Sorry for the delay. Blame it on holidays and exams...
Olivia turned off the light except for a small night light. She left the adjoining door slightly ajar and walked into her own room. She ignored Elliot and went to the dresser, removing her jewelry in front of the mirror. He came to stand behind her but she avoided his eyes. She didn't want him to see the tears in hers.
"I always knew you would make a great mother, Olivia," he said quietly. "But, seeing you like that, with… with my child."
She finally looked at him through his reflection in the mirror. She'd swear she saw him puff his chest out while saying the words.
"It's just…" he breathed out.
"You already have five kids Elliot. It's nothing you haven't seen before," she argued.
"But it's you. Everything's different when it's you, Olivia."
She placed her hands on the dresser, her arms stretched out on either side of her. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. She liked how her name rolled off his lips. No one said it quite like him. It was round, full and melodic. It made her feel warm and alive.
"I've missed so much of my kids growing up because of the job."
He must have stepped closer to her because she felt him behind her. She let him speak, knowing he had every right to be upset. She knew it all had to come out. They had to be able to be parents together. For Ella's sake.
"I don't understand how you could just take her away. You stole three years of her life away from me. I didn't hear her first cry. I didn't see her first smile, her first word, her first step. I didn't see you… pregnant. Why, Olivia?"
"I had to protect her."
"From what? From me? Christ, Olivia!"
She turned, leaning against the dresser. She glared at him as he raised his voice. She glanced at the door of Ella's room but didn't hear anything coming from it. She looked at him.
"From your family. From everyone who would judge me because I was having the child of my married partner. I didn't want her caught in the middle of it."
"So you just ran away?"
"It's not like you were around to stop me."
"So it's my fault?"
"You didn't help," she accused. "I just thought it would be easier for anyone that way."
"That's bullshit, Liv!"
She glared at him and went to close the door between the bedrooms.
"Keep your voice down, will you? I don't want Ella waking up to her… parents fighting," she hissed.
She turned back to him and leaned against the wall, arms crossed on her chest. She saw him staring at the bedroom door.
"She calls me Elliot," he said after a while.
"Give her some time. You're still a stranger to her," she replied softly.
He shot her an angry, accusing look.
"You're not taking her back to San Francisco, Olivia."
"Our lives are over there now," she answered.
"The hell they are. San Francisco is where you ran away to. Your life, her life, is right here in New York. I missed too much already, Olivia. I'm not missing anymore."
"San Francisco isn't that far."
"I don't give a shit, Olivia! I don't want my own daughter living on the other side of the country! I don't want to see her only on holidays. I don't want to hear about her first day of school on the phone. I want to be there holding her hand!" he said, pointing a finger at her.
When he was done, he was inches away from her. His face was hard with fury. But she saw the distress deep in his eyes. She swallowed hard but didn't move. She felt herself panicking, not about his physicality, but because of how much he wanted his daughter.
"Mommy?"
She rushed to her daughter as soon as she heard her. The little girl was standing in the doorway. She was clutching her bear tightly and she had slipped a thumb in her mouth. Her shiny eyes were confused and fearful.
"Mommy?" the little girl said again.
Olivia squatted down to her level. She put a hand on the girl's arm and another on the side of her head. When Ella glanced at Elliot, standing behind her, Olivia brushed her thumb on the girl's cheek.
"It's okay, Ella. It's okay. Elliot and I were just talking. I'm sorry we woke you up, baby."
"You talked loud," she said.
"I know, baby. I'm sorry. Come on, I'll put you back to bed," Olivia told her.
She turned her daughter around and led her back to her bedroom. The girl made no fuss about going back to bed, with her mother's soothing words and light kisses.
When she came back, she closed the door behind her and stopped to look at Elliot. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He looked up at her when he heard the door close.
"I'm sorry," he told her.
She was silent as she stared back at him.
"Go see her," she said.
He sat straight and frowned.
"She just met you and you're already yelling at her mother. I don't want you to be the bad guy. So go see her," she explained.
He nodded and did as she suggested. While he was gone, she went to the bathroom. She took her clothes off and slipped into her robe. She took her make-up off and brushed her teeth and hair. When she went to get her pajamas from the bedroom dresser, Elliot was back, leaning his shoulder against the window of her room.
"How did it go?" she asked him.
He turned to her and froze a second. She looked down when he eyed her up and down. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear uncomfortably. His gaze brought back too many feelings she didn't want to have.
"It went okay," he finally answered. "Told her I loved her. She seemed to like that."
"Course she did."
"It came so easy. Loving her, telling her," he whispered.
"I know," she smiled.
He shifted and looked away.
"She asked if I loved you," he added quietly.
He turned back to the window. She swallowed hard, the sound of it so loud in her ears.
"I hope you lied," she said.
"What do you mean?" he asked, turning back to her.
"Well I hope you didn't tell her I was a heartless bitch that you hated," she gave him a weak self-deprecating smile.
"No, Liv, god!"
She breathed out softly and walked to him. She leaned against the other side of the window, next to him.
"Told her it was complicated," he answered after a while.
"Yeah, she doesn't like complicated very much," she said with a breathy chuckle.
"What did you tell her about me, about us?"
"Nothing, I just… told her I had to leave New York before she was born. I thought she was still a bit too young for the fine print of her family history."
"Way too young…" he joked.
"It was bad enough I had to tell Kathleen."
"What did you tell Kathleen?" he asked.
She heard the edge in his voice and sighed.
"She's not stupid, Elliot. She can do the math. She knows we went behind her mother's back."
"You told her we had an affair?" he kept his voice low, but harsh.
"I didn't have to. Like I said, she's not stupid. I did explain that it wasn't so much an affair as you and I stupidly sleeping together on a few occasions."
"You told my daughter we slept together?"
"Elliot!" She laughed softly. "Did you expect her to believe Ella was an immaculate conception?"
He glared at her but in the same way he used to glare at her before. When they were partners. Like he conceded her point but just because it was her.
"Kathleen is okay, you know. Still a bit mad, and hurt, but okay," she informed him as she moved away and grabbed a tee-shirt and sweatpants from the dresser. She set them on the bed and turned to Elliot, a hand on the belt of her robe.
"You should go, Elliot."
He stared at the hand next to the knot holding the robe closed. She crossed an arm on her stomach and raised her other hand to close the robe tighter on her chest. When his eyes crossed hers, they held a familiar sparkle. He placed his hands on his hips and jerked his chin towards her with a slight smirk.
"It's nothing I haven't seen before, you know," he told her.
She felt the heat pool low in her belly. She held his gaze and willed herself not to move, not to smile, not to twitch a muscle.
"I'm four years older and a few pounds heavier since the last time, you know," she deflected.
"You're beautiful."
His voice was low and gentle and caused goose bumps to break out across her skin.
"You should go Elliot," she said again.
"We're not done," he told her softly.
"We have a child, Elliot. We'll never be done."
He gave her a gentle smile and stared at her for a long silence.
"Good night, Olivia," he said eventually.
She nodded and smiled slightly. She shook her head at herself as she watched him leave. She sighed and went to bed.
oooooooooo
That Wednesday morning, Olivia had called Elliot to tell him to meet them at 12:30 at a small restaurant outside of Central Park. She had given him her new cell number. She knew the job, knew he could have to cancel at the last minute.
He didn't.
Ella was practically skipping when they entered the restaurant. She ran to her father when she spotted him in a booth. He stood up and squatted down to hug the girl. Then he took her under the armpits and raised her up high before sitting her down in the far end of the booth.
Olivia walked up to them and Elliot leaned to give her a kiss on the cheek. Her eyes went wide but when she caught sight of her daughter's smiling face, she nodded at him and smiled back. She sat down beside her daughter, Elliot in front of them.
"So how was your morning?" he asked them.
"We went to the park again, and to the zoo!" Ella explained, referring to the Central Park Zoo.
Ella went on and on about their trip to the zoo. Olivia kept silent for the most part except for placing their respective orders. She caught Elliot smiling at the fact that she still knew what he would want. She was tempted to smirk but she felt lulled into a false sense of security. She refused to get too comfortable with him, especially when she knew they still had some obstacles to overcome. His family being the biggest one in her mind.
After their plates arrived, Ella started eating and fell silent.
"Have you talked to Kathy?" Olivia asked him.
"Not yet," he answered curtly.
"Kathy's Kathleen's mom?" Ella asked.
"Yes, she is, kiddo," Elliot confirmed.
Ella looked briefly at her mother before lowering her head, nibbling on her lip. Olivia sighed and grabbed lightly the girl's chin to cross her eyes.
"Ella? What did I tell you about stepmothers, baby?"
"They're not all evil?" the girl answered softly.
Elliot chuckled and Olivia glared at him.
"Thank you fairytales…" she muttered.
"Don't worry about Kathy, kiddo," Elliot confirmed.
She nodded and slid under the table to get her fork back.
"You're okay?" Olivia asked him.
"Yeah. Why?" he answered.
His face didn't show any anguish at the mention of his ex-wife, of his marriage. For once, she believed him when he said he was okay. He had moved on from Kathy.
The thought hit her.
Maybe he had moved on from her too. She hated that the idea made her gut twist.
"So, you're seeing anyone?" she dared to ask him.
"Not at the moment, no," he answered with a slight smirk.
She glared at his apparent amusement. She took a brief look at her daughter who seemed to have forgotten about her food. The girl was suddenly more interested in the menu.
"Ella! You can't color the menu! Where did you even get that pen?" Olivia asked.
"From your bag," she answered, barely looking up from her coloring.
Olivia sighed and glared at Elliot's smirking face. She held out her hand to him.
"What?" he asked confused.
"Your notebook. Just give me a piece of paper from your notebook," she explained.
He smiled and did as she asked.
"Here, Baby." Olivia gave the piece of paper to Ella. "And you don't color on anything but paper, ok?"
"Ok," Ella conceded.
"She hasn't drawn on any wall yet?" Elliot joked.
"No, but go ahead, give her the idea," she said with a roll of her eyes. "How are the kids?" she asked after a minute.
"They're good," he answered and glanced at Ella, who was looking back at him at the mention of his kids. "Maybe we could all have dinner at my place sometime this week?"
"Can we, mommy?" Ella asked her eagerly.
"I think that's a good idea," was her answer. "But we're talking to them before dinner," she told Elliot, with a strong look.
"Yes. I'll see when I can get them all together. And I'll talk to Kathy."
"Ok. Oh by the way, I invited Casey to have coffee with us."
"With us? Today?"
"Yes. I wanted to tell her about Ella in person rather than have her hear about it through the grapevine," she explained.
"Please, it's already all over the 1-6."
She groaned.
"We've always been good at fueling the coffee machine gossip, haven't we?" she sighed.
"I heard people thought you had run away with me when you left. I kinda wish you had, now."
She was saved from having to answer by the appearance of the red haired ADA.
"Am I the only one hearing the Twilight Zone theme right now?" Casey asked.
Olivia laughed, got up and hugged the young woman.
"It's good to see you again Casey," Olivia told her.
"Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?" Casey quipped.
"Hey, Case'," Elliot said.
Olivia picked up a curious Ella and turned back to Casey, while Elliot sat back down.
"Ella, I want you to meet my old friend Casey. Casey, this is my daughter, Ella," Olivia explained.
"Ours," Elliot interrupted, glaring at her.
"Well, I had heard rumors you guys were playing house now," Casey joked. She sat down next to Elliot. "It's still a strange thing to witness."
"You talk weird," Ella told Casey.
Olivia bit back a smile and sat down beside her daughter.
"Do not," Casey answered.
"Do too!" the girl replied.
"Okay, kids. That's enough," Olivia stepped in.
"She started it," Casey said.
The ADA smiled, waved at a waitress and ordered three coffees.
"So you two were doing the nasty," she asked when she turned back to them.
"Casey!" Olivia protested.
"What's nasty, mommy?" Ella got curious.
Casey smirked.
"Well you're not babysitting anytime soon," Elliot declared.
"Mommy, can we call Shannon and Barney tonight?" Ella asked, already moving on to another concern.
"Who's Barney?" "Who's Shannon?" Elliot and Casey asked at the same time.
"Down boys," Olivia laughed. "Shannon is my boss and friend, and Barney is…"
"He's my puppy!" Ella exclaimed.
"You have a dog?" Elliot asked.
"I got him for my birthday," the girl explained.
"You just have your mother wrapped around your little finger, haven't you?" Casey told Ella.
"What that means?"
"It just means I love you very much, Baby."
Casey rolled her eyes at her. Elliot's phone suddenly biped. He took a look at it and his face fell.
"I gotta go," he announced.
Casey moved to let him leave. He bent over the table to ruffle Ella's hair with a smile.
"I'll call you," he told Olivia.
"I'm surprised he didn't ruffle your hair," Casey joked after he left.
"Well you're just a riot, aren't you," Olivia answered.
"So what the hell happened Olivia?" she asked, suddenly more serious.
Olivia exhaled a tired sigh and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Ella becoming restless, the three of them left the restaurant and went for a short walk in the park. The women caught up on the last few years while Ella ran and played around them.
Soon after, Casey had to leave for the courthouse and Olivia and Ella spent another hour or so in the park. Olivia calculated that Shannon must have been on her lunch break over in San Francisco. So she suggested that they call her. Ella excitedly accepted.
The little girl told the woman all about New York, about her father and her sister. She asked about Barney and about her friends at daycare. When she was done she gave the phone back to her mother and went back to playing with other kids around the jungle gym.
Olivia talked to Shannon for a few minutes, reassuring her that they were both fine, all the while not letting Ella out of her sight. She hadn't even had the time to pocket her cell than Elliot called her about the big family dinner at his place tomorrow evening. She accepted and reminded him again to talk to Kathy. He had, after all, a history of ignoring his now ex-wife.
After hanging up, she hesitated a moment before placing another call.
"Hi Gavin, it's Olivia," she said.
She smiled upon hearing his voice answer back. She explained she was in town for a few days and offered to meet for lunch. They agreed on breakfast at 9:00 the next morning and hung up, putting the phone back in her purse.
She called Ella.
She panicked and shot up when she didn't see her daughter. She called her again.
"Ella!"
The faces of the dozens of abused children she had had to deal with over the years flashed before her eyes.
"Ella!"
She didn't find her daughter in the jungle gym and she started spinning, looking around for her daughter. That's when she caught sight of the little girl coming out of the bushes, a soccer ball under her arm.
Olivia breathed out and got her shaking and breathing back under control before going to her daughter. She took the ball from her and threw it to the kids Ella had been playing with. She grabbed her daughter's chin and looked right at her, her eyes still wide from her moment of panic.
"Ella, I don't want you to go anywhere by yourself, you hear me? Even if it's just to go get a ball in the bushes, you don't go anywhere alone. I need you to promise me that."
"Okay…" the girl answered.
"This is not a game, Ella. This is important. You don't go anywhere by yourself. You don't go anywhere with someone you don't know. It's one rule I don't want you to break, ok?"
"Okay, mommy," she answered again, more seriously this time, looking right at her mother, her eyes shining with tears.
"Come on, baby," Olivia whispered and picked up her daughter in her arms. "How about we go back to the hotel, now?"
The little girl nodded against her shoulder. They stopped to get a couple of postcards and went back to their hotel.
oooooooooo
The next morning, Olivia found herself once again sitting in a booth beside her daughter, and opposite her was Gavin.
"I'm glad it's working out for the both of you, Olivia," he told her after she had related the latest development in their lives, including Kathleen's role in it.
"I am too. But, it's definitely not over yet. There's the big family reunion coming up tonight," she added nervously.
He grabbed her hand from across the table and smiled at her.
"It's going to be alright, Olivia," he assured her. "And how about you, princess? How do you feel about meeting your brothers and sisters?" he asked Ella.
"I'm excited!" She smiled.
She was happy Ella was still too young to worry. It didn't even occur to her that her siblings may not be as excited as her. Olivia could only hope things would turn out as good as the little girl thought they would. As nervous as she was, she also knew she would fight tooth and nails to protect her daughter from the Stablers' wrath, if it came down to it. That's probably what they called the Momma Bear Phenomenon…
"Olivia?" Gavin asked.
She looked up when he called her name and realized that her phone was ringing. She apologized with a smile and picked up.
"Benson," she answered.
"I see you haven't moved on to a more civilized way of answering your phone."
"Like you're any better, Stabler," she teased back.
"Listen, what do you say to a little trip to Coney Island?" he offered.
"Don't you have work to do?"
"We closed our case. I took the rest of the week off."
"So was it your guy?" she got curious and shot another apologetic smile at Gavin.
"Yeah." His curt answer told her not to push it. "So? I'll pick you both up at the hotel in fifteen?"
"I'm not at the hotel. We're having breakfast out."
"Okay, just tell me where."
She glanced up at Gavin and bit her lip. After a second, she agreed, gave him the address of the diner and told him to meet them in a half hour.
"Sorry about that," she told Gavin after hanging up. "That was your dad," she explained to Ella. "He's spending the day with us, is that okay with you?"
The little girl beamed and nodded.
"So what are you plans?" Gavin asked her.
"Coney Island," Olivia answered.
"What's that?" Ella asked.
"It's a big amusement park," Gavin told her.
"Yay!" the girl exclaimed.
"Yay," the man confirmed with a smile. "But I was actually wondering about your bigger, future plans, Olivia."
"Not you too…" Olivia groaned.
"You know we could always use another good investigator at the law firm," he offered jokingly.
"Right… That's sweet but no."
"Well in any case, it's really nice to see you again, both of you. Maybe we could have dinner sometime?"
Ella asked for the bathroom before she could answer. She smiled and accompanied her daughter. When they got back, Ella sat on her knees to finish her breakfast, sure sign that she was getting restless. Gavin smiled at her and reached for something in his briefcase.
"I'm going to have to go soon, but I have something for you Ella," he said, handing her a Rubik's cube wrapped in a blue bow. "That was something my father gave me when I was a kid. I didn't manage to finish it until I was sixteen, but then I was a bum. But you're a smart little kid and I know you're gonna beat my score."
"Thank you," Ella beamed.
Olivia wasn't sure Ella had understood everything Gavin had said. But she was touched by the gesture and smiled at him.
"And listen, Ella. You give me a call when you finish it ok?" he added.
Ella nodded but was already distracted by her gift.
"So how about dinner, Olivia?" Gavin asked her again.
"Well how can I say no after that?" she laughed. "I'll call you before we go back to San Francisco."
He agreed and stood up. He hugged Ella goodbye and did the same to Olivia before kissing her lightly on the corner of the mouth. They shared a smile.
"You make sure you call me," he said again.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
Olivia turned to Elliot who had just arrived. She sighed.
"Gavin, this is Elliot, Ella's father. Elliot, this is Gavin, a friend from San Francisco," she introduced.
The two men shook hands and she rolled her eyes at both their death grips. They obviously both felt protective of her and of Ella. But right now she just wanted to throw them both to the floor to prove she wasn't helpless.
"Elliot!" Ella interrupted the staring contest the two men were in.
Her daughter was walking to them, standing up on the bench. Olivia picked her up on her hip.
"Look at what Gavin gived me!" she exclaimed, showing off the Rubik's cube.
"Well that was nice of Gavin," he said, glaring at the man. "Now, what do you say we go have some fun?"
"Yes!" she smiled.
Gavin ruffled the girl's hair.
"Call me," he told Olivia again, kissing her on the cheek. He gave Elliot a nod on his way out.
Olivia watched him leave and turned to Elliot. He shrugged and tapped a finger under his daughter's chin with a smile.
"Let's go," Elliot declared.
I promise the next update won't take as long! I hope you're still enjoying the story. Don't forget to leave some feedback. ;)