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After Elliot turned away, Olivia put Ella down on the floor and squatted down at her level.
"I'll be right back, baby," she promised her daughter.
"That was Elliot," the girl said with wide eyes and a soft smile.
"Yes it was. He was looking for Uncle Fin, maybe he didn't see you. I'm gonna go get him, okay?"
The little girl nodded. Olivia stood up and looked at Detective Rollins.
"I'll stay with her," the young woman told her.
Olivia thanked her and ran after Elliot. She caught up to him right out of the 1-6. She called to him a couple of times. He waved his hand at her over his shoulder and kept walking down the street.
"Elliot, you son of bitch! Elliot!"
He finally stopped, turned and walked right at her.
"What the hell are you doing here, Olivia? After all this time, what, you decided to come and show off your kid? So what happened? I wasn't there to scratch your itch anymore so you got some other bastard to get you your dream child?"
She slapped him.
Hard enough that her own hand stung and shook. Her brown eyes were shining with unshed tears but she didn't look away; neither did he.
"You bastard," she whispered.
He shot her an angry look and walked past her. She ran after him again and stopped right in front of him. She pushed her hands against his shoulder and shoved him hard.
"The fuck? Don't fucking touch me again Olivia," he spat at her.
"Her name is Ella. And she's your dream child, you jarhead," she hissed angrily.
He stared at her for a long moment, eyes narrowed with disbelief and confusion. She could see the wheels turning. After a while he just shook his head and walked away again.
"Stop walking away from me!" she yelled at him.
He stopped and slowly turned to her. His face bore a hard and cold expression, and his eyes were shooting daggers at her. He didn't move but waited for her to catch up. She knew he was silently and slowly processing the news. This time she lowered her voice.
"Hate me all you want, Elliot. I don't give a fuck and right now, I'm not so crazy about you either. But don't take it out on her."
He stared at her angrily before lowering his eyes. He slipped his hands in his pockets and slammed a foot against the pavement. Olivia felt herself breaking and willed her voice to keep strong, for the tears to stay at bay.
"She put on my make-up this morning, because she wanted to look pretty for her daddy. I promised her you would love her. And I know you will. Just give her a chance."
He looked in the direction of the precinct and rubbed a hand on his forehead. He nodded and walked back to the station with Olivia at his side, though further than she would have stood four years ago.
When they got back to the 1-6, they stopped just outside of the break room. They each leaned their back against opposite walls of the hallway, facing each other. He was staring blankly at the floor and she took the opportunity to really look at him.
It didn't matter that she was mad at him right now. It didn't matter that he probably hated her. It was Elliot and suddenly he was here, just a couple of feet away from her. For the last four years, she had done her best not to miss him. She had buried those feelings. But now he was right here and the full force of his absence hit her.
Her heart was in her throat and she wanted to reach out to him. She wanted to trace the side of his face with a finger. She wanted to brush her thumb across his lips. She wanted to slide her arms around his waist and simply disappear in him.
He shouldn't feel so familiar… as if she were coming home. She had a few more lines on her face and his hairline had receded, but they were still Benson and Stabler. So much had changed; they had changed. But when it came to them, it really didn't matter. Their connection, their bond, was intrinsic. It was in them. It moved; it stretched; it didn't break.
She startled when he spoke up.
"So, Ella?" he asked without looking at her.
"Yeah," she answered softly.
"She's what 3 years and…"
"'Bout two months. Her birthday's February 7th."
"Where do you live?"
"San Francisco."
"Does she… have another dad?" he asked after a second of hesitation.
He finally looked up and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"No," she answered honestly, slightly annoyed.
He nodded and turned towards the break room. She stood up away from the wall.
"Wait, Elliot. Before you go in, there's just something you should know."
"What, she has a twin brother or something?" he asked, voice full of hateful sarcasm.
"No. I was going to say, Ella knows Kathleen," she answered with a scowl.
"What? How?"
"She's the one who found us," she explained.
He turned straight at her.
"So that's why you're here. And if she hadn't, how long would I have had to wait to meet my kid?"
She just stared at him in silence. He shook his hand at her, like he was dismissing her. He expelled a long breath and ran his hand over his face.
He stepped into the room.
She took a step after him and leaned against the doorframe. She crossed an arm across her chest, rested her other arm on it and tucked her fist under her chin. Rollins saw Elliot first and put a hand on Ella's. She pointed at the door and the little girl looked up from her coloring. She saw Elliot and stood up quickly. Her fingers started playing with the end of her sleeves. She looked up at him, worrying her lip between her teeth. The gesture looked so familiar that Elliot smiled softly.
"Hi," he told her.
"Hi," the girl whispered back.
Rollins brushed against Olivia as she left without a word. Ella looked at her mother and gave her a smile. She sat back down when Elliot did too.
"Olivia told me you met Kathleen," Elliot said, trying to start on familiar grounds.
"Yeah, she's nice."
"You know who she is?"
"Yes. She's your daughter. Like me. She showed me a picture of your family."
"You mean your family," he added softly. "We'll have to take a new family picture someday."
"With me and mommy?" she asked, glancing at Olivia.
Elliot's eyes met hers briefly, before he looked back at Ella.
"Yeah, sure."
"Guess what? I meeted your friends! Uncle Munch and Uncle Fin," she explained, getting livelier by the minute.
"You did? Did you like them?" he smiled at her, quickly becoming enthralled by the little girl.
"Yes, they're nice too."
"You wanna know a secret? You ever want a snack, you go snoop through Uncle Munch's desk. I think it's the drawer on the right. It's like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in there."
"Really?" she laughed.
From the door, Olivia's heart broke a little as she thought about moments like that that they all had missed over the years. She wiped her damp cheeks and breathed out shakily. She jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Fin standing behind her. He jerked his chin towards Ella and Elliot.
"How's it going?" he asked in a whisper.
"Pretty good, I think."
"You okay?"
"I don't know, Fin," she admitted.
"Well, you need anything, you ask, okay?" he said, looking her in the eyes.
"Even if I need a babysitter?" she joked.
"I said you could ask, didn't say I'd say yes."
She smiled slightly at him. He squeezed her shoulder and left. A sudden thought crossed her mind and she walked out of the room, calling for Fin.
"Already need a babysitter?"
"No," she said in a short breathy laugh. "I was just wondering what your ADA situation was?"
"Don't tell me you became a lawyer while you were away," he joked.
"I became a mother, isn't that enough?" she answered with a smile. "No I was just wondering if Casey was still around."
"Yeah she is. With all the crap she pulled, I think she's stuck with us for a while longer."
She thanked him and went back to the break room.
"That Billie? She's your friend?" Elliot was asking Ella.
"Billy's a boy, silly. He's my best friend," she answered giggling.
"Billy's a boy? How old is he?"
"Four."
"He doesn't bother you, does he?"
"Elliot! You don't have to go all cop on her, okay?" Olivia interjected.
He glared at her, but kept his mouth shut.
"You think Uncle Munch would give me a snack? I'm kinda hungry," Ella said.
"It's already noon. How about I take you out for lunch?"
"Okay!"
"Ella, baby, we're having lunch with Kathleen, remember?" Olivia told her softly.
"Can't Elliot come?"
Olivia looked at Elliot, hoping for him to back off. He stayed silent and glared at her.
"Elliot has to go back to work, baby. But maybe tomorrow we can have lunch together."
She walked up to the girl and picked her up.
"Would that be okay, baby?"
"Yeah, okay, mommy."
She shifted her daughter on her hip and turned to Elliot.
"Is that okay with you?"
He nodded sharply but softened when he put a hand on Ella's head.
"See you later, Ella."
"Bye Elliot," the little girl said with a smile.
She walked out of the room with her daughter and stopped by to see Munch.
"Hey, drinks at Meloni's tonight. 8 o'clock?" she offered, slipping back in old habits.
"Sure. I'll tell Fin," he nodded with a smile.
"Cragen's still around? Or did he flee the city on the first occasion?"
"I think you caught him between fishing trips. I'll give him a call," he answered.
oooooooooo
She was sitting in the booth, her daughter next to her, with Kathleen on the opposite side.
"So… how was your morning?" Kathleen carefully asked.
"I meeted Elliot!" Ella exclaimed.
"You did? And how did it go?"
"He's really nice. He said we'll take a new family picture with me and mommy."
"We should do that, yeah."
Kathleen looked up at Olivia, narrowing her eyes.
"So it went okay?" she asked again.
Olivia shrugged lightly. She stared blankly down at her plate and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Kathleen focused back on Ella.
oooooooooo
Before Kathleen went back to work, she agreed to babysit Ella that evening. Olivia then took her daughter to Central Park. On their way back to the hotel, they stopped to buy some fruits, snacks, drinks and a couple of books for the both of them.
Back at the hotel, Olivia freshened up and got changed for the evening. Ella watched her while playing with her jewelry.
"Why I can't go with you?" the girl asked.
"Because you're not allowed in a bar until you're 21, baby. You'll be good for Kathleen tonight, promise?"
"Yes. But I will see Elliot tomorrow?"
"Yes, you will, baby. I promise."
Olivia picked up her daughter and sat her down on the bed next to her. She ran a hand in the girl's hair.
"So you really like Elliot, huh?" she asked Ella.
"Yes! I'm glad we came here," she answered with a wide smile.
Ella rose on her knees and hugged her mother. Olivia smiled and dropped a kiss on the girl's temple.
Kathleen arrived ten minutes later and complimented Olivia on her outfit: dark blue shirt with see-through sleeves and cleavage, flowing black skirt and the same jacket and shoes she had been wearing earlier. She smiled at the young woman and turned to her daughter. She gave her a hug and a kiss and reminded her to behave.
"Thank you again for babysitting, Kathleen," she told her before leaving.
"No problem. I'm getting paid for that though, right?" Kathleen asked with a half-smile.
"Hey, I paid for lunch. Isn't that enough?"
Olivia laughed and left.
oooooooooo
When she got to the bar, it was a good few minutes past eight and only Cragen and Fin were already there. She walked up to them with a smile.
"Hey Captain!" she exclaimed to get their attention.
They both got up and hugged her.
"It's not Captain anymore, Olivia. Just Don. And it's very nice to see you again. I'm just disappointed I missed the little surprise you brought to the office."
"Don't worry Don, you'll get to meet her," she gladly assured him.
"Hey, you look damn good, Liv," Fin told her, eyeing her with an amused smirk.
"Well, it's just nice not to have to worry about wearing heels at a crime scene, know what I mean?"
"Sure I do, baby."
She smiled back and slid into the booth next to Fin. She was talking with Don about his retirement when Munch showed up, but not alone. She should have expected that he would have invited Elliot along. She still froze for a second before getting up and hugging Munch. She and Elliot just shared a nod.
"An ex-wife kept you busy?" she quipped at Munch.
"More like a future wife," Fin answered.
"Dating again, huh?" she teased the new captain.
"Maybe I should be dating you. Are you what they call a milf? That's…" Munch started to explain.
"I know what that means Munch, thank you very much," she said rolling her eyes.
Aside from saying hi, Elliot kept pretty quiet. She tried not to look at him too much but she couldn't help but notice how good he looked in his jeans and black shirt. They all sat down: Elliot next to Cragen, Olivia next to Fin, Munch on a chair at the end of the table. But Elliot immediately got up again.
"I'm going to go get drinks," he explained.
"Well, I think Olivia should buy tonight," Munch stopped him.
She rolled her eyes at him again, smiled and got up. She glanced briefly at Elliot before leaving. When she returned carrying a tray with glasses, a pitcher of beer and one of water, they were all talking about their common case. She tried not to pay too much attention. They stopped talking when she sat back and watched her.
She finished pouring the drinks and looked up at them. She gave them a nervous, tight smile.
"Okay… well this is awkward," she tried to joke.
Elliot scoffed. She glared.
"So how's life in…wherever?" Don asked her.
"San Francisco. And it's pretty good. Got a nice house, a good job, some friends."
"A great kid," Elliot mumbled.
"What're you doing now that you're a civilian? I mean, besides being a mom," Fin enquired.
"I work for a big new technology firm. I'm in charge of checking out prospective employees. It's not SVU but you know, I work half as hard, get paid twice as much. It's pretty good."
"I did say you were buying tonight, right hotshot?" Munch said.
"So tell me 'bout your new girl, Captain," she teased back.
"She's not a conspiracy nut, can you believe it? It's a world gone mad," Fin answered instead.
"Haha, funny. She's a shrink. I think she just gets a kick out of analyzing me all day long. Either that or she's writing a book behind my back."
They drank in silence for a while. Olivia felt surprisingly comfortable. She was relieved and incredibly happy that her friends were welcoming her back like that. No question, no resentment. Just "welcome back Liv". She looked up when Don spoke.
"So what did you do with that little girl of yours tonight?" he asked her.
"She's at the hotel. Kathleen's babysitting."
"Afternoon went okay?" Elliot asked, his eyes down in his beer.
"Great. We went to Central Park. She still wants to go to the zoo, to the statue of liberty, go to the beach…"
"Well she'll keep you busy. How long are you back in the City for?" Don asked.
"She's back," Elliot declared matter-of-factly.
"I took the week off," she answered her former superior, ignoring Elliot.
"You're back, Olivia," he repeated.
"Not now, Elliot. Please, not now."
He finished his drink and set the glass back on the table loudly. He rubbed his forehead before refilling his glass.
"So how long had you two been together, anyway? Or do you just knock up every girl you bang on your first strike? " Fin asked, attempting at a joke.
She froze. She barely had time to feel shocked at Fin's uncharacteristic prying before Elliot chose to answer for her again, glaring at Fin in the process.
"Three years."
She looked at him, her eyes wide open, her mouth hanging in disbelief. She spared a glance at her former commanding officer who was frowning and looking back between the two of them. She turned back to Elliot.
"You can't be serious?" she all but spat at him.
When he did nothing but glare at her some more, she got up, grabbing her jacket and her purse.
"It was really nice to see you guys again."
She excused herself and left quickly. When she got out of the bar, she heard Elliot call her name. She turned and walked right back at him.
"What the fuck was that Elliot?" she yelled, pointing at the inside of the bar.
She was pretty sure they could still be seen from inside, but she didn't care.
"What was what?"
"Don't give me your shit, Stabler. Three years? We'd been together three years?"
"We had."
"We have never been fucking together Elliot! We were partners who had a few adulterous fucks. I don't know if it's your fucking catholic guilt again, if it's make you feel better to think we were in a relationship. But we weren't. We fucked. That's all there is Elliot."
"I hope you wash that mouth before you kiss Ella goodnight."
"Fuck you."
She shot him a dark look, her eyes shining with hurt and anger, before turning away from him and hailing a cab. It was still pretty early in the evening and she had no problem finding one. She got in and gave the address of the hotel to the driver. The car door opened again and Elliot slid in beside her.
"What the fuck are you doing now, Elliot?"
"I'm going to go kiss my daughters goodnight."
It annoyed her to no end that he suddenly seemed so calm, unlike her, and she slumped back in the seat with a groan. She crossed her legs and caught Elliot staring at them from the corner of her eye. She felt a tingle in her belly and groaned again.
"We had some pretty good fucks though, didn't we?" he said softly.
She sighed and closed her eyes.
"Don't go there, Elliot."
"Ella is a great kid. She's beautiful too."
"I hope you told her that."
"I did. Told her she looked just like her mother."
"God, why are you doing this Elliot?"
"Doing what?"
She sat up straight and looked at him.
"One minute you're jumping at my throat, being a prick as usual. And the next minute you're… What? Flirting? And honestly, I'm not sure which one bothers me the most."
He didn't answer. She leaned back against the door and closed her eyes. They both kept silent until the driver informed them they were at the hotel.
She paid the driver while Elliot got out of the cab. He held the door for her and closed it once she was out. They walked into the hotel and rode the elevator in silence, each one at a respectable distance from the other.
When they stepped into Olivia's room, they immediately heard the giggling and talking of the two girls. Olivia smiled and opened her mouth to call for them. Elliot laid a hand on her forearm and she almost recoiled at the contact. He placed his finger on his lips and she nodded at him. She took off her shoes and her jacket while Elliot walked to the adjoining room. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms on his chest. She went to stand behind him.
She looked into Ella's room. A sheet had been placed on the beds, a suitcase on each side to keep it in place. From under the improvised hut created between the two beds, a light was shining. She could hear Kathleen reading Ella a story, making the little girl giggle at each new voice she created.
After a while, Elliot turned his head to her and flashed a quick smile. She returned it and finally walked into the room. She got on her knees and looked under the sheet.
"Hey girls. How's it going under there?" she asked them.
"Mommy!" Ella yelled out.
She crawled from under the sheet and slung her arms around her mother's neck. Olivia stoop up, her daughter in her arms. The little girl gave her a big slobbery kiss on the cheek before sighting her father. She smiled at him and waved.
"Hi Elliot!"
"Hey kiddo," he answered.
Kathleen stood up and brushed her hands on her clothes. She gave the two adults unsure looks.
"Hi dad." She finally smiled slightly at her father before turning to Olivia. "I swear I was about to put her to bed. It was just bedtime story time."
"It's okay Kathleen, I know how she can be. Trust me. Didn't I tell you to be good with Kathleen?" she asked her daughter.
"I was!"
"She was, Olivia," Kathleen confirmed. "A bit restless, but good."
"We maked a hut! See, mommy?"
"I saw that, baby. It's a very nice hut. It looks like you had a lot of fun with Kathleen."
"Yeah, a lot of fun," Ella answered.
"And now we go to bed. Okay, baby?"
The little girl pouted but nodded her head.
"You say goodnight to Kathleen and Eliot, and then I'll tuck you in, ok?" she told her daughter.
"'kay."
Kathleen came to drop a kiss on the girl's hair. Ella laughed when the young woman briefly tickled her. Then she turned back to the beds and started undoing the hut, placing both suitcases on the other bed and folded the sheet. Olivia walked up to Elliot. The little girl slung an arm around his neck. She gave him a kiss and a good night. The family embrace was awkward and uncomfortable for the two parents but none of them made any effort to break it before Ella did.
Then Kathleen and Elliot walked to the next room and she heard the woman ask her father if he wanted to share a cab. When he declined, she asked if he was spending the night. Olivia didn't hear the answer but hoped to god he made it clear he wasn't.
She turned back to her daughter already lying under the covers, her bear in her arms. She sat on the edge of the bed and tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. She kissed her forehead and wished her sweet dreams. She went to stand up but Ella grabbed her hand.
"Story, mommy."
"Kathleen was just reading you a story," Olivia argued.
"I want you."
"Fine, but a short one okay?"
The little girl nodded. Olivia settled against the head of the bed and put a hand on her daughter's head, lightly running her fingers in the girl's hair.
"Okay… Once upon a time, there was a little clown fish who was separated from his father by mean fishermen."
"Mommy! That's Finding Nemo!" the girl laughed.
"Well, you love that story."
"In the movie," the girl explained.
"Let's try something else then."
"A lullaby?" Ella tried.
"A lullaby?" Olivia asked.
"Please?"
She smiled and nodded. Softly, she started to sing her daughter to sleep.
"Hush, little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird…"
When she was done, Ella was fast asleep. She stood up, adjusted the covers and kissed her daughter. When she looked up she saw Elliot, back against the doorframe. His eyes were a shining blue and his face had the softest, most tender look she had ever seen.
Her heart skipped a beat.
Next update might not be before a couple of weeks. Holidays and all...
In the meantime, merry christmas people! Thanks for sticking with this story and don't forget to leave feedbacks!