, looking out the window at the familiar streets of New York City. Ella was curled up against her mother, almost on her lap. Her head was resting on Olivia's shoulder but her eyes were wide open, taking in her new surroundings. She pointed out a lot and asked questions about everything they saw on their way to the hotel. Olivia answered each time while playing distractedly with her daughter's hair.
Ella had grown increasingly quiet since they had stepped off the plane but she remained the curious little girl she had always been. Olivia was just enjoying listening to her daughter's voice. The recent clinginess was a bit more worrying though. She had always been an affectionate child, especially with her mother. But she was also usually stubbornly independent.
Olivia had practically had to carry her ever since the San Francisco airport.
It hadn't had anything to do with flying. Ella had been excited about going on a plane for the first time. She had asked for the window seat and at takeoff she had yelped, in surprise more than in fear. She had spent the first and the last half hours of the flight staring down at the view. The rest of the time, she had been glued to her mother's side.
She had spent the last week not wanting to leave her mother's side.
After her weekend in San Francisco, Kathleen had driven back to the airport on Monday morning to catch a flight back to New York. She had promised to see them soon, to call in the meantime. She hadn't given Olivia any kind of deadline though.
Olivia had guessed that the bond between the two girls would only become stronger. She was happy about that.
The next day, she had taken a long lunch break, had picked Ella up from daycare and had taken her for a small outdoor picnic. The days were still cool, but the early spring summer had warmed mother and daughter. Ella had sat cross-legged on the blanket and had been as lively as usual. Her morning at daycare had seemed as adventurous as a trip around the world.
Olivia had smiled and laughed with her daughter. But her eyes had stayed guarded.
She had an ulterior motive with this impromptu picnic. She had planned to have the conversation with Ella, to tell her about Elliot, about New York, about her family. She had wanted to explain, prepare her to what she was going to find on the east coast.
She had waited for Ella to finish her banana and had handed her a square of dark chocolate with a smile. She had watched her daughter scrape her teeth against the hard sweet. Then she had reached into her purse for the framed picture.
Kathleen had left it in Ella's room. Purposefully, Olivia was sure.
She had tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and had softly spoken her daughter's name. She had handed her the picture, telling her Kathleen had forgotten it. Ella had looked at it with a smile and had commented on the family's large size, as well as on the lack of a pet.
"There's something I want to tell you, Ella," she had said softly.
Jumping off the cliff. That what it had felt like.
She had pointed at Elliot in the picture.
"Elliot… well, he's your dad, baby," she had explained, running a hand through Ella's hair.
The little girl had frowned and had kept silent for a while, the forgotten chocolate melting on the blanket.
"Elliot is Kathleen's dad," Ella had finally said.
That had been more a question than a statement. The little girl had looked like she had been trying to solve a particularly tough puzzle. Olivia had given her a moment to process the information, to work through things in her head.
"But you're not Kathleen's mom?" She had looked at her mother for confirmation.
"No, I'm not. But it still means Kathleen is your sister."
"So… Kathleen's brothers and sisters…"
"They're your siblings too. Big family, huh?" Olivia had added, her voice almost a whisper.
She had watched her little girl and she had felt the sting of tears clouding her eyes. Ella had looked confused, her brows furrowed, her eyes staring at the picture, her closed fists hidden in her sleeves.
She had waited for the questions. She had wanted the questions. The silence had been too loud. She had leaned into her daughter and had gone to brush the hair above Ella's temple. But her daughter had suddenly gotten up, the picture falling from her lap.
"I wanna go back now," the girl had declared.
"How about you come and play in my office? You can draw some pictures. I still have a puzzle you haven't done."
Ella had nodded and had waited for her mother to clean things up, all the while picking on a blade of grass. Olivia had left her to her brooding.
They had gone back to Olivia's office. She had tried to work, but her attention had kept going back to her daughter. She had been sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. Her left arm had been resting on the table, her hand holding the pencil she had been chewing. Her other hand had been curled around her ankle. She had been stilled for a few minutes. Then she had dropped her pencil and wrapped her other hand on an ankle with a sigh.
Olivia couldn't see her face but she had had no trouble imagining her daughter worrying her lip with her teeth, just like she herself had a tendency to do. She had called her daughter and reached a hand out to her.
"Come here, baby," she had said softly.
Ella had gone to her and had promptly curled up in her mother's lap.
"Why don't we live with them?"
"Well… I couldn't stay in New York. I had to leave, baby. That's why your daddy's not here."
"Okay…" Ella had agreed.
She had gone to burrow her face in the crook of her mother's neck, but Olivia had lightly grabbed her chin, running her thumb on her daughter's cheek.
"Would you be okay with meeting your dad, and his other children?"
"He will love me you think?" she had asked after a moment of silence.
"I'm certain that he is going to love you. He's going to adore you, baby."
Ella had raised her eyebrows and held out her pinky finger. Olivia laughed softly and gave the girl a watery smile before linking her finger with hers.
Shannon had given her the next week off without a second thought, and had even offered to come along, as moral support. Instead she had been stuck with taking care of Barney. Olivia had thanked her and had promised to call.
The week had gone by surprisingly fast. And that Monday, as she had been driving to the airport, she had wished their trip to New York hadn't come quite so quickly. Another part of her had wanted to just get it over with already.
So now she was checking into their hotel in Manhattan, her daughter's arms wrapped around her thigh. They went up to their rooms, accompanied by the bellboy carrying their luggage. They had two communicating bedrooms, one with a queen sized bed and the other with two single beds separated by the night stand.
Ella ran to her bedroom and jumped on the bed of her choice, the one closer to the adjoining door. Olivia made sure that the girl couldn't open the door between her bedroom and the hallway. Satisfied, she went to freshen up in the bathroom.
Afterwards, she decided to take her daughter out for dinner. The day was already getting darker and Olivia found herself enjoying the city more than she had in years. She held tight onto her daughter's hand as they walked to the nearest Italian restaurant.
Ella was back to being quiet, and Olivia wasn't quite sure what to talk about without bringing up Elliot, her alcoholic mother, or the horrors of her former job. She settled for telling Ella some trivia, some history about the city. The little girl had seemed genuinely interested for the most part.
She wasn't deliberately keeping Ella in the dark about anything relating to Elliot. She just wanted the girl to form her own opinion of the man, without her mother's tainted view of things.
Back in their rooms, they both got ready for bed. They watched a movie in Olivia's bed. At the end credits, she carried the sleeping little girl to her own bed. It was only about 7pm on San Francisco time, but they had gotten up quite early and she wasn't surprised Ella was already sleeping. She tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. She left the door between the rooms wide open, and slid under the covers.
oooooooooo
She woke up to the soft whispers calling "Mommy". She slipped an arm from under her pillow to support her and squinted at her daughter.
"Everything okay, Ella?"
"Yeah. I'm just awaked."
Olivia reached for her watch on the nightstand.
"Baby, it's not even 6 am, you should still be fast asleep," she informed the girl still clutching her bear.
"But you said we go to the police."
"And what time did I say we'd go?"
"Hum… Round 10?"
"That's right, baby. So you still have a good couple of hours of sleep ahead of you."
"Can I sleep with you?" she asked her mother with wide, hopeful puppy eyes.
Olivia chuckled and opened the covers behind her. She jerked her chin towards the other side of bed with a smile. Ella climbed over her and slid in bed. Mimicking her mother's position, she laid on her belly, one arm on the pillow, the other around her bear.
Silence filled the room for a short moment, before Ella started rhythmically tapping her fingers on the pillow. Olivia ignored it for a while before reaching out to cover her daughter's hand.
"You're not going back to sleep, are you?" she whispered, half amused. "Is this about you dad, baby? Are you excited to meet him?"
"Kinda," Ella whispered back. "Can't we just get up now?"
"We can, but then I would have to make you take a nap in the afternoon," Olivia told the girl, hiding her smile in the darkness of the room.
"Naps are for babies," Ella declared.
"Babies, and little girls who don't sleep enough in the night."
Ella shut her eyes tight and five minutes later her face had relaxed and her breathing had evened, soothing her mother back to sleep too.
oooooooooo
When Olivia woke up again, it was almost nine. She got up without waking up her daughter. She ordered up some breakfast and went in the bathroom to take her shower. She was still in her robe, drying her hair with a towel when room service knocked on the door. She went to open and tipped the young man just as Ella started to stir awake.
She went to her daughter and sat on the side of the bed. She brushed her fingers through the girl's hair and leaned to kiss her temple, holding her own wet hair away. She whispered Ella's name in her ear.
"Come on, baby. Time to wake up."
Ella turned on her back and stretched her arms high above her head. She blinked several times before locking her eyes on her mother.
"Hi, mommy."
"Hey there, sleepy head. Breakfast's already here. You hungry?"
The little girl nodded, got up and ran to the room service cart, looking over at the breakfast dishes. Olivia told her to go sit down and brought the cart closer to the small table.
They chatted while eating. Ella wanted to call Barney but Olivia reminded her that it was only about 6:30 in San Francisco, and too early to call. The girl asked about time zones, wanting to understand how it could be two different hours at the same time. Olivia tried her best to explain it and seemed to have satisfied her daughter's curiosity.
Olivia led the breakfast cart into the hallway and ran a bath for her daughter while the girl was picking out what to wear. Ella went to take a bath by herself and Olivia went through her morning routine. She blew dry her hair, brushed her teeth, her hair and put on her make-up, all the while keeping an eye on her daughter in the mirror.
While the girl was drying herself, Olivia checked over the picked outfit. She changed the rainbow striped leggings with beige ones that would go better with the denim skirt and red sweater. She took the clothes to her daughter in the bathroom and got dressed in the bedroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror: dark jeans and silk purple shirt. Her black jacket rested on the bed, black stilettos on the foot of it. She put on her earrings and adjusted her shoulder-length hair. She hated herself for being suddenly so self-conscious, but she had to admit she looked good. Motherhood and eight hour nights will do that do someone, she supposed.
She went back to the bathroom to find her daughter all dressed up. The girl was standing on a stool in front of the mirror, head down, digging in Olivia's vanity case. When she heard her mother call her name, she looked up, a deer in the headlight look on her face. The little girl's face was covered with make-up: blue around her eyes, her cheeks bright pink and red lipstick all over her mouth.
"Ella! What in the world are you doing?"
"I make up my face. Like you."
Ella was worrying her lip, looking down. Olivia picked her up and sat her on the counter, next to the sink. She used her foot to push the stool away and stood before her daughter. She grabbed a wipe to clean up her face.
"That's grown-up make up, Ella. You know you're not supposed to use that."
"I want to look pretty."
"Ella, you don't need make-up for that. You're beautiful, inside and out," Olivia told the girl, holding her chin to look at her in the eyes.
"You're beautiful. You use make-up."
"Well, when you're my age, you'll understand," she answered with a breathy laugh.
She finished cleaning up the girl and threw the wipe in the trashcan.
"There. All done, and still beautiful," Olivia said, tucking a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear.
Ella lowered her head and kept quiet.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to look pretty."
Olivia heard her daughter's voice break. She put her hands on each side of the girl's head to keep her from hiding behind the curtain of her hair. Her blue eyes were shining with tears. She tried to keep her own tears at bay.
"Ella, if it's about your father again, you don't have to worry. He'll see how beautiful you are, without make-up. He'll love you."
Ella slipped her arms around her mother's neck and hugged her. They both didn't move for a while. Then the girl detached herself from her, and asked if they could go. Before they left, Olivia put the slightest bit of lip gloss on her daughter.
"There. Because it's a special occasion" she specified with a soft smile.
It was past ten by the time they left for the station.
oooooooooo
She walked carefully into the 1-6, cradling her daughter's head in the crook of her neck. She didn't want to risk the little girl seeing anything she shouldn't. She stopped when she got to the squad room, a soft smile playing on her lips. She looked at what used to be her and Elliot's desk. A man with dark hair was sitting back in his chair, his attention on the young female detective sitting on the edge of his desk.
The blond woman got up when she saw Olivia and Ella and walked up to them, followed by her partner.
"Can I help you ma'am?" the woman asked her.
"Don't I know you?" the other detective interrupted.
"I don't think so…" Olivia hesitated.
The man frowned and raised his pointer finger at her.
"Yes. Yes. You're Olivia Benson, aren't you?" he finally said.
"Yes, that's me. And that's my daughter, Ella," she answered.
Ella turned her head and said hi to the smiling detectives who introduced themselves as Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro.
"There's a picture of you in the Captain's office. You use to work here didn't you?" Amaro asked her.
"I did. I sat at your partner's desk for over twelve years actually," Olivia said, jerking her chin towards the desk.
"Twelve years? You must have some thick skin," Rollins answered.
Olivia didn't answer but asked if Captain Cragen was in his office.
"Captain Cragen? Don't you mean Captain Munch?" Rollins asked.
"Captain Munch?" Olivia laughed.
"Yeah, Cragen retired over two years ago," Amaro informed her.
"How about Detective Tutuola?" she asked.
"He's still here. Out in the field with his partner right now. The Captain should be back from wherever soon," Lopez told her.
Olivia readjusted the little girl on her hip. Ella was getting restless and Olivia excused herself to Munch's office. She took a pair of scissors and some papers from his desk. She spent the next fifteen minutes with Ella in her lap, cutting out paper silhouettes with the girl.
When she heard the door open, her heart skipped a bit.
"Olivia!"
She set Ella on the floor and stood up, turning to Munch with a smile.
"Hey John."
He walked to her and hugged her.
"Long time no see, Liv."
"I know. Did you get my postcards?"
"Yup. And where did you pick up that souvenir?" he asked looking down at Ella.
She threw a glance at Munch before picking up her daughter.
"John, meet Ella. Ella, this is John Munch, an old friend of mine."
"Of my dad too?"
Olivia looked at John's blank expression. He was often a hard man to read. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked back at her daughter.
"Yes, baby. He's a friend of your father too."
Munch glanced at Olivia before smiling at Ella.
"It's very nice to meet you young lady. You can call me Uncle Munch if you want."
"Uncle Munch?" she looked up at her mother who nodded with a smile. "Okay."
Munch saw something in the squad room and walked out, holding up his hand to make her wait.
"Hey Fin! Come take a look at what I found in my office," she heard Munch call out.
"Hey Liv! It's nice to see you again, girl!" Fin exclaimed with a smile and gave her quick hug.
She returned the niceties and introduced him to Ella.
"I call you Uncle Fin too?" Ella asked him with a small smile.
"You can if you want, honey," Fin answered.
He then excused himself and walked a few steps away to discuss something with Munch. Olivia turned her head to her daughter to check if the girl was okay. She had just gained two uncles in the last five minutes and had yet to meet her father. But Ella looked at her, smiling.
"Your friends are nice," she declared. "I think my dad will be nice too."
"He is, baby."
"Can I meet him now?"
"In just a little bit, Ella."
Olivia glanced back at the two men looking at them. Munch stuck his head out of the door and called out for Detective Rollins. When she got there, he pointed at Ella.
"Why don't you take young Ella here to the break room, get some juice, maybe a snack," Munch instructed.
Olivia shot him a dark look before looking back at Ella.
"Are you okay with going with Detective Rollins?"
She nodded, gave her mother a kiss and went to take the woman's hand in hers before the two of them left. Olivia leaned back and put her hands on the edge of the desk, on each side of her. Fin's partner came to get him and they both left, Fin giving her one last smile. Munch turned to her, arms crossed on his chest.
"I'm guessing you're going to want to see Elliot?" he asked her.
She was both glad and surprised at not hearing any accusation in his voice.
"You'd guess right. Look Munch..."
"You don't owe me any explanation Olivia. Ella seems like a great kid."
"She is. Thanks John."
He gave her a nod of the head, his lips curling up in a small side. She ran a finger on his name plate.
"So Captain Munch, huh?" she said with an amused smile.
"Don't laugh," he shot back, pointing at her.
"I'm not! You deserve this John."
"Thanks, Liv. He's in homicide now, you know," Munch added after a second.
"Yeah, I heard."
"We're sharing a suspect."
"What do you mean?"
She could just feel the old detective reflexes kicking in.
"Perp killed two of his girlfriend's ex-boyfriends. We think she called him on it and he raped her. She won't point finger."
"But she still reported the rape?"
"Her sister found her hysterical, got her to report."
"You got evidence?"
"Nothing the defense won't call consensual rough sex. And none to tie him to the murders."
They both got lost in their thoughts for a moment.
"You ever miss it?" Munch finally asked her.
"Sometimes. When I read about something like that in the papers I just want to go see the cops and tell them to let me help. Then I see my daughter and I think I really don't want anything to do with this shit anymore."
"Motherhood looks good on you, Liv."
"Thanks," she smiled.
"Look, I just told you about the case because Elliot might come by the 1-6 at one point or another."
"Okay. Thanks for the heads up," she said softly, her smile falling.
"You know what you're doing, Olivia?" he asked, concerned.
She didn't answer. She smiled at him and walked out of his office and to the break room. When she got there, Ella was standing on a chair playing the latest tune Shannon had taught her on an imaginary guitar.
"Ella," Olivia groaned, putting her hands on her hips.
"Hey mom. Guess what? Amanda has a dog like Barney! His name is Cooper!"
"So I have a crush on Bradley Cooper. Sue me," the female detective joked.
Olivia smiled at her and mouthed a thank you. She turned to her daughter.
"Ella, didn't I tell you not to dance on a chair? You're going to break an arm someday."
Ella rolled her eyes, smiled at Rollins and stretched her arms out to Olivia, linking them around her neck when her mother picked her up.
"Hey Rollins, have you seen Fin?"
She froze at the voice coming from the door behind her. Ella, who could see right at the door, whispered a "mommy" in her ear. Olivia put the girl on her hip, swallowed hard and turned. She locked eyes with him.
"Hi Elliot," Olivia whispered.
He gave her one hard, cold look before turning and walking away.
Please review! :) And I'll try to post the next chapter before Christmas!
Adèle